Proposal Problems

by PhonyPony


The Meeting

Princess Luna had just summoned the darkness to engulf Equestria. With its shining moon and twinkling stars, a pony wondered why nopony would stay up longer and witness the breathtaking sky up above. A certain red stallion seated himself onto a bale of hay at the family barn. He waited for his friends, hoping that they received his letters this morning from Derpy, the mailmare. The letters simply stated:

Once night falls, come to the barn at Sweet Apple Acres. I have urgent business to discuss. Start hauling ass and hurry up!

Big Macintosh, the strongest pony in Ponyville and possibly all of Equestria, waited. With his bulking physique and heavy yoke, one might suspect that he was a mean, brainless brute. He’s actually quite the opposite, being quiet and kind, but he can be aggressive if he wanted to. His cutie mark was a large green apple sliced on half, portraying both his strength and the kindness inside him.

The barn doors slowly creaked open, revealing a light amber earth pony.

“You’re late, Caramel.”

“Sorry,” squeaked a nervous Caramel.

Caramel was different from his companions in so many ways. Unlike the others, Caramel was timid and modest. His cutie mark consisted of three horseshoes. Why, because what he lacked in strength, he made up for in skill. Activities that required finesse like horseshoe tossing and archery were his forte. His finesse could get him out of any bad situation. Unfortunately, shyness consumed the stallion, preventing him from showing off his excellent skill.

“Am I the only one so far?”

“Eeyup.”

At that moment, two stallions trotted in. What made these two ponies different from most others was the fact that these two normally wear clothes. The lanky one wore an apron and bus boy hat, and the other bore a stereotypical cowpony get-up, complete with a hat and vest.

“Howdy, BM!”

The lanky one snickered.

“Ah hate it when ya call me BM, Braeburn.”

“Yeah, and don’t laugh Carrot, it’s rude.”

Mr. Cake, more commonly known as Carrot by his pals, occupied the prestigious role of greatest baker in Ponyville, even outclassing Pinkie Pie and his own wife. Three cakes inhabited his flank, further showing his baking talent. Despite his chuckle at Big Macintosh’s nickname, Carrot Cake was actually the most mature of the group, being the only married pony, for now.

The final member of the group, Braeburn, acted as the most eccentric of the four. Because of his status as an Apple Family member, his cutie mark also portrayed his affinity for apples. Even though the cowpony’s personality mainly consisted of being happy and carefree, one couldn’t find a pony more reliable than Braeburn.

Surprisingly, Caramel started the conversation. “So, why’re we all here, Big Mac? Are we going to talk about our feelings?”

“Wait a minute; I thought we were going to discuss new apple deserts.”

“Ain’t it obvious fellas, we’re finally going to start our band, Earth Pony Girth!”

“Nnope, nnope, and Hell nnope. Ah just wanted to announce that Ah’m gonna propose to Fluttershy.” The gang perked up.

“Well, Ah’ll be! Ah’m gonna be a cousin-in-law!”

“Congratulations, Big Mac! As a married stallion myself, I can tell you that marriage is absolutely wonderful!”

“Congrats, Big Mac. I can’t wait to find my own special somepony. Do you already have an engagement ring?”

“Eeyup, Ah had it specially designed just for her,” Under the hay bale, the red stallion pulled out a hoof-sized box and revealed a gold hoof ring with an extravagant diamond. The trio stood in awe. Carved onto the ring was a design of three butterflies flying, most likely representing Fluttershy’s cutie mark. The designer even engraved a small message, I’ll always love you.

A thought struck Braeburn. “Cuz, how did ya ever pay for a ring like this? Ah mean look at the thing! Special design, engraved message, a huge-ass diamond, it puts Carrot’s to shame!”

“Hey! Mine has sentimental value! It used to be my mother’s!”

“Easy, Ah sold mah hoofball trophy,” answered Big Macintosh.

“What?!” Caramel was shocked. “When we all went to high school together, that trophy was your pride and joy.” His ears drooped down. “You scored four touchdowns during that game. Carrot, Braeburn, and the rest of the team let you have the trophy for being MVP, Most Valuable Pony.”

Carrot wrapped his foreleg around Caramel. “Relax, Caramel, you weren’t even on the team. Why do you care so much about it?”

Braeburn took a step forward. “Yeah, Ah know we worked hard for it, but it was just a dumb trophy.”

“I know, but I thought it meant a lot to Big Macintosh. I don’t want him to regret this decision forever.”

“Ah don’t regret it, Caramel. Ah liked that trophy, but compared to mah love for Fluttershy, Ah’d sell that thing in a heartbeat.”

Feeling better, Caramel replied, “Awww, that’s so sweet.”

Carrot Cake turned to Big Macintosh. “Anyways, if you need any marriage advice, just come to me, Big Mac.”

“Actually, that’s why Ah called y'all here. Ah want to propose to Fluttershy, but Ah don’t know how.”

The freckled earth pony seized the opportunity. “As the only married stallion here, I know just what you need to do! Buy 100 cakes, pay me 10 bits for each one, and then you figure out the rest.”

Braeburn objected. “Stop the advertising, CC! Big Mac needs to propose by givin’ Fluttershy 100 pies, because everypony knows that pies are better than cakes!”

“May I remind you that I was the quarterback of our hoofball team?!” Carrot began to flex his front foreleg. “This limb right here, baby! Best throwing arm in all of Equestria! BM wouldn’t even have that ring if it wasn’t for me!”

“Ain’t ya supposed to be the mature one?! Ah should remind ya that Ah was the one that blocked every single pony from tackling your skinny ass!”

“Grr, cakes!”

“Pies!”

“Cakes!”

“Pies!”

“Enough!” Big Macintosh’s voice boomed, producing an echo in the barn that lasted for what seemed like forever. “Quit your bickering, both of ya’ll! Give me some actual advice!”

The dark-maned pony flinched. He never liked seeing Big Mac’s aggressive side. “May I ask exactly what kind of advice you are looking for? How do you want the proposal to be like?”

“Ah don’t know, Ah just want her to feel special, make her feel like she’s the most important mare in the world.”

"Yeah, that’s why ya need 100 pies!”

“Braeburn,” all turned to Carrot Cake, “Just stop. Big Mac, I apologize for our unruly behavior.”

“It’s alright, but because of your arguing, Ah’m not askin’ either of you for proposal ideas. Caramel, you go first.”

All eyes focused on Caramel, who was surprised for the third time this night. Why would Big Macintosh want to ask me? I’m shy, timid, and I’ve only had one fillyfriend, Sassaflash. It didn’t work out, but we left on good terms. Compared to the others, I’ve had the least experience. Carrot is married, Big Macintosh is dating the pony he loves, and Braeburn is a total mare magnet. “Big Mac, why me first?” Everypony saw the doubt in Caramel’s eyes.

“Out of all of us, yer the shyest, just like Fluttershy in her group of friends. Ah figured that you two might have similar interests.”

“Okay, I guess that makes sense. Well, I would suggest eating at a fancy restaurant. I know this really great one called Fine Wine to Dine.”

“Then, it’s settled. Ah’ll propose to Fluttershy there tomorrow.”

Braeburn screamed. “Yee-haw! Earth Pony Girth, pony pile on BM!”

Just like that, everypony tackled Big Macintosh. It hurt like Hell, but they all laughed. The quartet hasn’t been together for months, and it was always nice to catch up with friends. Their friendship still stayed strong, and they all had fun, at least until Applejack entered the barn.

“Uhhh…” The awkwardness silenced everypony. Nopony knew what to say, except Braeburn.

“Howdy, AJ! It’s exactly what it looks like!”