//------------------------------// // Blowing Off Steam // Story: A Study In Nonsense // by Professor Piggy //------------------------------// There were a lot of things that Rainbow Dash was really, really good at, and a few she was pretty convinced she was the best in the world at. She could fly rings around anypony in Equestria, wipe the floor with anything that decided to pick a fight with her – or that looked like it wanted to pick a fight with her when she was in a fighting mood – drink like a champion and ballroom dance with enough grace and savoir faire to make Rarity sit down and take notes. She was a consumate prankster, a brilliant tactician, the best friend anypony could ever ask for and, if 'Shy were the one telling the story, totally awesome at making out. But for all the things that Rainbow Dash was, there were two very important things she needed to be tonight that she really, really wasn't – sober, and good at weddings. Not that the being drunk thing was that important: it was her party, after all, and everypony else was drunk too. Well, almost. Rarity and AJ were having some sort of drunken argument in the corner, punctuated with lots and lots of kissing. She had been gonna intervene, earlier, but the kissing had convinced her otherwise. Twilight was book drunk – she was seated right where she had been since the drinking started, completely absorbed in the huge pile of books in front of her and not paying any attention to Pinkie. Pinkie was very drunk. Probably. It was always hard to tell with Pinkie – Dash knew for a fact that the party pony had had more than her, but it never showed with her. One second the pink pony'd be babbling as happily as ever, then she'd down her thirtieth shot of whatever the heck that bubbling, hissing stuff she drank was and pass out on the spot. And Fluttershy...Fluttershy was cuddled up to Dash, head resting on her back and snoring gently. Shy was drunk, too, and that meant it was okay for her to be, right? There was no way 'Shy'd get drunk the night before her wedding – their wedding – if it wasn't okay... Their wedding. The thought made her itch. Not in a bad way, like that time Pinkie'd tried to cover her with itching powder and accidentally used hot sauce, but not in a good way either. Not that she didn't want to marry 'Shy – she did, more than anything, and that was the problem. She was excited. Really excited. And that always made her want to fight. Ever since she was little, she'd blown off steam – good or bad – by finding something bigger n' stronger than her and beating it up. Of course, she'd only ever gotten in fights that both sides wanted. At least after meeting 'Shy. So here she was, a huge ball of nervous, irritable angry angryness itching for a fight and ready to blow up at a moments notice, and there was nopony in Ponyville that was dumb enough to fight her. For a second she considered getting up and pushing Applejack over anyway, just to see what the other pony would do, but she bit back the impulse. The problem was that by the time the wedding actually happened tomorrow, she was gonna be acting like a complete, insufferable jerkass. She knew it, and she was pretty sure – judging by the nervous questions and glances the pegasus had been shooting at her earlier - that 'Shy knew it too. The wedding hadn't even happened yet and they both already knew she was gonna ruin it. Except that she wasn't. Because Rainbow Dash had been thinking, and she was a very good thinker. She had a plan, and it would make everything just perfect – she'd blow off steam, totally impress 'Shy, and maybe even get some old grudges all worked out. All she needed was some paper, a favour from the Princess, a word with her thankfully not yet unconscious best friend and Spike. --- Gilda hadn't made it as far as she had in her life by being tricked by every idiot that crawled out from under a rock and tried to make nice. And she hadn't earned her reputation by being easy to fool, or easy to catch off guard. So when she'd gotten a letter in the middle of the night telling her that she should 'totally come to the wedding because it'd be the best wedding ever and it wouldn't be the same without her', she'd been expecting a trap. But she hadn't been expecting this. The instant she'd walked in she'd been greeted by her. That bouncing pink moron who'd completely ruined everything between her and Dash, bouncing right up to her grinning like a...well, a moron, and wearing a stupid tuxedo thing that Gilda might've thought was kinda cute if it'd been on somepony else. She'd greeted her, and led her over to a big table set apart from all the others, right next to the dance floor and in front of a huge case of what appeared to be ceremonial pegasus weapons. She'd briefly wondered why the heck there was a giant case of weapons in the middle of the royal gardens, and why that big black pony was leaning against it menacingly, narrowing her eyes and snapping at anyone who came close in between yawns. Then her attention had been torn away by the pink pony, and a moment later by the open bar. The Griffon was trying to play nice. It was Dash's wedding, after all, and she was honestly surprised she'd been invited at all – but she'd quickly realised that with Pinkie Pie rambling at her not stop and the only other guest at their table – some pegasus named Lightning something or another – glaring at her silently, the only options she had were to snap and attack somepony, or get very drunk very fast. And it had worked, for a while. And then the Pegasus had opened her mouth, and started to badmouth Dash. At Dash's wedding. Noone but her badmouthed Dash, and noone was gonna ruin Dash's wedding and get away with it. As Gilda let out a roar and launched herself over the table at the rude little loser pony, she failed to notice Pinkie Pie slip away. --- A roar echoed through the gardens, followed a second later by the sound of splintering wood, and Rainbow Dash smirked. She caught a glimpse of Pinkie, and the party pony tipped her hat with a wink before turning to comfort Fluttershy. Good. That was good. 'Shy was in good hooves, and it was time for Dash to play the hero, blow off some steam and look good doing it. As she launched herself into the air with a snap of her wings and a cry of 'Don't worry, 'Shy, I'll stop 'em!', Dash felt her heart beating in her ears and let her grin grow wider. She had, she decided, been wrong the night before. She wasn't just good at weddings. She was the best at weddings. And this? This was shaping up to be the best wedding ever.