Captain Hero took to the confessional for a moment. "It's not fair that the producers let Foxxy get to have all the fun. Jerkoff assholes." He huffed and left for his room.
Twilight decided to pay Princess Clara another visit, knocking on her door.
"It's open, come in," she said. "Oh, hello, Twilight! What's bothering you?"
Twilight had a worried look on her face. "Does your father live in a castle?"
"Yes, of course!"
"Would it be possible for me to meet him there?"
"Well, I'd have to give him a call. It takes about a day for him to show up over here, though."
"I assume he has a library in his castle?"
"But of course! Why wouldn't he?"
"Does he have any books on magic use?"
"I don't really know, Twilight, he doesn't usually allow anyone into the Royal Library -- he told me those books were very private and he didn't even allow ME to read them!"
"Well, I would still like to see if he'll allow me to visit."
"I'm not quite sure what he'd make of you -- he might want to have you as a pet."
"If he has any books on magic, maybe I might be able to make it back home. I don't want to get tricked into getting drunk again and find myself entangled in Foxxy's embrace."
"I felt the same way you did when I first got here. I thought she was the hired help and she got very angry with me, resorting to violence. After I apologized to her for offending her, she kissed me the same way she kissed you. I rather seem to like it every once in awhile, though. It wasn't all THAT bad, was it?"
"I don't usually swing that way, Princess. I guess it didn't feel too bad, but I was quite embarrassed by it."
"Well, maybe you can get Foxxy to apologize to you for her behavior."
"That sounds like a good idea. Would you still be kind enough to call your father over here for me, please?"
"Of course, Twilight, he'll be happy to see me as well! Maybe I can get him to tell me he loves me again."
"Has he ever told you that?"
"The last time he did, he actually addressed both Foxxy and me with 'I love you both very much'."
"What was the circumstance that made him say that?"
"Foxxy and I were working at a dance club -- my father loves the ballet -- and we performed very admirably for him. Unfortunately, his affection was quickly stolen by Xandir doing HIS dance routine."
"I wonder what that looked like," Twilight mused.
"It made me feel quite jealous of him when my father told him that he loved HIM! He pushed both of us away to gaze into Xandir's eyes lovingly."
"That sounds disturbing."
"Think how bad it made ME feel! I couldn't believe it!"
"I'm sorry to hear that, Princess."
"It's okay, Twilight. He'll be here tomorrow and I can try to win back his affection again. He always seems happy to see me whenever he gets a chance to."
"I look forward to meeting him. See you later, Princess." Twilight trotted out of Clara's room and went to Foxxy's room. "Hey, Foxxy, can I get an apology from you? I think you owe me one for what you did last night."
"I'm busy, Twilight, come back later! I'll give you an apology then!" Foxxy shouted through her closed door. Twilight could hear what sounded like a jackhammer, even though she didn't really know what one of those was. A muffled, "Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!" was what she heard after that. Then the sound of a cigarette lighter being used and a slight puffing sound. Twilight was disgusted by this and continued down the hallway. Suddenly, Wooldoor came out of his room in a hurry.
"Hey, Twilight, we're going to the mall today! You wanna come along with us?" he asked.
"A mall? What's that?"
"It's a big place with lots of shops and stores of different kinds! We're going to have so much fun! WHEEEE!"
"I suppose I could join you for this trip. I've never been to anything like that before -- it'll give me a chance to see more of this world, other than this crazy house. By the way, do you know where I can take a shower?"
"Bathroom's down the hallway, last door on the left. Seeya later, Twi! WHEEEE!"
Twilight took this opportunity to shower by herself -- thankfully, everyone else was still either sleeping, or hadn't decided to take a shower yet. As she was toweling off, Foxxy came in.
"Sorry about last night, Twilight. I guess the liquor got to me a little much," Foxxy grinned.
"Okay, Foxxy, just make sure it doesn't happen again!" she growled.
"You seemed to enjoy it last night, Twi!"
"You totally violated me!"
"I just kissed you, that's all. That's not total violation! I'll show you what that is, if you want me to!"
"UGH! NO! Tell me you're not going to the mall with us today!"
"Y'all are taking my van, and if that's the case, hell yeah I'm coming along with!"
"Okay, just behave yourself!" Twilight said grumpily and left for the kitchen. Toot was cooking something, the smell of which wrinkled Twilight's nose. "Toot! What are you cooking?"
"Bacon! Lots of bacon! Want some?"
"Toot, I don't eat meat!"
"What are you, a vegetarian? Meat's good for you! Especially BACON! You can't beat the taste of bacon!"
"Hey, save me some of that, Toot!" said Spanky as he entered the kitchen.
"Spanky, isn't bacon -- part of -- what YOU are?" Twilight asked apprehensively.
"That doesn't mean I can't eat it, Twilight! I've eaten pork chops, so it's no big deal."
"Yeah, Twilight, give it a try! You'll like this stuff!" Toot exclaimed.
"Ugh! Let me get something out of the fridge and I'll be out of here!" Twilight grabbed some lettuce leaves and started munching on them. She took a couple of stalks of celery and a carrot. She carried these in her telekinetic aura to the main room to eat in front of the TV, which was showing some cartoons. She idly watched as she ate. Ling-ling came into the main room at this point and snarled at Twilight. She glared back at him, giving him a low growl. She lit her horn up again to warn him not to try anything. He spiked his back up, taking a more aggressive stance. Foxxy came into the room at this point.
"Ling-ling! You calm down right now! Don't even think of attacking her again, or we'll make you leave the house!" Foxxy admonished him. He cooled off, but grumbled something in his gibberish under his breath. This time there were no subtitles, but Twilight continued to glare at him. "You two are going to need to mend fences here! We can't have both of you at each other's throats!"
"Ling-ling no kabesaba notake popale daga!" he shouted. The subtitle read, "Ling-ling will not apologize to purple dog!"
"Just don't attack me, and we'll get along okay, Ling-ling," Twilight stated flatly. He harrumphed in protest, folding his arms across his chest, and turned his gaze away from her. "Look, I'm not trying to make trouble here! I don't want to stay here any longer than I have to! Princess Clara's father is supposed to be coming here tomorrow, and I'll be leaving with him for his castle!"
This drew a surprised gasp from everyone in the main room watching the TV -- everyone except Ling-ling, who smiled in response to this statement. He mumbled something as a response, the subtitle reading, "Ling-ling happy purple dog leaves tomorrow."
"Come on, Twilight, you've just had a bad day, that's all -- please don't leave!" Foxxy almost begged. Princess Clara entered the main room at this point.
"Princess, have you called your father?" Twilight asked, almost too eagerly.
"Well, I'm still having second thoughts about that, Twilight. He sometimes gets angry if I call him too frequently, and it's only been just a few days since I last called him."
"Please, Princess! I MUST have an audience with him!" Twilight begged. She pouted, giving her very best sad puppy-dog eye look at her.
"Please stop that, Twilight. Oh, all right, I'll call him now, give me a second." Princess Clara goes into the kitchen and uses the house phone to call her father. The conversation is rather short, but he reluctantly agrees to take the Royal Carriage to their house, even though it will take a day to get there.
"This had better be important, Clara -- but it will give me a chance to see Xandir again! I always look forward to meeting him!"
"Oh, Daddy, if that's what it takes to get you to come here, I guess I can deal with that. See you tomorrow!" she said and hung up the phone. She returned to the main room at this point.
"Wooldoor said we're going to the mall today -- when are we leaving?" Twilight asked.
"Wooldoor must have been talking out of his ass again, Twilight, but we can go there today, if that's what you wanna do," said Captain Hero. "I've been meaning to pick up a few things, and today looks like a good day for that."
"I'll drive us there!" Xandir exclaimed. "Foxxy, you didn't drive your van last night after the party, did you?"
"Uh, yeah, I did, Xandir, what's up?"
"Um, Foxxy, you ran over your band-mates!" Xandir exclaimed in shock. Twilight was stunned to see the van badly damaged, with body parts of Foxxy's band members sticking out of various locations on the vehicle.
"Foxxy, why did you do this to us?" asked the light-skinned one.
"Foxxy, help us!" said the very dark-skinned one.
"Hey, hey, hey!" said the very fat one.
After a quick trip to the hospital, everyone was on their way to the mall. Xandir circled the parking lot, looking for a vacant space. Every time one opened up, another vehicle would quickly maneuver into the vacated space, frustrating him greatly. After what seemed like half an hour of driving around the parking lot, Xandir saw a spot -- but it was too narrow for the van to fit in.
"That space is too small!" admonished Captain Hero.
"Don't do it!" Spanky shouted.
"When are we going to get in there? I'm hungry!" Toot exclaimed in frustration.
"I'm going in!" Xandir yelled. He squeezed the van into the spot between two other vehicles, the sides of the van scraping slowly against the other cars, wedging the van very tightly in the too-small space.
"My van!" Foxxy wailed.
"Okay, you got us into this space, now how are we supposed to get out of the van?" Spanky asked.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Captain Hero screamed.
"Let me get a clear line of sight," Twilight said. She got into the front passenger seat and teleported onto the hood of the car in front of the van. She teleported again, this time on top of the van, then again to the back. She used her telekinesis to open the back doors of the van. "Okay, you can get out now," she stated. Everyone slowly exited the rear of the van. Foxxy took a moment to survey the damage.
"How the hell am I supposed to get the van out of that spot?" Foxxy asked sullenly.
"Like this," Twilight said, using her telekinesis again to move the van out of the spot, then back into it.
"That's amazing!" Foxxy exclaimed.
As soon as they entered the mall, everyone split up and went off in different directions. This mall was a large two-story mall with more than a hundred shops, boutiques, and kiosks containing everything anyone might possibly want to purchase. Twilight marveled at the sight, slowly trotting, taking it all in. She was overwhelmed by the masses of humanity walking through the main halls. The sights, sounds, and smells were almost persuasive enough to make her want to stay and take copious notes of everything. Suddenly, there was a commotion on the upper level.
"Go on, Wooldoor! Do it!" Spanky said, egging him on.
"I don't know, Spanky! Stealing is wrong!"
"Look, it's only a little bit of candy! Who's going to stop you?"
"I don't want to, Spanky! What if I get caught? They'll kill me if I do!"
"Come on! Just do it! Don't make me mad at you!"
"O-okay! Here goes nothing!" Wooldoor grabbed a handful of candy from a display and made it extremely obvious he was stealing the candy. The shopkeeper alerted a security officer, who immediately started chasing Wooldoor.
"No! Please don't kill me! I'm too young to die!" he shouted as he ran, the security officer just walking slowly as he watched Wooldoor drop his candy and run to the waterfall. He turned around to face the security officer. "Don't make me do it! I'll jump!"
"Come on, don't do this, I'll have to fill out reports if you do," the officer said.
Wooldoor jumped, but fell only about five feet, as the waterfall and subsequent fountain were quite small. The officer grabbed Wooldoor and took him to the back security office and held him there for about half an hour. "That's what you get for trying to steal stuff!" the officer said sternly.
Twilight had watched this spectacle with mild bemusement and decided to investigate other shops. She lamented the fact that she had no money to buy anything, but was quite intrigued by every shop she entered. Her presence caused quite a stir as well, but everyone was well-behaved towards her. She made her way to the food court, but so much meat being cooked made her feel nauseous and she went off to another store. Foxxy found her and told her it was time to leave.
"I would like to come back here again soon!" Twilight exclaimed excitedly. "If only I had something I could use to take notes of everything! So much to explore!"
"You still wanna go back to the King's castle tomorrow?" Foxxy asked her.
"Well, I don't know, Foxxy -- there's so much to see here!"
"Come on, Twilight, it's time to go home. Let's go find the others and get out of here."
Foxxy and Twilight managed to reconnoiter with everyone else and they made their way back to the house.
"Hey, Wooldoor, what was all that running around all about?" Twilight asked him.
"Spanky made me steal some candy, and security chased me!"
"You should be ashamed of yourself, Spanky! Making him do that is just plain wrong!" Xanidr admonished the pig.
"I was just having a little fun! Can't a guy have a little fun every once in awhile?"
"Not when it means making someone break the law," Clara stated flatly. Presently, they made it back to the house, but not before Captain Hero made an unscheduled stop at a liquor store to pick up a crate of bourbon and scotch.