… Day sixty-eight...
The month has passed by so slowly that I thought this day would never come. Yet here we are. We have survived, and now our time spent together will be a memory that I will never forget for as long as I live.
It’s just you and me, for the first time in a long time, sweetie.
Happy Hearthswarming Eve...
I’ve thrown all of the lights on. The house is swimming with colors. The patterns they paint on the ceiling and on the walls remind me of you. It is dark outside now, but inside, the sun seems to be constantly shining down on us. The neighbors will complain, but it is something that I am not worried about.
I play with you as we sit on the carpet together. I am mindful of the lights that flicker and dance in your smiling eyes. It gives me a joy that I hadn’t felt in well over a month. It brings me happiness in a time when there was none. You giggle as you flip through that picture book. I have read it to you many times now, and each time, it has felt as if it were a new experience.
Such joy this holiday season.
Fresh, hot tears stain my cheeks. They are happy tears. You don’t notice them, but they shine quite clearly in the lights. I slide up next to you.
Together, we study the picture book. We search the familiar pages as if we had never seen them before. You smile as you point at the colorful pictures. I say the words aloud, but you don’t know what they mean. It doesn’t matter. As long as I’m here with you, it doesn’t matter.
The Hearthswarming tree is brighter than ever this year. It stands tall and proud, watching over us. There are gifts under the tree this year. As in plural, gifts. They are all for you. I spent the money because I could. Even if I couldn’t, I would have spent it anyway.
I just want to see your golden smile.
I have you all to myself tonight, Dashie. I am finally able to see you again. You see, I was worried. I didn’t think that you would remember who I was, and the thought of that was indeed a crushing feeling. It was a silly feeling, now that I think about it. But I’m a worrier. That is all I do, constantly worry.
But not tonight. Tonight is a special night, it is your first Hearthswarming Eve. For the first time in ages, I found the audacity to relax. Tonight, I wear a smile for the first time in what seems like forever. It is a genuine smile, not a fake one.
And just you wait and see what I got you for Hearthswarming Day this year, Dashie. It isn’t anything so special. But, to me, it is. I think you’ll love it. Heck, to be honest, you’d love it if I got you a single tube sock to play with. This is something more to me though, Rainbow. It gives me pride to say that I can give you a real Hearthswarming Day this year.
To me, that is everything.
You’ve tried to open them several times already, you little squirt! In fact, one of the gifts is halfway opened, I can see the ear of the stuffed elephant sticking right out. Turn my back on you for a second, and that’s what you do. Oh dear, you are so much like your mother, kid.
To think that a little more than a week ago I could hardly move on. But I realize that this is what I have to live for. I may not be the best mother in Equestria, but I will try my damndest.
I couldn’t wait. I let you open the gift that you seem to have taken such a liking to. You rip it open hastily and slobber all over the paper in the process. Cute, Dashie, very cute. But then, oh, when you saw it, your grin lit up the room and put these lights to shame.
I clean up the paper and put it away. The day has come to an end.
I turn out the lights. We go to bed. But I don’t put you in your crib just yet. No, it is just you and I, plus our special guest, the stuffed elephant that you hold so tenderly in your hooves, here in my bed. We rest together. I wait until I hear steady breathing. It takes a good while, because you had been so riled up before. But eventually, you fall asleep.
Only then does a small light flutter in the darkness. I write this down to relive this day’s moments. Then I will take you to your crib and there you will rest.
But not before I kiss you goodnight.
I love you, Rainbow Dash.
Happy Hearthswarming...