Rodney Mullen Comes to Equestria

by Darth Atrox

The Godfather of Skateboarding

It's a beautiful, summer day in Ponyville. In the Ponyville Library we find a familiar purple Unicorn. Known in some circles as the Element of Magic, this gifted young mare was known throughout Equestria. She, along with her five fellow Elements, were servants to the Princesses, and conquerors of Evil. Twilight Sparkle, who was currently doing research on Instantaneous Transportation via Einstein-Rosen Bridge, was startled out of her stupor when Rainbow Dash flew in with a crash.

"Rainbow Dash!" Twilight cried. All of her books and notes were thrown in random directions. They littered the floors and table that she was occupying. "What's the matter with you! My notes are everywhere!"

"Your homework can wait, Twi!" Rainbow breathed. She was huffing and puffing, suggesting that whatever she came for was pretty big. Rainbow turned her body and plucked a rolled up poster from her saddlebags. Clenching the top half of the poster with her teeth, she unrolled it. On the poster was an image of a human. A Caucasian, male to be precise. He was also balancing himself on a wooden contraption with wheels on what looked to be a boardwalk. Around the image were random words. The most prominent being "RODNEY MULLEN TODAY IN PONYVILLE. FROM NOON TO 6 P.M.! DON'T MISS IT!"

Twilight gave Rainbow a bemused look. "You barged into my library and assaulted me for a stupid Skater!?" Twilight exclaimed. Rainbow Dash looked offended.

"Stupid skater!?" She reiterated. "This is Rodney Mullen! One of---if not the---greatest skaters of all time!" She claimed. "He invented hundreds of tricks, and put skateboarding on the map!" She cried.

"What do you care?" Twilight deadpanned. "We're quadrupeds. We can't use skateboards. Only bipeds can."

"Speak for yourself, Twi!" Rainbow challenged, and doing a Kickflip on a skateboard that appeared out of nowhere. "Awesomeness doesn't discriminate on qudoopeeds."

"Qua-dru-peds." Twilight sounded out. "Where'd that skateboard come from anyway?"

Rainbow looked down at the board she was currently standing on. It was an Element Quadrant Purple 8, with Phase 2 black trucks, white wheels, and Bones bearings.

"Dunno." She said. "It just kinda appears when I want to show off how awesome I am!"

"That doesn't make any sense." Twilight huffed.

"We're Wasting Time!" Rainbow exclaimed.

It was noon, and Ponyville Main Street was crowded with ponies. There were ponies of all shapes and sizes, and of every age. In the middle of the street, there were rails and stairs, and everything needed for a skate demo.

"What just happened?" Asked Twilight. Rainbow looked confused.

"What do you mean?" She asked. Twilight stared at her incredulously.

"Didn't you see that? Everything rotated 180 degrees to the left!" Twilight claimed. "I felt like I was gonna throw up!" Rainbow stared.

"I didn't feel nothing." She said.

"Silly Twilight! That was the author making a scene change!" Pinkie cried, popping out of nowhere.

"Who in the hoof is the author!?" Twilight asked.

"He's an almighty, all-knowing Mexican who created this universe to entertain a bunch of other lonely losers like himself!"

"...huh...?"

Pinkie polished a hoof on her chest before looking at the gobsmacked Twilight and Rainbow Dash duo.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

Meanwhile, in another universe:
"DAMN YOU AND YOUR HIP ATTITUDE!"

"Howdy, Y'all!"
"Good day, darlings."
"H-hello."

Ah, yes. The rest of our heroes: Applejack, Rarity and Fluttershy. They walked at a brisk pace, eager to reach their friends. With them were Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.

"Ah cain't wait for this here hootenanny to start. That Rodney Mullen feller sure knows how to work a board, Ah tell you what."

"He performs with such finesse, such grace!" Rarity cried dramatically, while falling on a red couch. "It's...mesmerizing!"

"I envy how well he performs with crowds." Mumbled Fluttershy adorably. "If I were performing for so many ponies, why i'd just..." She finished off with a cute squeak.

Meanwhile, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were having their own discussion.

"Aw, man! I can't wait for Rodney Mullen to show up! It's gonna be awesome!" Said Scootaloo.

"What's so special about a skateboarder?" Sweetie Belle inquired.

"Yeah." Agreed Applebloom. "I'll admit it is pretty cool, But is that all he does? Ah, mean, its just wood and wheels. That's the bottom line. It sounds like uh waiste of tahm."

Scootoloo could only stare at her companions in shock. "You guys just don't get it." She grumbled. "It's all about the control over the board! It's about using the board to express yourself! You'll see when he gets here."

As Scootaloo said this, a large bus drove up. On the side was a caricature of a male human, and along with the image were the words Rodney Mullen, boldly printed on the bus's sides. Everypony was quiet, watching the bus intently. After several moments the bus doors opened.

Out stepped a human. He was wearing a black v-neck t-shirt, and tan cargo pants. On his feet were Globe skateboarding shoes. He looked over the crowd and smiled.

"How's it going everybody?" Everyone cheered at his question. Rodney laughed, obviously enjoying the crowds enthusiasm. "You guys ready to get this Demo started!" He cheered. The ponies roared their approval. "Then Let's Get This Show On The Road!" He grabbed his board, and with a running start jumped right into the set.

After 6 hours of Rodney Mullen's badass skateboarding, the demo was coming to a close. He came to a stop before the crowd. Many mares, incapable of containing their orgasms, laid on their bellies, in a puddle of their own juices. The stallions sat, enraptured by the awesomeness that was Rodney Mullen, waiting for him to speak.

Before he could however, an explosion caught their attention. From the sky fell a large, bright object, lighting up the darkening sky. It crashed unceremoniously several yards from the skate demo. From the crater rose Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, both severely beaten.

"M-my little ponies..." Began Celestia.

Immediately the Mane 6 were by her side.

"What Happened Princess!" Cried Twilight.

"Who did this to you!?" Followed up Rainbow Dash.

"Equestria is under attack, my little ponies." Luna stated. "Our greatest foes have banded together to bring upon death and destruction. The Spirit of Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis, and King Sombra are headed straight here!" She alerted.

"The world needs the powers of the Elements of Harmony." Said Celestia.

"The world, however, won't be getting any help from the Elements." Stated a familiar voice.

"DISCORD!" Cried the ponies. Discord had arrived, along with his accomplices.

"We'll stop you! We've done it before, and we sure as shootin' can do it again!" Challenged Applejack.

"Not without these." Said Chrysalis. Sombra produced the six Elements of Harmony. Nightmare moon then gathered them with her magic, raising them into the air and firing them away in different directions.

"The Elements are indestructible, but they can be separated from their bearers." Nightmare hissed.

"What possible difference could that make?" Asked Rarity. "As long as we're alive we'll find a way. We will stop you."

"No you won't." Countered Sombra. "We've all made mistakes during our bouts with you. We've learned from them. Do you know what the greatest flaw in each of our plans were?" He questioned. At their negative Discord spoke.

"It was refusing to kill you where you stand!" He stated darkly. "But we won't be making that mistake a second time. BEHOLD!" He shouted. "Your most devastating opponent!" The villains all gathered their magic, sending it out and enclosing all of them in a magical sphere. It pulsated with power, before exploding.

That was the scene that Rodney came back to. He managed to herd all of the ponies into the Town Hall, who were all staring out the windows, watching in fear.

Now standing where the villains once stood, was a disgusting, mismatched, abomination. It seemed to have pieces of each villain.

"I. AM. DISCOSOMBRALIS MOON!" When it spoke it sounded like their voices were ground together in a meatgrinder. "PREPARE TO MEET YOUR END, PONIES!" The 8 ponies stood with a mixture of disgust and horror at the chimera. How could they defeat such a being. All hope was lost.

"STOP!" Rodney rode up on his board, placing himself between the beast and the ponies. "I'm not going to let you hurt them!" He shouted. Discosombralis Moon looked down at the human.

"AND WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO, HUMAN?" The beast questioned. Rodney Mullen then dropped his skateboard to the ground.

"I'll destroy you." He said.

Discosombralis Moon laughed his ass off. A human? Destroy him? Laughable. And he was laughing.

"SHOW ME!" He dared.

Rodney Mullen readied his board. "This is a move I've been working on my whole life. Everything up until this point has been nothing but practice. I call it the Divine Flip."

The beast observed the human.

"WHAT IS YOUR NAME, HUMAN?" It questioned.

"Rodney Mullen." It's eyes widened.

"OH SHI!---" It was too late. Rodney Mullen had already started the trick. The beast could not escape in time.

The trick...it was indescribable. It was awe inspiring, life changing even. Everyone who witnessed it was driven near insanity. The ponies who were watching from town hall were driven so wild they had an orgy. The Mane 6 and the Princesses came and kept cumming.

And Discosombralis Moon...it was destroyed.

There was nothing. Not even ash was left behind.

Simply a human, with a proud smile on his face. Happy to have saved the kind ponies, and possibly the world.

He approached the 8 ponies behind him. They looked tired, and their coats were matted by their own juices. But they were happy.

Side by side, they walked off into the sunset.