“Feather Steel! What are you doing?” Someone shouted.
I had no idea…
I could not even see very well, this place, wherever it was, was so windy... In fact, it was too windy. I felt as if I was going to be blown away.
…Wait.
This was Equestria, so Discord had to have made this the worst possible scenario. Since I had also mentioned being excited at the prospect of having wings the first time around…
I fought the blur that was obscuring my vision, trying to blink away the fatigue and the urge to let my consciousness fade. It worked, partially. I could see some vaguely pegasus-like figure waving a hoof in front of my eyes.
“Don’t break formation like that! We’re on the verge of engaging the enemy! Keep flapping.”
Yep, called it.
I had arrived to Equestria in bucking midflight! And not just a few meters above grounds either, we were way over the average clouds! Discord sent me to fly at the level of the Wonderbolts!
And what was that about enemies?
Thing was, being conscious of my pants-wetting scary predicament also made me conscious of my body, specifically, my wings.
It was the limbs coordination all over again. I lost complete semblances of grace and the illusion I knew how to fly. If only it had been me pathetically gliding away…
My heart dropped at the exact moment I managed to close my wings accidentally, instantly starting to lose height.
“Did you hear me, Feather Steel?!” The pegasus from before, a dark purple mare, got closer to me, starting to look either very pissed or very worried. Maybe both.
She even kicked my wings, that vindictive horse! Sure, they were straight as arrows again now, but darn, that hurt.
“Griffons in sight, Commander Loop!”
I died a little on the inside.
“Everyone, get into formation! ESPECIALLY YOU!” Frankly, could I just ask one of you to drop me home, pleaaaaaase? I was going to barf all over the clouds from the sheer terror now. “NOW!”
‘Haha, good one, now seriously, someone, point me home. I’m not a soldier; I’m not even a pegasus. Just a puny human that really wished he hadn’t fallen asleep.’
But try to argue that when you’re flying.
That’s why I didn’t bother. I just stared dumbly at the growing dot of brown in the distance. Quickly enough, it appeared to me that we were grossly outnumbered.
Celestia’s sweet rainbow mane! Why were we five against… twenty-five… twenty-six… twenty-seven…? That was just screaming for us to be slaughtered.
…We were going to be slaughtered. I bet that even if we all turned around and flew full-speed ahead, we’d still be dead, me especially, seeing as it took everything I had just to glide…
They say that once you accept your death, you’re washed away by serenity and peace. I was washed away by water when I flew straight into a raincloud I could not manoeuver around and screamed like an undignified little female dog. Panic completely took over and I started to fall.
“FEATHER STEEL!” One of my fellow ponies screamed.
Things were going too fast, way too fast. My body started to spiral, the wind so powerful it tossed me around in circles as I fell faster and faster.
In my mind-numbing state, I tried – I swear on every star in the sky –, I tried to open my wings, but the shock and the pain it sent me in had me fearing they were going to be torn off.
“I’m coming, bro!” I heard over the roar of the wind.
I spotted him, in the midst of that chaos, diving toward me. A mad hope gripped at my heart and I screamed.
“HELP!”
He was getting closer. I could see it.
How long until I hit the ground? How long?! The others were already so small above us.
A surging pain erupted in my side and I felt my body whip with the impact. I completely lost sight of my fellow pony, now looking at the horizon and the ironically splendid sight of the mountains griffons were speculated to live in.
I let out a scream, but of agony this time. My ribs had been broken by a griffon’s tackle.
“I’m going to enjoy this,” it said with a deep voice. “You ponies are so predictable, so stupid. Thought you could stop us with just five pegasi?”
I struggled with all my might, fighting through the burning signal my nerves sent to my brain, overwhelmed by a primal fear utterly alien. ‘Prey’, it screamed to me. ‘You’re just a little prey about to be eaten…’
There was no rational thought in my mind, not a single one. My breath was labored and wheezed out in pitifully small amount, my eyes were wide open, as I stared at the brown beast, my wings were held firmly in place by its claws and that multiplied my feeling of vulnerability. I could not help the whimpers of abject terror that I kept letting out, in spite of the pain it cause me every time.
“I wonder if you taste like an orange, seeing as, you know…” FUCK MY LIFE! Was it really making small talk with me about how I taste?!
It licked its beak hungrily, a promise of painful death in its eyes.
“…” I opened my mouth but not a sound escaped it!
My throat was tied up in a knot, I could not speak. The words refused to come out, as I started to choke on my own fear.
“Yes, I love it when you realize your place in this world.” The griffon chuckled.
‘No, no, no, no, no. Speak, god forsaken speak, buck-freaking speak, you utter moron! Come on, say it. Just one word. It can’t end like this, there’s too many things I’ve got to do! Push it out, push it out!’
Nothing.
“I think I’ll start with your guts... It lasts longer.”
‘FUCK FUCK FUCK! SAY IT, COME ON OUT, DAMN WORDS! You’ve got to. Ignore the pain, the crap-inducing monster, the smell of his breath, take a deep breath, say it, say it. SAY IT!’
Silence between the wind and the predator.
The griffon plunged its claw into my abdomen.
I screamed.
The griffon laughed.
“Thank you for the mea-”
“UNCLE!”
I did not wake up with a gasp. I woke up, falling out of my chair, with the single most bloodcurdling scream of my life.
The whole class let out small cries of surprise, more than one swearing their heart had almost exploded.
“S-sir?!” The teacher started to run toward my seat.
I did not listen. I was holding my head between my hands, tears already rolling on my cheeks. I curled up on myself, sobbing without restraint.
The fear had not left. I could still feel the claws ripping me apart.
“Sir! Sir! Are you alright?!”
No…
I was not feeling good. It had been hours since I woke up and subsequently freaked out, but my nausea had barely subdued. My heart was still going crazy in my chest the moment I remembered about this one trip to Equestria.
As soon as I had calmed down enough to be talked to, the teacher had insisted I went to the nursery, which, frankly, sounded like something I really needed. It was met with nothing but a silent nod.
The nurse herself had been very kind, careful not to say the wrong things. She did not question me, simply offered me “a little something to feel better”. No idea what that was, but it helped, really. I could stay alone for a few minutes after taking it.
“Just… treat it like a bad dream…” I whispered to myself. “That’s what everyone else will think. Just play along.”
I couldn’t do anything else. I was trapped.
Was this the part Discord enjoyed? Not the trips to Equestria, but the in-betweens, where it ate away at me, where I was shaking in fear at the idea of falling asleep again and have things go from bad to worse?
“You sick bastard…” I muttered, burning with hatred.
It was bad, but it kept me going. Even raging against the heavens was better than just waiting for the next shoe to drop. To turn my hatred against something I could never actually hit kept it burning, a precious fire in the middle of the cold terror.
“Dream… Just say it was a bad dream…” I repeated. I had to convince myself before I could convince others.
“Sir?”
I blinked, shaken.
Slowly, I looked up from the tiled floor up to a middle-aged woman. She appeared mildly concerned beneath her thin layer of make-up and her square glasses, most likely toward my appointment than me in particular.
“It’s… four o’clock, isn’t it?” I asked sheepishly, glancing at my watch.
How long had I waited in that secretary’s office for Mr. Tremblay to welcome me?
“Yes, he is ready for your rendezvous.” She nodded and smiled thinly.
“…Thanks.” I muttered, standing up, doing my best not to suffer too much from vertigo. That medication had the side-effect of making me feel dizzy.
“Are you certain you can see him?” She inquired, this time with real worry toward my person.
“Yes…” I gave her a pointed look, trying to seem healthy and determined. I could not tell if it worked, because she let me go anyway.
“The door on your left,” she said, and then went back to her files and her keyboard.
Muttering an absentminded ‘Thank you’, I knocked at the wooden door and entered the office as soon as I received an invitation to do so.
The office in itself was very simple, almost disappointingly so. There were some University records on the walls, as well as Mr. Tremblay’s qualifications and news reports about him, but all in all, it did not feel like the office of a man that held that much power over my future…
Mr. Tremblay sighed as soon as I sat down in a seat.
Well, that was an encouraging start…
“I take it you know exactly why you are here?” He said sternly, looking over his glass with a quiet air of authority.
“Yes, sir…” I gulped down.
I was starting to sweat again. Dear Princess Celestia, I had to go check my blood pressure after all this. It couldn’t be healthy.
“Let me be perfectly honest with you, young man.” He leaned closer, growing more intimidating with each inches of distance he ate away. “We do not tolerate your behavior, here in my faculty.”
“Sir, I know that what I’ve said i-”
“Do not interrupt me.” He raised a hand and that was enough to silence me completely. “You have insulted a member of our staff, not only in a very disrespectful manner – I trust I do not need to repeat the things you have said –, but also in a threatening manner, moving into your teacher’s personal space.”
I shrank down in my seat, cheeks red with a furious blush. Blame the stress, blame the lack of sleep, blame the bad day, I still had done exactly that. No excuse.
I had screwed up big time, hadn’t I?
“That alone would be motif for considering your expulsion, but I have received yet another report on troubling behavior from your part.” The dean lightly tapped a document on his desk, where I could read my name in the corner in reverse. The way his eyes narrowed though was a perfect sign that this was not a light matter at all. “You have fallen asleep during a test, woke up screaming and reacted abnormally violently when people tried to offer you help. Not only as that little stunt disturbed your comrades’ evaluations, we may have to consider creating another as more than forty minutes were lost on you.”
“I… I’m sorry.” I looked away, gritting my teeth in shame, just wishing I hadn’t suddenly and inexplicably fallen asleep. I knew I was in the middle of answering a question and I was so focus I couldn-
My eyes widened. No. No way. That could not have been real. I was just getting paranoid.
“I must ask you not to present yourself to the rest of your tests this week. You will not be allowed in.”
Chlink. Off with my head. The death sentence had befallen me.
I felt strangely empty.
“If you wish to come back for another semester, I must tell you that the procedures will be more tedious than they normally would be.” The words entered one ear and flew right out of the other.
I was stuck in an absurd daze, where nothing made sense.
I had been expelled.
I was going to start crying again. To hell with manliness, this was weighting way too much for me to bear.
“This will be all.” Mr. Tremblay declared and I did not argue.
Mechanically, like a robot, I stood up stiffly and turned to leave without exchanging another word with him.
However, he was not done with me, apparently. No, he had to rub it in one last time.
“And, honestly, sonny, you look much too tired. Get some rest.”
I left the office in the second, because one more in his presence and I would have been charged with assault.
‘GIVE ME A BREAK!’
So, here I was, back at my apartment, with nothing but my pity, that hole in my chest, some old dried up leaves I had stashed away a long time ago and a fat cat that liked to eat the spiders he caught. My eyes were locked on the most important of these: Giantonio.
It was fascinating. In a morbid way.
I also made a discovery (oh, who am I kidding? I knew from the start): my cat was a sadistic not-so-little bastard. He did not only trap the arachnids between his paws. Oh no, that was too quick. No, Giantonio loved to play with his prey before eating them. I always let him do so, if only because that was one less spider I was likely to eat in my sleep or meet in the shower. Plus, it was nutritious.
Except, for once, I felt a kinship with that little thing. Life was fucking with it big time, just like me. There was an all-powerful bystander just observing all its troubles without doing anything except provoke more torment (movement while he played caused Giantonio to go absolutely insane), just like me.
Giantonio finally had enough of playing torture 101 and ate the thing. I watched with a bile fascination and the impression Life was soon going to do the same with me.
Maybe sooner than later, seeing as that little fluff ball of evil had decided to climb up my couch and rest on my lap. Like always, he cared not that it was inconvenient to me, nor that I was having an existential crisis.
‘Eh, love you too, fatty.’ I sighed, stroking his fur and eliciting a soft, content, purr.
The noise alone was soothing enough to get me to ignore my problems. If I was not going to get the crappy lemons Life had in store for me, then she could kiss my butt and drink a big fat load of nothing. I was done.
I wouldn’t be swayed by beautiful arguments about responsibilities and the happiness of my kin. Right now, I could not give a damn.
Eh, if the next trip to Equestria was not my life being in immediate danger, then I was going to stay there. If not, then it was this stupid world. Discord’s place or mine, who cared?
Giantonio hissed when I stopped stroking his fur, that demanding little piece of fluffy fur, so I just went on. At least one living being in here would get what he wanted. I probably should put something in my will about him; he’d defile my grave if I didn’t, I bet.
No longer satisfied, Giantonio spat on my hand before slowly lifting himself on his chubby legs and jumping down to the ground. No doubt he was going to grab a bite in his bowl, leaving me all alone on my couch.
“You’re the worst pet ever…” I groaned, without moving.
My body was heavy with fatigue. Truly, I had not felt this tired since… ever. This whole deal about falling asleep but not getting any rest was seriously wearing me down. I simply did not have the strength to move anymore.
And I fell asleep soon afterward.