Missing Her

by FlutterDash777

Missing Her

-Missing Her

As I lay here with this razor blade held in my hoof; blood trickling it's way down my forearm, I think to myself, Is this really my life?

"Hey Bon Bon..." I asked. My heart was racing as I watched my friend's blue eyes gaze upon me. She had a cute cheeky smile set upon her muzzle as she turned her attention to me. She set her drink down on the table in her kitchen, and she adjusted herself in her chair.

"What is it, Lyra?" The tan earth pony slowly lifted her striped straw to her mouth, and began to sip her soda on the edge of the straw. Her eyes were still looking at me. I wasn't sure if I could tell her what I wanted to say. I wasn't sure I had the guts.

"I...I have a question..." I slowly lifted my drink as well, and nonchalantly began to stir my straw around. The ice was softly clinking together, and I acted as if I were focusing on it. Not that I truly was, but I didn't want to make a big deal out of what I wanted to ask.

"Well go ahead, and ask me then." Bon Bon continued to smile at me, and I tried to avoid looking at her directly. My heart pounded in my chest as I searched for words to say.

How was I going to ask her? What should I say? What if she says no? Then what?

I tried to clear my mind of all my thoughts. It was a working progress, but soon enough I could think straight again. At least enough to find my words. I was afraid, and I had never asked this question to anypony before, but I was sure that Bon Bon was the right pony to ask. She was the perfect pony to ask, and I had to do it before I lost my chances.

"Well do you think...maybe..." I stopped to clear my throat. It was dry, and I knew I was nervous. Bon Bon probably could even tell. It was obvious.

It took me a minute to regain what I was planning on saying. I rehearsed the lines quickly in my head before continuing. I had to get this right.

"Do you want to be...my lady?" As soon as those words left my lips I mentally beat myself. How could I had said that? That was the lamest thing ever! I wasn't even planning on saying that, it just somehow slipped out. How was it so hard to just say Will you go out with me? Why did I have to say something so....stupid!?

My face was hot, and I knew my cheeks were probably a bright red. I couldn't even look into Bon Bon's eyes, but I knew she was probably snickering at my ignorance. I was too ashamed to look up. I just couldn't. I didn't have the guts at all. I ruined everything!

"Yes."

That single word echoed through my mind. I looked up quickly at the beautiful earth pony with my mouth agape. What did she mean by yes? Was she trying to play a joke on me? Was this some kind of joke?!

"Ye-yes?" I weakly managed to let out. My heart was throbbing now, and I didn't think I could take much more. Anxiety riled up in my body as I blankly stared at the pony of my dreams. She still had a smile upon her muzzle.

"Yes! I will be your special somepony." Bon Bon answered. Her voice sounded so sweet, and I could smell the candy-like scent from her mane.

My whole body began to tremble. My forelegs quivered, and I was at a loss for words. I couldn't think of anything to say. Nothing at all. All that I could do was run over to my special somepony, and hug her with all the love in my body.

Am I alive?

I struggled to open my swollen shut eyes. My head was throbbing furiously, and I could barely move. I couldn't really remember what had happened to me. Where was I? What was I doing?

As I could fully open my eyes now I looked around at all that surrounded me. It was the familiar scenery of my bedroom. Clothes piled about the floor. Food, and drink cans tossed in various directions. The usual musty smell made it's way to my nose as I sniffled a few drippings.

I remember when my house use to be spotless all the time. I'm usually a tidy mare, but lately I have been a little off. I never really left my home unless it was a dire emergency, or a friend invited me out. Those things didn't happen very often though. My emergencies are at a minimum, and my friends know that I don't really feel like going anywhere. They usually just leave me be, and visit me occasionally, but even visits are rare lately.

The only pony I can really count on to keep in close touch with me is my best friend, Vinyl. I met her through a mutual friend a couple years back, and we hit it off big time. We use to go everywhere together, and she would always bring along her girlfriend. I was always very fond of her too. Octavia that is. The three of us were very close, and we still are, but we don't go out as often as we used to. All on the account of me though. It's because of me that we don't hang out. No....It's because of...her...

After cleaning up several fresh wounds on my forearm, I walked into my kitchen. It was getting pretty late in the day, and my stomach was making sure I knew it was ready to be fed.

I slowly made my way to the refrigerator. There were a few heart shaped magnets attached to it's surface. A small amount of pictures were scattered about it. Me, and friends, mostly.

I shook my attention from the happy memories, and went to open the fridge door. The contents weren't as appealing as I hoped, and I wasn't too impressed at what I saw. A few water bottles, a block of cheese, and some milk. What am I going to do with that?

I closed the door, and turned my back against it. My eyes set upon the window above the sink. The curtains were closed tightly, and no light seeped through. Part of me wanted to go outside, and feel the warmth of the sunshine against my fur, but the other part wanted to stay inside the dark, all alone.

I gradually began to sink down onto the floor; my back still against the fridge door. I could feel chills going throughout my body as the cold floor touched my hind quarters.

My eyes were heavy as they stared into complete nothingness.

"My heart is still aching. Why won't it stop?"

My whole body began to feel numb as I raised my hoof. Grasped there was still that razor. Blood soaked it as I looked deep into it. I could see my reflection slightly within the small metal. I squeezed my hoof around it tighter, and I could feel it penetrating my skin.

For the moment it felt kind of good. My mind momentarily let go of all my pains, and sorrows, and I continued to squeeze the blade.

"Lyra! Don't run off too far!" I could hear Bon Bon call out from behind.

I continued to run as I turned my neck to see how far behind she was. I could see her laughing, and smiling as she chased after me through Ponyville. I wanted to slow down for her, but I was too eager to take her to SugarCube corner. It was going to be our first date! I was so excited! I knew it was going to be totally perfect.

"Catch me if you can!" I teasingly answered. I slightly stuck my tongue out in her direction as I began to run faster. I was having so much fun! Me, and Bon Bon would often do fun things like this, but it was different now. It felt like we were closer, like we had more of a connection.

I loved her. I truly loved her.

"Lyra! Wait!" Bon Bon continued to shout. I was still looking at her, and running at the same time. I smiled at her widely as I continued to tease her.

"You have to hurry up Bon Bon if you want to catch me!" I laughingly said. As i watched her, I could see her facial expression had changed. She looked worried now. As I turned my head back in the direction I was running, Bon Bon called out to me once again.

"You're going to hit that tree!"

Sure enough I was inches away from smacking my face straight into a large pine tree. I quickly dodged it, and I felt triumph rile up inside. I turned back around to Bon Bon to show my pride.

"See nothing to worry abo--"

My muzzle sunk straight into the ground. My back hoof was wrapped around an uprooted branch, and I tried to lift my face out of the dirt. Bon Bon galloped quickly to my side.

"Oh goodness! Are you alright!?" She swiftly jolted towards me, and pulled my hoof loose. She brushed off my back legs, and then she helped me off the ground.

I began to spit dirt out of my mouth, and I rubbed myself off at the same time. My hoof felt sprained, but I wasn't going to tell Bon Bon. I didn't want to ruin our first date. It wasn't going to happen!

"I'm perfectly fine! Guess I should have watched where I was going like you said." I grinned, and slightly chuckled. I watched her face for a smile to appear. All I could see was her eyes wide open, and her face was still worried.

"Are you sure? It looked like a pretty hard fall. Maybe I should take you to Nurse Redheart, or somepony that can help y--"

"I'm alright, Bon's. Honest." I settled my hoof upon her shoulder in reassurance. I could see that now she was convinced, and a smile had finally appeared.

She suddenly lunged forward, and gave me a hug. She tightly pulled her arms around me, and nuzzled my neck. My eyes widened, and I blushed intensely. I could feel her sweet, warm breaths down my neck, and it sent sensational chills throughout my body. I drew my arms up her body slowly, and clutched her tightly against me.

"I'm so glad you're mine..." Bon Bon cooed. Her voice was so lovely, and it made me so happy to hear her speak to me like that. I had longed to here her talk to me in such a tone for a long time, and finally I have gotten my wish.

I loved her. I truly loved her.

My hoof began to ache, and blood was draining out rapidly. I quickly let go of the blade, and of those painful memories. I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't know what to do. I looked down at my blood soaked hoof, and began to press down on it tightly. I hadn't even realized how deep I had cut. It was dangerous, and I knew this, but for some reason I just couldn't stop myself from doing it later. But for now I had to get this cleaned up.

I quickly trotted across the room, and made it upstairs to my bathroom. It was just as messy as my bedroom. Toilet paper clung to the ground. The mirror above the sink was almost impossible to see in, and the faucet was dripping water. I tried to ignore the nastiness of my own bathroom, and ran some hot water over my cut.

At first it stung, but I didn't even try to wince. I was already so used to it. I had gone over this about a million times now. It was sort of like tradition to me now. Something I always did, because I had to.

I cut of the water, and looked at my wound. The blood had mostly stopped, but a few trickles made their way out of my skin. It was still burning, but there wasn't much I could do about it. It was my own fault anyways. I looked around the bathroom for something to wrap around my hoof. All there really was was toilet paper. Maybe not the best solution, but what else could I do?

I ripped off about a yard of it from a nearby roll, and began to wrap it around my injury. Blood stained the soft white paper as I pulled it around as tight as I could. I used a little of my magic to make sure it was secured tightly, and topped it off with a bow.

I examined it carefully before walking away. It seemed sturdy enough, so I set my sore hoof on the ground, and began making my way back into the kitchen. After all, I was still hungry, and I still had a pantry to check.

I stepped on a few pieces of scattered paper as I walked across the kitchen floor. My horn began to glow a green color as the door of my pantry flung open. My stomach began to growl again as I searched the cabinet high, and low for something decent to eat. All I could see that wasn't out of date was a jar of peanut butter.

I desperately looked around my kitchen for other cabinets, but all there was in this huge pantry was a medium sized jar of peanut butter! How am I going to live off of that?

I let out a long sigh, and magically lifted the jar out of the cabinet. I slightly tapped the lid on the counter top, and then opened it up. I pulled open a drawer, and lifted a spoon out.

I levitated the jar, and spoon above my head as I trotted to my bedroom. As I entered my musty room I slammed the door behind me, and sunk down into my bed. The sheets hadn't been washed in weeks, but it didn't bother me right now. I just didn't care anymore.

I lowered my peanut butter into my hooves, and grabbed my spoon. One scoop after the other I indulged myself into the creamy paste.

I could hear a ticking sound ring through my ears. I tried to muffle the sound, and stirred around on my bed. I laid my ears against my pillow trying to silence the irritating sound. However, I could still hear it, and I began to groan.

My head felt as if I had just banged it against the floor. It was throbbing immensely, and I pulled one hoof up to my face. I slowly stroked my mane, and then turned onto my other side. I could feel a pain surge through one of my hooves, and then I realized I had just laid on top of my injured front hoof.

Though it was painful, I was too tired, and too uncaring to move. I let the sharp pains shoot up my arm, and ignored the ticking clock.

I let out a long moan, and pulled up my blanket with my free hoof. For some odd reason it was feeling awfully cold, and I wasn't exactly happy about that, but I didn't really feel like getting up, and seeing what was going on. So I continued to lay in the cold, and tried to warm myself up with my own body heat.

"Holy shit!"

My eyes shot open at the sudden voice. I quickly turned my head up to see who in the world of Equestria was in my home. My eyes were blurred from a sudden head rush, and I had to close my eyes momentarily to regain my sight. Once I felt settled, I opened them once again. My heart was racing, and I wasn't sure if I was scared, or just angry. But as I finally realized who was standing above my bed looking down upon me, my rage calmed, and I was no longer afraid.

"Vinyl?" I let out a weak sound. My throat was soar, and I slightly coughed to clear it out.

"What the hell are you doing, Lyra?" Vinyl asked. Her red eyes pierced right through me as she examined my state. She didn't look too amused, let alone happy to see me. Or at least see me like this.

"What do you mean? Why are you here?" I began to sit up in my bed. My eyes traveled down to my lap. An empty peanut butter jar sat on me, and a used spoon was to my right. I slowly looked back at Vinyl, and let out a fake, meek laugh. Her facial expression didn't changed.

"Get up. Get the hell up, Lyra!" The white unicorn made her way to the side of my bed. I continued to lay there, and I didn't budge. Vinyl saw that I wasn't planning on getting up, and she lifted her hooves under my mattress, and flipped it over.

I tumbled to the ground, along with my dirty mattress, and sheets. My hoof began to ache some more, but I ignored it once again. I could hear Vinyl's hoofsteps making there way over to me. She reached under the grounded mattress, and grabbed me by the arm. She pulled at me, and I lunged out from under the mattress.

I could feel my back legs wobble as I was suddenly plunged forth, but Vinyl grabbed me, and I gained my balance back. As I began to stand up I could see the mirror on the back wall. My reflection looked horrible. I looked horrible. My mane was sticking out in all directions. It hadn't been washed in days, and my face had dirt rubbed on it. I looked like I had just fought a war.

I lifted my good hoof to my head, and began to pat down my mane; fixing all the fly hairs. When I eventually saw that my mane looked fit enough, I turned my eyes back to Vinyl. One of her hooves was tapping at the floor boards, and one of her eyebrows was arched upwards. Her lips were pursed, and she definitely wasn't pleased with me at all.

"Wh-What brings you here?" I let out. I tried to put on the best smile I could, but I knew it wasn't convincing, especially to a unicorn like Vinyl Scratch. She didn't play games, and she always knew what I was thinking even before I knew. It's like she is connected to me in some sort of way.

"Well I was just coming over to check on you, but when I walked in it was freezing, and all the power was out! And now I find you sleeping in the middle of the day with a jar of peanut butter in your hooves!" Vinyl was practically yelling, but I knew she was doing it for my own good. She was being a good friend in her own way.

"My...power's out?" I tried to avoid the whole peanut butter ordeal. I wasn't too proud of that myself, but what was I going to do? Starve?

"Yes it is! Apparently somepony hasn't paid their electric bill in over a month!" Vinyl snorted a few times, and walked a little closer to me.

"Really? I...uh didn't realize..." I awkwardly rubbed the back of my mane with my sore hoof. I tried to avoid eye contact with Vinyl, but it was practically impossible to do such a thing.

Vinyl lifted her hoof, and placed it on my shoulder. Her expression suddenly changed from mom to friend. I could feel myself wanting to cry, but I wasn't going to do that again. It never ends well when I do.

"Lyra...It's about time you come out with me. Right now. We can go to dinner together, and if you want I can invite Octavia. It's been a while since you two have seen each other, and I think it would be great for you to come out with your friends for a change."

I stopped trying to look away, and found myself tearing up. I slowly wrapped my arms around my best friend, and she did likewise. I sniffled a few times before responding, but I finally answered.

"Okay."

I didn't let go of Vinyl's embrace. In her arms it reminded me so much of....her....

I ended up crying that day after all.

Me, and Vinyl walked side by side as we made our way to SugarCube Corner. I hadn't been there in a long time, and I sort of dreaded on going. It would bring back too many memories that I didn't want to remember. But I didn't want to upset Vinyl, and Octavia would be waiting for us there, and I really had missed her. I had missed them both. It had been such a long time since I had hung out with the two of them. So I wasn't going to ruin this chance.

"So, Lyra how have you been lately?" Vinyl continued to look forward as she asked me that question. I could tell that she didn't really want to see my reaction, or she was just afraid to see how I would react. But I tried to play it cool, and act like nothing was wrong.

"I'm getting better. I don't feel as sick anymore." I answered as my eyes made their way over to Vinyl. She still wasn't looking at me; however, her face didn't seem to look as worried anymore. It looked more relieved than anything.

"That's really good, Lyra. I'm glad to hear it." Vinyl's voice was softer than it usually was, and she didn't sound at all rough. I could tell she was trying to tiphoof around the subject of her, and I was actually very appreciative of this. I really didn't want to have to talk about it. I thought about too much, and the whole point of going out with Octavia, and Vinyl was to get my mind off of it. So I was very glad that my friend was being considerate of me.

"How has Octavia been lately? Last time I saw her she said she was going to play at the Grand Galloping Gala. She sounded so excited. How did that go?" I tried to steer the subject in a more lighter direction. Talking about Octavia seemed to be fit enough considering she was my close friend, and Vinyl absolutely loved her.

"Oh, she did wonderful! They even let me spin a few records since I was there. It was great." Vinyl finally turned to me, and gave me that friendly smile that I had missed seeing. I almost forgot how much I loved being with her. She always was a great cure for when I wasn't feeling well, and she always will be.

Vinyl, and I had finally approached the entrance of SugarCube Corner. I studied the front of the delicious looking building, and gulped down hard. I hadn't seen this place in a while. Actually I haven't been outside long enough to see anything, or anypony. It had been months since I left the comfort of my home, but part of me was glad that Vinyl encouraged me to leave for a while.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Vinyl turned to look at me, and smiled comfortingly. She waved her front hoof at me, motioning me towards the door.

One hoof in front of the other, I began to approach the front steps. Under me I could still feel one of my hooves stinging. I guess Vinyl hadn't noticed it was bandaged, and I wanted to keep it that way. If she knew what I had done, she would flip her lid. So I tried to keep her attention at my face at all times, and didn't make any sudden moves with my injured hoof in a way that she would look, and see it.

Vinyl turned back to the door, and opened it. I was greeted with a sweet scent through my nostrils, and a lovely, familiar face.

"Lyra! It's great to see you!" Octavia warmly walked over to me, and offered me a loving hug. I accepted, and tightly pulled my arms around my good friend. I was so happy to see her. More happy than I thought I would be.

Octavia released from our hug, and turned to Vinyl. She kissed her on the lips, and then Vinyl pulled one arm over her shoulder.

"Why don't we order some food. I'm starving over here!" Vinyl playfully growled. She gave us both a toothy grin, and shoved an inviting hoof towards a table for three.

Vinyl walked over to the table, and pulled out a seat for Octavia. The gray earth pony gratefully seated herself, and Vinyl pushed her chair in. I grabbed my own chair, and slouched down into it. I set my good hoof on the table, and left my injured hoof in my lap.

"So what does everypony want? I might want an apple cake, or some pie. Maybe some cupcakes?" Vinyl began list out sweets. She almost seemed as if she were going to drool at her own mention, but she was probably just teasing us. Trying to put me in a good mood, and it was working. I slightly giggled at her gluttony, and Octavia smiled at me.

I sensed that they were both happy to see me like this. Laughing together with them. Having a good time. Something I hadn't done in a very long time. Something I could never find myself to do. I was hurt too much, but right now I was having a good time for the first time in months.

"What are you craving, Lyra?" Octavia turned her purple eyes to me. Her smile was so warm, and friendly. I couldn't help but smile back at her. It was only natural to smile at your friends, right?

"I'm not really sure. But I want it to be big, and sweet!" I chuckled, and slightly elbowed Vinyl.

"That's my girl!" One of Vinyl's red eyes winked at me, and she began to crack up herself.

All three of us began to laugh together in the middle of SugarCube Corner. None of us seemed to care if anypony else was watching, and wondering. Us friends were too busy having fun. Something we had missed doing together.

Our plates were empty, and our stomachs were full. We had ordered over a dozen double chocolate frosted cupcakes, and we devoured every bit of them. I was so happy to be here with them. I was so happy to have gotten out of my house. I was so happy to have my thoughts elsewhere for a change.

"Man, I got to use the bathroom. Be right back!" Vinyl got up from her seat, and smiled at Octavia, and me. She then turned her back to us, and walked to the back room of SugarCube Corner.

"So, Lyra doing anything special tonight?" Octavia turned her eyes on me. She smiled contently, and rested her head on her hooves.

"Not particularly." I pulled my hooves from my lap in attempt to mimic my friend. The toilet paper wrapped around my injured hoof got stuck on the side of the table, and as I unknowingly pulled my hooves to my face, the wrappings tore off.

Octavia let out a gasp. My heart sunk in as I finally realized what had happened. I quickly pulled the bandage around my hoof again, and secured it tighter. My eyes couldn't avoid Octavia's as she stared at me in confusion. I didn't know what to say to her. I didn't know what to tell her, and I especially didn't want her to tell Vinyl.

I could hear hoofsteps coming up from behind me. I could see Octavia's eyes travel up to the pony that was walking our way. I knew it had to be Vinyl. I shoved my hooves in my lap, and looked at Octavia with pleading eyes. She turned to me, and I silently begged her not to say anything. I think she got my message, because she turned to Vinyl, and smiled like nothing was wrong.

"We should so totally go out to eat tonight for supper! What do you guys think?" Vinyl slightly slammed one hoof down on our table, and grinned. I could see Octavia nod her head in agreement from the corner of my eye.

"Sure..." I put on a fake smile, and tried to let out a laugh. It seemed convincing enough. Vinyl threw her arms around both Octavia, and myself.

"Great! I'm already starting to get hungry again!"

I looked up at the stars, and gazed upon the beautiful night sky. Bon Bon's hoof was wrapped in mine, and I could feel the warmth of her body as she lay next to me. It was the best feeling in the world. Being with her watching the stars together. I couldn't have asked for anything better. She was my everything, and there was nothing I would rather be doing then spending my time with her.

"Lyra?" Bon Bon quietly asked. Her voice was so beautiful. I let me head turn to her direction, and I stared upon the lovely earth pony. Her creamy coat was so soft, and her pink, and blue mane was sweet smelling. I loved every bit of her.

"Yes?" I replied as I continued to take in her beauty.

Bon Bon's head turned to me, and her sky blue eyes melted away into my golden ones. I smiled at her as she caught me looking at her so intensely. I could feel the moist grass underneath me tingling my body as I slightly rustled in comfort. An unfamiliar sensation surged through me as I felt her side softly touch my stomach. I slightly let out a small moan as she moved closer to me.

"Why do you like me?" She practically whispered to me now. Her eyes were glimmering in the moonlight, and she moved her hoof slowly down my stomach. I wasn't sure how to respond to her actions, but I knew exactly how to respond to her question.

"I don't like you, Bon Bon. I...I love you." I forced myself to say it. I was feeling it inside ever since we were younger, but this was the first time I had ever said it out loud to her. I was too afraid to tell her before, but I was almost positive that this was the right time to do it. I never had feelings like this for anypony ever in my life until now. Bon Bon was truly meant to be for me, and I was meant for her. I just knew it in my heart.

"I love you too, Lyra. I really do." A sweet smile appeared upon her muzzle as she softly stroked my cheek. I enjoyed the feeling of her touching me. Nopony had ever touched me like this before, but I was glad that Bon Bon was the one doing it.

I wanted to reach out, and rub her mane. I wanted to pull her against my body, and hold her tightly. I wanted to...kiss her. I had never kissed anypony before, nor had anypony ever kissed me. I never really thought about kissing before. I had never had any urges to kiss anypony before, and I honestly wasn't even sure how. But right now at this moment there was a hot sensation burning deep within me, and for some odd reason I wanted to feel the taste of her lips.

I wanted to touch her everywhere. I wanted to make her feel pleasured, and I secretly wanted her to do the same to me. I was an amateur to all of this. I was an amateur to love. I never loved anypony before, and as far as I know, nopony has ever loved me either. This was actually my first true relationship. So what was somepony suppose to do to somepony they love? I had no idea whatsoever.

Was I suppose to wait for Bon Bon to do something? Or was I suppose to make the first move? Were we suppose to agree on it first, and then act? Or was it something that happened without consent? I was absolutely clueless, but I really wanted to make a move. I had to make a move. I just had to before I lost my chance.

I finally made up my mind, and I quickly lunged forward towards Bon Bon's muzzle.

"Ly--"

I made contact with her....teeth?!

I totally blew it! Bon Bon was trying to speak, and I ignorantly kissed her while her mouth was open! I was so embarrassed. I didn't even know if I should look at her, and apologize, or just ignore it. What was I suppose to do? Why hadn't nopony ever taught me about this kind of thing before?!

As I mentally had a break down, I noticed that Bon Bon was....laughing! She was laughing at me now! Celestia, I really did blow it. Big time. My girlfriend was making fun of me now. This was the worst thing that could ever had happened!

"Oh, Lyra...You're so cute."

My eyes widened at Bon Bon's words. Did she just say I was cute?

"I-I'm so sorry..." I ended up apologizing after all. I thought it was the polite thing to do, considering I just kissed the inside of her mouth basically.

"Don't be." Bon Bon raised her hoof to the side of my face, and she slowly made her way towards me. I wasn't sure of what to do. I didn't want to screw anything up, so I just stood still with my eyes glued to her.

Bon Bon's blue eyes slowly began to disappear behind her eyelids as she got closer, and closer to me. My whole entire body froze up. I couldn't move, and my heart felt like it was going to explode inside my chest. That same tingling sensation began to burn inside me again, and before I could even take another breath I could taste Bon Bon's sweet lips pressed against mine. I slowly began to close my eyes as her body pushed against mine further. I couldn't feel anything from the world around me. It was just me, and my beautiful Bon Bon.

The day had gone by quickly, and the sunlight was starting to set. I found myself sitting in a uncomfortable chair, in a fancy restaurant. I had never been here before that I could remember, but Octavia seemed to be familiar with the place. She had already ordered her usual, but the rest of my friends, and myself were still flipping through the menu.

"Octavia, how does the hay salad taste here?" Rose asked from across our table of seven. She pointed into her menu, gesturing to the food item she was asking about.

"Oh, it is quite delicious. I can assure you, but I think you should try the daisy dream salad. It is superb!" Octavia answered with a soft smile. She pointed into Rose's menu at the salad.

I was barley paying any attention to them. I was too busy looking through the menu at all my choices. I had no idea what most of them were, but I really didn't feel like asking Octavia about them like Rose was. She would always suggest something different, and it would always be more expensive. Octavia did always like the most high class things. Even food wise.

"Rose just get what I'm getting." Daisy nudged Rose's creamy skin as she tried to get her attention. Lily joined in on the conversation.

I slightly looked up from the menu, and stared at the white table cloth. My head was beginning to hurt, and I really just wanted some peace, and quiet at the moment. But as my friends continued to chat about the food, I knew I wasn't going to get the quiet I wanted.

"Lyra, are you okay?" A mere whisper called out to me. I looked up from the table to where the voice was coming from. The chair next to me was seated by one of my oldest friends, Colgate. From the corner of her dark blue eyes, she looked at me with concern. I could tell she was trying to keep her tone down as she pretended to browse the menu quietly.

I simply nodded my head at her slightly. Colgate lifted her head from her menu, and her eyes darted straight towards me. I knew this was coming. She had known me for a long time, and she always knew when something was wrong with me, and now was no different.

"Are you okay, Lyra?" This time she said it plainly, and loud enough for the rest of our friends to hear. I could hear all of their conversations ceasing, and I could feel all of their eyes looking at me. I shot a scolding glance at Colgate, who merely grinned at me.

"Of course I am! So I think I will have the daisy dream salad." I turned my head to a waiter who had shortly arrived, and was waiting to take our orders. I watched as he scribbled down my order, and then I looked back at my friends. They were all ordering now, and they were no longer staring me down. All except for Colgate. She was still not convinced at all.

We were all gratefully eating our delicious meals, and my friends carried on in various conversations. From careers, to home life, to different daily activities. I had also joined in on the conversations. I was suppose to be having a good time with my friends, and now was not the time to sulk.

"So Lily, why don't you tell everypony about your new crush!" Daisy teasingly cooed. Her eyes batted as she looked at her pink friend. Lily's cheeks turned bright red at Daisy's teasing.

"Daisy!!! It's not like that..." Lily shamefully turned her head away from the rest of us.

"Now this sounds interesting! Who is it?" Vinyl leaned over the table, and contently watched Lily as she continued to avoid their eyes.

"It's nothing. It's nopony!" Lily shot an angry glance at Daisy, who was madly giggling in her seat. Her chair almost turned over as she uncontrollably moved about.

I watched as my friends continued to nudge at Lily, trying to get her to confess. I sat this conversation out. I didn't feel the need to talk about crushes, or love. If there was anything I knew about crushes, is that it did nothing but what it's name implies. Crushes.

"Come on you guys. Give it a rest already!" Lily turned her head down, and fumbled with her hooves. Her face was glowing a feverish red as she avoided their eye contact, and constant questions.

"Oh Lily, don't worry about them. You don't have to tell us, if that's how you really feel." Rose reassuringly smiled at her embarrassed friend. Lily slowly looked up into Rose's green eyes. Her face was more flustered than it had been moments earlier.

"T-thank you, Rose!" She smiled back, and blushed at her friend.

I turned away from Lily's obvious crush. I leaned my head against my good hoof, and casually looked out the window. It was already dark, and the moon was lighting up the sky now.

I truly didn't want to be there with my friends right now. I was uncomfortable around them for some reason. It was like I hardly knew them anymore. It had been a while since we hung out all together like this, but for some reason something just didn't feel right. Lily having a crush on Rose? How did that happen? It makes no since, and I honestly think it would never last. Probably not even a day!

My eyes slowly caught a glimpse of Vinyl, and Octavia. I could see that they were holding hooves as they talked to one another. They had been a couple for a very long time, but for some reason, watching them disgusted me. I just couldn't even think about the fact that they were together. But why? Was I...jealous? Jealous of their love? No! It couldn't be. I couldn't be jealous. I wasn't!

"Hell! Punch is that you?" Vinyl called from across the room. She slowly lifted her shades to reveal her bright red eyes as she strained to see from afar. Octavia gave Vinyl an unapproved look at the use of her foul language, but Vinyl ignored her.

"Vinyl Scratch! What's up?" A fuschia pony approached our table. Her purple mane swayed to the side as she turned her head to Vinyl.

I was still looking at the window. I reached for my drink, and sipped on it nonchalantly. As Vinyl continued to speak to somepony, my eyes curiously traveled up to inspect who it was.

I suddenly dropped my cup on the ground, and glass shards shattered onto the floor under me. My eyes were small, and shaky, as they were glued upon the pony that Vinyl had been talking to. Everypony in the restaurant looked my way as they heard the sudden shatter. My friends worriedly stared at me, but I didn't notice any of them.

My eyes were glued to that pony. That pony.... Berry Punch.

I ran. I got up from the table filled with my good friends, and ran. I opened the door to the restaurant, and quickly fled from the scene. I didn't look back, I couldn't look back. No matter how hard Vinyl yelled out to me, I wasn't going to stop running. I just couldn't.

"Lyra!!! What are you doing?! Where are you going!?!" I could hear Vinyl confusingly shouting at me.

Part of me wanted to slap Vinyl right in the face for talking to Berry Punch, but another part of me wanted to go to her, and take her with me. I didn't want to be alone again. I at least wanted Vinyl with me, but I wasn't going to turn back now, and Vinyl would just ask too many questions if I did that. Though she would probably ask me too many questions the next time she sees me now that I ran off so suddenly. But there was no stopping me now. No stopping.

My head hurt too much to cry, but I wanted to very badly. My thoughts were overpowering my mind, and I wanted to just lay down, and rest, but that wasn't going to happen. Not until I got home at least.

My heart was aching, and I was truly confused. Why would Vinyl do that to me? Why was Berry Punch even there in the first place? I just had no answers to any of my questions, and I had nopony to ask. My mind was racing, and my heart was pumping quickly, and i continued to run forward.

It didn't seem that I had made it too far from the restaurant, because I could still faintly hear Vinyl calling to me. I felt like I was moving at full speed, but something was telling me that my legs weren't carrying me as far as I thought. My body was too tired, my legs were too weak, and my hoof was still throbbing in pain. However; none of these factors were stopping me from getting as far away from Berry Punch as possible.

I was now starting to notice exactly how weak my legs were at the moment, and my momentum was far from fast. I could feel my body getting slower, and slower. Weaker, and weaker. Until I finally came to a stop.

I briskly panted as I held my head low. My bangs fell over my eyes slightly, and it itched at my skin, but I didn't bother to move them over. I could hear my heart beating inside my chest, and my ears were pulsing as well. I could no longer hear Vinyl though. She had probably given up, and just let me go. Probably thought that I would come around after a little alone time. But that question still circled around in my mind. Why would Vinyl talk to Berry Punch? In front of me!?

I guess Vinyl wasn't the sort of pony to hold a grudge, and she was fairly nice to everypony, but still... She's suppose to be my best friend....

My eyes began to blur with tears as they started to roll down my cheeks. I lifted my bandaged hoof, and wiped the corner of my eyes. Tear stains began to mix with the dried blood stains on the tissue cloth.

My head was still hanging low, though my eyes caught something in front of me. The sky was dark, but I could still make out a set of hooves standing in front of me. The color was, brown? No, tan? Cream? I wasn't quite sure due to the lack of light, though curiously enough I let my eyes look up a little more.

"L-lyra?"

I couldn't believe it. I felt my heart pump faster. My face turned hot despite the cold night air. My tears stopped streaming, and a small smile quivered upon my muzzle.

Bon Bon stood in front of me. I was so happy to see her. It had been what seemed forever since I had seen her last. The last time I had seen her.... At least I thought it was the last time then, but now...now she was here in front of me, and my hopes rung true that that wouldn't be the very last time.

"Bon Bon...." I held my injured hoof out towards her. I was still sitting on the ground, and she towered above me.

My hoof hung in the air. No attention was paid to it, and Bon Bon surely didn't reach out for it.

"What are you doing here, Lyra..." Bon Bon's voice didn't sound at all sweet like it used to. It didn't sound familiar like it used to. It didn't sound loving like it used to.

"I....I..." I didn't know how to respond. I didn't exactly no what to say at all to her. I was just so happy, yet confused as to why she was standing in front of me. I heard a roll of thunder off in the distance as I watched her look down upon me.

"What are you doing here?" That's all I could figure to say, or ask. I was very curious as to why she was here.

"Um..."

"Hey, there you are Bon Bon!" A voice called out from behind me. I cringed as it slithered through my ears. My eyes looked at Bon Bon who was now showing her attention to the pony behind me. Against my better judgement, I slowly turned my head around to see who it was. I already knew who it was, but I didn't want to believe it. I just couldn't.

"You're almost late for our date, baby." Berry Punch said. She hadn't seemed to notice me sitting there. She didn't even let her eyes look at me. They were set upon Bon Bon. My Bon Bon!

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you wai--"

"Bon Bon, no! Please! Don't do this!" I suddenly called out. My voice trembled as my eyes began to water up again. I tried to hold back my tears, but it was almost impossible. They gushed out, and I couldn't stop them. My heart was shattering once again. Why did this have to happen to me!?

"Lyra..." Bon Bon looked at me, and then turned to Berry Punch who was impatiently waiting. She was probably happy to see me cry.

"Bon Bon! I love you, Bon Bon! You love me too! Remember? You love me too!!" I couldn't control myself anymore. Sealed away words, and held back tears all came rushing out of me all at once. I couldn't think straight, I couldn't even move. All I wanted was for Bon Bon to tell me she loved me. All I wanted was for her to come home with me. Our home. Where we both belonged.

I heard more thunder crackle. It was getting louder, and louder. The wind began to pick up, and my mane was flying in all directions, but I didn't really care. Lighting filled my eyes as the cold air became much colder.

"Looks like it's going to rain, Bon Bon. We better get going." Berry Punch snidely said. Her voice was filled with hatred, and I felt as if I were being stabbed in the back over, and over. I could feel my skin rip apart, and I could feel blood leaving my body. Her words were killing me, and Bon Bon was letting her do it to me. She didn't seem to care at all about me.

I could feel drips of rain begin to fall on my head. It wasn't long before it got harder, and it was now freezing.

"Let's go." Berry Punch said.

"Okay." Bon Bon replied. She started to walk past me. Her eyes looked at me sadly, and she ran after Berry Punch.

She left me again. But this time...she left me in the rain.

My eyes lit up from all the colorful lights that surrounded me. Ponyville had done an excellent job this year with the decorations.

It was the middle of December, and Hearths Warming was approaching quickly. I was so excited, but at the same time I was worried. I still hadn't gotten a gift for Bon Bon, and I was still unsure of what to give her. Whatever it was, it had to be perfect, and nothing less.

I walked past some decorated shops, and slowly looked through each window at the displays set out. I wasn't sure what store to go in first. I wasn't even sure of what would be in the stores. Maybe the perfect present was waiting inside one of these shops, and all I had to do was open the door, and let myself in. But which one?

I had never gotten myself this caught up in gift buying for Hearths Warming. I never really had a particular pony to buy for. I would always get something for my friends of course, but they were easy to shop for. I knew them so well. But even though I've known Bon Bon almost my whole life, I began to realize how much I didn't know about her personal life. I would ask, but that wouldn't be as fun as figuring it all out as I go along. I was sure to discover new things about her everyday, and so far I have learned a lot of new things about her, but even though I know more about her now, I still don't know what she would like the best.

Shopping wasn't always my most favorite thing in the world either, and especially when I didn't know what I was shopping for. However; I had to put my own self on hold this time. Bon Bon was too important to me, and I would do absolutely anything for her.

I walked a few more shops down until my eyes were caught by a particular store. It's decorations were so bright, and lively, and it looked so welcoming. I was still indecisive whether I should enter into the shop, or not, but something in me was pulling me towards it. It was almost nostalgic.

I lifted my hoof to the door, and pushed on in. As I entered, a little bell rung on the door, and i heard somepony call out "Welcome!"

I smiled at the shop keeper, and began to browse the shelves. I wasn't quite sure if I had ever been to this store before, or not, but the merchandise all seemed beautiful.

There were golden lockets, and pendents. Crystal necklaces, and lacy charms. Everything was lovely, and they would all work as wonderful gifts, but I didn't see anything that was the perfect gift. I continued to look around. I had a feeling that somewhere in here had to be Bon Bon's present, and all I had to do was look hard enough.

My heart began to beat quicker than usual. I was unsure of why this was, but something in the pit of my stomach began to arouse. I stopped searching aimlessly, and began to follow my heart. That's what this was all about anyways, right? Following your heart?

My hooves carried me to a shelf in the back of the store. It was more hidden than the rest of the shelves, and it was filled with dust as if nopony had ever visited this part of the store before. I curiously approached it further until I could see it's contents.

There were a few other pieces of jewelry, and various knick knacks, but one thing in particular caught my attention.

My heart leaped as my eyes set upon it. I knew for a fact that this was the perfect gift. This is what I will give to Bon Bon!

My body was cold, and chills were running through my spine. My eyes were closed tightly together as I rustled about. I could feel that my throat was a bit dry, and sore. My nose was burning, and it was runny.

I couldn't sleep any longer. I was too restless to fall back into a peaceful slumber no matter how badly I wanted to. Getting up was probably the best thing to do.

I could feel my bed underneath me. I didn't quite remember how I got back home. All I could remember was rain pouring down on me. Had I passed out? Had I walked home? My head hurt too much to recall, and so I decided to give up on thinking, and just lay in my bed.

I pulled at my covers, trying to warm up my shoulders, but they wouldn't budge. I tugged a little harder thinking maybe they were caught on something, but it felt like something heavy was holding them down in place. I shifted in my position, and tried to warm myself up, but I continued to feel cold, and my body felt so weak.

"Wha' the hell...." I tiredly let out. I slowly lifted my light head, and attempted to open my crusted eyes.

At first my vision was blurry, and I got a sudden head rush, but I quickly recovered, and I could now see what was holding my blankets down.

Vinyl was sitting on my bed. She was faced my way, and was softly smiling at me. But that wasn't all. Octavia was standing off to the side, and all around my room I was surrounded by my friends. Daisy, Lily, Rose, even Colgate was there. I was so confused as to why my friends were all in my house. The only one who ever visited me was Vinyl. I didn't think the others cared to see my house in it's newest conditions. Yet, there they all were. Circled around me, despite the uncleanliness of my room.

"Look who decided to wake up." Vinyl jokingly said. She gave me her famous toothy grin, and winked at me with her large red eyes.

"Wha-What are you all doing here?" I asked. My muzzle bore a frown, and my eyebrows were painted with confusion. I noticed my dry throat again. I tried to clear it out, but it only caused myself pain. My throat was burning, and my eyes began to water as I winced.

"We're here to see our friend." Rose answered. Her burgundy mane softly swayed as she innocently blinked at me.

"We were worried about you so..." Daisy added.

"....we decided to come see you!" Lily finished.

Colgate quietly, but happily nodded her head in agreement. She softly rubbed her forearm as she watched me stare back at them with my mouth wide open. I was so shocked to see this sight. They really did care, didn't they?

"Wha---" I was cut off.

"This reminds me of that time that I got really sick. You came over to visit me, and you gave me some pretty flowers, but it turned out I was allergic to that kind, and I ended up getting even sicker!" Lily laughed like her usual bubbly self. It must be something about that blonde mane of hers... I silently giggled to myself at my own humor.

"Oh! I remember when Lyra, and I went out together on Nightmare Night when we were fillies. I dressed up like Princess Celestia, but Lyra wanted to dress up like a dark princess. I wasn't quite sure why at the time, but she said she had read about a moon princess in one of her story books before, and she wanted to dress up like her." Colgate reminisced. Her eyes sparkled as she looked at the rest of my friends as she told them our fillyhood memory. I did remember that, and I never forgot it either. When Princess Luna returned to us recently, I secretly felt accomplished for being such a bright filly when I was much younger.

"I will never forget the time I first attended the Gala, and Miss Heartstrings was there. It was the first time I had ever watched other ponies perform for such an elegant event, and I must say that Lyra caught my eye above them all. The way she poised herself when she was playing her lyre was so lovely. And the sound, oh that wonderful sound she produced from her beautiful instrument was like heavens music. I do say she was an inspiration to me. After that night, I was absolutely determined to get invited to play for the Gala, and sure enough I did the very next year. However; it wasn't until years later had I met Lyra again through Vinyl." Octavia's rambling soothed me in such a way that I was starting to feel uncomfortable. Why were these memories so important that they were needed to say now. Why were my friends telling me these things anyways? What did it mean?

"Okay, who's next? Anypony? Anypony at all? Care to tell a heartwarming memory about me?" I suspiciously arched my eyebrow at my six friends. They were all smiling at me, and their eyes were all bright, and caring.

"Lyra, we just want you to remember all the times we spent together with you. Each of us. We want you to remember that we were always your friends, and we continue to be. We just want you to remember that we will never leave your side. We want you to know that we will always be here for you, especially through your hard times. And the reason is because we are all your friends, and we love you. We all do, Lyra." Vinyl's words rung through my ears. Her voice calmed my insides, and I could feel a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach. My eyes were tearing up.

"I....I lo----" I sneezed really loudly, and it broke my sentence. I slowly rubbed my nose, and my friends all began to laugh. I couldn't help but join in with them. All seven of us busted out into tears, and fits of laughter. Something I longed to do for such a long time was to see everyone of my friends laughing, and me laughing with them as well.

I could feel my spirits lifting as I realized how many wishes I wished for had began to come true. I wished to see Vinyl, and it happened. I wished to get out of my house, and it happened. I wished to hang out with all my friends, and it happened. I wished to laugh with them, and it happened. And...I wished to see Bon Bon, and it happened. Maybe I was a lucky mare after all. Maybe my wishes truly did come true. Maybe all I had to do was give it some time, and all my troubles would disappear, and happiness would bring itself to me.

I knew exactly now what I had to do. What was necessary to be happy. What would take away all my sorrows, and pains. What would turn my life back around. I was going to make Bon Bon fall back in love with me!

"Are you ready to see your surprise?" Bon Bon whispered in my ear. Her hooves were covering my eyes, and I could smell the scent of her fur as she had her arms wrapped around me.

"I've been ready!" I excitedly burst out. My heart was pumping with anticipation, and I couldn't take the suspense any longer. I needed to see what Bon Bon had for me.

Hearth's Warming Eve was upon us, and Bon Bon, and I decided to spend it together. The night was pretty cold, and the snow came down harder, and harder. Both of us agreed to go to my house, and open gifts. I had my fireplace warming the room as I sat on my couch. Bon Bon sat next to me, her hooves still over my eyelids as she teased me with the anticipation.

For the most part, this was the best Hearths Warming Eve I had ever had. I usually spent it with my friends, and that was all good, and well. But something about being with Bon Bon on this lovely holiday was a sense of peace to me. It was so warm with her, and I felt like I was with the right mare. The perfect mare. I knew for a fact that she was definitely my perfect match. She completed me, and deep down, I hoped that she felt the same way.

"Are you really that excited to see?" Bon Bon nuzzled my ear slightly as she noticed my excitement. Chills ran throughout my body as she touched that sensitive spot. I never knew that your ears could make you feel that way before. It was all new, and exciting to me.

"I really am!" I threw my hooves in the air, and let out a long groan.

"Okay! I'm going to show you now!"

Bon Bon slowly lifted her hooves away from my eyes, revealing the special gift that she had gotten me. Set before me was the most beautiful golden lyre I had ever laid eyes upon. It sparkled just so, and it's edges were cleanly curved. Each string tightly sat in place, and I was so bedazzled that I was afraid to reach out, and touch it. It looked so delicate, and tender to touch. But I yearned to grab it, and embrace it. It was just that beautiful. I bet it sounded just as lovely when it was played.

"Well..." Bon Bon turned her eyes to me. Her smile filled up the edges of her muzzle as she waited for a response.

I didn't know how to respond. I didn't know what to say to her. I didn't know how to accept something this amazing, and how to thank her. All I could do was stare back into her eyes, and let a smile of my own appear.

"It's....it's...it's so beautiful!" I reached out towards Bon Bon, and hugged her neck. I felt more sensations rile up inside me, but I tried to ignore the arousing feelings within me.

"I'm glad you like it. I knew you would." Bon Bon said as I continued to hug her.

"Now it's your turn, Bon's." I cooed into her ear. Before I let go of her embrace, I quickly kissed her on the cheek, and then released from her.

I could see Bon Bon blush as I walked away to find my gift. I was more excited to see her open her own gift. I knew she was going to love it. It was the best gift ever! I just knew it! I finally saw the pink, and blue wrapping paper, and ribbon, and went to retrieve it. I returned to Bon Bon with my little rectangle gift box. I was more than excited to watch her see it's contents.

I sat back down next to my lover, and hoofed her the present. My heart fluttered as she lifted it away from me. My eyes glimmered as I watched her every move. I could see her inspecting the box, probably trying to figure what was inside. She playfully smiled at me as she slightly shook it. The gift itself was pretty heavy, so she didn't shake it too hard. I could see that she was now ready to open it. My eyes lit up as I watched her every move.

"I can't wait to see what it is, Lyra." Bon Bon said to me as she slowly pulled off the edges of the wrapping paper.

Bon Bon was always so precise when it came to about anything, and I noticed that this rung true as she perfectly unraveled the paper gracefully. She pulled it all off without ripping the slightest piece. I was quite impressed, but I was too busy watching her open the next part. The part that held my gift inside. The box.

I was at the edge of my seat as Bon Bon finally lifted the lid. She pulled out the present, and observed it. I watched her face contently for any expression. For excitement. For happiness. I couldn't quite tell what she was feeling. Was it possible that she didn't like it? Was it too much? Too little? Had I overdone it, and got something really cheesy?

"Um...Do you like it?" I softly let out. I clamped the couch cushion with my hooves as I awaited for her to respond.

"I....I....I love it...." Bon Bon quietly said. Her eyes looked as if they were sad, but a smile was set upon her face. Bon Bon opened up the music box that I bought for her, and listened to the sweet melody it played. It was one of her favorite lullabies, and she had told me how she used to listen to it all the time.

"Really? I'm so glad!" I grinned, and leaned in closely to the music box.

"See it has a little engraving right here. I will lull you to sleep, and with you you'll keep, Oh heart of mine, my lullaby. I thought it was really beautiful, and...I thought you should have something like this...to remember that no matter what....you'll always have me...always." I gulped down hard as I forced myself to spit out my inner feelings. I felt kind of embarrassed, but I knew that Bon Bon was happy to hear it.

"Oh, Lyra..." Bon Bon set down the music box, and leaned in towards me. She kissed me, and pushed me lower onto the couch. Together we sunk in deep within the soft cushions, and I slowly began to close my eyes.

She continued to kiss me, and I could feel hot sensations feeling me up inside. My heart was burning with passion as Bon Bon began to run her hooves up, and down my body. Bon Bon's leg reached it's way between mine, and it rubbed against me in my most sensitive place. I almost winced as I felt her warmth against me.

Bon Bon's mouth began to open, and I could feel something trying to move it's way into my mouth. What was it? What was Bon Bon doing? Was that her tongue? What am I suppose to do? I don't know! She had never kissed me like that before. I wasn't sure of what to do, but I opened my mouth, and invited her tongue inside. I felt it move around inside my mouth as Bon Bon continued to kiss me. It was kind of weird, but at the same time it felt really good. I tried to mimic what she was doing, and I passionately kissed her back.

Bon Bon's knee was pushing deeper into me as she moved around on top of me. My body was burning inside, and I felt so good. I had never experienced these feelings before, but it was no doubt the best feeling in the world. I wanted to make Bon Bon feel this wonderful feeling too. I wanted her to moan, and call out my name in pleasure. I wanted her to feel amazing.

I moved my hoof down her stomach slowly, and I could feel her skin tingle. I reached further down until I could feel what I was looking for. I began to rub her, and I could hear her moan softly while kissing me. Bon Bon moved her leg, and moved her hoof into me as well. I couldn't take these wonderful feelings. They were just so intense, and new to me. I didn't know really what to do. I could feel a sudden rush feel me up inside, and lower itself down between my hips. Out of nowhere I let out a long moan, and I could feel something hot, and wet all over me.

Bon Bon's arms were wrapped around me, and I could hear her softly breath in her slumber. I slowly began to close my eyes, and start to drift off into a peaceful sleep as well. This was indeed the best Hearths Warming ever. I was in love with Bon Bon. I knew then that I always would be, and no matter what I would never let her forget how I felt for her.

I could hear the lullaby on the music box start to slowly fade away as I dozed off, and began to dream about my dearest Bon Bon.

My home was now empty, and I was the only one residing in it. All of my friends had to go back to their workplaces, and homes. We had decided upon meeting up again later tonight. At first I wasn't quite sure, but they had lifted my spirits, and I was feeling much more capable of going out.

I walked down my stairs, and sat down on the couch in my living room. I looked down onto it's cushions, and softly moved my hoof across the fabric. I slowly laid down upon it, and took in the aroma of it. I will never forget her smell. I will never have to forget, for soon she would once again be mine. I would make sure of it.

My heart felt as if it were crying inside of my chest. Lately that was all I did; cry. But now, for the first time I realized that you could actually cry from joy.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I remembered our first time. It was so sweet, and loving. I could remember every small detail about her, and I couldn't wait to see her everywhere again. I couldn't wait to touch her again. I couldn't wait to love her again.

I smiled as my heart filled up with desire. Was it sinful for me to lust for her? Was it wrong? I didn't know, and for the moment I didn't care. All I wanted was to be with Bon Bon, and I was going to get exactly what I wanted. I was confident now.

I stood there for a moment, and took in all the memories by one small glance. I softly touched the golden edges of the beautiful lyre. Dust had made it's home upon it for I hadn't touched it since Bon Bon left. But feeling it now against my hooves felt so right. I could almost feel her as I moved my hoof across each string.

I was honestly afraid for what I was going to do. I cautiously reached out for the lyre that Bon Bon had given to me that one Hearths Warming Eve. I timidly drew my hoof back, questioning myself. I even tried to think of an excuse to not go through with it, but I wasn't going to let myself do that. I had to do it, and it had to be done. And there was no better time than now. For what if there was no tomorrow?

I convinced myself, and wrapped my hooves around the lyre. For the first time in a long time, I felt like myself again. I felt like that musician I used to be. I felt complete.

I caressed the lyre in only a way that I would understand. I blew the dust off of each string, and softly strummed each one. It was a little out of tune, but that could be fixed easily. I still knew how to play. I still knew what I was doing. That was something that I could never forget, and it would always stick with me.

My mind was set, and I was completely ready to do what needed to be done.

Step one: Remind her of who I once was, and who I will always be.

I took notice to the rhythm of my hoofsteps as I trotted slowly towards my destination. My heart was sunk in the whole trip there, and I felt as if I could hardly breath, let alone swallow. A lump in my throat prevented me from feeling at ease, and my stomach churned as I made my journey over to Bon Bon's home.

Was this the right thing to do? What if she wasn't even home? Then where would I find her? What if I never see her again? Oh I wish, I wish she will be there. Please....

My mind was beginning to become quite troublesome, and I couldn't find myself to be able to think straight. I could almost feel tears trying to make their way out of my eyes, but I wouldn't let them escape. I couldn't cry. I couldn't shed anymore tears unless it was from happiness.

I promised myself that I would never cry again until Bon Bon tells me she loves me. Until then will I keep my tears from falling. I would seal them away. I promised, and I wasn't planning on breaking that promise.

I sucked up all my sad thoughts, and tried to clear my mind of all painful memories as I finally could see her house overhead. I could feel my legs weakening under me as I forcibly drug myself closer. I clutched my lyre to my chest as I finally reached the front steps. I could hear my heart pounding rapidly. It felt just like when I asked her out. I was feeling that nervous feeling from our first kiss. I was feeling vulnerable like when we made love for the first time. All those happy, yet scared feelings were all rushing back to me at once. Was I suppose to feel this way? Was it normal?

I had no time to answer myself. I had to do what needed to be done. It was sure to work. If I followed all my steps, I was positive that Bon Bon would fall in love with me all over again. How could she not? I knew that she still had to have feelings for me deep inside. She had made a mistake of course, but who didn't?

My heart raced rapidly, but I wasn't going to stop myself now. I sat down upon Bon Bon's steps, and faced the opposite of her door. I looked out at the rest of Ponyville. Not many ponies were around, which I found this to my advantage. All I really wanted was a place with just me, and Bon Bon, but this was the best I had, and I was going to use this opportunity.

I put my lyre in playing position, and adjusted my hooves upon it. I slowly lowered my eyes in a sweet sorrow, and began to strum against the strings. The melody came out just as beautiful as I hoped. It had to be perfect. It was Bon Bon's favorite lullaby after all.

My hooves moved gracefully across my lyre just like they had many times before. I hadn't lost my touch. I still had it in me. Each note sustained in their own way as they all mixed together to create a full lovely tune. I could feel my muzzle begin to smile as I heard with my own ears the beautiful sound I was making. I was creating it all for Bon Bon.

I continued to play even though behind me I could faintly hear the door opening. I could almost feel her. She was so close. I knew it was so.

My hooves moved across the lyre perfectly; producing Bon Bon's lullaby. My eyes opened wider now, and I looked up towards the sky. Tears filled my eyes, but I held them back like I promised myself. I wanted to cry out with joy, but now wasn't the right time. My time would come, but it wasn't quite yet.

"Lyra?"

I jumped at the sudden call of my name. My hoof hit the wrong string which ruined the continuous melody. At this I stopped playing, and turned around.

"What are you doing here, Lyra?" Bon Bon stood before me in all her beauty. I could feel my eyes lighting up at the sight of her. I tried to take in all her beauty, and think of something to say to her at the same time.

"I wanted to see you of course." I smiled brightly at her, but then my smile began to fade away as I noticed Bon Bon was holding a blanket in front of her body.

Before she could respond to me I quickly spoke up.

"What is that for?" I referred to the blanket she was clutching. My eyes were filled with confusion, and I knew she could see it.

"Don't ask me questions, Lyra. I want to know why you are playing that thing on my doorstep." Her voice suddenly began to sound cold. It wasn't my Bon Bon that was speaking. It was as if somepony was making her sound this way to me. It wasn't her voice...It couldn't be...

"I...It's your favorite....remember?" I stressed it by pushing my lyre closer to her. My golden eyes quivered as they studied her blanket.

"Bon Bon....I can't take it anymore. I'm dying in here. Come finish me off!"

My eyes quickly darted inside Bon Bon's house. She tried to move to where I couldn't see, but it was too late. I had already seen it. I had already seen who was laying on her couch in her living room. Legs spread. Lust upon her face. Wine sitting on Bon Bon's coffee table. I had already seen....

"Bon Bon..." My eyes made there way up towards her face. Could she not see my pain? Could she not feel what I was feeling? Did she even care?

"Lyra, I think it's best you just leave." Bon Bon said. Her voice was much softer this time, but that didn't stop me from wanting to die. That didn't change my mind about wanting to kill Berry Punch. It didn't change my mind at all.

"I love you." I said before turning around, and running off. My lyre I left behind upon Bon Bon's doorstep, and I didn't care to go back for it. I didn't care to stop running.

I ran as fast as my hooves could take me, and I didn't stop for anything in the world. My eyes burned as they tried to produce tears, but with my promise still in use, I held them back, and just ran until I could no longer stand.

Clinging to my couch with my forearms; holding back tears that needed to be shed. I stared blankly at my ceiling. I found it easier to hold back my tears while lying on my back, so this is what I did.

My mind was racing with so many thoughts that I truly didn't want to remind myself of. Questions forcing their way through my brain, trying to get answers that I did not have. Unwanted imagery was glued to my inner most thoughts, and I couldn't avoid them. I couldn't avoid any of it. But what was I to do?

Step one didn't work out too well.... Or maybe it did, but I need to put step two in order for it to fully take effect!

I quickly sprung up into a sitting position. I could feel my confidence filling up again within me as I considered step two. I listened to my idea over, and over again in my mind. It was sure to work. It would make me feel better too. I knew that step two was now officially a go!

Step Two: Make her jealous.

I sat the rest of the day away. I remembered that I was suppose to go out with my friends again tonight, and so I sat in that exact position on my couch, and waited until then.

I was starting to feel tired, but I wasn't going to let myself fall asleep. What if I missed my chance at step two? I would never let that happen!

I kept my eyes glued open as I stared at my plain wall. The unpleasant aroma of my dirty home lingered towards me, but I rejected the scent. I couldn't be reminded of my predicament. I couldn't let any thoughts take hold at the moment. I was in a lock down until Bon Bon was mine again. I couldn't let myself go. Not again. Never!

My eyes eventually fell weary, and I ended up falling asleep against my will...

"Sorry I can't be there, Lyra. I really wish I could be, but like I said I'm terribly busy today, and just can't make it over. You understand, don't you?"

I listened intently at Bon Bon through my telephone. My heart felt sad, but I couldn't hold it against her if she absolutely couldn't make it. I completely understood.

"It's perfectly fine, Bon Bon. I'm sure you tried your best to come, but it's okay that you can't. I just hope you're not too awfully busy. I don't want you getting too tired, or sick." I replied, speaking into my phone that I had clutched between two of my hooves. I almost wanted to cry, but I knew Bon Bon couldn't help it. Maybe she could make it next year. Yeah! Next year for sure!

"Thank you for understanding. I will make it up to you, I promise Lyra."

I slightly smiled at Bon Bon's words. She would make it up to me? Great!

"Okay then, Bon Bon. Don't work yourself too hard. I love you." I made a kissing gesture into the phone at the end of my reply.

"I love you too. Happy Birthday, Lyra."

I heard Bon Bon's phone line end, and I set my telephone on my counter top. I slowly sighed as I looked out my kitchen window. It was still pretty early in the day, but I was beginning to feel lonely. I wondered when my friends would come over, and wish me a happy birthday. I hoped soon. I kind of needed the comfort right now.

Deep inside I felt sad that I couldn't see Bon Bon on my birthday, but I couldn't let myself subdue to those feelings. I shook my mind of such thoughts, and waited for the rest of my friends to come, and visit me.

Overall, the rest of my birthday was a good one. I had fun with Vinyl, Octavia, Lily, Daisy, Rose, and Colgate. We hung out, and talked about anything, and everything. I got a few neat gifts, and we all shared some cake that Octavia picked up from SugarCube Corner. It was a fun day indeed, and I loved every bit of it.

That was the last day that I smiled. That was the last day that I laughed. That was the last day that I cared. That was the last day of my happiness. And from there on forth, only tears could comfort me.

"Lyra? Lyra? Lyra??"

My eyes began to slowly open to the sound of my name, and the constant banging on my front door.

I pulled my hoof up to rub my head. I felt like I had the worst hangover ever, but I hadn't been drinking, so that wasn't an option. I sat up from my couch, and it took me a moment before I realized that I had in fact fallen asleep! Even when I told myself I wouldn't, I couldn't stop myself from dozing off in my tiredness.

I quickly jolted from my couch, and ran over to my kitchen clock. It was 8:46 pm! Holy shit! I had slept for seven whole hours! I had already missed my date with the girls! I had slept through the whole day! Step two was ruined!!

"Lyra?!"

I almost forgot that somepony was at the door until they continued to shout out. Who was it? I couldn't tell. Their voice was muffled by my thick walls, and so I cautiously walked over to my locked door. I skeptically looked at my door before answering.

"Who's there?" I shoved my ears against the door to better my hearing.

"It's Vinyl, Lyra. Let me in!"

Quickly persuaded, I reached out for the lock, and opened the door. Vinyl came barging in. I looked behind her to see if anypony else was there, but it was just her. None of my other friends had came along with her.

"Lyra. We have to talk." Vinyl walked passed me, and made herself comfortable on my living room couch. I secretly didn't want anypony to sit on it ever since then, but it was only Vinyl. I made an exception for her.

"What do you want to talk about?" I made my way towards Vinyl, and sat down next to her. The couch was still warm from where I had fallen asleep upon it, and it comforted me to feel my own warmth.

Vinyl pulled her pink tinted shades off, and then rested them on the top of her head. Her red eyes were once again revealed to me, and they, as always, looked into me deeply. Concern was washed over her face as she propped her foreleg on the top of the couch, and turned her whole entire body to face me.

"Lyra, everypony.....I, and.....our friends think that you should go see a doctor..." Vinyl looked at me with regret, but she put a comforting hoof on my arm.

"A doctor? But I don't feel sick." I obliviously looked at my best friend with confusion. I didn't know what she was talking about. A doctor? What ever for?

"No, no, no! Damn it, Lyra....A psychiatrist. Don't you see? Haven't you realized yet that you need help? Octavia told me about your hoof. I can see the scar right now! I can see all the scars, Lyra. I'm not stupid. I notice it all. I have been noticing it ever since last year. Did you know that it's almost been a year of this already? Lyra! Tomorrow is your birthday! This has been going on for a year, Lyra. Don't you get it? If you can't get over her, then you need help! I can get you that help, Lyra. I'm here for you of course, but I think it's due time that you see somepony about this problem. We're all just so worried about you, Lyra."

I stared at Vinyl's eyes with my mouth slightly left open. I didn't know what to say to her. I didn't need help! That was a bunch of bull shit. I knew what I was doing. I was going to make Bon Bon fall in love with me. I didn't need somepony else to tell me what I'm doing with my life. I could tell myself that for free. And I would do a pretty damn good job of it too!

"You're wrong, Vinyl. I don't need anyponies help. Don't you see that I'm getting better? How would you feel if Octavia left you?!" I instantly regretted my choice of words, but Vinyl didn't seem to look to offended.

"I know what you're trying to say, Lyra. But it's just we really are worried about you, and we think you would get better quicker if--"

I suddenly cut Vinyl off with a kiss. I forced my body on top of hers as I continued to kiss my best friends lips. She struggled under me, and she tried to kick at me, and yell, but to no avail.

She quickly surrendered to my lips, and I could now feel that she was kissing me back. I found this to my advantage, and dived in wholeheartedly into my best friend.

I began to rub her in a certain place; a place on Vinyl that I had never personally seen, or touched for that matter before. But she was very soft, and I could smell a sweet scent coming off from her. The aroma overpowered the stench of my home, and I released from Vinyl's mouth.

She was blushing in a way that I had never seen before, and her face was filled with pleasure. She moaned as I continued to touch her in her forbidden place. I lowered myself over her body until I could now see with my own eyes the place that was rightfully Octavia's.

But right now I wasn't caring about Octavia. I wasn't even caring about Vinyl. All i cared about was Bon Bon, and in my mind I pretended that at the moment Vinyl was Bon Bon, and here I was with my face in Bon Bon's special place. Tasting her sweetness, and licking her beauty.

"Bon Bon, what are you talking about? Wh-What is that?!" My eyes were full of tears as I gaped at a large red mark on Bon Bon's neck. It was the day after my birthday, and I had came by Bon Bon's place to see if she was still working. I wasn't prepared for what I was to find...

"Lyra, please let me explain!" Bon Bon tried to sooth me, and calm me down, but nopony could mend my heart at this moment. I could literally feel my heart shattering into a million small pieces. Why was this happening to me?

"What is it?! What is that?! Tell me, Bon Bon! Tell me!!" I continued to stress my question. I already knew deep inside what it was. But even so, I wanted to hear her say it.

"Lyra..."

"Stop it! Where did it come from!? It wasn't from me!! Who did that to you!?!" Just thinking about somepony else doing that to my Bon Bon made me want to die. I hadn't even done that to her yet, so how was it fair that somepony else gets to?!

"I didn't mean to....Lyra you have to understand....I didn't mean to hurt you..." Bon Bon lowered her eyes. She could no longer look at my hurt face. She could no longer see the tears rolling down my cheeks. She couldn't face her own guilt.

"How....Why...." I couldn't even make out a full sentence. My mind was too overwhelmed. My heart was too broken. I couldn't think about anything except....Bon Bon...

"Lyra, do you remember Berry Punch...?" Bon Bon slowly turned her eyes towards me, but at a small glance she quickly dropped them again.

Yes. I thought to myself. I remembered Berry Punch. Well at least I knew she was a friend of Bon Bon's, and she would mention her every now, and then. I would even see her once, or twice around Ponyville, but....why was she important right now? Why would Bon Bon talk about her friend right now? At a time like this? Why was she so important?

I simply nodded my head. I couldn't make out a word. I couldn't even mutter a simple yes. I just couldn't speak to Bon Bon right now. I didn't know how.

"Well, Lyra....The reason I couldn't make it to your birthday party wasn't because I was working...."

My eyes lit up, and tears seemed neverending as they continued to flood out of my eyes. My heart was pounding, and with every beat, I felt a part of me die.

Bon Bon heard my lack of a reply, and she continued.

"It was because I was here, drinking with her."

My eyes pierced right through Bon Bon. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was Bon Bon in love with her friend? Did she even love me at all?! How did this happen? How did I not see?

"H-how long.....has this been going on....?" I sniffled as I tried to make my words as clear as possible. I could hardly even understand what I had said, but Bon Bon seemed to had heard me.

"A while."

That was all she could say? She couldn't even look at me, and say it? I wasn't even sure if I had enough heart left in me to continue asking her questions; getting all of the information out of her. However, I kept on asking, and finding out more about how stupid I am. That's how I felt anyways. Stupid.

"Do you love me?" I turned my golden eyes up in Bon Bon's direction. They were probably swollen, and I most likely didn't look too appealing at the moment, but I didn't care. It shouldn't matter. I shouldn't have to be going through this in the first place. How could this had happened right under my muzzle?

I searched Bon Bon's face for a reply, or an expression. Some sort of sign that showed me that she was still in love with me. That she didn't love Berry. That she wanted to stay with me, and ask for forgiveness. But as I longingly searched for that sign, it never came. Bon Bon's expression was flat, and she wasn't going to answer my question. She wasn't going to tell me she loved me...

"Do...you love Berry?" I winced at the words I spoke. I could hardly believe that they had left my lips. That they had came out of my mouth. I couldn't believe that I would ever be saying this to Bon Bon. Why did this have to happen?

Bon Bon moved her head upwards, and she finally laid her beautiful blue eyes upon mine. I saw them glimmer, and with a small twinkling tear she opened her mouth, and finally answered me.

"Yes."

Though my heart was already broken, now I was completely sure that it would never be mended. My heart was forever gone, along with Bon Bon. I would never have my heart back. It would always be with her. Never again would I feel the warmth of her embrace, and never again would I feel the beating of my own heart. All of my happiness was gone forever, and I would never see the shining light of another lovely day. All that I would have now was the darkness within me, and the tears that would fall down my face every night.

The comfort of a knife is all I know. And forever will I lay in darkness.

I closed my eyes as I leaned back against my couch. I stretched my arms up, and relaxed them behind my head. I opened my eyes, and let them linger to the side of me. Vinyl was sitting up as well. Her front hooves were solidly placed on her lap, and she held her head low. Her short blue mane was covering most of her face, but I could already picture her expression.

Even though I loved Vinyl, and she was my best friend, I couldn't find the will to feel bad about what I did. I actually felt kind of happy. Vinyl's body felt almost identical to Bon Bon, and it was kind of nice to do it with somepony. It had been far too long since I had.

"Do you have a cigarette or something, Vinyl?" I looked over to my friend. She didn't move at the sound of my voice. She didn't answer either. She just sat still, and didn't say a word.

I looked over to my kitchen, and seeing that I had no cigarettes either, that I was just going to have to deal with it until I could get my hooves on some. I didn't use to smoke, but lately it felt nice to have a cigarette or two every now, and then.

I looked down once again at my friend. Her silence was starting to annoy me, and I felt as if she were trying to ignore me, or something.

"What the hell is your problem, Vinyl?" I slightly nudged her with my hoof, and waited for her to respond.

The white unicorn didn't say anything at first, but she lifted her head upwards, and turned towards me. Her red eyes were watery, and for the first time in my life I had seen Vinyl cry. Vinyl shedding tears was something that I myself had never witnessed before, and somehow seeing her cry almost made me want to break down with her. But I wasn't going to break my promise.

"Lyra...please...it was a mistake...you can't tell anypony...please don't....I didn't mean to do that with you....it was a mistake, Lyra..." Vinyl sniffled between her sentences, and rubbed her eyes with her hooves, but only for more tears to come out of her.

I wasn't sure why, but after hearing her say that, I no longer felt sorry for her.

Me, and Vinyl had joined our friends at SugarCube Corner. Since we didn't get to go on our dinner date last night, Rose called us all up, and invited us to breakfast. Usually I wasn't much of a breakfast pony, but I was starving this particular morning, and breakfast sounded delicious to me.

Vinyl had cleaned herself up, and was acting as if nothing were wrong between us. I did the same thing. We all just ate our food, and talked about random things. The usual really. Until Colgate spoke up.

"So where were you two last night anyways? I know that Vinyl had went looking for you Lyra, but why didn't you call us, and tell us you found her Vinyl?" Colgate rested one hoof under her chin as she looked at me suspiciously. She already knew something was up, and it didn't take me long to realize that she was already blaming me for the matter.

I could see Vinyl shifting in her seat uncomfortably. Her facial expression practically screamed that she had done something she wasn't suppose to have done. But everypony else seemed to ignore her behavior, and turn their eyes on me as if I were the only pony that could ever do anything wrong in the world.

But instead of making up a story, I just gave them all what they wanted.

"Me, and Vinyl had sex." I wasn't really sure if what I had just did was the best idea, but it was going to be part of my step two. If everpony knew that I had sex with Vinyl then word would probably spread fast. Bon Bon would have to pick up on it, and the jealousy was sure to come out!

I could feel a smile appear on my muzzle unknowing that all of my friends were staring at me in disbelief. All of their bright eyes were wide open in my direction, even Vinyl.

"Wh--wha..." Octavia tried to let out. She couldn't say anything. She was choked up on her own thoughts, and with one look at her I could tell that she was feeling my pain now. Maybe now somepony would understand how I had been feeling this past year. Finally I wasn't the only pony with problems!

"What the fuck did you just do, Lyra? What the fuck did you just do!?!?" Vinyl jerked up out of her chair. Anger boiled inside of her as her chair flung back, and slid across the floor. All the other ponies in the sweet shop were now getting up, and clearing out. Obviously they didn't want to be caught in the cross-fire that was sure to come.

"I told the truth, Vinyl. We had sex, and we both enjoyed it. You know it's true." I looked at my friend with innocent eyes, and I could feel my other friends all looking at me in confusion.

Octavia slowly stood up from her seat, and rushed out of the restaurant. I could see Rose, Lily, and Daisy rushing after her. All that was left now was Vinyl standing above me in furry, and Colgate sitting next to me. Her glares were penetrating me, but I couldn't keep my eyes off of Vinyl.

"Why, Lyra....Why are you ruining my life....?" Vinyl broke down into a bitter sob. Her eyes were draining of all tears, and she looked like she was going to pass out.

"Because now maybe somepony will understand how I've been feeling this whole time." I slowly stood up from the table. I faced Vinyl directly, and then looked at Colgate who was now standing up, and walking over to the counter; apologizing for the mess.

"Goodbye, Vinyl Scratch." I turned to the door, and slowly walked out without looking back. Though I could hear Vinyl flipping the table over, and screams of complete agony. Even though she was my friend, I still smiled at the sound of her pain.

I walked through Ponyville with my head held high. I could see ponies whispering as I walked by. I could see stares, and snide looks as they saw me passing through. Could it be that it had already been spread? That quickly? This was wonderful!

I turned my thoughts to my plan. I had done step one, and step two. All that was left was step three. There were two parts to this step, for if the first part failed, I could always fall back on the second part, and that was how it was going to work. Though I secretly hoped that I wouldn't have to subdue to the second part of the final step. That was a last resort kind of thing, and I was going to do my best to ensure that part one would not fail!

I caressed my thoughts, and continued to walk towards Bon Bon's house. I was so excited. Step three was sure to work, and then Bon Bon would fall in love with me again. I was sure of it! My life would be nothing but happiness from here on out, and Bon Bon would be by my side forever.

I could see her house now, and I began to gallop as quickly as I could to her doorstep. I was so ready to do this. I had waited forever for this moment to come! My love would finally belong to me again.

Bon Bon would finally love me.

Step Three: Make her love me one way, or another.

I wiped the dirt of off my hooves, and I used my magic to open her door. I didn't bother knocking. I just let myself in, and closed the door tightly behind me.

Her home was pretty quiet, but I knew she had to be here. I just knew it.

I walked into her kitchen, but she wasn't there. I walked into her den, but she wasn't there. I walked upstairs to her bathroom, but she wasn't there. My heart began to ache as she was no where to be found. I wanted to cry out for her, but I couldn't do that. I might scare her.

I slowly walked into the last room. Her bedroom. The door was slightly cracked, but I slowly pushed it open. There was my Bon Bon. Spread across her bed. Her eyes were closed, and her legs were slightly spread. Her mane fell perfectly to the side of her lovely face, and her lips were slightly parted. She looked so peaceful. She looked so beautiful.

I quietly walked over to the side of her bed, and observed her at a closer range. She looked so cute when she was asleep, and it reminded me so much of our first time. She looked so inviting, and I just wanted to touch her, and pull her against my body.

I leaned in closely to her face. I could feel her tiny sweet breaths upon my cheek, and it warmed me from the inside out. Watching her was nostalgic, and I could almost pass out from her pure beauty.

I'm not exactly sure what it was, but something distracted me from Bon Bon, and made me look to the side of me. It was quite an overwhelming sight to see as I looked atop her dresser. My lovely lyre was laying in her room. It looked as if somepony had been polishing it, and taking good care of it. Was it true that Bon Bon had been keeping it in here ever since I left it? Had she really done that for me?

Even though I wanted to stare at Bon Bon some more my eyes were being pulled to look at the other things Bon Bon had in her room. Mostly everything she had were pictures.

I looked closely at them, and with a painful surge I saw all of the pictures were of Bon Bon, and Berry Punch. In some photos they were hugging, some they were laughing, some they were posing, some they were even kissing. They looked so happy in every single one of them. Bon Bon looked happy...

I slowly turned back at Bon Bon's sleeping face. I remember all the fun times we had together. I remember all the memories we made together. I remembered all the love we shared together. I remembered it all. I hadn't forgotten one thing that me, and Bon Bon did together. It was all in a scrapbook in my mind.

Maybe remembering is enough....

Maybe I should let Bon Bon make some new memories with the pony she truly loves....

Maybe I was wrong to try, and make her love me....

Maybe it was all my fault to begin with....

I looked upon the face of the pony I desired most. But as I looked at her I reminded myself that her body was not the only thing I desired from her. It was much more than that. It was her love. Her affection. Her beauty....

But above all...the one thing that truly mattered to me was her happiness. Bon Bon deserved at least that, and lately I had only been causing her grief, and sorrow. Happiness was the last thing I was giving her by doing all these things, and causing her to remember what she had done to me.

Maybe I really am the bad pony...

I lowered my eyes as I looked at my true love. I leaned closer to her, and place a kiss upon her forehead. I quickly jolted from her home before she awoken. But in my mind I pictured her waking up, and seeing that nopony was there.

So I once thought that I would never feel the warmth, or happiness of love ever again. If I could go back in time now I would tell myself that I was wrong. I will always feel the same love that Bon Bon gave me a year ago today. I will always know the feeling of her embrace, and I will never forget the enchanting taste of her kisses.

Even though she will never be mine, the love she had gave to me will always last my whole lifetime, and beyond.

So part one of step three didn't work. Part two will have to be the route I must take...

I slowly walked out of Ponyville, and came to a large lake. I remember swimming here when I was a filly. Me, and Colgate learned how to swim in this exact place. I remember...

I let my thoughts run free as I stared at my reflection in the water. I could finally look at myself, and smile again. I finally felt at peace with myself. I finally felt free from my ongoing shackles of pain. Free from life.

I wonder if you will remember me, Bon Bon. Remember me as the pony you fell in love with. Remember me that way.

I walked to the edge of the deep lake. I closed my eyes, and without another thought of it I dropped in. The water was cold, but I didn't care. It would be the last refreshing feeling I would ever know. I pulled my head under the water, and didn't let myself up for air.

After a while it began to feel painful in my chest, and the sorrowful memories were rushing back to me, but I wouldn't shed a tear, not even in the water.

I promised myself that only when Bon Bon tells me she loves me would i let myself cry, but she never told me she loved me, and she never will. So from now on I will never cry again. I will never have to for much longer anyways...

I could feel my lungs crying out to me for air, and my heart was slowing down, but even though my body was feeling these temporary pains, I wasn't going to give in to the desire for air. I wasn't going to let step three fail.

I could feel death upon me, and I invited it in. I finally let my last will to live die out, and I could finally feel my inner systems shutting down. I was finally going to let go of my miserable life, and feel happiness again. Finally I would be happy.

Bon Bon opened her eyes suddenly. She could have sworn she felt something brush against her head. But as she reached for her forehead with her hoof, she felt nothing was out of the norm. Everything looked usual. Everything felt usual. So everything must have been usual.

She slowly lifted herself out of her bed, and walked over to her dresser. She timidly looked at the first drawer, and decided whether she wanted to open it, or not. She hadn't been in that particular drawer in a long time, but something at this moment was pulling her towards it, and she couldn't fight the urge of opening it up.

She pulled it open, and picked up the single content within it. She softly touched the top of the box, and then opened it up. She listened to the sweet melody that she use to love, and she recited the engraving on the front of the music box...

"I will lull you to sleep, and with you you'll keep, Oh heart of mine, my lullaby."

Bon Bon slowly looked up, and for some odd reason she felt that today was going to be a good day.

"Happy Birthday, Lyra.."

I may be happy now. I may never cry another tear. I may always be smiling. I may never have to feel pain again. I may never suffer another day. But no matter what, I will never stop missing her.