Celestia interrupted my startled swearing. “I must admit, Mr. Canvas, I do have ulterior motives. I originally hired you because you didn’t have a connection to Equestria. Now, even less so.”
“I didn’t ask for this!” It was interesting how my new fingers instinctively curled into a fist as I thought about hitting her.
“I can change you back easily enough,” she said. “I hope you’ll consider what I’m proposing, though.”
I had found that it was usually a good idea to at least hear out those in positions of power, even if I despised them. I awkwardly sat back in the chair and let her continue.
“I need somepony to do a few things,” she said. “Ordinarily I wouldn’t go to so much trouble, but this is one situation that I really don’t need Equestria’s name involved in.”
“This is continuing on from when you originally hired me?” I asked. “What does this have to do with that big event in the Pacific?”
“Everything,” she explained. “It was a burst of magic so large that it affected your dimension. It didn’t come from Equestria, though.”
“So is that why Griffon fighter jets attacked?” I asked.
“Part of the operation was conducted in their territory, yes.”
“Well, I suppose if you want to do things like that, illegal incursion during peacetime, then I can see why you would want a non-Equestrian to handle it. But did I have to be a non-pony?”
“You have a bit of a reputation, Mr. Canvas. If they found you, then they might trace things back. This way, you pass as just another human.” She smiled and added, “And perhaps it might offer you an interesting perspective on your relationship.”
“That’s private!”
“Oh, speaking of privates…” Celestia pointed her horn at me again. I flinched, but the only thing that happened was a set of clothes suddenly appeared on my body. It was a pair of blue jeans and a “I Heart Canterlot” t-shirt where the heart was actually Celestia’s cutie mark.
“Really!?”
She smiled in a way that suggested I was being played with. “You look like a tourist now, someone that would go mostly unnoticed.”
I facepalmed. It didn’t hurt so much now that my eyes were smaller and I wasn’t doing it with hard hooves. “All right, fine. If we’ve gone this far, you might as well tell me everything else about this job.”
She laid out the new contract she had mentioned. “Mr. Canvas, what I need you to do is recover a weapon. Very few ponies know that it exists, and even fewer outsiders.”
I blinked. “Is this some kind of strategic deterrence? Anything with enough power to affect spacetime between the two worlds would have to be incredibly destructive.”
She nodded. “That’s correct. We’ve been able to deflect most inquiries so far. Your government and those of other countries may suspect something like this, but so far we’re sure that they don’t have proof.”
I thought about the top secret message that Major Hiller had been carrying. It said that the US and others knew that something was going on, which backed what Celestia said. I was a little more concerned that Five Eye and Equestria weren’t sharing details. Not that I’ve ever been naive enough to think that the world ran on love and friendship, but it never seemed like a good idea to go behind your friends’ backs.
Still, I certainly didn’t want that weapon to fall into the wrong hands. What if some terrorist brought it into the other dimension? I nodded. “All right, I’m in.”
Celestia picked up the paper and read the main points to me. Equestria would be providing intel, a ship for my use while on this side of the doorway, and advisors. My job was to locate the weapon, and if necessary, recapture it. I would do everything I could to make it seem that Equestria wasn’t involved. Sure it was their weapon, but any mobilization by their forces would make it more obvious that they had lost something.
“Can I get a few more details?” I asked.
“I’ll send somepony to meet with you,” Celestia promised. She got up to see me off. The customary hoof-bump was a little awkward for obvious reasons. I gave her a look to show that I hadn’t entirely forgiven her.
It was a little awkward to walk on two legs with no wings for balance, but I managed. I opened the door and stepped into the hallway. Nika looked up.
“You know how those TV comedians accuse Celestia of being a troll?” I asked. She blinked in confusion, recognizing the voice but the face. I sighed. “They’re right.”
Nika put her hand on my shoulder. “Sail…what happened?”
“Celestia wants us to do a covert job.” I gestured at myself. “She thought I could use a little help with that.”
The guard standing nearby looked like he was having a hard time keeping his eyes off me. I couldn’t blame him. I turned back to Nika. “So how do I look?”
She smiled. “I would definitely take you to dinner and show you off.”
“Speaking of, I’m kind of hungry.” I smiled, a sudden thought coming to me. Turning to the guard, I asked, “Hey, where’s the closest place to get barbecue?”