//------------------------------// // Alicorn anatomy, if you know what I mean? // Story: Battle of the Blanks // by HumanSVD //------------------------------// Discord loved every minute passing by in this surprisingly chaotic night and it was shame the he wasn’t there to see it. Though, if there was silver lining, it was the fact that he could hear the human called Konrad and his increasingly chaotic thoughts. It almost seemed as if he could hear him talking to somepony else, but if he was talking to somepony else in his mind, he couldn’t hear the other voice. What he could hear, however, was Konrad’s thoughts as he trying to wake up Princess Luna. And it was bucking hilarious due to the fact that the Royal Guards spotted Konrad and he began to panic. Discord could easily remember what was going through his mind when it happened. “Shit! Luna, Please wake up and tell your guards that I’m not a Ponynapper. Please “my” Princess! Wake up!” “Oh how romantic panic can be sometimes! He just loves his precious woona! AHAHAH! So obvious that he wants her, and I know that her parents will go crazy if it actually does happen.” And if that wasn’t hilarious enough for Discord, it was the fact that Konrad was trying to shake and slap Princess Luna awake would somehow solve all his problems. That definitely killed Discord as he went into a fit of laughter, and listened to the chaotic situation in Konrad’s mind. Predictably, the Guards tried to arrest him, and his ghost companion, but Konrad didn’t back down. Instead, he insulted them and got their jimmies rustled! Even better was the fact the one trying to arrest Konrad was none other than Twilight Sparkle’s brother, Shining Armor, who got nothing but a punch to the muzzle for his trouble. “AHAHAHAH! That’s just priceless! I’ve definitely found my new protégé! A proper analogue to Celestia’s student! Oh how wonderful this is! Not only does he have Princess Luna eating out of his hand, I can use him to tear the Kingdom apart from Celestia’s hooves! And when the Princess herself has been weakened as he resolved broken, I’ll turn her into a plushy too and maybe Luna herself, should she not go along with the new plan. With my toy collection complete, the Kingdom in chaos, and with Konrad at my side to do my bidding, not even the Elements of Harmony can stop me! But, who is this Burger King I wonder? Is that the leader of the humans?” Discord continued to listen Konrad’s thoughts some more as he fought the guards…without magic! As if Discord wasn’t impressed enough with this Konrad, it was how he managed to defeat Shining Armor himself, without magic, but with something called a gun? Whatever it was, it was powerful enough to wear out Shining Armor’s Shield spell real quick. And with the battle over, he expected to finish Shining Armor off real quick. Unfortunately for Discord, it didn’t happen. Instead, the human spared his life and apologized! Apologized as if he was genuinely sorry and has morals! Worse yet, was the fact that Shining Armor accepted and some form of respect was taking place. It was almost as if this human had….honor. “Honor!? Morals!? Apologies!? Great, my potential Apprentice has a Paragon side in him! This is going to be a problem to my plans, as I can’t have the possibility of him becoming friends with those namby-pamby ponies! Ugh! The thought of him learning from Twilight Sparkle just makes me want to puke. I was hoping he would do something stupid to get petrified so I can teach him the ways of Chaos, but no! He had to go paragon and understanding…well, all I can do is wait, until he screws up or something. Hopefully Ragelestia won’t take mercy on him. If there is one thing I can do, it’s that fact that he’s infatuated with Luna, something I can take advantage of. Now that gives me an idea!” With a snap made by his claw, the parents of Luna and Celestia appeared in his claw and paw, ever annoyed in his presence. “Well King Cosmos and Queen Galaxia, did you have a wonderful nap time!?” The Royal Plushies just looked at him with great disdain in their eyes, and the Lord of Chaos replied, “Awww! Somepony is in a bad mood; well I got some wonderful news to cheer both of you up!” The expression of the King and Queen changed to anticipation of news in Equestria and they both were wondering if it had to do with their daughters. “Good now that I got your attention, your daughter Luna has been reunited with Celestia and is safe and sound away from that bad influence called Konrad.” Both of the plushies had a relieved look on their face but that was instantly crushed with the bad news that Discord was about to reveal. “Now for the really good news! She’s still in love with him and he loves her too! Oh and did I mention that he’s already had his hands on your precious widdle Woona? And when I mean by hands I mean he’s learned a LOT about Alicorn anatomy, if you know what I mean?” The expression on the King and Queen was of pure utter terror and disbelief as they just were hit with an even bigger revelation. Their daughter was not only infatuated with this mythological being called a human, but he had the gall to violate their daughter outside of marriage. And he wasn’t even Royalty as far as they knew! He also wasn’t a pony, which made all of the other things even worse. The thought of their daughter NOT being intimate with a stallion? It sent shivers down their pony backs. Discord was just eating it all up and enjoyed their reactions every time felt like messing with them. “This could come back and bite me in the tail but I think it’s highly unlikely. Sparring them from death was much better as trolling them really passes the time.” Then a bright fire flared in his paw and law and noticed the King in Queen were flaring in an imaginary super charged ball of magical fire. The look on their faces was one that he had never seen since his first and only battle over a thousand years ago and it was very surprising to him indeed. They had the look of murder in their eyes, and that was something neither King Cosmos nor Queen Galaxia had considering they used to be the most compassionate of all rulers in the world. And this Konrad’s actions had got the worst out of them. “Well now, I can see its bed time again you bad little foals! Sleep well and relax know that you’re Luna found the stallion, oops! I mean, MAN of her dreams.” In an instant, the King and Queen Plushies were gone and Discord was alone to his thoughts. “Well, if I can ever break free again, all I have to do is let the King and Queen loose, and Konrad will be begging from my claw and paw for help, since nopony would be stupid enough to take his side. Then, he’ll be my minion, and then Chaos forever!” Discord then got up and began to dance around in his stone prison, excited at the possibilities of how this human was going to be fun. Perhaps he would even be good enough to be called...a friend? “Friendship? EGAD! He’s just going to be a minion and tool for my entertainment, nothing more…ugh stupid Twilight Sparkle and her Friendship lectures!” Now I wonder how this Konrad is going to take down the Blood Hooves. This will be interesting for sure.” --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lyra Heartstrings was on a roll with her costume design, as her imagination just seemed to naturally flow to her horn, telling her just what it should be. Last year’s costume was nothing but a simple plain mummy, something she had put together at the last minute. While is did the job, she just wasn’t satisfied with it, but this new design however, was something else entirely. It was based off of her fandom! “Man! This is so going to be cool! Aaannddd….Done!” said Lyra. She magically hovered the draining in the air and held it to her candles (with a good distance away of course) to get a better look. It was finally done, and the sketch of her in the image of the man she dreamed of was awesome. She couldn’t have done a better job of herself, even if she tried. Carefully setting the sketch down, she opened the desk drawer in her room with her hoof and pulled out her lucky Sapphire with her magic. The gem was covered in her teal magic hue and it gently was laid on the rule 63 sketch. She sighed to herself thinking that this was going to be a big price to pay for her fandom costume. “But it’s totally worth it! Not only will I win the contest for sure, but I’ll educate all of my fellow ponies about humans and I’ll be able to stop the haters! The only that would make it better is if a real human would show up…but that’s never going to happen.” Lyra then wore a sad expression, similar to the one when a Parasprite ate her favorite sandwich. Her eyes were starting to tear up, as she always wanted to meet a human, sort of a lifelong dream she had ever since she was filly in school, not counting the stunt she pulled today. “They just so cool! I really want to see one and talk with one! And if I ever do…who knows maybe a man might like me in that special way...” Lyra then dropped her sad expression and it was replaced with one of slight embarrassment. The thought of her and a human together? Assuming one existed, not only would that be looked down upon, but her parents might now even approve. That was really a one in a billion chance of happening, but if it did happen, she only had one hope. “I hope if I do meet a man that I like, I hope he’ll be the one like I saw in my dream! He was so cool! And well…handsome…wait? I said “Hand”some! AHAHAH!” Lyra then jumped on her bed and began to laugh out loud to her unintentional pun. She was laughing a bit too loud, as her roommate Bon Bon, began to furiously knock on the door. Lyra ran to the door and opened it and saw a rather angry and tired Bon Bon, with her mane completely in a mess and her eyes blood shot with tiny drooping eye bags beneath he eyes. Lyra wasn’t sure if this was due to the lack of sleep, or anger. “Probably both, Bon Bon always needs her sleep.” Lyra’s ears lowered a bit and her face went a bit red with embarrassment. “Uhh…Sorry Bon Bon, I just kinda found something hilarious.” “Let me guess, something with that human you were dreaming about earlier! Well, listen here Lyra, you’re ruining my sleep! I have to go to the store and open early for the rush of Nightmare Night and I can’t make good candy if you keep laughing like a little foal ALL NIGHT! You know my thoughts on your “fandom” and while I’m trying to be tolerant of it, the lack of sleep is something that I can’t bear! NOW BE QUIET!!” Lyra didn’t know what do and she wanted to pull out her giant pointer hand to make a joke, but that seemed inappropriate seeing that Bon Bon was ready to strangle her. All Lyra could do was say, “Okay, I’ll shut up…” Bon Bon then huffed and walked back to her room, while Lyra closed the door and jumped back on her bed. “I guess I should go asleep, got a big day ahead. Now would I do the human shuffle or Human jumpstyle for the dance? Tough choices, oh well, to the human that inspired me, I bid you a good night…handsome man of my dreams.” And with that Lyra fell asleep, dreaming of shuffle dancing with the strange human, and the end of the dance, he picked her up and kissed her on the muzzle. Lyra then pony squealed in excitement in her sleep.