Deadpool vs. Equestria
Issue #22
Previously on Deadpool vs. Equestriaaaaa.....a... a. ay
ay
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Deadpool woke up and looked at the ceiling, which was rather tech-y looking. He looked around him, and the walls, floor and cage were also tech-y looking. He wondered why all waking up scenes in novels usually involved them inspecting the ceiling. Then he looked at the tech-cage, which was in fact, a laser cage, and not a robotic replica of Nicolas Cage.
[Fahk.]
"Excuse me, whoever's on the other side besides Death?" Deadpool asked.
[Death!? WHERE, I WANNA SEE]
A S.H.I.E.L.D soldier walked into view, basically answering his question.
{Well, that's nice of him.}
"You're being detained for attempting to hijack the Helicarrier," the Soldier replied, "Again."
{Good times.}
"Actually, I was about to un-kidnap the innocent girl you kidnapped. You fiends." Deadpool corrected, matter-of-factly.
"Spider-Man alerted us of her presence, and told us she was doing a lot of the things you were doing, and that she was apparently from another dimension. Any person who does the same things you do, without being you, is usually considered possibly dangerous."
{Which she is. Yellow Box's pervertedness helped us see that.}
"That's my girlfr-" Deadpool began, before cracking his neck joints in the way a person switches personalities violently, then correcting himself, "Sister."
"I don't believe that. What's your real name?" The Soldier asked.
"It's Ernie Douglas. But my friends call me 'Chip.'" Deadpool answered, before being given an unamused stare by the soldier. Although he couldn't see the soldier's face, because he had a helmet, he could tell he was unamused. Either that, or he was an idiot and was processing what he heard. But because he was able to hold a conversation unwillingly, that was rather unlikely. Deadpool groaned and answered, "Wade Wilson."
"And what's her name?"
"Diane Wilson." Deadpool answered immediately.
{That was kind of ingenious, but I wonder... have we even learned her middle name?}
Pinkie has a middle name?
{...Fine. Forget it.}
The Soldier then took a moment to think, before walking over to a control panel, and pressing one of the buttons. It brought up a screen that looked like a non-violent yet uncomfortable (for Wade's standards) interrogation of Pinkie Pie. There was one person there besides Pinkie, and he looked kind of pleasant. He was wearing a white dress shirt with short sleeves, had a black tie, and black dress pants. His hair was short and brown. Actually, that was all Deadpool could tell, because the person's back was turned to the camera.
The Soldier whispered something into the microphone, a word which here means 'trinket that 12 year olds invading the internet speak into when playing Call of Duty to dampen the playing experience, but in here, is being used for more practical purposes', and the person turned around. {Aigh.} He looked a bit less pleasant. He looked like he spent a lot of time indoors. He had a stubble, a weary/unamused expression on his face, and his eyes had a case of black bags under them, probably induced from tiredness. Deadpool had the feeling he was sort of... important in a way.
"Yes, what is it?" The person asked in a way that matched his face's appearance. Why not.
"I'd like to ask the prisoner a question, please," The soldier replied. The person raised an eyebrow, not really changing his expression. His eyes moved to Deadpool's direction, then he looked back at the soldier, and nodded, stepping out of the camera's view for a moment.
"Does someone have a question for me? Is it about partying?" Pinkie asked.
"Is your real name Diane?" The Soldier asked bluntly.
"Why not?" Pinkie asked back. The Soldier looked at her for a moment, obviously also unamused. Pinkie wasn't sure why, but she didn't like it, as it made her feel slightly sad, so she replied, "Yes, yes it is."
"...Okay." The Soldier said, before utilizing the control pad, and turning off the camera. He looked back at Deadpool. "She's your sister, is she?" He asked, still quite uncertain.
"Yeah, why?" Deadpool replasked, a word which here means 'a combination of replying and asking,' and also doesn't exist.
"Spider-Man told us she wasn't from this dimension."
"No no, he probably said the fact she was like me was 'out of this world,' etc." Deadpool assured.
{YOU DON'T SAY ETCETERA IN A SENTENCE YOU DUMBASS!}
[Cultured.}
{Brain.}
[...I'm bored, goodbye.]
"He said specifically these words, 'She isn't from this dimension at all, and I don't trust anyone or thing that matches that psycho in personality.'" The Soldier told him.
"Either he worded it wrong, or he's just really scared all of a sudden." Deadpool theorized untruthfully.
[Use his knowledge of Pinkie Pie against himmm.]
Wouldn't that be used against me also for having information of such things?
And the first time I ever came up with your character, which was way before coming up with this fic, the yellow box was supposed to be smart and the white box was meant to be annoying. Things really change, don't they.
{Thank the video game trailer for making me cultured.}
"I'm starting to think you're more of a liar than I thought." said Theodore. Because I'm tired of saying The Soldier. It makes me think of two things. WWE video games, which I play just to punch people, and Team Fortress 2. Mainly Team Fortress 2.
"I'm starting to think you don't trust other people, since you've not even met me until today, and you're being accusational."
"You're irresponsible, confusing, insane, and you have some strange fascination with the other prisoner, whether or not she is your sister." Theodore accused some more.
"I WAS FROZEN TODAY!" Deadpool blarged.
"..."
{...}
[...?]
{...Wha?}
... Okay. Then the lights turned out.
{Wha?}
Deadpool looked around him. He then blinked repeatedly.
I can't tell if my eyes are opened or closed now...
{Usually in power blackouts, the lasers are also rendered offline.}
Deadpool shrugged, and went forward. Into a wall.
{Go the other way.}
Deadpool went the other way. Into another wall.
[Go right.]
Wall.
{Now go backwards.}
Deadpool turned backwards, and rushed forwards, ululating like that kamikaze sound that I think comes from GMod. He successfully managed to bull-rush Theodore, who fell to the ground. Deadpool's eyes adjusted to the darkness a little, and then he decided to kick the soldier in the head, to knock him out. Thankfully, it did.
The lights then turned on, and Deadpool looked around for his equipment. He saw a few guns, a belt and his trusty katanas.
{One moment of equipping equipment later.}
Deadpool looked out a door, leading out of the room. It was also tech-y. He opened it, and walked out. The room in front of him was a collection of hallways that also looked tech-y. Just assume everything is tech-y. Not tacky, but tech-y. Everything is going to be allllllllllllllllright.
At least, until the room started glowing red, and an annoying sound played all over the thing, which was, in fact, an alarm. Deadpool heard the sound of footsteps getting closer. He pulled the katanas out of their sheathes, flourished them a little, and sat down, waiting until they arrived, which would probably take a while.
{Rescue Pinkie, or we'll be bored for a while, please.}
Good idea.
Deadpool ran into a random hallway to look for Pinkie. The door at the end of the hallway, however, led to a room full of S.H.I.E.L.D agents, all aiming guns at him.
"Uh... I was frozen today?" Deadpool attempted.
"...Must be some sort of coded phrase. Weapons set to stun." One of them said.
{They totally should have said 'Set Phasers to stun.'}
Deadpool scraped the blades of his two katanas together, cracked his neck, not in the psychotic personality change kind, but the ass-kicking kind, and ran at the group.
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To be continued in the next issue!
[Yeah, that's right, rip-off music from another Nolan North voiced character, YOU FIEND!]
{You have to admit, that version is pretty kick-ass.}
[...PAOEGN.]
...okaybye