I was immediately blindsided by a wall of muscle and something sturdy. A flash of forest green filled my eyes for a brief moment, before a powerful blow to my armored gut knocked me fully off my feet. A rush of heat told me my cloak was now burning, not that it really mattered. My body was covered by bandages in every possible area, minus my nostrils and eyes for obvious reasons, just in case I would be fighting something that could breathe fire. It was nice to see my preparedness paying off for once. I rose to my feet shakily, eyes darting around as I threw off my burning cloak.
Nothing. Fucking nothing. I was alone in the pit, but I knew that was incorrect in that judgment. I kept pointing the revolver around, making sure my hidden enemy knew it was a ranged weapon. While I couldn't see my opponent, I could certainly feel him walking around the arena. I stood very still and slowed my breathing, dropping my pulse to decrease the amount of noise I had to filter. My target may have been invisible, but he also had claws, by the sound of it.
There was a series of small clicks every time he took a step, quiet enough that I needed to listen to hear them. I dashed towards the sound as the sequence began, and swung my powersabre as I saw the small ripple in the air. My blade made the tiniest of incisions as a powerful tail slammed into my head. My pistol and sword flew from my hands as I felt my neck pop. It wasn't until I hit the ground that I realized I’d been airborne. It didn't matter that my ears were ringing as I sat up, so long as I made my point. I was dizzy enough to sway a bit as I stood, so I may have had a small concussion. Actually, considering what I was seeing, I may have been very seriously injured.
It wasn't a dragon; hell, I don't know what the fuck it was, but it wasn't anything I'd ever seen. It had a body that looked like a crocodile, complete with the massive jaws at the front. They were too rounded to belong to a carnivorous reptile, being more reminiscent of a fish. It had no eyes, and it was currently licking the razor cut in its foreleg, much to its rider's dismay. There was a green woman on the blind monster's head, resembling a dryad more than anything. She had red hair, fair skin wear it wasn't green, and a few leaves poking out of her fiery locks and dusting her shoulders. She was also completely nude, by the looks of it, so maybe decency should have forced me to looked away.
I used the temporary distraction of her mount's impromptu first aid, dashing to my fallen weapons. My fingers wrapped around my powersabre just in time for a wet muscle to do the same to my waist. That reptile's tongue was as long as its body, which was a little bigger than a high roller's limousine. I stabbed my sword into the ground, putting my boot on the face to brace myself. I caught the green woman's gaze just as my perch began to pull from the stone. The reptilian monster gave a sharp pull, and I suddenly found myself in a warm, wet cavern, my blade's energy my only source of light.
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“It ate 'im!” Babs watched the scene, slack-jawed at the battle's sudden end. The Manehatten filly panicked when she saw the monster swallow. “Somepony get 'im outta there!”
“Catach's pet has quite the appetite, always swallowing things whole.” Arachni looked in morbid fascination. Her dryad's beast had a very potent stomach acid and saliva that could corrode metal, which didn't give Taylor much of a chance. “I've always wondered what would happen if he got indigestion.”
“Come on, monster; spit him out before something bad happens to you!” Sweetie Belle was very passionate about this, her sister not around to chastise her for the uncouth behavior. As if in response, the massive lizard bellowed in pain. The fire-breathing saurian flopped on its side and squirmed around, like it was trying to scratch a deep itch. The dryad riding it was thrown to the side, a medicine pouch she kept on her hip falling next to her enemy's dropped revolver.
“I haven't seen Men in Black in forever.” Jay's unusual comment was met with the sound of a wet slice, as the monster's gut was parted. Taylor stepped from the cut abdomen, his armor's leather on the fast track to dissolving away. Metal clanged against stone as the teen shed his breastplate and helmet, a sick smile on his face. “Huh. Guess he's still alive.”
“Cut that bitch up!” Chrysalis was shouting. That was very scary for anyone that hadn't seen it before then, but it was found hilarious by Princess Cadenza.
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“I didn't think I'd be fighting a female.” I stalked around the nymph, hoping she'd take the bait and grab the pistol I had yet to take. Much to my surprise, the redhead's pink eyes took on a determined quality.
“You're not.” The dryad charge me unarmed, which was something I wanted to stay away from at all costs. I've seen Bruce Lee take on better odds, and this very convincing transsexual seemed to have the same confidence in his own skills. I rolled to the side and shot my foot out, only to be completely avoided by the agile plant-person. An earth-tone calf covered my vision as my weight was forcibly shifted. I was slammed onto the ground and my enemy apparently decided he would pin me there, using his rather miniscule mass to do so.
“I do not want a naked dude on m back, so get the fuck off!” I heard a click and something circular was pressed against the back of my head. So, the dryad had taken my gun when I hadn't noticed, and was now about to execute me with it.
“I'm not male, either.” The revolver's butt slammed into my skull before I could even ponder her possible meaning. I could practically hear the sneer in her voice. “And don't even go the asexual reproduction route.”
“Those tits look real to me, so if you aren't either gender or neuter, that really only leaves one possibility.” I turned my head to the side to get a better looked at the hermaphrodite. Her pink eyes looked at me in curiosity, probably because I didn't look scared. I looked at her even as she thrust the gun's barrel against my temple. I shot her genuine smile, which looked predatory and sinister in my current state of surging adrenaline. “Would you be insulted if I told you my penis was confused?”
she slammed her foot on my sword arm, making it clear to me that she was tired of my jokes, and more than through with this fight. I turned my head forward, exposing the most vulnerable portion of my cranium to her. I chuckled a bit as she aligned the shot; it was likely her first time using a firearm, so she was more than a little embarrassed that a man that would be dead in few second was heckling her.
I had a smile on my face as she pulled the trigger.