//------------------------------// // The Unicorn Formerly Known as Twilight Sparkle // Story: Ooh Mama... // by Mattricole //------------------------------// "Now listen here Skittles," Johnny said pointing at Rainbow "Skittles" Dash, "I don't like you, and you don't like me," "That's an understatement," Dash muttered to herself, glaring at the idiot who stole her friends heart. "...You really can't shut up for ten seconds, can ya?" Johnny glared back, "but that's not important, the important thing is, I don't want anything to do with that little pink...thing, and you don't want her to have anything to do with me either, right Skittles?" "Totally right, one thing though," she somehow grabbed Johnny by the collar of his shirt, bringing him eye level with her, "call me skittles one more time, AND I WILL FLY YOU TEN THOUSAND FEET INTO THE AIR AND DROP YOU!" she glared into his eyes, waiting for a witty retort. "...Sorry, I blacked out there for a second, what did ya say again skittles?" Needless to say Rainbow Dash followed through with her threat. Some say, if you listen carefully, when the stars are the clearest, and the moon is blood red, you can still hear the extremely girly scream of a deranged monkey. The End... "...Ooh mama," of course Johnny has survived much worse than a ten thousand foot drop, so after a very brief second of recovering from said fall, the two unlikely allies headed to the one Unicorn who could help them. "Her name's Twilight Sparkle," Rainbow Dash said as she lead Johnny to a rather large tree, "she's one of, no scratch that, she is the smartest unicorn, no, pony in all of Equestria! If anypony can get you out of my mane, it's her," she spoke confidently, "I just hope she doesn't have a nerdgasm just by meeting you," "Nerdgasm?" "She's a bit of an egghead," she elaborated, "trust me, you'll get what I mean soon enough," she finished when she opened Twilight's door. "Hello, how may I help *gasp* IS THAT A HUMAN!?" she screamed as she pounced on Johnny. "Huh, guess she really did have a nerdgasm," Rainbow said to herself, quietly backing away from her friend. "Whoa there, you little narwal," he said as he held Twilight by the scruff of her neck, "whoa, even I'm surprised I know what that is," he muttered to himself. "He even talks," tears in her eyes, Twilight couldn't help herself as she gently rubbed Johnny's face with her hoof. "...You're starting to really creep me out kid," Johnny said before dropping the lavender equine. "Yeah, I have to agree with Johnny on this on Twilight," "You don't understand Rainbow Dash!" Twilight shot a glare at her friend, "this is a human! Long to be thought of as mere legends! Their intelligence and knack for building is unfathomable!" "Unfathofha-what?" Skittles had never even heard of that word before. "Unfathomable, it, it's without fathom," "That doesn't really tell me what it-" "Hey, got any nachos? I'm starving," Johnny said, his stomach grumbling for food. After all he hadn't eaten since that strange demon donkey summoned him. "Anything for you oh magnificent specimen," Twilight replied quickly, looking at him with wide, adoring eyes. "Whoa, wait a minute!" Rainbow Dash yelled as she stopped Twilight from fetching the nachos, "Twilight, you have to find a way to get this guy as far from here as possible!" "ARE YOU INSANE!?" Twilight roared at her friend, "why in the name of Celestia's beard would I do that!?" "...Celestia has a beard?" was it just her, or was Twilight acting stranger than normal? "N-no?" Twilight questioned herself, "that's odd, why did I say that all of a sudden?" Twilight rubbed her chin in thought, unable to answer her own question. "Anyways," Rainbow nudged her friend, cutting Twilight out of her stupor, "the reason we need to get rid of this guy fast is because Pinkie fell in love with him," "SHE DID WHAT?!" Twilight had to resist the urge to barf, "but, that's like bestiality!" "Which is why we need to get rid of him as soon as possible!" "...I'm starting to get the feeling I'm being ignored," Johnny complained to himself. Twilight weighed her options, on one hoof, here was a human, a mythological creature and a once in a lifetime opportunity to learn so many new things, and on the other was Pinkie falling in love with said creature. "In the name of science, IT IS WORTH THE RISK!" Twilight exclaimed as she stood on her hind legs, pointing to the sky. "...okay, Twilight, are you sick?" Rainbow Dash said as she put a hoof to Twilight's forehead, "cause you've been acting really weird all of a sudden," "I think I'm fine," she said, getting back on all fours, "by the way, how did you find, Johnny was it?" Dash nodded at this, "how did you find him?" "I don't know," she shrugged, earning a questioning look from Twilight, "*sigh*, look, I was taking a nap, when all of a sudden, he popped out of no where, screaming like a little girl," "I was not!" Johnny retorted, crossing his arms and looking away, slightly out of embarrassment, "besides, you'd be surprised too if a demon llama teleported you to a different dimension!" "What is he talking about Twilight?" Rainbow Dash turned to her friend. However the only thing she could see on Twilight's face was fear, "Twilight, are you okay?" "You're from, another dimension?" her voice quivered as she spoke each syllable, receiving only a nod from Johnny, "Oh no, oh no oh no oh no ohnoohnoohnooh THIS IS REALLY BAD!" she yelled, dripping with sweat. "Twilight, what's wrong," Rainbow couldn't hide the fear in her voice, watching her friend pace back and fourth. "Johnny, you have to explain to me very carefully about who sent you here and why!" Twilight practically yelled, unable to hide the urgency in her voice. "Uh, okay," Johnny replied, though still slightly miffed at not getting his nachos, "you'll have to give me a minute, it's a bit hazy," he said as he rested his chin on his fist, thinking as hard as he could. Seconds turned into minutes, and then two, and then thirty, until a full hour passed. "JOHNNY WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR-" "I remember!" Johnny exclaimed as he stood, accidentally knocking Twilight on her flank, "okay, there was this demon llama," "yes," Twilight urged. "and he said he'll grant me a wish if I did something," Twilight nodded at this with a smile, "His name...was DISCO!" Twilight's smile soon dropped, her mouth hanging open and her left eyebrow raised. "His name...was Disco?" "Yup," Johnny smiled with a hint of pride. "Well what did he want?" at that he lost that proud smile of his. "Uh, let's see," he said, replacing his fist under his chin, thinking back to that moment in time, "he said something about the all of the corn amulet, and being stoned," "...huh?" came the intelligent response from Twilight and Rainbow Dash. "That's it! The demon llama named Disco, wanted the all of the corn in the world, so he could cure himself, of his marijuana addiction! "Wait, what does marijuana have to do with anything?" the lavender pony interjected. "Ponies who use marijuana are known as stoners," Rainbow Dash replied, having a faraway look in her eyes, "ah, good times, good times," earning a shocked look from her friend, "anyways, why are you so upset that he's from another dimension?" at this Twilight facehoofed. "I don't have time to explain!" she yelled as she brought a book from a nearby shelf, "but now that I know how Johnny got here, I can send him back!" she flipped through the pages, before landing at the spell she was looking for, "READY!?" "Wait, wha-AAAAAH!" Johnny screamed as he was shot by a lavender colored beam, followed by an explosion, causing both mares to fall to the ground, while Johnny was launched far away, towards the Everfree Forest. "Ow," Rainbow Dash muttered as she picked herself up. There was smoke everywhere she looked, "Twilight, you okay!?" she yelled as she looked for her friend. Hearing a groan not to far from her, she quickly made her way towards the lavender mare, "Twilight, you okay!?" she repeated her question as she picked up her friend. As soon as Twilight opened her eyes, she gazed at Rainbow Dash with a small smile. "I am now, baby!" Twilight squealed as she got up and held Rainbow Dash low to the ground, "did I ever tell you I have beautiful eyes?" Twilight asked as she leaned towards Rainbow Dash. "TWILIGHT WHAT ARE YOU DO-" she was interrupted as Twilight kissed her. She couldn't keep herself from gasping, which only prompted Twilight, to shove her tongue into Rainbow's mouth, twisting and turning it as she pleased. After a minute of struggle, she was finally able to get away from the insane mare, "WHAT THE HAY IS WRONG WITH YOU TWILIGHT!?" "Hey baby, wanna see how many ways I can use my horn?" Twilight flirted as she attempted to grab Rainbow Dash once again. Dashie did the only thing she could think of. She flew away. She flew as far and fast away as possible. As Twilight watched her friend gain distance, only two words escaped her mouth. "Yeah whatever."