//------------------------------// // From bad to bad // Story: Ten Trips to Equestria // by WiseFireCracker //------------------------------// I dared not go back to sleep. It was very early in the morning and my bed was still warm, but I simply was too afraid to linger under the sheets. It had happened to me before and I missed a few classes this way. Studying, that’s all I had to do. Just study. I could not do it. My mind kept going back to the last round and every time, I had to pause and calm down. The extent at which Discord had manipulated me was scary. If she had not told me she loved me, I… I might have actually gone through with it. This was so wrong. Urgh, now I felt like a broken record. ‘Get over it,’ I told myself. ‘It’s all over now. Treat it like a bad dream.’ It certainly would not help to delve on it, lest I start acting like a guilt-ridden idiot. “Breakfast! I need a good hearty breakfast to feel better,” I declared. I put on a fake smile and grabbed some cereals. Nothing like cereals in the morning! After a little tuning, the radio started playing up one of my favorite songs and I could drown my worries in good music and slightly outdated milk. Feeling my spirit lifting (as did my stomach), I allowed myself to smile. There, a positive attitude makes good days. I froze just as I was standing up. After a few seconds, I snorted. “Hey, I’m channeling Pinkie Pie today. Guess I don’t need to go to Equestria to play pony.” At that, Giantonio entered the small dining room, moody. “And I even got my own Opalescence.” I laughed and kneeled to his level. “Starting from today, you’re cranky toward anyone but Fluttershy, okay?” Said cat proceeded to snob my attempt at petting him and walked, as graciously as an obese cat could, to his food bowl with a demanding mew. “Perfect.” For my mockery, Giantonio was an absolute pest for the rest of the day, constantly nagging me when I was starting to understand the concepts I was studying, sometimes plainly dropping down on my textbooks. Predictably, that useless fluff ball learned all about physics today, more specifically: projectiles. Face first onto my bed, because even then I could not harm Giantonio. He was too precious, in an utterly annoying way. Aside from those small incidents though, my day was utterly dull. My brain fought at every step not to have to focus on my lessons and instead wondered at other topics, my possible expulsion being a big one. What would be the use of studying then? That really hadn’t helped me find the courage to concentrate. By the end of the day, I was a tired, bored mess. Normally, that was when I would try to get some energy back by watching some My Little Pony, but I was still disturbed by last night. The fanfics were even more out of question. I did not want the reminder. In the end, I went to bed with a heavy heart and wished Discord would give a night of peace and quiet. I did not place much hope on that though. Not when I could faintly make out the noise of his creepy first on-screen laugh in the back of my mind. I felt tired when I blinked out of the momentarily confusion I was starting to expect every time. It was obviously the middle of the day, my surroundings were booming with activity, some of it mechanical, some more… equestrian in nature. Point being, I was not getting any rest anytime soon. Oh no, from the looks of thing, I was working in a restaurant as a dish washer. Great. “Low Efficiency, get going! We’re almost out of glasses and there’s a load of client waiting in the dining room!” Oh wow, goodie me. I was apparently called ‘Low Efficiency’. Guess my parents in this world and I are not on speaking terms then. Better yet, I just knew I’d live up to the name. You ever tried working quickly when you just lost your hands and got them replaced by hooves? Yeah, me neither. I was not going to have a paycheck at the end of the day… not with the number of times my hooves slipped and the plates crashed onto the ground. My new boss was less than pleased. “Low, what’s wrong with you today?! That’s the twelfth you’ve broken in two hours now. Not to mention you’re working much slower than you used to. I did not hire you for this. You promised you were hard-working when I gave you the job.” I looked down, definitely in a bad mood now. ‘Decided I need to get a load of crap dumped on me today, didn’t you?’ I growled at the mad spirit. ‘Well, obviously someone cannot be grateful.’ He mock pouted, invisibly sipping some juice from an unaware waiter. ‘I gave you a stable job and that’s how you thank me?’ ‘Yeah, a job I can’t keep up due to being a total newbie.’ ‘Give me something to work with here!’ Discord angrily threw his arms in the air, being decidedly unimpressed. ‘Not a famous criminal, not a cute child with adoring parent, not a stallion marrying into the pony mafia, not an awkward teenager working part-time in a restaurant and part-time in a grocery store tirelessly days and night to make ends meet? Do I need to make you Celestia’s consort for you to be happy?! Oh, wait, TRIXIE’s perhaps? That one is always a winner with you humans!’ …Buck…. Buck, buck, buck! I hated him when he had a point! Or seemed to. I was being a bit picky, but damn it! This was supposed to make me feel better about my crappy situation back in the real world. Escapist fantasy, anyone?! And since I could not back down from the deal (like HELL I’d talk to Discord about that), I wanted a little fun out of it! Not being talked down for a job I had not even applied for! “Are you listening to me, colt?” Oh buck off, you old gelding. “You are threading on thin ice…” He had the guts to lower his voice at me. Granted, I was being a rude little smartass, but still. I was not in the mood, especially after playing the role of his obedient washing machine for two hours without my thumbs. “Spare me the big speech on being generous and me needing to be grateful for that, old man.” I growled, eyes narrowed. My ‘boss’ stared, jaw falling off, just like those of a few of my coworkers’. One of them, a green stallion my age, even trotted up to me. “Hey, hey, hey,” he started at high speed. “Lowey, you can’t just say that to the boss! Come on, think of your pet canary!” Oh, I wasn’t expecting that, I’ll admit. So this one was apparently my friend and I had a pet bird. Bah, Giantonio would just eat it. Shame he was not here. “My pet canary can just starve for all I care,” I sneered, brushing off the hoof the green pony had put on my shoulder. “There is no way I’m staying here any longer. I quit.” I heard loud gasps from my former co-workers, and strangely from Discord too, who was pretending to be a waitress with a blond wig (God, that was a disturbing image). The loudest however came from the stallion closest to me and his expression was that of horror. My former boss seemed to be fuming on the other hand. “Well, get your stuff out of my locker and leave, NOW!” The old stallion screamed. I brushed past him angrily, deliberately shoving him out of my way, muttering curses under my breath. ‘Shocking, and here I thought I could have lunch.’ The biggest jerk in my life lamented his terrible fate. Yeah, real terrible. ‘How are you even here anyway?’ I looked up to him, before pushing open what I assumed was the lockers’ room. Luckily for me, it was, not even the mares’ at that. Huh, Discord had to be distracted or something. ‘It gets really boring in that statue. I told you that already.’ He huffed, as if that explained everything. ‘I asked HOW, no- Ouch…’ I head-butted the wall after tripping on my own legs. Definitely felt like I sprang some stuff in my left hind leg though. Super. “For the love of crap…” Of course, Discord had to laugh at my clumsiness. ‘It’s amazing how little I have to do sometimes. It’s like the jokes write themselves, again and again.’ ‘…They weren’t funny the first time.’ I wanted to keep being pissed at the draconequus. However, I had a much more annoying problem at the moment. The locker labeled ‘Low Efficiency’ was locked by a padlock, one with a numeral code. As much as I racked my brain to magically find the solution, I could not remember anything resembling that. “Hey, D,” I called out loud, not caring if any pony heard me by now. “Can you zap this thing open for me?” ‘No.’ I could not tell if it was a lack of good will or a lack of power. I’d bet on the former. Figures… With my anger backing me up, I stormed out of the restaurant, only to realize I had no idea where my apartment was supposed to be. It was my first time in this place, after all. … I took a look around. It seemed to be a small city, more urban than Ponyville, that was for sure, which was great trivia, but still absolutely useless to me. Behind me, the restaurant was buzzing with activity, which couldn’t have been fun for the ponies working there, with one less colleague to work with. However, that was probably explained by the fact that it was the single most glamorous building on this street. Don’t get me wrong though, that restaurant was very average by every standard. …Yeah. I grimaced, not pleased by any of my continuous revelations. ‘So, two part-time jobs and one small apartment, correct?’ I asked Discord with a scowl. ‘No. One part-time job and one small apartment you will soon lose if you don’t pay for this month’s rent.’ Must he piss me off in every possible way? He had to be doing it on purpose, the mismatched bastard… ‘Good luck.’ “No.” I put my hoof down. ‘Hummmmm?’ He leaned closer, seemingly interested. “I’m not going to go from one crappy place to another one, but in a foreign world with a different body where I can’t even enjoy a hamburger.” Working in restaurants always did sharpen my appetite and I did not want to settle for a salad or the grass on my front yard, if I even had one. “Better the devil you know.” ‘You’re really giving up easily, you know?’ At that, I laughed, earning a strange look from some ponies, but whatever, I was going to leave this place in a few seconds anyway. “It’s been two hours and five, maybe six minutes since you sent me here. That’s the longest I’ve lasted so far.” ‘Touché.’ He pretended to be hit in the heart with an arrow and went rigid. If only… “At least I got a little better at using hooves and walking, albeit slowly. That’s something, I guess.” I shrugged. My expectations had been low to begin with. This whole thing had been a waste of time. “Uncle.” “GAH!” Whoa, déjà vu. Aaaaand I was back in my bed, feeling about as rested as a cat that had been chased by a dog all night long. I had no doubt my hair was a mess now. No doubt. Seriously, when I was tired, I woke up with messy hair, it was a rule of the Universe. Well, this one at least. I couldn’t be sure about Equestria yet. For once, I wanted to sleep in. This whole game was starting to exhaust me. I did not feel like I was getting any rest. Not to mention that my head was in the clouds so much more often now. Apparently, it was truer than ever, because I would have missed my alarm entirely if not for Giantonio suddenly jumping in my face while hissing. I let out a genuine scream of surprise and bolted out of bed. It was a good thing he was so heavy; gravity took care of him for me. It had a good side effect though. My sleepiness was one hundred percent gone. Thank you, you fat psychotic fur ball. Annoyed, I shut down my clock, with the sudden realization that I had a final today. Then it was my rendezvous with the dean of my faculty. Oh boy… I lost no time getting into my rustic car, who decided to be less of a bitch and work this time around. Oh, I could always trust her when the weather was mild. “Show me you’re not just a useless piece of scrap, babe…” I turned the wheels around and got out of the driveway, without any trouble. Surprisingly, I got to the campus on time, with just the amount of traffic I had expected on a Monday morning. Truthfully, it felt weird not to have that backfire on me horribly. Weirder still, I managed to present myself with the rest of the students on time for my finals, the teacher letting me enter without any fuss. I decided to stop questioning my luck then. For once, I’d just do the darn exam and be on my merry way to see the dean. … Luck, don’t abandon me now, please! Letting the normal stress of my exam slowly take over, I sat down mechanically at my assigned seat, waiting for my answer sheet. I really hoped I had studied enough. My whole week-end had gone into that… and Equestria, but I was asleep at the time so it didn’t count. “The exam will last three hours, with the possibility of leaving the class from halfway through and on. Remember to fill in your name and identification number correctly. Good luck.” With that, the examiner turned back and sat at the front of the class. Alright, focus. I had to focus on this. I knew my stuff, I had studied. It was going to be fine. First question… I grinned. I knew the answer to this. Confidence swelling my chest, I started scribbling down on my answer sheet. “…W-what’s going on?” I said, my speech slurring like I did when I was drunk sometimes. Whoa, wh-what… was I… err? Thoroughly confused, I tried to close my hands into fists. It did not work; I had no fingers to begin with. Yep, hooves. Good, now what the hell was I doing in Equestria?!