I see that you have gotten my letter. Thank you for addressing it, despite the fear that you must have felt. I would like to do something a little out of the ordinary for tonight. You are no doubt wondering why I summoned you back to my room, considering I threatened to teleport you back to Ponyville if you moved onto the castle grounds. Please... take a seat. You do not need to be close to the door, we will be taking part in another visit just like three days ago. As you can see, the payment is already on the usual spot behind you. The only difference between our last visit and this one is that I... will be sitting in your chair, and you will be laying on my bed.
Please lay down and make yourself comfortable, but face me. I want to be able to stare into your eyes during this session. Hmm... I don't know how you managed to stay into this chair for ninety minutes at a time, it is not as comfortable as you made it out to be. But then again, you are smaller than me.
Your silence is admirable. Usually someone that has betrayed me would have already begged to be forgiven and given hundreds of ways to show why they are sorry. You have not spoken yet. Whether it is because of fear or your own emotional stability, I do not know. Either way, you know what you have done. I bring you here not because I wish to punish you, but because I want to forgive you.
You left a copy of the ink blot test papers outside my door. Your responses to my stories on the cards were succinct and hastily scribbled down on the scroll, which lead me to believe that it was a copy. Maybe that is why it took you a few moments to leave my doorstep. I read every word of the ink blot examination. While your writing was merely conjecture, your assumptions of me were... interesting. You had a test for me three days ago. Now, after a few days of thinking, I wish to give one to you. The test is simple. You merely agree or disagree with what I am saying when I ask for your input. Is that clear? Thank you. Now please relax and listen to my story.
~
I was angry when you decided to contact my sister after the discussions that we had together. I was wondering why you bothered to ask my sister when you could have gotten the information out of me eventually. You made a rash decision that was based mostly on fear and not the information that you got from me. If you ask me, that seems very unlike you. Once I realized this, I grew curious. You seem like a very smart stallion. Why would you break the therapist's code (a code that is very important to people of your profession) and our confidentiality just so that you could get information from my sister? After all, I previously told you that my sister has not told me anything of substance for a while. It was all risk and no reward for you, and yet you did it. It took me a few days, but I am no longer confused. I know why you did it.
Emotions are a fickle thing. They are their own language when words are simply incapable of getting your point across. Whether it is to enhance your words or become their own, emotions are necessary for us to communicate. You are a therapist, a mirror or simple punching bag for emotions. You can feel emotion in others and try to coax them out if they are being repressed. If you couldn't, I would have been angry at you the numerous times that we engaged in conversation. However, you were incapable of hiding it once, and I could sense it. Fear is the emotion that has circled my life the most. I had no doubts of your feelings when you were fired.
You are probably wondering where I am going with this. I do not wish to seem intrusive, but curiosity got the better of me. As Princess of the Night, I am capable of entering your dreams. Do you want to know what I saw?
~
I saw a schoolyard in Manehatten. It was a cloudy day. The Pegasi promised rain on that day, so the many fillies and foals were inside for recess. You were sitting in your office for lunch, but I recall a half eaten hay sandwich remaining on the desk. Your attention was on the filly in front of you. The filly was crying and explaining the teasing that they were enduring because of her lack of a cutie mark. You empathized with her. You told her that you suffered a lot of the same teasing when you were young. You suggested some methods to ignore the bullies and offered to talk to them for the filly. However, the filly declined, and you understood why. No one likes a tattle tale. The filly left with a small smile on their face, the same smile that you provided to me when I asked about your child. I found that curious, which is why I continued to watch.
I assume that you were the counselor for the Manehatten Elementary School? You were younger back then, but not by much.
Ah, college is nice to finish. I'm glad that you quickly got a job when you left. It's a shame that it didn't last for long. I'm getting off topic. I'm a terrible therapist... heh.
The rain started to pelt the window of your office and you turned towards the stack of letters that were given to you. One such letter was brought to you via dragon fire. The wrinkled circles on the scroll interested you. Those were dried tear marks, and I'm pretty sure that you knew what they were. You didn't know why.
The scroll unraveled in front of you and your well trained eyes read over every word. I could see your eyes as the light within them began to dim. The sandwich in front of you was no longer visible as the scroll rolled back up to its previous condition when you took your hooves off of it. I couldn't read the letter quick enough, but I was able to guess what happened when the tears started to fall down your face.
You couldn't accept it. The letter wasn't true. Why else would you have taken the rest of the day off for work and board a train towards Fillydelphia? I knew you would have teleported if you could, a stallion like you doesn't believe anything until he sees it.
During those three hours in which you stared at the chair in front of you, I could feel the fear radiating off of you. Nearly everypony on that train was interested in their vacation plans or the areas they would visit when they reached Fillydelphia. All that mattered to you was the subject of the letter.
While my powers are capable of providing me with this vision for you, I was unable to read your thoughts. I would have gotten my answer from you sooner if I was capable of doing so. Your spaced out expression, slumped shoulders, and slouched posture was all I had to go on. Combined with the continuous tears, I had a feeling about this dream and wished that I was wrong. I wasn't.
~
Nurse and paramedic ponies rushed out of a nearby house when you were able to reach your destination. The dozen ponies in the house were merely background to you as your hooves brought you to the last bedroom in the house. I could tell that you have been in this room before, since your eyes immediately shot towards the closet instead of wandering around the room to find your goal.
Four policecolts stopped you as you entered the room and told you that you were not allowed on the premises. You provided the rejoinder that you know this foal and his parents. They didn't care however and they pushed you back onto the street since you were not immediate family of the deceased.
That was the word that I was afraid of hearing: deceased. As much as I wished that you were going to merely comfort someone that had lost their job, this was not the case. The confirmation of your fears flashed across your face as you sat outside the house. When the parents of the foal were finally done being questioned, the father called you into the house as the policecolts and the paramedics left. You waited three hours on the steps until you were brought back into the house. It would have been an agonizing wait for me, if I wasn't too busy trying to hold in my tears.
I... I'm sorry if I start to cry here. I can see that you are barely restraining yourself. I don't want to have the both of us suffer, just let me finish this story so that I can get to my point. Go ahead and cry if you need to, the last thing I want is to have you hold in your emotions.
The parents brought you into their house. While the father wasn't able to remember you, the mother knew you like the back of her hoof and she served you a cup of tea. The two of you talked while the father left the room. She told you that this all came out of nowhere. She said that although she knew that her son was being bullied at school, she didn't think that he would go so far as to... do it. The both of you were crying, it's a miracle that the two of you managed to talk about this on the same day.
You told her that you used to talk to the foal whenever he needed to. He would schedule an appointment with you after school and come into your office to talk. While you usually liked to go home after your work, you had no problem with talking to that foal because you knew he was depressed. You said that you tried your hardest to cheer him up and provide him with ways to do so.
The mother then grew angry. Her face turned into a frown and she stood up from the couch she was laying on to point an accusing hoof at you. She asked you why you didn't punish any of the bullies that were picking fun at him. You told her that you spoke to each of the bullies that the foal named and warned them against any more hostile treatment.
Your words did not settle the mare. She asked if that was the case, then why did he have to switch schools and move two cities away in order to try and start over? You could feel her wanting to attack even more and you moved away from the armchair. You didn't stop her from talking however, you froze, as if you felt that you deserved her anger.
She yelled that the family spent thousands of bits in order to move schools, houses, jobs, and buy therapy for her son. Despite all of this, the school that she moved him to still had bullies while her husband and her suffered severe pay cuts and downgraded in houses to try and make their son happy. Now it was all wasted because her son decided to end the depression that he was suffering.
She asked why you couldn't save him. Despite the fact that you were two cities away from him and no longer provided therapy for him when he switched schools, you didn't answer. Perhaps she was asking about the past when her foal was in your school. The mare's voice lowered to a normal level as she continued to cry. She told you that she appreciated the help that you gave to her son when you could, but she would prefer that you leave. The last words that you told the mare when you left was, “It wasn't your fault.”
Soft String was his name? I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Please cry as much as you want, that bed is used to it. I can wait.
~
I understand why you went to my sister. You were scared due to our first few visits that I was planning on ending my life. While I may have harbored thoughts about doing it, I have never once attempted it. This is not because it's impossible. My sister and I are not immortal. It is because we have both accepted the responsibility of caring for our subjects. Doing such an act would desecrate the foundation that we have been working so hard to build: harmony. Our subjects would question harmony if such a framework was incapable of making the ones who created it happy. Doing that act is selfish and irresponsible on our part.
For Soft String... I don't have any words to respond.
You went to my sister with good intentions. You wanted to make sure that I wasn't keeping a secret plan to... leave Equestria. I understand that. But... you did not trust me. This lack of trust, combined with previous events that you have locked up, caused this betraying letter.
Thank you for the apology. I am sorry as well. I'm afraid I have not been completely honest with you during your visits. Some of the questions that you asked were... too personal. Some other questions triggered my fear of my sister. I would like to continue our therapist visits on two conditions. One, you cannot betray my trust like this again. Anything that I say is kept within the confines of this room or your scrolls. Do you agree?
Thank you. Two, you must be completely honest with me. I cannot admit that I will be accepting of your honesty. Your ejection in our second visit is evidence of that. But you have brought up questions that have made me think about my self, my past, and my future. No one else has done such a thing. As much as I hate to admit it, I need your services. You are a smart and insightful stallion that has done what no other could: make me question myself.
In exchange for these conditions, I will be completely honest to you and will open up about anything that I am comfortable with sharing. Thank you, my therapist.
Oh, it appears to be raining. I do not wish for you to get a cold. Please close your eyes, and I will teleport you into your bed back at your house. It is no problem at all, please get some rest.
Remember this my therapist, it is not your fault.