//------------------------------// // The Man and the Princess // Story: The man from the woods // by Jimbob //------------------------------// Silence. Silence reigned in the throne room. The six or so hor-no- ponies in front of me were staring at me jaws touching the ground. The big white one with the cool hair was looking at me with an unreadable expression. I was making my peace with God and apologizing for all the time I woke my friends up with fireworks........ And water........ And maybe physical harm. Hold on maybe I can salvage this situation "So I assume you're not a horse then....... Good for you" Mouth you've ruined us. A tinkling laugh erupted from behind the white one and a slightly smaller indigo pony made a show of covering her mouth with her hoof. Then the white one began to snort, then giggle before finally breaking down into full blown laughing. The six in front of my turned to face the big ones obviously in shock. The laughter finally petered out and the white one resumed a regal air about her. "No, to answer your question I am not a horse, the better question is what are you?" She said with a smile on her face "Now, hypothetically speaking, if I said 'human' per say you wouldn't feel the need to smote me or anything would you?" "Smote?" "Yes, smote or smite or kill, or bludgeon to death with a rather large rock, or any combination thereof" Oh look it the yellow one passed out. "I can safely say that I have no intentions of smiting you" Good news then "Oh well in that case I am in fact human, and my name is Alex" "Pleasure to meet you Alex, I am Princess Celestia, and this is my sister Luna, Princess of the night." Ponies have really weird titles, then again it does sound pretty intimidating...... Maybe I should start introducing myself as Alex the bloodbringer. "So you two are like royalty then right?" she nodded "So should I bow or offer my hand as a sacrifice or what?" "Well what do you for your royalty?" "Funny story actually, we don't have royalty. We vote for a president and congress and shit, well in my country at least" Luna- I think that's her name- spoke up "Then who raise the sun and moon for you?" My brain is full of wat "Gravity..... That's like it's one job, well besides making drunks fall and shit" well I think it's gravity...... Should have paid more attention in class "But that's impossible, how does your planet not get suck into the sun then." Witty response go! "Fucking miracle man, they just like to happen. But seriously no idea." The purple one's eye twitch, wait her names like Twilight or something right? Yea Twilight it is "So your planet just hangs there in space?" "Yep" "Without getting pulled into the sun?" "Yep" my butts getting numb "That's impossible" "Said the talking indigo pony" I muttered "What?" "I said no it's not, raise the sun is impossible." Celestia smirked "No I do it on a rather daily basis." "Pics or it didn't happen." She looked confused "What does that mean?" Twilight's hair curled "Nothing it just..... Nevermind." Then the purple one snapped "What's going on!? What's a human?! Why's it here!? What's a president!? And what do you mean his planet!?" Celestia smiled, while I scooted away from the panting pony. Huh, I rhymed, I'm going to hate it here. "Well Twilight" Nailed it " You lasted longer than I expected" I frowned "Well could you warn me next time, I thought she was exploding or something" She shook her head and continued to smile "Ah your majesty, is that thing safe?" I said my name orange pony! "Ah your majesty, does that orange pony know my name is Alex? I thought I had announced it" I grumped, Celestia rolled her eyes while the orange one glared at me. "Ma name is Applejack" She has a southern drawl.... Is that even possible? "See was that so hard? Nice to meet you Applejack, I'm Alex" hey the yellow one woke up, and another thing what's up with the ridiculous color schemes these ponies have going on? I mean the blue one's hair is a freakin rainbow! "So then Alex are y'all safe?" Am I safe? "Good question, I have absolutely NO IDEA!" I smiled "What do ya mean?" "Well you see, so far I have been in this wonderful place for like three days or so, wasn't really counting since I thought it was all a drug induced haze! I even told Pink one there that" Pink one in question was currently murdering a pastry I think, yet she still found a way to correct me. "It's Pinkie silly!" "Right Pinkie, so anyway then I went into the woods, got chased by some wooden wolves, hide in the castle, ran away from you ponies and hit a black one on the head. Oh! And I got zapped in the chest."I said pointing to a hole burnt in the side of my shirt. "So it's safe to say that this is NOT a normal situation for me and I'm really freaking out on the inside so I might be dangerous." The oran- No Applejack looked confused by my answer, "Um well thanks for being honest?" "Sure why not?" "It sounds like you have been through a lot" I turned back to Celestia "Does it? Maybe, I don't really know. Is it normal to get chased by wooden wolves?" "No it is not, nor is it normal to get 'Zapped'." "Oh alright" Silence re-took the the room. Question's began to bubble up in my head, the most prevalent being "So what happens now?" "Well that's the question isn't it? The real question is what would you like to do? You could stay here if you wish, I could also arrange for you to stay nearby, tell me what would you prefer for me to do?" A small flame of hope spluttered to life in my chest "Can you send me home?"