I won’t bother telling you how hard it was getting my phone out of my camping bag, but I will say that I’m a little worried how hard it will be to get the saltine crackers I packed.
Looking at the caller I.D, I see it’s my parents’ phone that’s calling. Luckily, my phone has a button that will allow me to accept the call, instead of having to struggle with the touch-screen.
“H-hello?” I said, leaning backward into a corner of the room so I don’t fall.
“Asher? Asher is that you?” I heard my mom said. I didn’t even need to hear her and I would have been able to tell that she’s crying.
“Yes mom, it’s me.” I said.
“Oh my god, are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” I told her, trying to keep myself from getting teary eyed.
“Oh thank god. So she didn’t hurt you?”
“No, no she didn’t.” I said flatly.
“Where are you?”
“I’ll be honest, I have no idea.” I told her with a slight laugh.
“What the hell do you mean you have no idea?”
“Exactly that.” I said.
“Does she know you have your phone?”
“Who, Baba Yaga?”
“Is that her name?”
“I’d assume so, I mean, that’s what she responded to.” I answered.
“The hell did she want with you?”
“She wanted to destroy the ‘Inner Nets’ of my mind. I mean, at first I thought she wanted to destroy the internet, but she just wants to make me go freakin’ nuts.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve been telling you that I’ve got a split personality for years, but now I’ve just got flat out D.I.D, lets leave it at that.” I tell her, assuming that she’ll just think I’m saying this. Nobody aside from Conner ever believed me when I said I have a split personality, and even then, he's skeptical about it.
“Are you sure you’re okay, baby?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“Okay... Is she close by?”
“Baba Yaga?”
“Mhmm”
“Oh pfft, no, she’s long gone. Kinda dropped me off on a ship and left. Lucky I didn’t get shot.”
“Shot!? Oh my god, are you okay?”
I give a small grunt. “Yes mom, I’m okay, Lieutenant Dachs told his men to lower their weapons, and Captain Smith set me up in a berthing with the Lieutenant.”
“Lieutenant, Captain!? Where the hell are you?”
“Eh, I’m on a military ship. Can’t exactly tell you where at though.”
“Oh my god... I’m going to give the phone to your dad, you can talk to him for a moment, I need to calm down some.”
“Uhm... Okay?” I said, slightly confused.
Sure, she was always the worrier, but she seemed more freaked out than usual. Then again, I was just kidnapped this morning. Being on a military boat probably wouldn’t be much of an improvement over having been kidnapped.
The whole ‘lucky I didn’t get shot’ thing probably doesn’t help either, now that I think about it...
There was a moment of quiet conversation coming from the other end before my dad said “Hello.”
“Hey Dad.”
“So your mom says you’re on a military ship?”
“Yeah.”
“The hell did ya manage that?”
“If I knew, I’d tell you.”
“Do you know what sea you’re on?”
“No, not really.”
“Seen the captain yet?”
“Yes, Captain... Something Smith.”
“Where did he put you?”
“He put me in an officer’s berthing.”
“How many beds?”
“Four.”
“Do you have any of the officers’ names?”
“Only Lieutenant Johnathan Dachs’.”
Eerily, the lieutenant stuck his head into the room to check on me at that moment in time. After a quick nod to let him know I’m okay, he quietly shut the door behind him.
“Right, what I want you to do is call when you get to shore. Think you can do that for me?”
“Sure thing dad.”
“Alright then. Your brother wants to talk to you, so I’m gonna give the phone to him, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Okay then. Love you Asher.”
“Love you too dad.”
“M’kay.”
“A’ight.”
“Buh-bye.”
“See ya.”
That was a relief. Dad’s probably going to call a few favors with some people he knows. He was liked throughout the Navy. In fact, he was on good terms with a Fleet Admiral or two from what he’s told me. Hard to imagine he was only an E6.
“Asher?” I heard my brother’s voice from the other end of the line.
“H-hey.” I said rather meekly. I was good at handling talking to my parents with a brave face. But I knew my brother would be able to see through my mask.
“You okay?”
“More or less.” I said, trying to keep him ‘outside,’ I could say.
“More or less?”
“... Less, actually.” I admit. “I’m freakin’ terrified. I mean, I had a witch, blow a freaking hole in my wall, just so she could abduct me! I’m getting these weird as crap thoughts of ‘Will I go back to magic kindergarten if I fail?’ or ‘When was the last time I sent a letter to Princess Celestia?’ or even ‘Did I forget to feed Owlowicious this morning?’ It’s freakin’ confusing.
“Then, I end up taking a dive into my mind in order to break down that thing that’s been keeping me sane since my birth, so clearly I’m going to go insane at some point, with the added sweetness of learning that not only do I look like Twilight, I’ve got her bustling about in my head.
“And then if that’s not bad enough, Baba Yaga, the witch who abducted me, managed to twist taking me to ‘The New York’ so that she ended up taking me to the New York. And I don’t mean the state either. I mean a freaking... Military ship, that’s out at sea. I mean... How the heck did she even get us out here?” I ask rhetorically.
“Magic? I dunno.” He answers.
“Conner, here’s what I want you to do. I want you to go up to my room, find the biggest bit of wood you can find, and smack your head with it as hard as you can.” I tell him, my voice soaked with caustic overtones. “Can you do that for me real quick?”
“Oh I’ve got this!” He says, as if what I just said was some kind of challenge.
“Conner, CONNER! Frick!” I scream into the phone, knowing it’s already too late to stop what’s about to go down.
I then took a short moment to laugh quietly as I tried to keep my face buried into my... well, memory called it my knee, but I wanted to call it my elbow.
He and I always had this little thing between us where we were... Something. We just shared a special kind of kinship. An advanced form of camaraderie if you prefer. I don’t have a way to properly describe it.
But often times, it lead to stupid moments like this that both of us found amusing in some profound way.
“Ow.” He said over the phone, making my laugh a little more audible.
“The heck man!?” I asked through my laugh.
“You told me to!” He said in defence.
“I was joking!” I responded.
“I don’t care.” Is what he threw in my face.
“So what’s going on?” I ask him.
“Everyone’s freaking out about you being kidnapped.”
“I mean aside from the obvious.”
“Mom and dad are now talking to the police saying you’re safe, but that they don’t have your location, Kate and Becker are currently in their room, Aamira is off at work, and I’m here talking to you from your destroyed bedroom.” He lists, going over the major points. “Lovely work that lady did in here, by the way.”
“That bad huh?”
“And then some.”
“Yeesh.” I sounded. We sat in a bit of a silence for a moment before I finally spoke up again saying, “Conner, I need you to do something for me, and I don’t care what you think, I need you to do this for me.”
“Tell me what it is and I’ll tell ya if I’ll do it.”
“Conner, I’m not taking a ‘maybe’ answer, I need you to do this for me.”
“I’m not agreeing to it unless I know what it is.”
“Conner!” I yell, and I mean actually yell, to let him know how little I want to play this game.
“Did you really need to yell?” He asked.
“Yes, because I need you to do this.” I said coldly.
“I’m not agreeing to do anything for you unless I know what it is.”
“Conner, I mean that I actually need you to do this for me. I freakin’ need this to be done.”
“What is it and I’ll tell you if I’ll do it.”
“Conner...”
“Asher you were just kidnapped from in the house! I’m not sure if you’re in your right mind or not!”
“I honestly couldn’t care less if I was in my right mind or not! I’m Twilight Sparkle, and I’m Asher Allshouse! Just... FRICK!” I screamed in frustration. “Just, do this one thing for me okay?”
“Ashe-”
“NO! Conner, just.... No.” We sit in silence for a moment. “Just... do this one thing, okay?”
I hear a sigh from the other end of the phone. “Fine. What do you need me to do?”
“I need you to keep everyone at home. No one can come after me.”
“Oh geeze, you think?”
“Wait, what?”
“That old lady threatened to kill us if you tried to do anything against her. I don’t think she’d be happy about us following.”
“... That’s a good point.”
“Mom and dad are set on going though, and I wanted to get your opinion on it first.”
“Then why did you say it as if you were going to do so anyways?”
“Because you’re stubborn. You were planning on going it alone last night, so your opinion is going to be that much more set after being kidnapped just because you’re a pony.”
“... Thanks.” I say simply.
“No problem.”
“Say, you don’t happen to have my old MP3, do you?”
“Which one?”
“The blue one.”
“No, why?”
“Because I want to know if it still works after being caught in an explosion.”
“That thing still worked?”
“Yeah!” I said enthusiastically.
“I thought that thing was broken.”
“It is, but the music still plays.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Right on.” He says, and I just start dying laughing.
The door to the berthing opens and Lt. Dachs sticks his head in. “Hey, lunch time. We need to head to the mess hall.”
“Oh, okay.” I tell the lieutenant. “Hey man, I gotta go. Call me if you find it.”
“Okay.”
“See ya man. Love ya.”
“Love you too, Asher.”
I shove my phone into the pocket on my camping bag that it was in and then follow Lieutenant Dachs out of the berthing area.
-
I started smiling. Asher’s relationship with his brother reminds me of the one I have my own brother, where they're so close. I really should write Shining Armor more often then I do.