//------------------------------// // Dropping In (DANGER ZONE) // Story: PonyFall:Adventures in Chaos // by Draequine //------------------------------// Dropping by. I suppose you want a date. TOO EFFIN BAD. This is the life! The wind’s in my sail and my rig’s steady as a rock. Leaning into the railing I gaze into the horizon of setting sun, bathing in its fiery hue. My eyes drift down to the landscape beneath me, a barren concrete jungle full of jutting towers reaching for me, trying to drag me down into its gray muck. I spit a sizable glob unto the masses below. I’ve never felt freer than now. I hear a faint rasping behind me. My first thought is a rip in the sail until the rasp turns a moan. Stowaways! My ire builds as I finger my cutlass. No one get’s a free ride from me!  “Who goes there!?” I command, as it is my right to, for this is my ship, the I AM SIR ARCHIBALD ZANZIBAR AND I SHALL HAVE VENGEANCE! I do not regret having such a loud title emblazoned on my smuggling vessel. “Daddy!” I hear a guttural cry coming from the central cabin of my ship. Gah! An anchor baby? On my ship?! I’ve heard stories about this! Stories of stories! I’d better nip this in the bud and just put him in a sack and use him for ballast. Okay maybe not, but if I find that brat drinking my rum, I am definitely throwing him overboard. “Daddy!” That child is starting to become insufferable now. I quickly make my way, pushing aside my tasteful bead curtain to reveal a baby carriage. How had I not noticed it? I’m sure I checked, double-checked, and triple-checked this room at least 6 times before I set off on this journey... “Daddy!” The child's cries reaching a crescendo, unheeded by quilt cocoon encasing it. I hesitantly reach my hand out to unwrap the baby. I stop to wonder why I am so anxious, it’s but a babe! I gently tug the quilt away from its face. I gag as drop the THING into the stroller. That isn’t what a baby looks like. Too many mouths, not enough eyes. Oh gods, the teeth! THE TEETH! “Momma? Where’s daddy?” Is it talking to me? Does it think that I am it’s mommy? I... I am going to kill it. That is the only logical thing to do in this kind of situation. It’s more of a mercy killing yes. I grab the handles of carriage when a thought strikes me. If this creature thinks I’m it’s mommy... then who’s the father? “Oh honey! I’m home!” I turn to the source of this new voice. I immediately regret this after laying eyes on the speaker. He was neck to toe in scarves and satchel of an assortment of gaudy colors. The look in his eyes unsteadies me, his wagging tongue unnerving, the solitary fang poking out of his lips twinkling like a steel spike in my heart. “How was your day?” he asks in a sultry voice, taking a step closer. I take a step back, scanning the room for, god forbid, more stowaways. The strange stranger licks his lips. Through pursed lips he says,” You know, I feel quite frisky today. Want to have some fun honey?” “I’ll take a rain-check, love.” I blurt out anxiously. I inwardly cringe. Damn you, Fredrico Zanzibar, master-lover of seven sky-island and your book, How To Unintentionally Seduce Anyone You Meet Through The Wonders Of Self-hypnosis(TM)! I take another step back, the beaded curtain cascading upon my shoulders as my foot hovers over the second step of the... Wait, this cabin doesn’t have ANY STAIRS! “Oh, I love it when you play hard to get.” The man gushes giving me a small push, a love tap really, just enough to send me hurling off a precipice that isn’t supposed to be there, toward a landscape that is completely alien to what I knew and despised... it’s almost as if I’m... Dreaming! I open my eyes and shake the horrific image from my mind. JESUS. Wait, why am I still falling? *POW!* Ouch! Ouch ouch ouch! Why is the ground so bony? When did the earth start moaning as well? Oh. I fell on someone. ~No you didn’t.~ I get off the poor collapsed sap. Oooooh, Legs are NOT supposed to bend that way. Oh wait, thats just a broken transformer toy that is being squashed by the dude I in turn squashed... Why did someone just leave that toy out? Oh thank god he’s getting up. I would have had a tough time hiding the body. “Damn, what the hell hit me?” “Beats me” I shrug as I exit stage left. ~you aren’t on a stage! Wait... are you?~ Wow, you really can’t see shit can you? ~It’s not like I have to stay here you know!~ Oh my god the voices in my head have gone tsundere! No! Crazy Voices mocking laughter confirm that he/she/it is just trolling me? Fine, no more detail for you then, I step over the dazed stranger and try to beat a hasty escape until he says,”Wait a minute, where in the hell are you going?" “Beats me.” I repeat, smiling down at him. His eyes are rolling around in his head. Ouch. I wonder if he has a concussion. “You did fall on top of me, didn’t you?” He says, rubbing his shoulder. I bet that’s exactly where I fell... I bet it’s all kinds of dislocated! Must resist urge to poke it! Okay, so lets see my options; 1. Run. 2. Kick him in the shins, then run. 3. Kick him in the junk, then the shins, and finally run. 4. Seduce him. 5. Talk it out. ~You are going to try to do all of these aren’t you. As funny as it would be, I already know how this is going to go. Let me lay it down for you Ashy boy, 1. Oh my gosh he already caught up with me! *Punch to the face* 2. Oh my gosh, I kick like a girl! *Punch in the face* 3. Oh my gosh, I still kick like a girl! And he’s angry! *punch to the throat* 4. “Hey there big sexy?” *self inflicted stab wound because of embarrassment* Your only real choice is numero cinco hombre~ “And what if I was?” I say, emulating my inner Macho Man Randy Savage. "Then I'd like to know one thing. How the hell did you pull that off?" Pull off what? “What you should be asking is how did you let that happen! This is all your fault!” Shift the blame to him, then defend him from myself, thus befriending him. ~What?~ "What do you mean it's my fault? I only came out here because of a stupid IRC message." Oh sure stranger, blame your woes on technology. “Why would an IRC message turn you into a landing zone? It would have taken a dickish genius to plot this kind of mishap.” “OH I don't know, maybe you? You were the one to fall on top of me, remember?" “Listen here, I don’t even know you Johnny boy-” “Hey, you.” The unmistakable tone of someone that’s just itching to hit anyone greets my back. Oh poop, more weird poop, I am really tired of this poopy poop poopnastyniss! Shit! Why does this keep happening to me? I turn around to see an angry brown-haired she-banshee clutching an old fashioned broom. “Say hello to my little friend.” “No!” I snap my fingers and point at her. “I am sick of this happening every TIME...” ~Oh sure, explain to them that you currently have the spirit of chaos nipping at your heels as you journey through some timeywhimy bullshit. I’m sure padded cells are quite comfortable these days~ I cough and pinch the bridge of my nose,” This kind of thing happens way too often for my taste.” I smile and put out my hand for a handshake that hopefully involves hands. “My name is Ashton. I really don’t want to be hit by anything this time.” "What do you mean happ- Wait... I'm not going to answer that. Cody, you do it." She rolls her eyes after she gives me a once over. She is wise beyond her years. “What? Why me?” And he is whipped beyond his. “Because,” she says as she helps him up. “He’s the definition of ‘your’ territory.” “Ah,” These aren’t really a couple... yet, from the degree of awkwardness in which she touches him. “Oh,” Territory? Oh my god, I am dealing with someone who deals with strange crap. “Oooooh, I am at a Mcdonalds! Chicken nuggets, here I come!” "Ow, thanks Sarah." He looks into my eyes "So, you must be the one that fell on top of me? You don't look that heavy, but since my friend won't ask, I'd like to make this very quick." He stares at what I am wearing, doing a double take. "How the hell did you fall on top of me and why are you wearing that pirate outfit?" Oh sweet gooey chubblies, What am I wearing? Is this... is this steampunk? Sweet chobits this is actually brass! Real brass! “Pfft, no kidding. That's why I said you’re dealing with him.” I have noticed another remarkable event, Crazy Voice. ~That you are human again?~ No, that these goggles are the sh- wait what?! “Oh! I’m human this time!” I giddily say, wiggling my fingers in front of my face ~Duuurrh, I’m ashton, please send me to the nearest sanitarium cause my brain runs on bacon.~ Funnily enough, I'm not getting smacked with a broom. They are staring at me until Sarah triumphantly shouts. “I knew it!” Then she does a little jig. “What do you mean, human this time? Wait...” He says dumbfounded. “Tutututut.” I put two of my fingers against his lips. “Before I explain ANYTHING, you are going to get me 40 chicken nuggets, and a large coke. Got me, Cody boy?” *THWACK* “Ouch!” That smarts! It's still better then last time at least. "You don't go demanding food in my restaurant, unless... you start answering Cody's questions. Then, maybe I'll make that order for you and add two boxes of fries as a bonus." “Fine!” I sigh and roll my eyes. “Can we at least start eating before I explain? I haven’t eaten anything except sawdust pizza and picnic basket.” “Just feed him, Sarah.” Cody says. Hahaha My plan to seem hopelessly inept is working! ~Seem hopelessly inept?~ Shut it. “Yer a saint Cody.” “Fine,” Sarah grimaces, staring at a statue of grimace,”but if he doesn't give us answers then he'll have to pay for the entire order or else." She gestures at the broom and then squints at me. I check my pockets to find a hard little satchel hooked to my belt. I gingerly tug it loose. It’s heavier than it looks... No way, I refuse to believe this. It’s... It's... “It’s gold!” I blurt out, looking at my mentally ill gotten gains. I’m counting at least 13 doubloons! I see Cody’s eyes greedily slurp up the sight of my phat lewt, while Sarah coldly calculates my shiny shinies. “Gold...” SHE’S A GOLD DIGGER CRAZY! She wants our preciouses! “McDonald’s doesn’t take gold, even if I really wanted to get my hands on some.” I wiggle a small doubloon in front of Cody. “I’m sure Cody wouldn’t mind bartering gold for some delish chicken nuggets.” “Nah, I’m not the manager here. Maybe we should take this inside.” He says like a little scaredy baby. “Eh, whatever.” I do a flawless overhand toss of the gold over my shoulder as we walk in. “So, judging from your rather accepting attitude toward me, one of you has already found someone who... isn’t supposed to be here.” “Er...um... That depends on what you mean by, isn’t supposed to be here.” He says, pussyfooting his way around the conversation. “Uh... can I borrow that broom for a second?” I say to mistress Sarah, hoping for permission to punish her lackey She answers me with a glare and a swift fwap in the face. I hear an eerily familiar voice. The kind of voice that made my brain itch, because I just knew to expect that special itch, the itch that would make me, and the itch that would break me. ~Ooooh, look at you getting all noir on us.~ “What took you guys so long? Also, who’s the weird pirate guy?” I give a hard long look at the mysterious girl with the rainbow hair. Looking at her made my brain hurt something fierce. “That’s her isn’t it?” I look at Sarah, the one who is obviously in charge. "There are many answers Ashton, but you're not going to receive any unless you answer ours." Sarah dryly comments. I sit down in a booth and take a deep breath. “I just don’t want to be the one who stumbles onto another set of fictional characters from a cartoon show for little kid who ‘inexplicably’ winds up on earth, I REALLY DON’T SARAH! I think it might be tearing me apart, so I am going to just say three little initials, and if they have ANYTHING to do with your situation, then I’ll talk... If not, then I’ll take my chances with the crazy express.” I look directly into her eyes. “Do the letters M.L.P. mean anything to yah deary?” She bobs her head almost imperceptibly, this chick is COLD! Definitely needs some lighting up. “Alright so she is a character from Monks Licking Puppies? Great! Which one?” Then I give my best impression of a troll face. She slowly mimics my grin “Congratulations! You’ve guessed the...” *Fwap* “WRONG answer!” ~I like her.~ I don’t think I do. ~I hope you get slapped a few more times.~ The rainbow dame chews on her lower lip as her eyes dart around. “Um... Rebecca Lofton?” ~Oooh OOOOH! I know, it’s Rainbow D-~ Shhhh!! I don’t want to completely blank out on my suspicion that its Rainbow das- er... Damn it! I sigh. “No it isn’t.” I say to the counter. “Cody, please tell me her name or we won’t be getting anywhere soon.” "Look, I know you seem like an okay kind of guy, but being demanded of an answer out of nowhere from someone I just barely met is the most stupidest thing I've ever heard." Oh... Ah.... yes... it’s all so clear now. I facepalm so hard that my hand is somewhat embedded on my forehead. “That’s it alright,” I whisper to myself and I slowly slide my hand down beneath the counter and look cody in the eyes. “Alright, lets get to know each other then.” I bring both my hands back over the counter and gesture towards myself. “I am Ashton. The character I found turned my life into a quagmire of chaotic stupidity that has sent me though time and space. Yeah, real chaotic, I’m talking chaos chaos chaos here. Oh, and it is the name you’re thinking of... or in this case, were thinking of.” I smile. Cody and the girl rub their heads and grimace while Sarah looks on at her brainstrained companions. Hmm, I wonder if there is just something wrong with her, or if my name theory is wrong. “Miss Sarah, do you know which character I am talking about?” I ask the pensive woman. She shrugs and nonchalantly states, “Chaos, I know a lot of character that can do some chaotic things, but honestly, I really have no idea who you're talking about." Okay, so I think she thinks that there is more to this than just ponies. ~Or it could be that she completely doesn’t trust you.~ Or both. I think a bit to myself until Sarah asks, “Also, what the hell is going on with them? It's almost like they both know something that is causing their horrible, painful headaches and I'd like to know what that is or you're not getting those delicious, crispy chicken nuggets." Oooh I have been waiting for someone to ask that question. I give a grin to Sarah,” Actually, its what they don’t know is causing them horrible, painful headaches.” I continue,” you see this is a neat aspect of this whole Fictional-Characters-Winding-up-on-earth dealio.” She cocks an eyebrow, “So, what you are saying is... there are fictional characters on Earth?” Cody groggily rocks side to side nursing his aching head as I go on teaching this little lesson.” Well...” Wait, a sec, I could pretend I am a fictional character... No, we know how that works out. “It’s mostly limited to characters of the My Little Pony persuasion. Now anyways, the reason these two are clutching their noggins in agony is that they should know who I found, that it should be impossible for them to not know who I am talking about, but they won’t no matter how hard they!” I give a little chuckle. “Anything short of me saying the name of who I found will not enlighten them to whom it is.” She stares at me intently before scratching her chin and saying, "Sounds good enough for me, the name is probably something dealing with chaos if I may guess, but if you don't want to tell us the name that's fine with me because I really don't want to get a massive headache like these two" “Hmmm... well you would be having head pains too right now... except you're not. Unless you’re hanging on to the theory that I found someone that isn’t from My Little Pony or...” Oh my god! “You don’t watch the show!” I exclaim She gives me a condescending look and remarks,” Exactly, I don’t watch the show. Why is that a big shocker to you?”  Why is that shocking anyway? Because she is handling this so well? Nah I would have been surprised at her if she was a fan of the show and handling it like a champ... “Well you are the first one I’ve met who wasn’t a fan of some sort. Kind of refreshing really.” Cody murmurs from under his hands as he blearily looks up at me, trying to focus on me,” Wait, You’ve met others?” I give a knowing smile,” Yeah, 3 so far, counting this time.” I frown as I remember the previous circumstances of this little adventure. “This have been the best scenario so far.” Codys groaning reminds me to give him a bit of advice. “Oh I think that the less you focus on trying to know who I found the less it will hurt.” The mysterious extra-equestrian and Cody somewhat perk up. Cody sighs saying,” Gee, why didn’t you tell me that earlier?” “Mostly to enjoy being on the other end of head trauma in these little encounters.” I say with a little inside joke smile. “So anyways, I might as well tell you which ones I met and know that they are chilling out on earth. Let’s see, well theres Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom somewhere in Texas, Pinkie and Fluttershy are together in Australia, and Celestia is somewhere in America I think. I couldn’t care less where the one I found is because as long as I don’t say his name he won’t come.” I do a little celebratory jig. Cody groans with frustration,” Why couldn’t you have told me that earlier?” I wave his annoyance away with my hand and look at Sarah,” So where are those nuggets? Sarah heaves another exasperated sigh,” They’re coming, just hold on a moment. My other worker should be done any moment now” I twiddle my thumbs in awkward silence as I wait for a box of chicken nuggets to manifest before me. “Finally, I finished cleaning that damn toilet! I hope it stays clean this time.” Says a voice coming from the door which I can only guess is the entrance to the bathroom. “Well what do you know, he finished. I guess you’re in luck Ashton.” She calmly states as a ninja walks out of door. Please be a joke, please be a joke, please be a joke, please be a joke, pleeeease be a joke. “Hahaha, that is hilarious.” I laugh,” yeah, I’m a pirate and he’s a ninja, real funny. Ha. Ha. Ha.” Sarah twists in her seat to see the funny ninja. “Tyler... why the hell are you wearing a ninja suit?” My hand slowly crawls up my leather coat, making its way for its special little spot in the center of my face. ~Well, this is what you get for making assumptions.~ Cody and mystery girl follow suit.Little miss rainbow girl starts guffawing so hard they she actually fell onto the floor. Yeah this chick is definitely familiar. My hand is firmly affixed to my face at this point. The ninja, who I guess is Tyler replies to Sarah's remark with confusion. “What do you mean a ninja? I’m not wea- what the heck?!” He tugs at his black suit. “This is what you get for making assumptions, Ashton.” Damn it Discord! All I wanted were some chicken damn nuggets!