//------------------------------// // I'll Gladly Do the Dirty Work // Story: My Little Chimera: Friendship is Discord // by TheGreatAllie //------------------------------// The next morning, Discord was awaken by a sonic boom. Well, not really. Firefly didn’t break the sound barrier, but she did whip around him at breakneck speed and land in front of him as he looked around wildly. “What? Who? Where? Sometimes why?” Firefly laughed. “This is a message for you from Miss Majesty,” she said. “You’re violating the zoning laws of Paradise Estates, which forbids the display of large, tacky statues on public property.” “Tacky?!” “Tacky by Article 3 of Good Taste which lays out rules for clashing articles. A pony, goat, deer, bat, snake, lizard, lion, and eagle count as clashing.” “I am not tacky!” “By the laws of Paradise Estates you are.” “Since when is pink plastic not tacky?” “Since your mom bought a resort here.” “That was uncalled for.” “We need to move you. Anyplace special you want to be?” “No,” said Discord, “I’m not moving.” “Sorry, but we have to move you. You want us to just dump you outside of town?” “I don’t care.” Firefly made to start shoving him out of the way. Discord raised his paw threateningly. “Wait!” came the tiniest, most whispered shout ever heard outside Ponyville or Cloudsdale. A light blue Earth pony came trotting up. “Um, if it’s all right...” She pushed her mane out of her eyes- it was streaked with white, orange, and yellow. “I mean... I’ll take him back to my place.” “Uh...” Firefly looked up at Discord. “If you say so.” “Oh, yes please.” “I’ll get a hoofcart and move him to your place,” said Firefly. She took off. The new pony looked up at Discord. “You’ll like it outside the nursery, Mr. Statue,” she said quietly. “My name is Discord,” Discord said tersely. “I’m Bright Eyes,” said the new pony. She held up a hoof. “I’m so happy to meet you, Mr. Discord.” Discord reached his paw down as best he could and pressed it against her hoof in greeting- not quite a hoofbump, but more of a pony handshake with no hands or shaking. Firefly brought the hoofcart and loaded Discord on it (“Careful!”), then pushed him to a much less tacky condo surrounded by a white picket fence. A sign on the gate said: “Bright Eyes’ Sweet Dreams Nursery.” “You sure about this?” asked Firefly as she eased Discord onto the lawn. “Quite sure, yes.” Bright Eyes looked sure, too. She said goodbye, and Firefly flew off. Bright Eyes circled Discord on his patch in her yard. “How’s right here? Or would you rather be in the shade?” “Oh, I don’t care,” said Discord grumpily. “Okay. Do you need anything else? Some lemonade? A book?” “Go away!” Discord said as his stone-encased stomach growled loudly. He was painfully aware that he hadn’t eaten since at least mid-day yesterday. “Oh, dear,” said Bright Eyes. “That won’t do. What do you like to eat?” “Chocolate milk and cotton candy,” snapped Discord. “Well, that’s no good for breakfast,” said Bright Eyes. “I’ll go get you some salad. Be right back.” She scuttled off into her house. Discord glowered after her. Then he reached out with his magic, grabbed a cloud, and pulled it over to him. On its way it turned into a huge wad of cotton candy. He took a huge bite out of it, then wrung it out over his head and lapped up the chocolate milk that came out. Then he reached out to grab the cloud with his claw-- but his claw was encased in stone! He reached over with his paw to his claw-- no, now his paw was stone, too. He glared up at the sun. “You’re monitoring my sugar intake now? This is worth more stone than tripping up Cherries Jubilee?” Well, now he was in a real pickle. With his body encased up to his neck, his magic was around 7% of his capacity at best. Not to mention the possibility of an itchy nose. Just then Bright Eyes came out holding a bowl of salad. “I’m back, Mr. Discord. Do you like romaine lettuce, or should I pick up--” then she saw Discord in his current state and gave a tiny gasp. “Oh, my...” She stepped up to him cautiously. “Are you... are you all right?” “Oh, of course!” Discord snapped. “I enjoy turning to stone! I can’t wait to be completely encased. I’ll have ever so much fun then.” “Oh, goodness. How are you going to eat now?” “I can eat just fine.” He picked the plate up off her saddle/tray with magic and tried to move it over to himself. It wobbled as it slowly moved over from her to him. Halfway through the trip, it suddenly dropped to the floor upside down. “Horse apples!” Discord shouted in frustration. “Don’t worry,” said Bright Eyes. “I’ll go get you another one.” She went back inside, while Discord wrapped himself in an insulated comforter of self-pity until she came back with another salad. To his surprise, she walked up to his feet and started climbing up his statue body. “What are you doing?” “Well, I can’t reach your mouth from down there, silly.” “Why would you need to reach my mouth?” Bright Eyes was now sitting on his arm, hanging off his side, carefully balancing the plate and holding a fork clipped to her hoof. “Open wide.” She stabbed a chunk of salad and held it out to him. “No.” “Oh, come on. Just one bite?” “I would rather starve.” He narrowed his eyes to slits. “You can’t mean that. Aren’t you hungry for a healthy meal?” Discord growled. “Come on. Take a bite for mama.” “I have no mother, I was born of Chaos!” “Just three bites,” urged Bright Eyes. “Take three bites and I’ll go back inside. Okay?” “Just three bites, huh?” Well, it was an easy way to get rid of her. And, after all, he was sort of hungry-ish. Aw, what the hay. “Fine,” he spat with disdain, so it still looked like he was in charge here. He opened his mouth and took a bite off the fork. He swallowed without chewing. Bright Eyes stabbed another chunk of salad, this one with a ripe cherry tomato oozing juice and seeds. Discord had to chew three times to get this one down his esophagus. Bright Eyes stabbed one more clump, this one with a crouton and a slice of cucumber on the lettuce. This bite took a bit of chewing because of the size and dryness of the crouton. “Yay! You did it! Good for you.” Bright Eyes beamed. “As I promised, I’ll go back inside now.” She started to climb down. “Uh, hem,” Discord coughed and then muttered something unintelligible. “Pardon?” Bright Eyes looked up curiously. “I said... I’mactuallykindofhungry.” “I’m sorry, I know I’m very soft spoken but I actually can’t hear you very well. Could you please speak up?” “I SAID I’M ACTUALLY KIND OF HUNGRY, OKAY?!” Bright Eyes smiled knowingly. “Well, if you’re sure.” Discord scarfed down the last of his salad as quickly as he could, despite Bright Eyes warning him he would choke. He finished eating while glaring evilly at Bright Eyes. “All done,” said Bright Eyes cheerfully, flicking a seed out of Discord’s beard. “Get out of my sight,” said Discord with disgust. “I’ll be back with your supper later today,” said Bright Eyes as she eased herself down. Then she took the dirty dishes inside. “Not if I can help it,” said Discord with all of his determination. He needed to reverse this turn-to-stone thing, and he needed to make some serious progress on it by dinnertime if he didn’t want to go through the indignity of being fed like a child again. Plus, he had that itch on his nose now, and there was no way in Equestria he was going to ask for help scratching. That was just too much. Bright Eyes trotted back out shortly. Discord watched her cross the lawn to the front gate. Several older mares were standing on the other side, and when Bright Eyes opened the gate, several young ponies hopped forward into the yard. One of the little fillies was hiding behind the ankles of the mare, and Bright Eyes got down on her knees to look the filly in the eyes. The mare, clearly the pony’s mother, nudged her forward, saying something reassuring that Discord couldn’t hear. The other mares left, and Bright Eyes was left with a small herd of baby ponies surrounding her. She said something to them, and then the herd trotted over to where Discord was planted. “Hello,” said Bright Eyes. “I’d like you to meet the baby ponies.” “Great. There are baby ponies now.” “Yes,” said Bright Eyes. “They come to my nursery on weekdays while the mothers and big sisters take care of things. Discord, I’d like you to meet the baby ponies. Girls, introduce yourselves.” A pale blue pony with a yellow, pink-streaked mane waved a hoof at Discord. “I’m Baby Cuddles,” she said. Bright Eyes tapped the head of a white, aqua-maned filly. “I’m Baby Cupcake!” the pony practically shouted with excitement. “I’m Baby Half Note!” the next baby pony sang instead of spoke. She was orange, and had a yellow streak in her pink mane. The next pony, a pink pegasus with a darker pink mane, sat up on her hind legs. “I’m Baby Heart Throb,” she said. Bright Eyes nudged the next pony, who was crouched in the grass looking up curiously. “I’m Baby Lickety Split,” she said. Lickety Split was pink with a fading pink mane. “I’m Baby Lofty.” A yellow pegasus with a yellow mane said, with an awkward bow. Next, a blue unicorn with a yellow, orange-streaked mane mumbled something. “She says, ‘I’m Baby Ribbon,” said Bright Eyes. Last was a white pony with a curly pink mane. “I’m Baby Sundance!” she chirped, got up on her heels, and tried to spin around. She fell flat on her flank, and the other ponies giggled. “That’s not how you twirl,” said Baby Lofty. She spread her wings, got up on one hoof, and spun around once before losing her balance and planting her other hooves on the ground. “My big sister showed me that!” “My big sister showed me how to play keyboard,” said Baby Half Note. “Girls,” said Bright Eyes. “This is our new friend, Discord. Say hello to Discord.” “Hi, Discord,” said the baby ponies in unison. “Discord is a Draconequus,” said Bright Eyes. “Can you say Dra-con-e-quus?” ‘I’m having the weirdest deja vu,’ thought Discord, although he couldn’t quite say why. The baby ponies all stumbled over the word for a bit. “Drak-en... dragon-kiss... dra-con-iss....” Then Baby Heart Throb said, “He’s a draconequus.” “Show-off,” said Baby Lickety-Split. “You’re the show-off, hot dog,” said Baby Heart Throb. Baby Lickety-Split shoved Baby Heart Throb, who then shoved back. Bright Eyes jumped forward and stood between the two. “Girls! I’ll have none of that! You two apologize right now!” Baby Cupcake laughed. “You got in trouble, you got in trouble!” “Baby Cupcake, I’m surprised at you,” said Bright Eyes sternly. “This is no way to behave.” “I like these ponies already,” said Discord. “We’re learning how to play nice with other ponies,” said Bright Eyes. “Baby Lickety Split, what do you say?” “She started it, she should apologize first!” Baby Lickety Split protested. “I don’t care who started it,” said Bright Eyes firmly. She lowered her head and gave the baby pony a stern look. “We are all going to apologize, and it doesn’t matter who goes first because in the end we will all say we’re sorry.” Baby Lickety Split kicked her front hoof awkwardly. “Sorry I called you a show-off,” she mumbled in Baby Heart Throb’s direction. “Sorry I called you a hot dog,” said Baby Heart Throb. “And then pushed you.” “I’m sorry I pushed you too.” Bright Eyes turned to Baby Cupcake, who looked at her blankly. Bright Eyes made a ‘come on’ motion with her front hooves. Baby Cupcake caught the idea and said, “I’m sorry I teased you.” “Well, now you ruined it,” Discord muttered under his breath. “Would you like to play with us?” Baby Ribbon asked Discord, looking up at him with big, green eyes. “I can’t really play very easily, can I?” Discord said. “We can play make believe,” said Baby Ribbon. She got up and trotted off. Discord couldn’t turn his head all the way around so he couldn’t see where she was going, but in a minute she was back with some baby’s breath in her mouth. She put them down at his feet. “You be the flower shop, okay?” “Uh... okay.” Baby Ribbon went off to play with the other ponies, who had already migrated with Bright Eyes to the other end of the yard, secure in the knowledge that whatever happened in her games of make-believe today, should the need for one arise, the flower shop would be waiting for her. For a while after that, Discord watched the baby ponies frolicking and playing. It was extremely annoying, having them prance around all over the place, shrieking and making noise, while he was stuck exposed to it like this. If only he could get his head turned to stone, too, then at least he couldn’t hear them. But no, he wouldn’t do that- aside from the fact that he didn’t want to be trapped in stone for the rest of time, he certainly didn’t want Celestia to win. He had to think of a way out of this. Too bad it wasn’t easy to do with a herd of baby ponies making such a ruckus. Eventually, sweet relief came in the form of Bright Eyes standing up among them and saying loudly, “All right, children, it’s time to take our nap.” “Not tired!” Baby Lickety Split called out. “Nope, not tired!” Baby Half Note sang. “Come on, now,” said Bright Eyes gently. “Don’t you want to be all rested and refreshed for when your mommies and big sisters come to get you?” “I can’t sleep,” said Baby Lofty. “If I sleep a troll will take my eyelids.” “What? Who told you that?” “Baby Lickety Split.” “No I didn’t!” Baby Lickety Split shouted. “Will a troll really eat my eyelids?” Baby Ribbon asked, panic rising. “No, no, of course not,” said Bright Eyes. “Trolls don’t like to eat baby pony eyelids.” “I don’t want to get my eyelids eaten!” Discord threw his head back and groaned dramatically. Then he had an idea. He used his weak magic and managed to pull a little something from each of the baby ponies, eight glowing symbols extracted: a yellow teddy bear, a pink cupcake, a green star, a lone heart, a vanilla ice cream cone, a blue hot-air balloon, a white ribbon, and an elegant pink heart pattern. Now his claw and part of his chest chest were free. He arranged the glowing symbols in a circle, hung on strings, and hung them in the air. “Ooh,” said Baby Sundance. “Pretty,” said Baby Lofty. Bright Eyes began to hum, and the symbols began to play a music-box melody from her song. The Baby Ponies were now all quiet, and they stared up at the giant mobile in awe. The song was hauntingly pretty and strangely calming. Slowly his paw came free, and he used it to spin the mobile gently and wrap it’s enchantment around each one of the baby ponies. Baby Ribbon was the first to yawn. Then one by one the other Baby Ponies seemed to be calm and tired. Bright Eyes led them one by one inside, where she had their nap mats all set up. As soon as they were all gone, Discord dropped his claw and the mobile disappeared. He huffed his breath out. Bright Eyes came out a minute later, trotted up to him, and then kissed him on the knee. “What?” Discord gave her a weird look. “Thanks for helping me,” she said. “Thank you for getting those brats away from me so I could have some quiet.” He meant it sarcastically, but Bright Eyes took it as genuine. Bright Eyes started back for her door, but then turned around and said, “The baby ponies will be going home soon. What would you like to do when they’re gone?” “To be left alone by you,” said Discord. “If that’s how you feel.” Bright Eyes went back into the house, and Discord wished she didn’t. It rained that night. The pegasis ponies were pushing the clouds around all afternoon, and in the early evening Bright Eyes came out with an umbrella, which she opened and tucked in the crook of Discord’s back, where it could shelter him from the coming water. Discord took his newly freed hands and used them to flip the umbrella inside out and throw it on the ground after Bright Eyes went back inside. His little show if defiance turned out to have bad consequences, as when it started drizzling he had no protection from the rain. And, to his dismay, he realized he couldn’t reach the umbrella to collect it back. It didn’t take long for the rain to soak down through his fur and what felt like to his bone. His ears stuck to the side of his face. In the house, he could see Bright Eyes stirring a fire in her fireplace. Then her silhouette disappeared from the window, and re-appeared in the kitchen window on the other side of the door. She was cooking something for dinner. Discord couldn’t smell it, as his nose was starting to stuff up, but he imagined it smelled great. No, he thought. I will not break. I will not break. I will not break. Even if it is warm inside. And dry. And I’m hungry. This is just as bad as being in a statue. But this isn’t forever. Well, it is if you don’t ever get any further than this. Is that bolognese? I will not break. I will not break. I will not break... I will... I will not... I want to go inside. Discord slumped over, his spine bending in half at the stone. Then, slowly, like spaghetti, he slipped down until he was lying on the wet grass. It took him a minute to react. He turned around and saw that he was free, his wings, his legs, down to the tip of his tail. He gave his tail a wiggle and his wings a flap. Then he got up on all fours, but then slid back down. “Did someone replace my bones with cement?” he said out loud. He felt like there was a huge weight inside him, dragging him down. Without even trying, he was sure that if he tried to perform any magic, not only would he revert back to stone, but he actually may not even be able to pull it off in the first place. He got up and walked over to the door, slowly and deliberately. Throwing off all pretense of haughtiness, he knocked on her door. It didn’t take more than half a minute for her to answer it, opening the door a crack and peeking out, then opening it all the way to Discord. “Won’t you come in?” she offered. He nudged her aside and let himself in the foyer. He was larger than ponies, but somehow when he arched his back the way it was naturally inclined, he wasn’t too much bigger than they were. Quite a bit, yes, but not too much. In any case he fit in the house nicely. “I’ll go get you some towels,” said Bright Eyes. Discord showed himself to the living room, where the fireplace was roaring fully stocked. The heat felt good all over his wet fur, and he curled up tight as he could. He didn’t move when Bright Eyes came back with the towels and rubbed his fur frizzy. “If you’re hungry, we’re having dinner in the dining room.” “I’ll take it here,” said Discord. “We’re having dinner in the dining room,” Bright Eyes repeated firmly. Then she left to the kitchen. Discord heard the sounds of pots and pans moving, of dishes being removed and placed. And he could smell the wonderful smell of bolognese tickling his nostrils even though the stuffiness. It wasn’t cotton candy, but it wasn’t entirely repulsive, either. Discord got up, stretched like a cat, and trotted into the next room on all fours. The kitchen was small, and there wasn’t really enough room for the table that Bright Eyes had put in it. There were two chairs, mis-matched. One was like the table, but the other one was clearly pulled in from the dining room. A second, smaller, plastic table was flipped on its side and pressed against the wall, legs folded. It’s bright primary colors and size hinted that this was a snack table for the foals. Good thing Bright Eyes didn’t seat him there. It wasn’t much better, though; as soon as Discord sat down, Bright Eyes tied a bib around his neck. He went to take it off but Bright Eyes said, “Ah-ah-ah! Spaghetti bolognese is a little messy, so let’s try to stay as neat as possible, okay?” Discord didn’t protest on the grounds that it would get him his dinner faster. Bright Eyes didn’t say anything as he gobbled the food down, although she did smile knowingly when he caught a glimpse of his bib post-meal (covered in sauce, natch.) He took it off and dropped it on the table. Bright Eyes went to wash the dishes, and Discord went back to the fire. It wasn’t late, but it did feel like it, given how tired he was and how dark the storm clouds made it. A low rumble of thunder rolled over the landscape, but nothing to suggest a frenzied storm was on the horizon. Discord felt himself being lulled to sleep, cozy and comfortable. He was almost completely asleep when he felt a heavy blanket fall over him. He opened one eye to see Bright Eyes in the doorway, blowing out the lamp and leaving. He pulled the blanket over his head and gave himself entirely over to sleep. It sure beat sleeping standing up in town square. It seemed that Discord would spend a warm and comfortable night there in the family room by the fire, but all was not well. Sometime around two o’clock in the morning, he started to wake up but he wasn’t sure why. His dreams were ugly, being full of ponies and rainbows chasing him and then burying him alive. “Now you will be punished forever!” roared Celestia in the Royal Canterlot Voice. Then he was trapped and couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. He really couldn’t breathe, though. Lying down the airway in his nose was stopped up and running. His stomach turned flip-flops. Slowly it began to ache and groan until it was so uncomfortable he couldn’t stand it. It felt like gravel weighting down inside him. This was Celestia’s punishment, wasn’t it? No- this was real. This was how he really felt, awake. And Celestia- that was a dream, wasn’t it? It was hard to tell teetering on the edge between wakefulness and sleeping. All he knew was that his tummy was upset and his nose was stopped up and his head hurt from the dim firelight, and... No sense in putting it off, he thought as his stomach gave a horrible turn. He propped himself up on his elbows and retched. The bolognese burned all the way up. It took his stomach several heaves to rid itself of food, and each retch was more painful than the last. Even when it was all gone the reflex was there, but as soon as he had it under control he flopped back down on the ground, avoiding his supper. At first Discord only heard the crackle of the fire, but then he heard hoofsteps, and the door down the hall opening. Bright Eyes was back. “Is everything all right?” she asked. Discord groaned. Bright Eyes went over and saw him. “Oh, dear,” she said. She reached a hoof out and smooshed it on his forehead. “You don’t look so good... you must have picked up something with the fillies today. Little kids can be very germy.” Right. And spending a thousand years in stone doesn’t really leave you in top shape to fight off germs. “Here,” said Bright Eyes. “Get up.” Discord had never been so obedient as he was now, tired and sick as he was. He got up on all fours. She took his claw and led him through the house, down the hall and into another room. This one had a double bed in it. After Bright Eyes had wiped his chin and beard with a washcloth, she pulled the sheets back. Discord didn’t need telling twice. He was too big for a pony bed, but if he curled up under the covers it was actually comfortable. Oh, who was he kidding- it was the most comfortable thing he’d ever snuggled down on. Even cotton candy got sticky in his fur. Bright Eyes got him a pail and a large glass of water. “You can rinse your mouth,” she said. Discord didn’t respond. She patted his head. “Poor thing.” Discord ignored her. He thought Bright Eyes left, but he fell asleep again almost right away, so he wasn’t sure if she lingered or not. Sunlight came the next morning and woke Discord up. He waved his paw to close the curtains and found he had no magic. At all. At this point, he was neither surprised nor particularly frustrated. He was getting used to feeling like an earth pony. He wasn’t sure how long he just lay there before Bright Eyes showed up and started taking care of him again. She drew the curtains to keep the sun out. She asked him if he was hungry, which he wasn’t. She re-filled his glass of water and emptied his pail (he had used it once more.) It was weird- for as long as Discord could remember, no one had really done anything for him. He couldn’t remember being a child. For all he knew, he never was one. Even if he had been, though, it seemed unlikely that someone had cooked him meals and cleaned up his messes. So he felt secure in saying to himself that he never had a mother. It was a strange feeling. Discord slept most of that day, and in his sleep his legs and tail lolled off the side of the bed. He was a bit too big for a pony bed. He woke up in the afternoon from a combination of cramps due to his awkward position and the sound of children outside. The baby ponies were undoubtedly back. He slept some more, and when he woke up they were gone. He was feeling better. Bright Eyes came back when the sun was setting. Discord squirmed and sat up. “Hello,” said Bright Eyes. “You look much better.” Discord didn’t know what to say. Bright Eyes brushed her mane out of her face. “I’ve made up a room for you,” she said. “It’s the old guest room. I fixed it up just for you since you got here, so you can go see it when you want to. If you’re feeling up to it, dinner will be ready at six. We’re having orecchiette, but I can make you some dry toast if your stomach is still upset.” Bright Eyes waited to see if Discord was going to say anything. When it looked as if he didn’t intend to reply, she turned to leave. She was surprised when he spoke just as she was leaving, but even more surprised at what he said. “So, what, your special talent is kids?” She turned around and smiled. “That’s right.” “Do you have any of your own?” “No, I don’t.” Discord cocked his head. “Why not?” Bright Eyes shrugged. “It just never worked out that way.” “Huh.” “But I’m happy with what I have,” Bright Eyes continued. “Why do you ask?” Discord shrugged. When Bright Eyes was gone, he crawled out of bed and across the hall. He wasn’t sure which room she meant by the guest room, but there weren’t a whole lot of rooms in the house. He knew it when he saw it, too: it had a big, round bed in it that was exactly the right size for him to curl up in. He tested the mattress, and it was soft and cozy. He looked around. There was a toy chest and a dresser, most likely here because there wasn’t room for it anywhere else. The small closet was empty. A bay window overlooked the backyard. Discord sat down on the bed. My room, he thought. I have a room. Discord felt very strange, and he didn’t really know what to make of it. When Bright Eyes called him for dinner, he curled up and pretended to sleep so that he could be alone. When he sniffed out dinner later, he found a plate made up in the icebox, waiting for him.