Doubt's Grip
What did the armor do to me? What was its decisions? What did I really do? What am I now? What if I turn suddenly? What if I just doomed the world by going after what I desired with that armor? What if I am a darkness that can ruin Equestria?!
I've been looking back at how things were. I recall two sides of thoughts. But which was which? I have no way to know. I wasn't me. What am I now? What will I do? What if I'm hurting Luna?!
When the armor comes, what will it do? Will I give in? Will it take me? Will I be its again? Will I obey its wicked will? Will I do more evil? Will I turn on my people? Will I attack the Princesses? And the guards? And everypony else? What if I'm the end of the world?!
I'm suppose to be sleeping. But I can't. For the past few days, all I can think about is what I have been thinking, shifting as turmoil wraps my thoughts. I haven't been able to sleep for the past few days.
"Dage." I jump as Luna's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. "What's wrong?" I open my mouth to dismiss her only for her to cut me off before I can. "Ever since Sister told you about the armor, you've been shifting throughout the day." I sigh.
"I... don't know..." I whisper. She sits up to look at me, concern written on her face. I sigh again. "I've been looking back to when I had it; I remember two voices but I can't tell which is which." I look at her from my pillow, splayed out on my stomach.
"It doesn't matter anymor-"
"But what if everything I've done is actually what the armor wanted?! What if I'm not the pony I think I am?! What if- What if I'm hurting you?!"
"Dage, calm down."
I sit up. "I can't be calm when everything I thought I knew about myself can be a lie! That I could turn at any time!"
"You are overthinking things." I ignore her.
"I could become evil! I could give in to the armor again! I could attack you and the guards and everypony else! I could be the end!" Luna's gaze turns into and she casts two spells: the first seals my mouth shut and the second gives me a slap across the face. I gasp -through my nose- and jump to my hooves on the bed, gaping at her.
"You need to calm down, now. I can wait all day for you to fully calm yourself." I stare at her, wide-eyed still. Slowly, my breathing and heart slow and I unconciously sit with my hooves tucked under me comfortably. I stare at he for a long time, carefully thinking over things before she finally unseals my lips. "Now, explain your train of thoughts, calmly."
I nod as I begin anew. "I looked back to try to learn about the armor so I can beat it when it comes. I was only able to tell that I had two voices. But I can't tell which is which, especially when they never fought. That... that lead me to doubting if what I did was my choices or not... And then if I am what I think I am... If I can beat the armor... If I could be the doom of Equestria... If I could be... hurting you..."
"If you were hurting me," she begins, extending a wing over me, "I would know you don't mean to and let you know of your mistake." She smiles softly. "And it doesn't matter which voice was which; it is gone now and you are left with yourself. There is no doubt in my mind that you are you."
"But what about all that I did do with it?" I ask, still doubting who I was and thus who I've become.
"Sister said that you somehow diverted its desire into your obsession. Yes, it influenced you in the smallest of ways, but I bet your will was too strong for it to beat. You did as you wanted."
I nod, slowly coming to see the foolishness of my- But! What about my evi-
"And you are most definately not evil," she breaks through last doubts. "You are too self-concious and willful to ever let yourself get away with evil. Or to give in to the armor. I wouldn't let that happen, anyways." She smiles... and pulls me... to her... with her... wing.... I obey... smiling... as my eased mind... drifts off.... Mmm... her warmth....
"I... thank you... Love...." Sleep wraps me in its embrace again at last.