//------------------------------// // Set Adrift: Cutie Mark Liars! Yay! // Story: My Little Pirates: Luffy's Adventures in Equestria // by Fullmetal Pony //------------------------------// “Are you sure potion making is a good idea, Apple Bloom?” Sweetie Belle asked Apple Bloom. Both of them were sitting together in a large red wagon while Scootaloo pulled them on her scooter. They were currently on an old rarely used path covered in roots and plants that made navigating it a little difficult. “We’re not going to Zecora’s for potion making cutie marks,” Apple Bloom sighed as the trio made their way through the Everfree. “Trust me, I learned that the hard way.” Scootaloo stopped pulling the wagon and turned to look at the two other Cutie Mark Crusaders. “Then what are we going to Zecora’s for?” “Ah was thinking,” Apple Bloom started to say, “since Zecora’s from out of town, maybe we could get our cutie marks in learning about other places.” Scootaloo replied by blowing a raspberry at Apple Bloom. “That sounds boring. Who would want to learn about places, especially if they’re too far to visit? I’d rather get a cutie mark exploring lands!” “Scootaloo has a point,” said Sweetie. Apple Bloom’s excitement dimmed and her smile drooped. “Ah suppose you’re right. But Ah still want to go see her to apologize for the Gabby Gums article.”                “For when we caught her talking normally?” Scootaloo asked.                “Yeah, Ah felt pretty bad about it, especially since Ah still owe Zecora for that time she fixed ma to–”         A sound akin to a hammer hitting a rock resonated around the three fillies, causing the ground to shake a little. Above them, hundreds of birds spread their wings and took off in reaction to the noise. When the rumbling abated, the forest grew very quiet. All the Crusaders’ eyes darted around the woods. A few leaves fell to the ground but neither bird nor beast moved.  “Wh-what was that?” asked Sweetie, breaking the silence. “Ah don’t know.” Apple Bloom’s teeth chattered while she continued scanning the forest. “Maybe we should go back home... Ah can always apologize to Zecora later.” “That sounds like a good idea,” Sweetie quivered. Scootaloo, however, slammed a hoof to the ground. “Oh come on! Where’s your crusading spirit?” “I think mine already went home,” Sweetie quipped. “Er,” Scootaloo snorted, “there’s a mysterious something in the Everfree and you don’t want to investigate? We could get our cutie marks as mystery solvers!” Apple Bloom scratched at her chin “Ah suppose...” “Oh!” Sweetie brightened up and grinned widely. “We could be Private Pies!” Apple Bloom corked an eyebrow at Sweetie. “Ah think ya mean Private ‘Eyes.’” “Why would you keep an eye private?” Sweetie pondered. “I can understand a pie, because it’s tasty, but why an eye? If it were private, it wouldn’t see anything.” “Why are we talking about pie?” Scootaloo huffed. “We should be focusing on th—” “Ugh,” came a nearby noise. “Eep!” all three of the Crusaders screamed. They hugged each other and shivered. “It... it’s a monster!” Sweetie trembled. “It’s gonna eat us!” Scootaloo shrieked. “Uhhhh!” came the voice again. “It’s...” Apple Bloom paused and swiveled her ears to listen to the noise. “It sounds like somepony is hurt.” “What?!” exclaimed her friends. Apple Bloom darted toward the sound, twigs and leaves crunching beneath her hooves. She whipped up a hoof to bade her friends to follow her. “C’mon!” Sweetie and Scootaloo watched Apple Bloom disappear into the thick bushes of the Everfree. They didn’t hesitate in going after her. “Apple Bloom!” Sweetie called out. “Be careful, it could be dangerous!” Scootaloo raced ahead of Sweetie and closed the distance between Apple Bloom and herself. “Yeah! What if you get your cutie mark fi—” She slammed right into Apple Bloom while Sweetie did the same to Scootaloo. They all then tumbled into down into a hole that only Apple Bloom had seen and came to rest at the bottom of it. Sweetie Belle snorted dust out of her nose. She raised her head only to find her neck was stuck between one orange hoof and one yellow hoof.  “Ugh, why’d we stop?” Scootaloo pushed her hooves against Apple Bloom and Sweetie’s bodies and pulled herself out of the mess. Once she was back on her hooves, she dusted herself out and explained, “I stopped because Apple Bloom stopped!” “It wasn’t ma fault!” Apple Bloom replied. She got onto her hooves. “Ah stopped because o—” “Aw man, I must have really hit my head badly,” said a fourth voice. The Crusaders searched for the voice’s source and came upon a small brown dragon. His outer scales were a deep brown, while his underbelly was a simple beige. A pair of oddly shaped metal goggles rested atop his head between long chocolate-colored spines that ran to the tip of his tail. However, what drew most of the Crusaders’ attention was his  abnormally long thin snout. It poked out at least a good foot away from the rest of his face. He reached a claw up to his brow and used his other one to steady himself as he got off of the ground. “You all look like colorful ponies.” “Um... we are,” Apple Bloom replied. The dragon snickered a little. “Nice try kid, but you’re not gonna beat me in a lying contest.” He whapped his tail up and down. “Hmm, why does it feel like I’ve got a third le— Ahh!” All the Crusaders covered their ears at the dragon’s shout. Scootaloo wrenched an eye open and managed to ask, “What are you screaming about?” “I grew a tail! That’s what!” the dragon frantically replied. His claws grasped at his tail and shook it as if he were trying to strangling it. “Well, ya are a dragon... don’t all dragons have tails?” asked Apple Bloom. The dragon instantly let go of his tail, which hit the ground with a light thwap. “I’m a what?! But dragons are just in stories!” “Um, maybe you should keep it down?” Sweetie pleaded. “You might attract—” A deep growl interrupted Sweetie. Her pupils, along with everyone else’s became  pinpricks. “... something.”         The nearby bushes rustled and out of them emerged an manticore.  Its scorpion tail whipped around, slicing through the air. Thick saliva dripped from its thin tongue that it ran over jagged teeth. Its eyes bulged with bloodlust as they scanned over the group.          “Oi, oi, oi!” the dragon shrieked. “What the hell is that?!”         “It... it’s a manticore!” Applebloom shivered. She and the rest of the Crusaders had clambered behind the dragon. They were now hugging each other so tightly the resembled a multi-colored ball.         “Why are you hiding behind me?” he asked, flashing his teeth at them while his eyes blazed with fear.         “Maybe they don’t like scales?” Scootaloo suggested with a nervous smile.         The manticore saw the group arguing amongst themselves and decided now was the chance to strike. Its onyx claws dug into the dirt as it bounded at the group, preparing to jump off the ledge and sink its fangs into them.         “Crap!” yelled the dragon. “If only I had my—” His pupils expanded when he saw a green staff that ended with a large circle and a bag lying next to it. He lunged at them and picked them up while the manticore raced at them. He quickly moved and got between it and the Crusaders.         “Mister dragon!” they all screamed.         The dragon just pulled back a part of the staff and aimed it at the manticore. Just as the manticore lunged at them, the dragon let fly his strike. “Hissatsu! Firebird Star!”         From behind the dragon, the Crusaders fell the heat of flames as a jet of fire burst out of the dragon’s weapon. As it raced toward the manticore, the fire spread out into crimson wings and a sharp golden beak. The phoenix struck right in the manticore’s abdomen, hitting with such force that the beast was repelled out of the crater. The manticore’s chest smoldered and flames licked at its fur and skin. It rapidly rolled on the ground, howling in pain. The noise sent shivers down the Crusaders’ back.  When the flames were squelched, the manticore was left with a nasty burn mark that ran up a good part of its torso, a hideous black mark. It got to its paws with a hiss before limping away to its lair. It was hungry, not stupid, and didn’t wish to face the blaze again. The bushes soon stopped rustling from the manticore’s retreat. The dragon’s grip on the weapon slumped down and his body followed. Relief weighed heavy on his shoulders as he sighed, “That was way too close.”         “That was awesome!” All at once, the Crusaders were on the dragon’s back. His breathing was cut off by hooves that constricted his windpipe while their bodies pressed down on his chest. They didn’t seem to pay heed and instead continued hugging him. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”         “Help! I have ‘don’t get trampled to death by talking horses’ disease!” He flailed on the ground, vainly trying to get them off. He bent in one direction, causing his tail to twist backwards. “Ow!” The Crusaders ceased their appreciative assault and loosened their grip on the poor dragon. He slowly stood up as they slid off him. He gently pressed a claw against his tail to ease the pain a little. Okay, I’ve grown a tail and I’m a dragon. I’ve been attacked by a monster and by girls that look like ponies... The dragon’s attention went up. He glimpsed a small bit of the sky through the thick forest canopy. He inhaled deeply and produced a produced a small bit of smoke when he exhaled. Yep, I’ve finally lost it. Always thought Luffy would be the one to cause this.         The dragon’s pondering was broken by an yellow hoof tapping his side. Apple Bloom was giving him uncertain eyes but a friendly smile. “Um, sorry if we hurt ya Mr. Dragon, but that was really cool what ya did there.”         “Yeah!” said Sweetie. “It was like you were a unicorn or something!”         Scootaloo bounced right up in the dragon’s face. “Ya gotta tell us how you do that!”         “Wait...” The dragon put up a claw to quiet the girls. An errant thought wandered into his mind as he studied their hooves. “Assuming I’m not crazy, how would you even hold a slingshot?”         “Hmm...” Apple Bloom’s eyes glazed over as her mind drifted off into solutions for a pony using a slingshot.         “Maybe Sweetie could do it,” Scootaloo suggested.         “What?” asked Sweetie.         Scootaloo gave Sweetie’s horn a light flick with her hoof. “You have a horn, after all”         “When have I ever been able to launch phoenixes with my horn?” Sweetie retorted, throwing her hooves into the air for extra emphasis. “My sister can’t even do that!”         Apple Bloom corked her head a little. “Have ya ever done anything with your horn?”         Sweetie’s cheeks reddened. “It’s just... I mean...” She distraughtly cast her eyes to the ground. “No.”         Scootaloo pridefully threw up her wings. “Okay, magic may be out of the picture, but maybe I can pull it with my wings!”         A large sweat drop awkwardly slid down the dragon’s face. Geez, they remind me of the kids back home.          The dragon scanned over the three fillies, taking note of the horn and wings. His eyes then came to rest on Apple Bloom. “Um, so why do they have wings and horns and you don’t?”         “‘Cause Ah’m an earth pony,” Apple Bloom replied. The dragon responded with a blank stare. “Don’t ya know about the different types of ponies?”         “Why would he?” Sweetie gestured a hoof over to the dragon. “Remember what we learned in class after that big dragon migration?”         “Oh yeah,” Scootaloo excitedly spoke up, “there aren’t a lot of dragons in Equestria... maybe he doesn’t know much about ponies.”         “I’m right here you know,” said the dragon. “Then again, you’re right, not too familiar with this island.” Or being a dragon for the matter.         Sweetie raised an eyebrow. “Island?”         “Yeah, island, you know...” The dragon moved his arms around to illustrate what he was saying. He alternated between moving them around to form a bowl of air and wiggling his arm around like snake. “Floating land, surrounded by the ocean...” He stared up through the trees at the sun again. “... hopefully not too far from the Archipelago.”         Sweetie swished the words around in her brain for a moment. She shrugged her shoulders when she saw that her friends were drawing up blanks as well. “Cheerilee must not have covered that in class yet.”         “Okay, do you know someone I can ask about maps?” A loud rumble then erupted from the dragon’s stomach. He clutched it and gave it a rub. “On second thought, maybe some food first?”         Apple Bloom’s eyes grew wide with delight as did her lips. “No problem, ma family runs the best farm in Equestria. We’ll get ya some good food.”         “Yeah, then we can take you to Twilight. She’s the smartest pony Ponyville. She’ll definitely be able to help you mister...” Sweetie paused before speaking again. “Do you have a name besides ‘dragon’?”         The dragon smirked. He picked up his weapon and planted it in the ground. He clasped it tightly, shifted his legs, and took up a dramatic pose. “I’m glad you asked. I am the brave Captain Usopp! I’m an explorer who has gone on many grand adventures and defeated countless enemies. My crew numbers in the thousands and my infamy is known around the world!” Usopp quickly swung his weapon out of the ground and raised it high into the heavens. The sun glistened off of parts it and gave it a mythical luster. “My skills with the legendary Kabuto have made me feared throughout the seas! My title strikes terror into the hearts of my foes, for I am the great Sniper King!”         A hushed awe fell over the forest. The Crusades gawked at the dragon in front of them, still striking his heroic pose. Their eyes were completely filled to the brim with wonder. Usopp slyly grinned at his work, impressed that his tale had garnered such a stunned reaction out of them. Memories of telling similar tales in his hometown sprang to his mind. “I’m sure you want t—” “That’s amazing!” all three Crusaders yelled at the top of their lungs. Their voices echoed throughout the forest, producing a fit of howls, rustles, and caws in response. Usopp put a finger to his lips, constantly trying to shush the Crusaders. A thin veil of sweat now covered his forehead. “Okay-okay! But in order to tell you more about my great tales, we need to get out of this forest.” “Yeah.” Apple Bloom had managed to break out of her revelry to take notice of the forest coming alive again. “Lets do that. Ah think Ah’ve had enough adventures in the Everfree for today.” The group climbed out of the crater and back to the path. However, Sweetie took a look back and saw that the crater was actually a large paw print. When they were back on the main path, Sweetie hopped over towards Usopp. “Was fighting an Ursa Minor one of your great tales?” “An ursa what?” asked Usopp. “It’s like this really big bear!” Scootaloo jumped up and down, her wings keeping her in the air for a few seconds. “But it’s made of stars and gets really mad if you wake it up.” “But luckily, Twilight took care of it,” continued Apple Bloom. “Huh.” Ussop’s curiosity was now piqued. “So who is this Twilight? Is she also a... uh... pony?” “Yep,” Sweetie explained. “She’s the second most amazing unicorn in Ponyville. The first is my sister!” “But the best pony in Ponyville is Rainbow Dash!” exclaimed Scootaloo. “Na, the best pony is ma sister Applejack!” Apple Bloom argued. She slid over to Usopp and whispered in his ear, “Her food’ll prove that.” “Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo retorted. “No, Rarity!” Sweetie yelled. “Applejack!” “Rarity!” “Dash!” “Rarity!” “Pinkie Pie!” a fifth voice yelled. The group had just stepped out of the forest when the voice had spoken up. Just as heads began to turn looking for its owner, a pink blur darted out of nowhere. It honed in on Usopp and slammed him to the ground. “Ahh!” Usopp fell on his back and massaged the back of his neck as he got up. However pink hooves held him down. “What the...” Bright blue eyes filled his vision. “Oh my gosh! Another dragon! Spike’s gonna be so happy! Oooh, and Fluttershy will be happy too, ‘cause she loves baby dragons. Plus, everypony will be happy because...” The eyes retreated back and revealed the pony they belonged to. She took a deep breath before screaming, “You’re new in town and that means I get to throw a party!” Any birds left in the forest or that had returned after Usopp’s fall fled at Pinkie’s excited voice. Usopp stared at Pinkie and, for a second, imagined her decked out in a straw hat and a red vest. The image sent a chill through his heart. His dull eyes moved over to the Crusaders. “So you have one here too?” Pinkie pressed her muzzled down until it was pushing against Usopp’s snout. It didn’t take Pinkie much effort to do that. “Silly! There’s only one Pinkie Pie, me! It gets a little crazy if there’s more of me. Oh yeah, what’s your name? I’m Pinkie Pie, but you probably already know that ‘cause I said my name twice and now I just said it again! Isn’t that fun?” How on earth do her lungs work? Ussop thought. “Um, if you don’t mind, I’ll explain if you get off me.” “Oki-dokey-loki!” Somehow, Pinkie jumped off of Usopp but he felt no pressure as she did so. He grabbed Kabuto and propped himself up with it. He used his free hand to brush off some dirt and then stood tall. “I don’t normally do this twice in a day but... I am the great Captain Usopp! My tales are known far and wi—” “How come I haven’t heard of you?” Pinkie chimed in. Usopp instantly lost his bravado and collapsed to the ground. He scraped at the dirt as tiny tears brushed the sides of his cheeks. “Is that all a thirty-million berri bounty is worth?” Pinkie peered down at Ussop. “You’re a silly dragon. Just a warning though, nopony really likes a boaster. Last time somepony boasted, a giant bear nearly destroyed the town!” “That’s how we found him!” said Apple Bloom. “He was in a giant paw crater thing!” “Ah-ha!” Pinkie grasped Usopp’s snout and pulled. “You were old mare Trixie all along!” “Ow!” Usopp yelped. Pinkie let go and fell on her flank. Usopp rubbed his snout where Pinkie had been pulling. “What gives?” “Oh! I’m super sorry! Here, have a cupcake!” Pinkie inexplicably pulled a blue frosting coated cupcake out of nowhere. Usopp stared at the confection and then at the Crusaders. “How did she...” “Don’t ask,” Sweetie flatly replied. “Hmm...” Usopp rubbed his stomach. “I was looking for something to eat.” He reached forward, grabbed the cupcake, and was about to eat it, when something in the frosting shimmered. “Huh?” He pulled the cupcake away from his mouth and over to the center of his face. Tiny blue gems poked out of the frosting. He glared at Pinkie. “Are you trying to kill me?” “Huh?” Pinkie replied in a confused tone. Usopp plucked one of the gems out of the pasty and waggled it in front of Pinkie’s face. “There’s crystals in this cupcake!” “Actually they’re sapphires,” Pinkie replied, her voice far meeker than it normally was. “Don’t dragons like gems?” “I... how... This island is nuts,” Usopp stuttered. “Ugh, do you have something that won’t break my teeth?” Usopp reached out and traded the sapphire cupcake for the regular one. “It’s fine.” Seeing as I don’t know anything about actual dragons either. He stuck the cupcake in his mouth and took slow careful bites. When he was sure there wasn’t anything in it to cut up his insides, he swallowed it and smiled. “Wow that’s good!” “Really?” Pinkie shouted before happily bouncing around. “Yay!” Usopp watched in a stupor as Pinkie bounced around them. “Geez, I think she might actually be a rival for Luffy.” Pinkie stopped bouncing and stuck her face into Usopp’s again. “Who’s that? Another one of your friends? Oooh, is he here too?” “No.” Usopp pushed Pinkie away before staring off into the distance. Unfortunately, he saw no sign of a shoreline. “I actually need to get back to him and my other friends.” “Are they far away?” Pinkie asked. “Don’t know.” Usopp swept an arm over the Crusaders. “But these three said someone named ‘Twilight’ could help.” “Oh yeah, Twilight is super smart!” Pinkie nodded back and forth like pendulum. However, she suddenly stopped and frowned a little. “She’ll definitely be able to help you... when she gets back.” Usopp balled up his fist a little. “When is she gonna be back? I’m kinda in a hurry.” Pinkie’s smile returned as she put a hoof on Usopp’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, she just had to see her brother about cooking buns or something. Weird, right? Shining Armor must be a really good cook for her to board the first train to Canterlot. Anyway, she probably won’t be gone too long.” “Guess I’ll have to wait then.” Usopp’s stomach grumbled again and his attention went back to Apple Bloom. “So where is your place at anyway?” Apple Bloom pointed over to a nearby farmhouse. Usopp blinked, it looked like something he’d describe in one of his own stories: red and white paint, a little aged, and a rocking chair out front. It even had a metal triangle hanging on the porch. “Lucky for ya, we took the forest entrance closest to ma family’s farm.” Apple Bloom gestured a hoof over to Pinkie. “Actually, what are ya doing all the way out here, anyway?” “Oh, Mrs. Cake wanted some extra applesauce for the foals.” Pinkie propped open one of her saddlebags and pulled out a jar filled with the mushed up apples. “They really seem to like them.” “We wouldn’t have anything less at Sweet Apple Acres,” Apple Bloom pridefully beamed. “Mmmhmm.” The group started walking over to the farmhouse. Pinkie was now looking over Usopp again. She reached a hoof to her side where Usopp couldn’t see and pulled out a plaid deerstalker hat. “So, assuming you’re not Trixie in a reaaaalllly good disguise, why were you fighting an ursa minor?” “I wasn’t fighting one of those things, just...” A large paw raced at him and then Usopp was flying over land and sea. He’d flown for days and nights with no sign of stopping. He shuddered at the memory. “... a bear. A very strong bear.” Pinkie had now stuck a bubble pipe in her mouth and blew a few suds over to Usopp. “But why?” “To help my friends.” There was a slight bite in Usopp’s words now. One of his claws clenched hard around Kabuto while the other became a thick fist. Pinkie’s pupils became huge black dots and she was uncharacteristically silent for a moment.  A bird tweeted nearby and a small part in her lips started spreading. It grew until it was a smile that stretched from ear to ear. “Oh! Well, why didn’t you say so? What a mean old bear. He didn’t hurt your friends, did he?” Usopp glanced down at his claw and uncurled it. “I don’t know. They’re strong though, way stronger than me, so they’re probably okay.” “Really?” All three Crusaders asked at once. Usopp’s expression lightened a bit after that. “Yup. My crewmates are some of the most fearless you’ll ever find at sea. We’ve climbed mountains, crossed vast deserts, and even flown into the sky.” Scootaloo fluttered her wings a little. “What’s so special about the last one?” “We didn’t have wings,” Usopp chuckled. “Actually almost fell through the clouds myself. Luckily, my friends pulled me back.” Sweetie tilted her head over to Usopp. “If you can’t fly, how’d you get up there? Did you take an balloon?” “Ah, that’s the best part.” The memories of that day flooded into Usopp’s mind. He remembered crying and screaming for his life all the way into the clouds. He chose to omit that part. “We kinda used a balloon to get down from the clouds, but we took water up.” Pinkie playfully tapped one of Usopp’s spines. “Silly, water goes down, not up.” “Not in this case. It’s a little hard to explain but...” Usopp clenched his free claw again and held it up. “Think of a bunch of gas trapped underwater then suddenly igniting.” He quickly opened his claw and shot it up at the sky. “Then think of riding it in a small ship.” “Whoa!” All four ponies replied. “That’s a mighty fine story ya got there, little fella. Awfully noisy one too.” All of them looked up a nearby ridge and saw a orange pony standing atop it. A brown and white dog stood by her side. She raised up a hoof and adjusted her hat. “Apple Bloom, last time it was a bunny and this time a dragon?” “Applejack!” Apple Bloom parted from the group at galloped towards her sister. When she reached her, Apple Bloom nuzzled her side. Applejack tousled Apple Bloom’s red mane. “What’s up with ya? You’re acting like ya ran into a monster or something.” Apple Bloom stopped nuzzling her sister and averted her gaze to the ground. “Ah’m sorry sis, Ah was just going to apologize to Zecora for that newspaper stuff.” Applejack huffed in response. Apple Bloom shivered, praying her sister wouldn’t figure out that she’d almost been mauled. That would have gotten her grounded until Winter Wrap Up. “Apple Bloom, what am Ah gonna do with ya and your friends? You’re always doing stuff like this.” She then bent down and nuzzled Apple Bloom’s face. “Huh?” Apple Bloom stuttered. “Ya remind me of me when Ah was just a filly.” Applejack backed away and gave her sister a playful wink. “You’re still grounded for a week for not telling me, Big Macintosh, or Granny though. Honestly, if ya were going to visit Zecora, Ah would have gone with ya. The Everfree is no place for fillies.” Applejack’s attention then went to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo was currently hiding behind Pinkie while Sweetie was on her hind legs trying to line up behind Usopp. Sweetie lost her balance as soon as Applejack’s glare was upon her. She slipped right into Scootaloo and left them both tumbled onto the ground. Applejack jumped down from the hill and landed right in front of the shaking fillies. “Your parents are gonna be hearin’ about this too.”         They both groaned and slumped their faces into the dirt. Punishment doled out, Applejack made a beeline for Usopp. She took off her hat and did a slight curtsy. “Howdy there little fella. Sorry if ma sister and her friends got ya tangled up in their shenanigans. Name’s Applejack, nice ta meet ya.”         Usopp stood still, unsure how to properly greet a talking pony. He chose to imitate Applejack and did a small bow. “Uh, same here.” “Ya got a name?” For the third time of the day, Usopp planted Kabuto in the ground. “I am the legendary Captain Usopp! I am a warrior of the seas who commands over a thousand me! My infamy knows no bounds!” Applejack tapped a hoof to her chin before chuckling a little. She moved her hoof over to Usopp and rustled some of his spines like they were hair. “Well ain’t that a neat story. Lands’ sakes, ya kids get more and more inventive with your stories every year.” “It’s not a story, sis,” Apple Bloom called out. She trotted over to Usopp’s side and pointed at Kabuto. “He really is a brave warrior. He scared away the monsters in the forest and everything.” “Yeah.” Usopp clasped Kabuto and gave it a twirl. “With my loyal weapon, I slew many a  foul beast just before their jaws came upon us!” Applejack leaned forward and narrowed her eyes at Usopp and his weapon. She took a breath and backed off. “Well, ya kept ma sister from gettin’ into an even bigger mess, so ya have ma thanks for that. Ya might want to tone it down on the fibbin’ though, Apple family don’t take kindly to it.” “How did you...” Before Usopp could question Applejack further, his gut called out for food again. “Hmm, sounds like ya need some food. Consider it a thank you and welcome to Ponyville. Not that often that we get a dragon visiting... at least one that doesn’t cause trouble.” Applejack did a one-eighty back over to her farmhouse while the rest of the group followed her.  “Come’on. Oh, that reminds me, Pinkie, what are ya doing out here? There’s faster ways to get back to town, ya know.” When she got no response, Applejack glanced back and saw that Pinkie had vanished. She pushed her hat up and glanced at the sky. “Somedays Ah just don’t get that girl.” ~~~ Sweetie and Scootaloo had said their goodbyes to Apple Bloom and had gone back to their homes. Usopp noted they had walked very slowly but with small grins on their faces. He knew their faces well, he’d often seen it on the kids back in Syrup Village when they walked home after a day of annoying the villagers. Their faces had given Usopp his own grin. Now he was seated at a wooden table in the farmhouse’s rustic kitchen. Above the door to the room hung a pitchfork crossing over a spade. There was a photo on the wall opposite of Usopp that had more ponies in it than he could count. He did spot a very young Applejack near the center though. He mostly noticed the apples: apple wallpaper, apple carvings in the furniture, and actual apples in the pantry, near the sink, and by the stove. Applejack came downstairs after sending Apple Bloom to her room. She trotted into the kitchen with a small beige bag clenched between her teeth. She set it down in front of Usopp. “There ya go, little fella.” Usopp looked at the bag before his eyes went over to the apples by the stove. “Um, didn’t you say you were gonna cook something?” “Tell ya what, ya have what’s in that bag and then we’ll see how hungry ya are. Those usually hold Spike over.” Curious, Usopp undid the knot on the bag, pausing for a brief moment to wonder how Applejack had tied it. His thoughts were broken when tiger’s eye and turquoise spilled out of the bag. Here and there a ruby or a piece of jade popped up and sparkled in the kitchen’s light. Usopp raised an eyebrow at Applejack, who was now munching on her namesake. “Um, treasure is nice and all, but I can’t really eat this.” Applejack stopped chewing and let the apple sit in her mouth a second before swallowing. “Ma apologies, Ah thought most dragons ate gems. ‘least, that’s what ma friends said and Spike does.” Usopp picked up a ruby and examined it, letting the sun filter through and reflect off its facets. “Let’s just say I’m probably an exception to the rule. Still, you must run a pretty good farm to afford gems like this. My friends will love seeing these when we get back.” “Beg your pardon?” “I mean, it’s not like gems just grow out of the ground. Plus, we’re always strapped for cash anyway.” “Um, how are a few gems gonna help with cash? No offense, but most of those came from the south field. Spike loves it when we give’em to him, but really, they’re just a nuisance when we’re plowing.” Usopp’s jaw dropped as the ruby slipped out of his limp claw and clattered to the ground. “A... a nuisance? But... but... it’s a ruby! You could at least get five thousand berries for everything in this bag! What’s wrong with this island?!” Thank everything holy Nami didn’t wind up here, she’d have cleaned this whole island out. Applejack frowned at Usopp’s yelling. “Now look here little fella. Ain’t no point in raisin’ a commotion about just a few gems.” “That’s the other thing,” Usopp retorted, “why do you keep calling me a little fella? You’re a pony, you’re probably what? Twelve?” “Ma age is ma own darn business,” Applejack snorted. “To answer your question, Ah thought ya were a baby dragon... maybe a few years older than Spike.” “And how old is he?” “Ten.” Usopp slapped himself in the face, overcome with the ridiculousness of the situation. “I’m seventeen.” “Yet you’re a ‘brave warrior’?” Applejack said with a suspicious tone. Usopp slammed a claw to the table. A little smoke steamed out of his nose as his vision kindled with anger and pride. “I’m trying to be! I may not be a strong fighter now, but I will be someday! Then I won’t lose...” The fire in Usopp was extinguished instantly and his sunk back into his chair. His whole form deflated and his head flopped to the ground. Applejack got out of her own chair and stood next to him. “Okay, Ah’m sorry if what Ah said offended ya. How ‘bout Ah make ya an apple pie? One of the best things we Apple family can make.” Usopp kept his eyes on the floor and his lips turned down. “I guess.” ~~~         Usopp stuffed another piece of pie into his mouth. The cinnamon coated apples met with the flaky crust and exploded with flavor. It was all Usopp could do to not eat the whole thing at once.  “This stuff is great! Wish Sanji made stuff this great.” He probably does for Nami and Robin.         Applejack ate her piece of pie at a much slower pace. She was slightly distracted watching Usopp inhale the rest of it. “Ah swear, if ya weren’t a dragon, I’d peg ya for havin’ an Apple family appetite.”         Usopp finished off the last of the pie and let out a large belch. He grabbed for the pie tin and sent out a forked tongue that licked it clean. Task done, he reclined back in his chair and rubbed his stomach. “Heh, you trying going on the trip I’ve been on.”         “Ah thought ya said a bear sent ya here.”         “He did!” To both Applejack and Usopp’s surprise, his stomach grumbled again. “Aw man, ya got anything else to eat?”         Applejack glanced over to the apples that she was saving for dinner. Her eyes then went over to the untouched gems by Usopp’s side. “I know ya ain’t too keen on it, but Ah’m sure those gems will fill ya up.”         Usopp shrugged and picked up one of the smaller pieces of jade. Like the ruby earlier, he studied its features for a moment. “Eh, why not?”         He stuck the jade halfway into his mouth. While he was hungry, he was still aware that he was about to bite into a rock. He wasn’t anxious to add broken teeth to his problems, so he slowly brought his teeth down on the jade.         There was a soft splintering noise as Usopp’s teeth made contact with the jade. He stopped and saw that the gem was awkwardly stuck to one of his front teeth. He then connected his two rows of fangs and split the jade in half with a crunch. He had cut through the jade as if it was made of crystallized sugar.         Yet the taste that filled Usopp’s mouth was delicate, not sweet. It had a slightly oiled flavor to it as well, similar to an avocado. The texture was like rock candy, clinking and clanking against Usopp’s teeth while he ground the gem into small pieces. He quickly sucked in the rest of the jade and ate it as well. He swallowed it gleefully. “We’ve been selling these this whole time?!”         Before Applejack could respond, Usopp was upon the other gems like a ravenous beast. He stuffed clawfuls of the jewels down his gullet, savoring the flavor for only a second before moving on to more. His supply ran out almost instantly and when he was done, he unceremoniously sprawled himself out on the table. “Hmm, that was good.”         Applejack sighed. She may have been a farmpony, but even farmponies had table manners. She moved over to Usopp’s face while his distended belly moved up and down. “Ah think Ah’ve seen hogs eat more refined than ya.” “It was good though,” Usopp belched. His claws rose up and caressed his swollen stomach. “Any way I could get some more?” “Fer pete's sake.” Applejack stomped the ground in annoyance, hospitality could only go so far. “Ya eat anymore and you’re gonna pop! If not that, then ya got a hay of a stomachache comin’ your way.” Usopp’s face softened so that it resembled a whimpering child. He seemed to be on the verge of bursting into tears. “But I want some more! You treat these things like rocks! There’s gotta be more!” “They are rocks,” Applejack huffed. “If you’re so set on gettin’ more, there’s a large jewel field to the east of here. Ain’t ma fault if ya get sic—” There was a woosh of air that sent Applejack’s hat flying to the ground. She looked around for the source, only to see that Usopp had disappeared and the kitchen door was swinging like its hinges were going to fall off. Applejack shook her head in bewilderment and picked up her hat. “Ah swear, between him and Spike, Ah’m gettin’ a little tired of dragons.” ~~~         The Friendship Express puffed its way over to the boarding platform at the Canterlot train station. A few ponies stood on the platform, awaiting friends and loved ones. The train came to a halt and let off a cloud of steam.  As the steam cleared, the doors to the passenger cars slid open. Before anypony could greet the train’s passengers, a purple blur darted out of one of the cars. It leaped off the platform and then disappeared in a flash of light. It reappeared nearby and zoomed off into the city streets. A few of the ponies on the platform marveled at the oddity, but quickly remembered they had schedules to keep and other ponies to meet. Twilight galloped and teleported across Canterlot. Her mane was a disheveled mess: loose ends popped up everywhere, strands knotted together, and clumps of it matted to her scalp. The frenzied expression on her face would have scared off a hydra. Anger laced her sight and clenched her teeth. “I’m going to kill him! First the wedding and now this?! Gah!” She quickly made her way through the Canterlot and arrived at the castle in record time. The guards at the front entrance raised their spears when they saw a wild pony charging at them. When they recognized Twilight, they lowered their weapons. She passed them and left a cloud of dust in her wake. “Did the Princess warn us she was giving her student a test today?” one of the guards coughed. Twilight blasted through twisting corridors, spiraling staircases, and dozens of rooms. She came to her goal at a pair of larger doors. She twisted around and let fly the hardest buck she could give. There was a scrambling noise from inside. Something metallic fell and clanged against the ground. The area was quiet for a moment and then the door opened. Shining Armor stood on the other side, a pot precariously balanced on his horn and his whole body doused in flour. “Twily?” “You!” Twilight lurched forward and tackled her brother to the ground. Her hooves grasped him and shook him with a vigorous furor. “How dare you tell me in a letter! I don’t care if you’re a prince now! There are some things you say to my face!” “Twilight?” Twilight stopped her assault. A pink alicorn with hair the color of a sunrise was looking down on her with a confused expression. “Cadance.” “Yes, now what in Equestria is going o—” Cadance nearly tripped over her hooves when she was suddenly hugged by Twilight. She managed to regain her balance, but her mind was still shaken. Her sister-in-law had barged into her room, assailed her husband, and was now giving her a deep hug. She raised up her hoof and put it down again, unsure what to do. “Oh, I’m so happy to hear about the foal!” Twilight lifted a hoof and gently massaged Cadance’s stomach. She then stared daggers at Shining. “I just wish I’d heard about it a better way.” Cadance lit up her horn and levitated Twilight away from her. “Twilight, what are you talking about?” “The letter,” Twilight said with an off-kilter grin. “Shiny said you were gonna have buns in the oven, so I came here as quickly as I could.” “Ugh.” Cadance buried her head in a hoof. She set Twilight down and walked over to Shining. She picked him up with her hooves rather than her horn. “Shiny, you really need to choose your wording more carefully.” “What?” Armor asked while he brushed off the dust on his coat. He flexed his legs producing a few cracks. “I didn’t do anything. I just asked Twily if she would like to join us later for some tea and cinnamon bu... oh.” ~~~         A little while later and a few issues cleared up, Twilight and Cadance were seated on one of the castle’s balconies overlooking the city. Shining opened a door and joined them outside. A tray of cinnamon buns floated at his side, which he put down on the center of the table. They all took a whiff of the delicious treat and shared a chuckle.         Armor took his seat and reclined over to Cadance. He gave her a little nuzzle on the cheek. “I think I’ll let you read over my letters in the future.” “How you gave orders and became the Captain of the Guard is beyond me.” Cadance returned the nuzzle with one of her own. Her eyes had a slightly mischievous grin to them. “At least, when we do have foals, this will be a funny story to tell them.” They all laughed at that as well. Shining summoned a spatula over and pulled the center bun out. With a smile, he sent it over to Twilight’s plate. “Your favorite. Careful, it’s hot.” “Thanks BBBFF.” Twilight sucked in his breath and then blew on the hot bun. However, instead of a small stream of air, a gust kicked up all around the three of them. When it stopped, a fourth pony was perched on the balcony’s railing. Her snow-white wings went to her sides as she stepped down. Her multi-colored mane moved of its own accord as she trotted closer to the other ponies. “Twilight, I’m glad my guards told me you were here.” Twilight pushed away from the table and leapt out of her seat. She bent down in a small bow to her teacher. “Princess Celestia, sorry for not telling you I was coming. I... uh... had a minor family miscommunication.”   Celestia brought herself close to Twilight and raised her student’s head with a hoof. “It is no problem at all. You are always welcome in the castle, my faithful student. However, there are more pressing matters that we must attend to now.” Twilight straightened her form. Her ears perked up at the grave tone in Celestia’s voice. “What is it? Another unsealed ancient evil? A dreaded force that must be stopped? A test?” The last guess sent a shiver down Twilight’s spine. “No, nothing that dire” Celestia replied. Her horn glowed and a letter popped into existence by her muzzle. It uncurled itself while it floated between Celestia and Twilight. “Unfortunately, I’ve received word that another dragon has taken up residence near Ponyville, this time in the jewel fields.” Twilight wiped the sweat that had accumulated on her brow. Her form relaxed a little and she let go of the tense breath she’d been holding. She swung a hoof in relief. “Don’t worry Princess. My friends and I will be able to take care of him in no time.” “About that...” Celestia’s eyes switched and forth between Twilight and the letter. She tried to keep her lips a straight neutral line, but they went ever so slightly upwards. “I have dealt with various types of dragons throughout my rule, but this one is... unique.” “How so?” asked Shining. ~~~         “You brute!” Rarity screamed. She clawed at the ground, but only managed to dirty her hooves. “Everything! You took everything! Do you know how long it takes for a jewels to grow here?!”         The ground wildly shook beneath Rarity’s hooves. A sound like the thickest thunder rent the air asunder while the land turned to jelly. Rarity fell to her haunches and covered her ears until the chaotic phenomenon stopped. She dared to open her eyes and saw that her body was brown with dust. “And now you’ve ruined my coat as well!” Rarity seethed in contempt as she reared back and struck the scaly brown hill in front of her. It just expanded and sent her flying back before contracting again. She picked herself up and was about to strike again, when a yellow hoof tapped her on the shoulder. “M-maybe we should wait until Twilight gets back. I... I’m sure she’ll get the Princess to help us,” Fluttershy suggested. Her eyes twisted up to the hill. Its oddest feature was the single sharp tower that jutted out and seemed to touch the sun. “At... at least he seems like a nicer d-dragon than the rest.” “He ate all the jewels!” Rarity hissed. Her shoulders drooped and neck went limp as Fluttershy led her away from the behemoth. “Oh darn it all! I’m going to the spa and reading my novels! This is too much to bear!” All around the massive creature, a few brave ponies gathered and gawked at it. A couple of colts on a dare were climbing up its winding tail. They quickly slid down it and ran home when the creature unleashed another deafening belch that made the land quiver and echoed throughout  Ponyville. The ponies watching it all took a few hundred steps back when the creature raised up its monstrous claw. The claw’s ends were fatter than the largest ponies in town, more pudgy than sharp. The claw blotted out the sun before falling back down on the creature’s stomach. It bent up and down against beige scales, like a colossal bongo drum. The action sent tremors through the earth and bounced all the nearby ponies around. Usopp’s teeth glinted in the sun as he smacked his now fat belly. He paid no heed to his size or the fact that just turning over could have squashed half of Ponyville. He wasn’t likely to do that though as all the gems he’d consumed had made him quite lethargic. “Hmm, wonder if there’s anything else to eat.”