Chimichangas and Cupcakes

by Awesomedude17


How'd He Get Here?

Chimichangas and Cupcakes
By Awesomedude17

"...And that is how I managed to ban .600 caliber handguns in 2 countries, 3 continents, and Hell, Michigan."

"Oh my goodness, that is a hilariously violent story!" Discord laughed loudly, as well as Pinkie Pie.

"Yep. Hey, can you summon others too?"

"I guess Wade. Why?"

"Some guy I met a few years ago needs to relax, bring him here."

"Who is he?"

"He's 'The Postal Dude'. Seriously, that's his name, and he hates it."

"Okay." Discord snapped his fingers.


"Okay, so getting the vicodin was much harder than I thought." The Postal Dude said.

"You are under arrest Mr. The Dude!" The police said, surrounding him.

"Fuck me."

And then he disappeared.

"What the fuck! What happened?"

"I don't know, shoot that hobo and blame the crime on him!"

The police then kill the damned hobo and blame The Dude's crime on him. The crime, jaywalking.


The Postal Dude appeared, clearly confused, and then Wade hugged him.

"Hey there Dude!"

"Fuck me, it's Deadpool again." The Dude pushed Wade away. "What the hell did you bring me here for? All I was doing was trying to fuck up the police after they tried to arrest me for jaywalking, I didn't even bring out a napkin to strangle one of them yet. And what the fuck are those?" The Dude finished, pointing at Discord and Pinkie.

"Oh my, he seems so wonderfully chaotic."

"Hehe, I bet he's fun!"

The Dude just stared, and slowly turned to Deadpool.

"What. The. Hell. Wade."

"Pinkie Pie, and Discord."

"Oh God, it's like Tijuana again, except less hookers and more colors."

"That was one crazy Ramadan that day, ehh The Dude?"

"Yeah, it was totally nuts."

Celestia then came to the area, and saw her new guest.

"Oh damn, they come in flying unicorn versions too? My God, all we need are some filthy human hookers and it'd be exactly like Tijuana."

"And you are?" Celestia asked.

"I'm The Postal Dude, and yes, that's my real, fucking, shit name I've got."

Celestia just stared at the man. She shook her head smiled though.

"Well, you four come with me, and we'll talk, in private."

"You got any meat?" The Postal Dude asked.

"No we don't Mr. Dude, for as you can see, we're ponies."

"Shit. Then at least tell me where I can at least get some carne asada, por favor."

"After the talk."

"Fine, but I get pissed easily."

The two humans, two ponies and draconicus all walked out of the labyrinth. The Dude looked at the five ponies waiting for Wade and Pinkie at the entrance.

"Another one?" Twilight's eye twitched and was smiling rather forcefully.

"You know, your face will stick if you keep doing that. And if that happens, I would have to smack it loose." The Dude took out a cricket bat, making Twilight's look disappear and turn to pure fear.

"Classic Postal Dude."

"Shut up moron."

"I love you, but not in a gay way."

Oh crap, you're gay for him, aren't you?

Nah, he's more along the lines of not staying the same preference for...

"If your head voices don't shut up, I'm blowing your brains out again Wade." The Postal Dude said, pointing a gun at Wade's face. Most of the ponies looked fearful, Discord just grinned.

"Okay."

Okay.

Okay.

"Good, now can we get this shit over with, this one chapter cameo is not going to end itself." The Postal Dude said.

"Okay."


"Another human!" Twilight's sanity was slowly going away every minute.

"Yeah, what are you, retarded?" Postal Dude thought she was.

"This one's much ruder."

"And you look like you fancy the same sex."

"Wha... well... I..." Rainbow was speechless.

"Ha, so you are a lesbian."

"Classic Postal Dude. Tell you what, I'll let dragon thingy here take you back, in six to eight hours."

"Fine, there better be booze here."

"What do you prefer?" Few people knew it, but Celestia had a vast collection of a variety of fine liquors and spirits hidden in the castle. Being in charge was never easy for her.

"Well~, I could go for a nice stiff brandy right now. This author is being nice to me now."

"Yep!" Pinkie gave the Postal Dude a chocolate cupcake.

"Chocolate, my favorite."

"Let do a time skip or two."

"Okay then."

"What time..."


-Four hours later-

"I am sho fucking drunk." The Postal Dude slurred. He, along with Discord, the Mane Six, and Luna, were wasted. Wade was trying though.

"I still don't feel drunk."

I am though. Kish me Brotha.

No vay, you... you douchebagger, jackash.

Go to bed, you're drunk.

Fuck ye, I is drunk.

Kish me.

Fuck ye, I do not... Zzzzzzzz...

"Oh crap, he he."

"Wade, this is teh mosht fun I had drunk. I like ya, you magnificent bashtard, you."

"I like you too Pinks, too bad there is no romance tag."

Could there?

"You are so stupid funny Deadpool."

"You too Aunt Joe!"

"Stop calling me that."

"Nevah!"

"Fine then, I will mess up your face!" Discord flipped the table, clearly annoyed enough to fight.

"Already done." Wade took off his mask, making all who looked at his, which was everyone, vomit at such ugliness.

"Oh, the Faust hates me now." Luna muttered to herself, before vomiting again.


-Two and a half hours later-

The Postal Dude was standing, still drunk. Discord managed to sober up and was hovering over the man.

"Any last words before you leave?"

"I regret nothing."

"Good. Bye!" Discord snapped his fingers, making the human disappear. The other eight were just looking at what happened.

"I'm inshane now." Twilight slurred.

"I am more."

"No doubt." Rainbow moved a bit closer to Applejack.

"Hey, you feel kinda nishe AJ, You and me should be closh like thish for like... I dunno really, he he ha, ha ha."

"Ah'll... Ah'll consider it." Applejack tumbled over, causing some of the others to fall as well, leaving Fluttershy and Rarity intact.

"A... A lady should not be up and about when drunk... I'll be in the guesht room right now, thank you." Rarity stumbled out of the room, clearly drunk, yet elegant enough to make it look good.

"This is the best Christmas ever."

It's March, dumbass.

"Oh..." Wade was silent for exactly fifteen seconds.

"End the chapter!"

END!