//------------------------------// // Undercover Pynkie // Story: Vinyl and Octavia: Roommates Are Magic // by Jam Rocker //------------------------------// "P-Pinkie Pie!? What are you doing here!?" I asked, unsure of what plans she had. If there was anything I learned throughout my time living, it is that Pinkie Pie is Pinkie Pie... At most times, that shouldn't be taken easily. If she was to wear a sweater and have sleeves, there would be tricks up them! She's unpredictable and powerful... She's an element, for Celestia's sake! Ponyfolk all around Equestria know and respect her, and she can get away with anything! She can ruin my life in a matter of just feeling like she wants to ruin my life... She almost did it at the Gala! And the scariest thing about her is... She eats so much, and she never gains a pound! "I'm just visiting my two favorite musical buddies! Well, that's what I'd usually say, but we all know that I'm here because the author thinks I'm crucial to keeping the plot of this story interesting and that I can help you guys with your ever-growing relationship, blah blah blah. But that's what you'd think I'd say, when really the author just loves me in all of his stories!" She finally breathed after saying whatever she was saying and giggled. Then she looked to the corner of the kitchen and waved. "Hi Jam Rocker! You're looking sleepy!" A teenage boy woke up from his quick sleep on his chair. It was midnight, and he was wearing his regular blue pajamas and thick-rimmed, slightly-broken-but-fixed-with-a-paperclip prescription glasses. He was surrounded by instruments of all sorts, guitars, pianos, ukuleles... I guess that's why he was known as Jam Rocker to some people. But right now, he wasn't paying attention to that. He was paying attention to his laptop that presided on his desk. He tiredly waved at it. "Hey Pinkie... And the fourth wall has been broken once again." He yawned. Jam cracked his neck and began to type on his laptop about two certain music mares. "Oh, Pinkie Pie..." "Oh, you, Jam!" Pinkie said, staring at the corner. Vinyl laughed her sides off. "Pinkie, you're a mystery. Who the heck is Jam Rocker and why are you staring at the corner? And what story plot whatever are you talkin about?" "Jam Rocker is this humaaaaa- Pony I know who's a friend of mine. And this is the story!" She smiled at Vinyl while extending her hooves out into the air. "This?" She scoffed playfully. "Aren't we all stories in the end?" Pinkie Pie is Pinkie Pie... And Pinkie Pie who is Pinkie Pie makes Octavia who is Octavia very worried. "Okay, but seriously," I said, putting my cello down in the living room. "Not to be rude or anything, but why are you here?" Vinyl put a hoof over Pinkie's shoulder. "Tavi, be cool. She's just here because she had to send some cupcakes here in Manehattan and she decided to visit. I told her she could visit anytime." "Just seeing how you guys are going! You know, gotta make sure that you guys are fine, and that living together is going... good." She looked straight into my eyes and smiled happily... Almost too happily. It even felt a little devilish. It almost felt like she knew something. While the mare of pinkness continued to knowingly stare at me, Vinyl Scratch scoffed. "It's not going good... It's going great! Octy here gets a little snooty time by time, but so far, it's tolerable." "Vinyl!" "Well," She said, completely turning the topic. "I'm starved. Let's eat, shall we? Pinkie brought some apple stuff from Ponyville!" Vinyl, Pinkie Pie, and I sat at the small, brown dinner table, Vinyl and I across from each other, and Pinkie in the middle, watching and smiling at us. I don't know what she's planning, but she's planning something for sure. She looked at me again and gave an over-expressive smile, then winking at me before digging into her apple pie. I shuddered. Vinyl took a gigantic chomp into her fritter and then broke the silence. "So, Pinks. How is it at Ponyville? I kinda miss the place." "Oh, it's Ponyville as usual! Nothing that interesting happening, Derpy took a vacation to Canterlot, Twilight is trying to stalk me again to see how my Pinkie sense works... Nothing too bad other than another carriage almost drove down that giant hill." She swallowed another piece of pie in one bite, then put her hoof to her chin. "Somepony really needs to fix that." "Oh! That giant hill at the edge of Ponyville? I used to go tobogganing down that thing... And Derpy took a vacation to Canterlot? I can't believe she didn't tell me, I could've met her there. Hm." "Well, it was a surprise vacation. You wanna know why she went there?" "Why?" She knocked her hoof to the table while grinning madly. "She's Princess Luna's best friend! She gets free vacations just so they can play videogames together at the castle! Who would've known?" "Woah! How does that even happen?" "I know right! That's so cool!" As Vinyl and Pinkie continued to talk about Derpy and Luna's friendship, I ate my apple pie slowly with a fork. It was actually a little weird, watching Pinkie Pie talk to Vinyl like a regular friend (compared to Pinkie's usual standards). She wasn't jumping around, or running, or taking out random things out of the cupboards that I didn't remember I put... She was just there. Talking. And to be honest, I was actually enjoying the conversation they were having! I mean, seriously. When does a pony become best friends with a princess? "So, Octavia, I never asked you. How's the apartment with Vinyl?" She asked, bringing back the overdone smile and knocking out my train of thought. "Oh, um, it's quite well. Vinyl has been quite the roommate so far." "I can imagine." She winked at me. What the heck is going on!? I coughed awkwardly. "Man," Vinyl said, not noticing any awkwardness between me and Pinkie... Or maybe she's just used to it. Who knows? "These pies and fritters are so good. It's like heaven!" "Yupp," the pink mare said. "Straight from the sweetest apple acre you'll ever find in Equestria! You know, when they make the apples, they- UHSUDIDOJSD!" Now this is a moment that came by so fast, that in retelling this, I completely forgot what she exactly said. So I just decided to write in "UHSUDIDOJSD" as a filler... It did kind of sound like that. Vinyl and I rushed off our chairs as Pinkie fell to the ground. "WOAH WHAT THE!?" Vinyl rushed to Pinkie. "OH MY CELESTIA WHAT HAPPENED!?" I screamed, going to the other side of the bleeding Pinkie. "Ow ow ow ow ow ow!!! I stabbed myself with my eating knife!" She held her right hoof down on the middle of her left hoof, trying to stop the blood from trickling out... It wasn't. "Again!? Crap! Pinkie, I told you this before, you watch where your hooves are before you start cutting!" Vinyl got up and began to search all the cabinets, looking for bandages. Apparently this has happened before. "Ow, that was like five years ago! Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow! Do you guys have a first aid kit or something!?" I pointed my hoof at the cabinet over the sink. "Vinyl! We put all the aid things at that cabinet! Hurry up!" "It's not there! Where'd you put it!?" "I never used the first aid kit! Where'd YOU put it!?" "As surprising as this is, I never used it either!" Vinyl dropped everything she was holding with her magic and ran around the apartment searching. I began to completely panic. "Well, you're Pinkie Pie! Can't you just magically pop up okay!?" Pinkie stopped her hissing to look straight into my eyes with an "are you kidding" face. "Octavia, I'm an earth pony just like you. I can't heal myself." "Really?! Out of everything you can do, you can't heal yourself!?... Uh... VINYL!" "WHAT!?" I heard from the bathroom. "ANY LUCK!?" "NO!" "WELL CAN'T YOU USE A SPELL TO HEAL HER OR SOMETHING!?" She stuck her head out of the bathroom and looked at me with the same face Pinkie did. "Octavia, unicorns can't just do every single spell ever made. You have to learn the spell, and unicorns usually just learn the spells that's to their talent. Do I look a nurse!?" Vinyl came out levitating a towel and put it over Pinkie's wound. "Okay, okay, okay... I'm going to go around the building and get a first aid kit from one of our neighbors!" "I'll go too! It'll make us twice as fast!" "No!" Pinkie said, still on the floor. "Octavia, stay with me." "Why!?" "If I die, I need someone to hear my last words! I have a speech!" Vinyl was already out the door. "It's okay Octavia... I got this..." My hearing of her got lesser until I couldn't hear a thing. "Wait!... Oh... Okay." I sighed and sat near Pinkie. But there was one thing I noticed that she shouldn't be doing while accidentally stabbing herself with a knife... She was smiling. I gulped. There was blood all over the floor and Pinkie Pie was smiling. The whole situation sounded like something out of my nightmares. "Octy, can you close the door? It's freezing outside." "Uh... I'd rather, um... Not." She flashed one more creepy smile and tilted her head slightly. "Do it please." By the time, I was already flushed white. I got up and slowly walked to the door, thinking about the actions that I could've done while she was still down. I could have ran out the door and left her there, sparing the little time I had left until she got better and found me... I could have jumped out the window, just to make it more dramatic too. I took my hoof to the doorknob and closed the door, with me still in the room. I know that if I was to run away, she'd find me, and she'd make my murder much more bloody and torturous than it can already be. Might as well listen to her so she can spare me less pain... Thinking back at this, it was horrible logic. Oh well. After I closed the door, her smile got less creepy and more "Pinkie", and after taking a huge breathe, she got up and hugged me while screaming nonsensical things. "OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH!" She said, hugging me and jumping up and down, leaving me completely confused. "Pinkie!? PUT - ME - DOWN - PLEASE!!!" She stopped jumping, but continued to hug. I noticed that there were no blood stains on me, nor any cut or slice on her hoof that was flowing blood. "Pinkie Pie!? Wha- You were bleeding just a second ago!" "Oh, Octavia! I just healed myself!" "But...But... You said you couldn't do that!" "Oh..." She put her hoof up to her face and went into what looked like deep thinking. Then a light bulb of some sort popped over her head. "Ah! I lied." WHAT THE BUCK PINKIE. I facehoofed. I've been doing a lot of those lately. She jumped around the room again. "Anyways, I can't believe it!!!" "What?" "You like Vinyl Scratch!" There are pinnacle moments in my life where I the vaults of my mind look to the sky and ask, "Celestia, why'd you have to do this to me?" This was certainly a moment. Buck. Pinkie Pie knows my inner secrets. "What the!? How'd you know? Does everypony know now!?" "I don't know. Do you want me to tell everypony?" "NO." "Okay then! Well, I was working at the Bakery a couple hours ago, and I got an ear flop, eye twitch, leg wiggle, mane pop, eye twitch, ear flop, tummy rumble combo! And that had to mean that somewhere, there are two of my friends that live together and have the same gender that secretly like each other! And after a lot of thinking and my great sense of smell, it led me back here! So, I made an excuse to come here, and investigated, and I concluded that it is you two." She crossed her hooves, proud of her explanation. "...Investigated?" "Uh, yeah! By the time I came here, Vinyl just came out of bed, and she smelled like you! While she was in the bathroom, I sneaked to her room, and found locks of your hair on the pillows! And you smell like her too! Also, she's been using your shampoo." She skipped around me, then stopped right behind me. "And plus, you just admitted it. So... Give me the updates on it." I blushed, closed my eyes, and gulped. "Don't... Don't tell Vinyl. I'm not ready to face that kind of situation yet. She's going to be here any second." "Oh, that's almost impossible! There's no first aid kits or bandages in this whole apartment!" "Wait... What!?" "I staged this whole thing once I smelled Vinyl on you! I knew that if Vinyl liked you, she'd tell me already, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions, so I did this so I can have this time to talk to you!" "Pinkie, you are the only pony I've ever met that is insaner than Vinyl. That makes me very worried and even a little terrified of you." "Oh, Octavia, can't you see the things I can do for you in your little problem? I can help you get Vinyl, without Vinyl, or even you noticing! All the information you ever need. Almost like... A wingpony." I stared at her, but this time, it wasn't just with suspicion... It was with curiosity. "A... wingpony?" "Yup! I know it sounds silly, knowing that I'm not a pegasus and all, but the type of wingpony that can help you," She touched her hoof at my chest, "get with Vinyl." "...It depends. How would you help?" "As crazy as it seems, I can pretty stealthy. It'll just be small, little things. You wouldn't even notice that I did it... Help you two get the perfect seats at a movie, make sure restaurants aren't booked if you ever feel like going with her, put some things at some places... It's completely harmless." She grinned at me. As crazy as I sounded, I was actually curious to see where that would lead. "...No harm done? You promise you won't tie up Vinyl and force her to like me or something crazy like that?" "No harm done and no crazy business. I cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" She made the gesture by sticking her hoof in her eye." I bit my lip and thought for a second. This was Pinkie Pie we were talking about... "Come on, Octavia... I can really help..." She said by my ear, making me think more. I think she's completely bonkers. If I had an arch nemesis, it would be her. And I despise her... But... "...Okay. Deal." I stuck out my hoof and she shook it excitedly. "Yay! Pinkie Pie, the wingpony! Still sounds a little silly since I don't have wings, but I'll get used to it." "Yeah yeah, I know... Again, I don't want anything crazy. I just want the small packages you were talking about." "Got it! I won't let you down, Octavia." After reassuring that, her body began to go into an onslaught of twitches. "Oh! Vinyl Scratch is almost coming back." "Okay... Wait!" "What?" "...So you investigated..." "I did investigate..." "Well, my friends who somehow end up knowing keeps telling me things they see... and..." "And...?" "So... Vinyl Scratch doesn't like me... At the moment?" "Spoilers." She winked at me. Vinyl Scratch barged into the room, breathing heavily. "OH CELESTIA. After searching the whole building, I had to run two blocks to get to the store and buy some bandages. All the kits are gone! Nopony in the building has... Them..." She looked and saw that Pinkie Pie was up and standing, her wound completely gone. "How...?" Pinkie Pie giggled. "Well, after what felt like countless hours of waiting for you, I finally had lost so much blood and was about to die, until Octavia cried over me and her tears healed me! She has healing tears! Who would've known?" Pinkie Pie stood up and put her hoof behind her back and grabbed a bottle from thin air, then laid it on our counter. "Well, would you look at the time, I need to go now! Sorry you had to run a lot and we couldn't really hang that long, so here's some fresh apple cider alcohol. Drink with Octavia next time you celebrate." She hugged Vinyl, then winked and mouthed "make sure you drink that with her" to me over her shoulder. "Seeya! Bye Octavia! Thanks for saving me!" She waved while skipping out the door. I waved back at her. "Bye Pinkie." After the door was shut, Vinyl slowly looked to me. "Uh... What just happened?" After all that had happened and the crazy deal I just agreed to, I actually smiled and chuckled a bit. "Pinkie Pie happened." Rhapsody was a tan unicorn who had to have a late shift at his record company. He was tired, but proud of himself, and all of his hard word. He had his own studio! And he was even able to get it at one of the most fanciest buildings in Manehattan, the one where the famous DJ, Vinyl Scratch, even worked at! As he walked out of the elevator to get out of the building and go home, something caught his eye. There, the front desk pegasus, Frosty, sat with a confused face and first aid kits all around him. "Um... Frosty?" "Yes, Mr.Rhapsody?" "...Why do you have like a hundred first aid kits?" "I don't know, sir. I fell asleep and woke up, and they were just here."