Fluttershy is a tree.
Okay, now that the obligatory pony mention has been had so this chapter can stay on this website, I like eggs. Sombreros need to eat eggs to be cool. Something is really bugging my foot. It's the ruthless cold bar of doom. Nuts. Like, peanuts and egg nuts and PSY's nuts on a candy shop.
Someone just set Fluttershy on fire... no, that was Apple Bloom.
And now Fluttershy's on fire. BIELEBIELEBIELEBIELEB
Oh! Schweet! Auythor's notes' section. No, it's and AUTHOR'S nogtes...
Oh, screw you, previous paragraph. I'm not interested in writing for some silly monologuistic escapades. If I had a dollar for every time I had a chapter marker this annoying I would have $1,000,000. And that's saying something. Why, if all the Smarties in the world got up and danced, it would be as if a FOMarl from Ragol decided to pay a visit and have a magic duel with Twilight Sparkle, who managed to tap-dance on a porcupine while lip-synching the theme song to both '80s and modern-age Thundercats. at the same time while eating a rhinoplasty.
%i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i% %i%
My phone is your mom. Seriously - she told me herself as she punched the friggin' piss out of the west wall the other day. Did you know walls could piss? Nor did I. It got all over my shoe. Hopefully that comes out.
Not like Ash. No, not like he did before Twilight Spokl killed him.
That poor scythe... What did it ever do to deserve that?
Oh, is that Dinky and Derpy making out? I thought that they were midget and lover, not son and father. Or mother and daughter. Geez. Who keeps screwing that up? I mean, D'UH. That's broly. So broly.
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A chugging guitar drones over the dull audience. A stallion with a black coat, a white mane, and cherry-red glasses steps in front of the mic, playing the resonant notes on a guitar. His compadres, dressed in similar catsuits and with simlarly dyed manes, are delivering low bass on one side and tom-heavy beats on the other. This is the three-piece band known as...
SUCKHOOF.
A low, rumbling, growling bass voice joins in with the instruments, and the band breaks into their first song...
In a back room
Sits Vinyl Scratch-h-h-h-h...
She's nodding her head
Like some sleep she'll catch
In a back room
There sits Vinyl Scratch-h-h-h-h...
Her white flank taunting
Big Fuckin' Mac
The guitars change to basic eighth-note descending scales with simple snare beats...
The stallion strains
Against his bound chains
And he wants to play
But he's in pain
The guitars build throughout the four measures between the verse and chorus bridge... the band's energy picks up... the lights flash... the growl intensifies...
And she chuckles...
A righteous scream nearly as loud as the Royal Canterlot Voice fills the concert arena! The guitars drop a full chord! The bass collapses! The drums sound like one has entered a warzone of epic proportions!
You'll leave my flank alone
Or I'll castrate your face
You'll leave my flank alone
Or I'll castrate your face
The singer's voice strains against the high notes, but barely hangs on as he pulls out his wicked-epic singing voice and blows two speakers with its awesomeness all at once!!
There's nothing I would like better
Than for you to make me so much wetter
And the screams return...
But... Leave my flank alone
Or I'll castrate your face
The second verse follows a similar pattern... but the guitars are a little more aggressive this time.
In the same back room
Big Mac is tied
Got nothin' to do
But lust after the Vine
So he stares at her
All day and night
'Cause he's Big Mac
And his swag is tight
The mare, she strains
Against her bound chains
And she wants to play
But she's in pain
And he groans again...
You'll leave my flank alone
Or I'll castrate your face
You'll leave my flank alone
Or I'll castrate your face
There's nothing I would like better
Than for you to make me so much wetter
But you'll leave my flank alone
Or I'll castrate your face
WICKED GUIAR SOLO-LO-LO-LO-LOHOHOHOHO!!!
And then a missile came and they all died just as he hit the highest note in his kick-butt solo.
The end.