//------------------------------// // What You're Looking For is Paradise // Story: My Little Chimera: Friendship is Discord // by TheGreatAllie //------------------------------// Discord appeared at the side of a country road, lying on his side at a weird angle because of the way his stone body was twisted. His hands were free, so he pushed himself up to get a good look at his surroundings. Sunshine. Rolling green hills. A long and winding path. Adorable woodland critters. Birdsong. Great. Just great. It wasn’t that it it was so pristine and perfect, that wasn’t what was getting to him so much. It was that it was so tidy, so predictable... So boring. Discord found that his encounter with the Elements of Harmony had left him unable to use much of his magic- namely, his ability to teleport where he wished in a diamond flash of light. He tried, but the stone was somehow repelling it. He attempted to use his arms to crawl along and pull his dead-weight stone body along, but had only gotten two feet before he realized he wasn’t strong enough to keep this up. His muscles were already aching with the effort. Curse Princess Celestia for putting him in this situation. Curse her for imprisoning him in stone so long ago, and curse Princess Luna for that as well while we’re at it. And curse Twilight Sparkle for breaking through his magic and reuniting herself with her friends. Curse Applejack, and Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy, and curse Rarity, and even Pinkie Pie, even though she seemed to enjoy his chaos. Not enough to not stand up to him, so curse her too. Then Discord gave himself over to a tidal wave of self-pity. Poor, poor Discord, abandoned and forgotten in some boring meadow, half turned to stone and forgotten by all who mattered. He was really getting into it, too- so much so that he didn’t hear the squeaking of wooden cart wheels or the clop-clop-clop of pony hooves on dirt until it was right beside him. “Howdy, stranger,” said the cart-pulling pony. She was peach in color with a coral mane and tail, and a cutie mark that looked like three pairs of cherries. “Did you run afoul of a cockatrice or something?” ‘More like your princess,’ Discord thought, ‘but the similarities are striking.’ Out loud, he said, “Just a little bad luck.” “Oh, I know all about bad luck,” said the pony. “You should get together with my friend Shady and compare notes. Hey, I’m heading back to Paradise Estates if you need a lift.” Discord was about to turn her down, but his arms gave a sudden ache. “If you insist,” he said in as haughty a voice as he could manage. It was no easy task getting him into the wagon. The pony moved it as close to the edge of the road as she could, and then pushed his stone body right next to it. Then together they hefted his still-alive top into the cart, and he had to crawl forward as she shoved his stone body up and over until he was all the way in the cart. Then she re-hitched herself and they were off. “Name’s Cherries Jubilee, by the way,” said the pony. “Pleased to meet ya, mister...” she ended on an up-note, signaling him to introduce himself. “Hemmingford Windshire IV,” said Discord. He wasn’t lying to conceal his identity and protect himself- if she didn’t recognize him by sight, his name wasn’t going to give himself away. It was just that since he couldn’t turn her cart into gummy worms or her cutie mark into cherry cola without risk to himself, this was the only way he had of messing with her. “Where ya from?” asked Cherries. “Canterlot,” said Discord flatly. Well, since he’d spent a millennium as a statue by the palace, this was an appropriate answer. “What’d ya do there?” “Sowed the seeds of Discord.” He didn’t bother to hide the annoyance in his voice. “As for me, I run a cherry farm,” said Cherries. “How appropriate.” “Ya like cherries, Windshire?” Discord scowled. He didn’t like being caught in idle small talk. Actually, he couldn’t stand making it, it took too much attention away from general chaos. There was something about small talk that was so systematized, so tidy and orderly, that he hated. Desperate to cut it off, he waved his lion’s paw and turned the path directly in front of Cherries into slick, smooth glass. “Whoa!” as soon as Cherries Jubilee put a hoof down on the glass, it slid out from in front of her. She scrabbled to regain her footing, but instead sent herself spinning. “Whoa-whoa! Hold on!” Discord gripped the side with his claw and laughed at the midway ride style spinning and the bewildered look on the pony’s face. He could still affect the world around him, he found, but not as greatly as he could before. The stone was trapping most of his magic, but not all of it. Then he went to put his paw to his face only to find that he couldn’t. His paw was now made of stone. The area just below it was stone, all the way down to his midsection where the stone initially began. Discord wasn’t laughing anymore. Cherries had found her footing on the other side of the glass patch. “Whoa,” she said one more time. “Wasn’t that just the weirdest thing. Never slipped on the path like that. You okay back there, Windshire?” “Just peachy, Cherries,” Discord grumbled. The rest of the trip was uneventful. Cherries didn’t try to engage him in conversation again and Discord went back to pouting and feeling sorry for himself. Eventually the cart stopped and Cherries said, “Welcome to Paradise Estates!” Discord looked over his shoulder in the direction Cherries was facing. “Oh, gag me...” he muttered. Paradise Estates was a village, a series of pink-and-white condominiums. Each one was petite, plastic, and perfect. They spread out all over this particular valley, some with gardens and flower-boxes in the windows, some with stone paths leading from the pretty front door to the infrastructure of hoof-worn dirt paths. Even the shops looked like beach-side assisted-living condos. An entire village of this. This was a place just begging for some Discord. “I’ll take you to Medley,” said Cherries. “She ain’t a unicorn, but she’ll know what we need to do to fix you right. I reckon she's the smartest pony in the valley.” With that, Cherries set off through Paradise Estates. Discord covered his eyes with his claw and wondered if this was worth it to avoid turning into a statue. ‘Just learn about friendship,’ he told himself. ‘Just unlock the secret of this magic and you’ll be powerful enough to defeat the Elements of Harmony once and forever. Then you can come here and turn the flowers into bees and the bees into buffalo. And chocolate milk will fall from the sky.’ “Hey, Buttons!” he heard Cherries call. He rolled his head back over the edge of the cart and found himself looking upside-down at a lilac unicorn, standing just a few feet away talking to Cherries. This one had a powder blue mane and tail with a pronounced red streak, and a cutie mark of three dark pink buttons. How appropriate. “Hi, Cherries, who’s your friend?” “I picked him up about five miles outside town,” said Cherries. Buttons propped herself up against the cart, the front of her legs hanging over the side. Discord raised his head and looked at her. “Hi, mister, what’s your--” but suddenly her eyes widened and she gasped. “Oh no! You don’t have nearly enough buttons!” Buttons jumped down and ran to the back of the cart, jumped up, and then began affixing buttons to Discord’s stone body. He looked over at Cherries. “That’s my friend Buttons,” said Cherries Jubilee. “Her special talent is buttons.” Discord looked over at her. “How are you attaching those to me?” “Oh. Your body is made of stone so I’m just using hot glue,” said Buttons, moving a button over. She was making a pattern of green, red, and yellow ones to suggest argyle, while only hitting the corners and the middle of each side. “Do you mind not following such a rigid pattern?” asked Discord. “Chaos is sort of my thing.” “But buttons are supposed to make patterns,” said Buttons. “That's what they do! Well, that and button things.” Discord began to pick at one of them with his claw, but it was stuck fast. And, indignity of indignities, since it was affixed to the stone of his body, he was unable to use any sort of cantrip to get it off. “Coming through!” Buttons and Cherries Jubilee both ducked suddenly, and a pink blur whooshed past. As soon as it was gone, it came back, but this time slowly enough so that it wasn’t a blur, it was just a pegasus sporting a frazzled blue mane and double lighting bolt cutie mark, appropriately enough. “Got a message for ya!” she said in a voice full of energy. “Hey, Firefly,” said Cherries. “What’s up?” “Bright Eyes wants you to come to her place tonight,” said Firefly. “She wants cherry pies for the nursery again and needs to discuss.” Buttons placed a big blue button on Firefly’s nose (she let it sit freely, not sewing or hot-gluing it to a live pony’s skin.) “Hello, Buttons,” said Firefly. “Is Buttons the ‘special pony’ of Paradise Estates?” Discord said out loud. Firefly took to the air so she could look Discord up and down (after all, he was still lying in the car t.) “Who’s your friend?’ Discord propped himself up. “I am Discord, spirit of chaos. Tremble before my ability to change reality into nonsense.” “Okay, I’m watching,” said Firefly. Discord flopped back. Of course he couldn’t show her, not without giving up his other claw. Buttons laughed. “You’re funny, Discord.” “Do any of you ponies recognize me? Isn’t my presence graced across the pages of your history books? Or do you recognize me from the statue? How far from Canterlot am I, anyway?” “Canterlot?” said Firefly. “I’ve never been. It’s pretty far from Dream Valley, though.” “I visited there once when I was a little filly,” said Cherries Jubilee. “What sorts of history books would you be in?” asked Firefly. It was clear that in her mind, she was humoring him. Discord was not amused. “Any of the ones that talk about a handsome and powerful draconequus that ruled Equestria with chaos before a certain party-pooping alicorn went and ruined my fun.” Buttons looked to Cherries and then Firefly, and then back to Discord. “I like the new guy. Are you gonna stay here?” “Only until I turn back into my wonderful self,” said Discord. “Who’s this Medley person you mentioned, by the way? Do you think she can fix me?” “Oh, right, I forgot!” said Cherries. “I was gonna take you there, wasn’t I? Guess I got distracted. Oh, well, come on and let’s go.” She re-hitched herself and started walking. Buttons followed next to her, with Firefly flying above. Medley’s place was another hideous pink condo. As they approached, they could hear strains of discordant music waving out over the Estates. ‘Maybe Medley won’t be so bad,’ thought Discord. Medley’s condo was a royal mess inside. it was cluttered with instruments taking up nearly every last inch of free space- a stand-up piano, a harpsichord, a contra-bass, a tuba, two harps, six violins, three flutes, two oboes, and a partridge in a pear tree. The floor and every other flat surface was covered with paper. Flat, wrinkled, or crumpled completely. Medley herself, a turquoise Pegasus pony with a dark green mane and tail and a cutie mark of music notes, was was hunched over the harpsichord, face buried in her folded forelegs. “You look sad,” said Buttons. “Do you need buttons?” “No,” said Medley, looking up. “I do not need buttons.” Cherries Jubilee backed the cart up against Medly’s open door so that Discord could be part of the action, even if they couldn’t get him inside. Discord watched as Cherries, Buttons, and Firefly picked their way through the mess to get to Medley. “What’s wrong?” asked Cherries. “It’s my music,” said Medley. “It’s no good.” “Aw, don’t say that,” said Buttons. “I like what I heard coming here,” Discord added. Medley looked at him funny. “That was just me banging my hooves against the keys in frustration.” “Music to my ears,” said Discord with a dreamy sigh. “Haven’t felt that at home all day.” Medley looked at the other ponies. “Who is this, exactly?” “Discord,” said Discord with a slight bow of his upper body. “Draconiquus extraordinaire.” “He’s turning to stone,” said Cherries. “We thought you might know how to help.” Medley looked at him with the strangest look on her face that none of the ponies could place. Then suddenly it was gone and she just looked aloof. “No, I’m sorry,” she said. “There isn’t anything we can do.” “Aw,” said Cherries. “Sorry, guy.” “I should have guessed that ponies wouldn’t be able to help me...” “I’m afraid the only one that can help you is you.” She met his eyes, and for a moment he could read everything- but then she looked away and it was gone. Firefly, flying in the air behind Medley, peeked over her shoulder at her sheet music work-in-progress. “It looks fine to me,” she said. Medley tilted her head back to look at Firefly. “It looks fine? Well, that’s all well and good, but music doesn’t look. Music sounds. And listen to this.” She played a quick melody line. When she added the chords, it sounded a little off. Then when she went into the second section it all fell apart completely. “I can’t fit them together. I can’t rewrite it. And I need this song ready for the Harvest Moon Festival!” She buried her face on the keyboard again, sending out G, Ab, A, Bb, B, C, C#, and D in one loud blat. An impulse seized Discord. He clicked his claws. In a flash, the musical notes jumped off the staff and onto the keyboard: D-E-F#-G-A-B-C#-D! “What’s this?” Medley looked bewildered. The other ponies gasped in surprise. The notes all jumped onto the ground and scattered, running all around the room. “Look!” Buttons cried happily. “Your music wants to be free!” “Catch it!” shouted Medley, and all the ponies started chasing the notes. Firefly took off at rocket speed and pounced on one as it tried to run into the tuba. She crashed headlong into it and went tumbling. Cherries Jubilee flipped the trash can over onto one and it rattled around on the walls. Buttons pounced on one like a cat but it darted away. She pounced again, but it went under the piano and came out the other side, where she couldn’t find it. Discord threw his head back and laughed and laughed. Finally, Medley grabbed a sheet of paper. The notes were cornered. She slapped the paper down on them hard. The other ponies froze. Discord stopped laughing. After a second, she lifted up a corner of the paper and checked underneath. “Did you get ‘em?” Firefly asked, still stuck in the tuba. Medley was beaming. She turned the paper and held it up for her friends to see- the notes were now marks on the paper again, and what’s more they were arranged on the staff. “Do you see?” The others didn’t get it. Medley played a quick tune on her harpsichord, similar to her previous song but a little different and somehow stronger. “My song,” she said dreamily. “I’ve found you.” Discord waved his paw- now it was flesh and fur again, but only to the elbow. Apparently helping someone out while causing chaos wasn’t going to absolve him completely. Still, he came out ahead- he was less stone now than he was when he first came to Medley’s home. A bit more of this and he would be whole and himself again. Ready to take on Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, and the Elements of Harmony. Cherries took Discord to the center of town. “I have to go see Bright Eyes now,” she said. “Where should I drop you off?” “Here is fine.” “Are you sure?” Cherries looked concerned. Discord made a jump moving forward a bit. The sudden change in weight distribution tipped the cart so that he fell to the ground and Cherries was up in the air. “Whoa!” “Here is fine,” said Discord, waving his paw dismissively. “Well, if you’re sure,” said Cherries. Discord slid completely off the cart, letting Cherries back down onto the ground. She gave him a sidelong look, then trotted off. Discord began picking at the argyle button pattern on his body. How he hated this place already. And being without most of his magic. And the looming threat of imprisonment. And idle small talk. Self pity again in full swing, Discord thought longingly of Ponyville as the chaos capital of Equestria. That was some of his finest work ever. Pleasantly surprising he could even do so well since being out of practice for so long. Too bad Twilight couldn’t get into the spirit of things. He was suddenly aware of Buttons sitting next to him. She stared at him until he finally said, “Hello.” “Hi,” she chirped. “Can I help you?” “Can you create disharmony to spread all throughout Dream Valley? Can you turn clouds into cotton candy? Can you make it rain from the ground up? And the rain is also pie?” “No,” said Buttons, “but I can set you upright.” “... Fine.” Buttons wrapped a rope around his chest, grabbed the other end, angled herself, and pulled. Discord pushed off the ground and he was finally upright again. He gave himself a look-over. “Hm. Thanks. I guess.” “No problem.” She looked up at him with a big smile. “You can go away now,” said Discord. Buttons smiled and hopped away. He slept, and was woken up without realizing he had been asleep. But now it was dark and he was alone. No. Not alone. Someone was behind him. Once he got his bearings, he knew what was going on. “I know you’re back there,” said Discord. He sounded haughty, but he was doing his best to hide his nervousness. Just because he wasn’t in control of the situation was no reason to act like he wasn’t. “Did you have a good first day?” “... Celestia.” The princess stepped into view. She looked smug. Discord couldn’t stand smug on other people. “You’re looking well,” said Celestia. “Oh, back for more of your not-gloating?” “I mean it,” said Celestia. “Your ratio of stone-to-draconequus is very good.” “Hmph.” “Luna didn’t think you’d last this long.” “What do you want, Trollestia?” “To give you words of encouragement,” she replied. “How charitable.” “Being stubborn and difficult isn’t going to get you out of this mess.” “Neither are you.” “This is something you’ll have to get out of yourself.” Celestia smiled at him, a for-real, genuine smile. Discord rolled his head back, then looked at her. “Fine. Words of encouragement. Go. Lay it on me.” “Actually, you’re doing so well on your own, I don’t think there’s anything I can tell you.” “Fine. Then go away. You came all the way here to not tell me anything?” “Let’s just say I have the nights off.” Then she turned away and took off. Discord was alone again. He shivered. Then he heard a clattering sound on the ground below him. When he looked down, he saw that every single button had fallen off his body and onto the ground below.