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// Being Irish 101 
// Story: Help Me! My Parents Are Bronies! 
// by Enfield 
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	Douglas followed Cherilee as she made her way through the town. He kept his eyes forwards to avoid seeing the staring eyes of various ponies, Cherilee would wave to an occasional pony but Douglas kept his hands in his pockets, the air rifle being held under his arm. 
"So then Douglas," Cherilee said, "Since I'm going to present you to the class what unique talent can you demonstrate?"
"What?" Douglas asked, clearly confused. Cherilee slowed a little and walked next to him.
"Do you have a special talent?" she asked.
"I don't know what you mean by special talent."
"Surely you have one, we all do here in Ponyville. Do you have a Cutie Mark?"
"What's that then?" 
"A mark that shows you special talent, surely you have one."
"We don't have that where I come from, there are tattoos but those are usually involved with drunken bets."
Cherilee decided to not continue that subject. She then led Douglas to a small schoolhouse and let him inside. There were several desks, all empty as of now and one large desk that was Cherilee's. Douglas leaned against the wall and watched as Cherilee organized her desk. Douglas set his air rifle against the wall and looked out the door.

"Anything in particular that you want me to do or say?" he asked Cherilee.
"Just teach my class about your life, where you came from, what you do. Things like that."
"Hmm, bit of a problem since the crash."
"Oh yes, you forgot some things after you got hurt."
"Don't you worry, I'll think of something." 
Douglas kept against the wall as Cherilee went outside and greeted colts and fillies as they entered the schoolhouse, almost none of them noticed Douglas as he leaned against the wall, the few that did sat down in their desks and just stared at the camo clad newcomer. Once all the desks were filled Douglas noticed Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and Babs Seed, Babs was sharing a desk with Apple Bloom. Cherliee then took her place in front of the class.
"Good morning class," she said.
"Good morning Ms. Cherilee," the class repeated. Douglas smirked, he hadn't heard that before. Cherilee walked up next to Douglas. 
"Now class, I can see that some of you have noticed our guest. Don't be alarmed, he's quite friendly."
Douglas only nodded.
"What is it?" one filly asked.
"Why is it all dirty?" a colt asked. 
"Does it have a name?" 
"Now now, one at a time," Cherilee said, "He can't answer all of your questions at once."
"Does it talk?" a filly asked.
"Yeah, we heard him talk when we found him," Apple Bloom said.
"I wanna hear him," a colt said. Douglas looked over to Cherilee.
"Go on," she said.

Douglas sighed and stood up in front of the class. Each of the foals leaned closer and waited for Douglas to say something. But after a few seconds one of the fillies lost her patience.
"Come on say something!" 
"Diamond Tiara!" Cherilee said, Douglas held up his hand.
"I can see that you're rather impatient."
"It can talk," another filly said.
"Told ya," Apple Bloom said.
"Why is your voice weird sounding?" a filly asked.
"I'll tell you why, I'm from a place called Ireland."
"Where's that?" a colt asked.
"It's an island country off the coast of Great Britain, it's rather nice from what I can remember."
"Why can't you remember?" a filly in the back of the classroom asked. 
"It's kind of involved with how I got here," Douglas said, "Some sort of lightning bolt hit us and after the crash, I found out that the head injury I got caused a concussion which cause memory loss." 
"Memory loss?" Cherilee asked.
"Yes, but Twilight thinks that it's some sort of mind wiping spell which I think is a load of bollocks." 
"So do you have a cutie mark?" 
"You mean one of those freaky tattoo things? No, I don't." 
"Blank flank!" two fillies yelled in what sounded like a laugh. Douglas took this as an insult and he pulled out his shank and slammed the point into Cherilee's desk making every one of the ponies jump.
"Who the feck do you think you are ya pair of little shites? Callin' me a bloody blank flank. What makes you better than me?"
One of the two fillies, silver colored with glasses and a white mane cringed and sunk down in her seat. The other filly, who was the same one who yelled at Douglas, didn't seem all to bothered with his tone. 
"What makes me better than you is that I have my cutie mark and you don't," she said. Douglas twisted the shank in the desk, making a huge hole with it.
"And what would your name be?"
"Diamond Tiara," the filly said, "And this is my friend Silver Spoon." 
The silver filly next to her sank even lower in her seat.
"Diamond Tiara," Douglas said with a snort of laughter, "What kind of godawful name is that?"
"My name, is beautiful and it matches my cutie mark."
Diamond Tiara stood up in her seat and showed Douglas her cutie mark, a Diamond Tiara. Douglas walked up to her and examined it.
"Oh yeah that's real feckin' original," he said, "What confuses me is why you didn't get a cutie mark in being a little hag."
"Hey," Silver Spoon said, "You leave her alone."
"This is getting good," Scootaloo whispered to Sweetie Belle.
"I saw your mark earlier," Douglas said, "Whats that for? Being a rich little snob?" 
"No," Sliver Spoon said uneasily, "It's for...for...Why don't you go away?"
"C'mon then ya speccy cunt."
"My dad will hear about this," Diamond Tiara said.
"I'll feckin burst 'im!" Douglas yelled, earning a few giggles from the class. Without warning he snatched Diamond Tiara's tiara and looked at it.
"Hey!"
"I'm just 'avin a look," Douglas said, his voice much calmer than before, "What's in this?"
"Real diamonds. My dad got it for me when I got my cutie mark." 
"Oh, okay then. I'm a little unsure but I want to do a little test to see if they are real."
Diamond Tiara looked at him with her head tilted to one side.
"What kind of test?"
"Something like this."
Douglas dropped the tiara and stomped down on it with his boot. he held up one finger as he ground the headdress under his foot. Diamond Tiara watched in horror as Douglas leaned down and picked up the remains of the tiara and pull out a shattered stone with the shank.
"Fake," he said as he put the knife back into his pocket, "It's a fake diamond, you're own dad conned you. How's that feel?"
Diamond Tiara didn't reply, instead she burst out crying. Cherilee looked at Douglas, annoyed with what he just did. Douglas sighed and tried to get the filly to stay quiet.
"If it makes you feel better you still have two tiaras."
"Really?" Diamond Tiara said, "Where?"
"They'll be with you all the time, because you've got them on your arse."
Before Diamond Tiara said anything Douglas swiped an apple of Cherilee's desk and grabbed his air rifle.
"Now who wants to see me blow this up?"  

All of the class, except for Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, followed Douglas outside where he placed the apple on a fence post and walked back twenty feet.
"So what are you going to show us?" Cherilee asked.
"Just stand back and watch," Douglas said. 
Douglas took aim and fired a handful of pellets into the apple, making the fruit explode. The foals cheered and all crowed around Douglas, eager to hold the weapon. Douglas ejected the magazine and let each filly and colt examine it. As he was letting Babs hold the rifle, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo got his attention.
"What you did back there was awesome," Scootaloo said. 
"Those little buggers deserved it," Douglas said. 
"Ah really wish ah had the guts like you," Apple Bloom said.
"What were all those words you used back there?" Sweetie Belle said.
"Insults, but you guys shouldn't use them."
As Douglas retrieved his rifle from the fillies and colts, his parents came over to him, followed by Pinkie and Twilight.
"Hey Douglas," his dad said, "How's it going?"
"Not too bad," Douglas said, "I've just been telling these kids about my life."
"Aww, look at them," Margret said as she crouched down next to a colt, "Aren't they cute?"
"Terrific mum, what are you here for?"
"Well we were talking to Pinkie and Twilight and we know how little you've gotten to know them."
"And?"
"We were going to invite you to a sleepover," Pinkie said. Douglas turned to face the fillies and colts.
"Class dismissed."
"But we-" Cherilee said but was cut off by Douglas.
"Class dismissed."
The class dispersed to go home, not wanting to anger Douglas again. Once the coast was clear he faced his parents.

"What the bloody hell do you mean a sleepover?" he asked.
"It was Pinkie's idea," Margret said, "And Twilight's having it at her house." 
"I can only guess that you want me to go," Douglas said.
"Yeah, so can you?" Pinkie asked. Douglas shook his head in disbelief. 
"No, I'm not going. I'm a guy going to a all girl sleepover. Dad, why aren't you helping me out here?"
"Your mother's already told me off," Barry said.
"I'm still not going," Douglas said. Pinkie nudged him, he looked at her and saw tears in her eyes.
"But the rest of my friends are going to be there, and they really want to meet you."
"Go on Douglas, you'll make Pinkie cry if you don't," his mother said.
"It won't be too bad," Twilight said, "The worst will be one of Rainbow Dash's scary stories."
"Go on," his mother ushered. Douglas groaned and put his rifle over his shoulder.
"Fine," he said, "But I'm telling you, I will make this sleepover more manly, what ever it takes."
"That's fine by me," Twilight said.
"Okey dokey lokey," Pinkie said cheerily. The two ponies set off and Douglas followed them.
"What have I gotten myself into?" Douglas thought.