“The authorities and experts remain baffled to why there has been a surge of ‘abnormal chaotic magic” in the Canterlot Royal Gardens, where the statue of Discord is held. The spike was picked up by one of the routine mage engineer doing checkups on the castle, and it was described as ‘a burst, short but really powerful’. The Princesses were swift to reassure the populace, declaring, through the famous magic scholar and Element of Magic Twilight Sparkle that ‘Discord is still trapped inside the statue, and it’s going to stay that way. I’ve made personally sure just the day before this coincidental spike of energy that in the event of a weakening in the spell keeping him in a statue form, there will be a failsafe spell alerting both the Elements and the Princesses, for a swift containment-“ My reading was interrupted by a familiar, if not annoying, voice:
“Bah, can’t read all this boorish propaganda. You know what? Sparkle was always the least insufferable… The other ones were just cardboard cutouts, but she actually humored me. She was the hardest to convince, too. Oh, did you see that? Swift containment, that’s rich. I mean, the irony level is off the charts! Because you know, I’m inside your head… And your name is Swift Tho-“
“Yeah I get that, thank you very much! So, how much of this is actually true?” I asked, curious about the extent of veracity I could expect from the Princesses themselves. I didn’t have particularly high expectations, though. Being a historian, I had seen many incongruent tales and facts that couldn’t be explained, except if you thought about falsification or cover-ups of much kind. Don’t let me get started on the ‘three tribes’ thingamajig.
“The ‘burst’ part was pretty on spot, I guess. The rest of the tale, not so much. They know I’m not there anymore, at least in spirit.” He answered pretty nonchalantly, like it was just a minor detail. I imagined he was waving a claw at me dismissively.
“WHAT? When you were thinking of telling me? They could be onto us right now!” I almost stomped my hoof down on the table in rage, before realizing I wasn’t the only pony in the room. After Princess Discord (Ah, ah, ah.) decided to wake up, I informed him that I wasn’t going anywhere until I enjoyed a good breakfast (the first in years) and a newspaper read. Luckily, there was a fresh Equestria Daily lying on my seat. A bit on the right side for me, but I wasn’t going to complain.
“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, m’boy! Celestia and Luna may have fooled you to believe they’re the hotshots of magic, but back in the day, before they regimented it and entrapped it into a set of boring and predictable rules, I wasn’t only the Spirit of Chaos, Disharmony and Change, but also of Magic. My not so metaphorical bread and butter.”
He stopped talking for a bunch of seconds. I was going to ask him to continue, but he started again, on his own; only, his voice changed, and all the playfulness and the whimsy had disappeared. It became low, like a growl, the roar of a gigantic lion and amplified a thousand folds:
“Then, they had to come along. I was here far before those two! Far before them!”
It was so loud that my ears started to ring from the throbbing pain that coursed through my head. And it was, above everything, terrifying. I could feel inside a simple word all the anguish, the pain and the hatred he had kept bottled up for innumerable years. The peaceful interior of the tavern, that just a moment had been flooded by the warm sunlight of a spring morning started to get darker and darker, like the Sun suddenly had disappeared from the sky and made place to a moonless night, where freezing winds blew all around me. All the patrons beside me kept going on like nothing was happening even when they started to get paler from the glacial temperature, but I started feeling an incredible coldness. I breathed, and it came out as a white fume, much like in cold winters, as shivers started to spread all over my body
“What would they know about being gods? They sold the pride of being the utmost state of being, decided to cheat, to deceive their way to victory into a godless world! Worthless foals without pride!”
His booming voice and the lowering heat was making me dizzy. I got up from my table, and stumbled on it, turning it over and breaking a glass in the process.
Dark tendrils-like shadows started creeping up on everything, expanding like an octopus made out of freezing darkness. It was much like the time in the Royal Gardens, but this time, it felt different: they were trying to hurt me, as they slithered up my hind legs, making their way to the stomach.
“Discord, calm down!” I desperately yelled in my mind, hoping it would stop him.
“They made ponies forget about me! Just a legend, the ultimate loser of history! Did you know how they used those accursed Elements on me? They sneaked up on me! They couldn’t even muster the courage to face me head on! They want deception? I’ll give them deception alright! I’m going to erase them from the face of this planet before they can even realize it!”
“Discord, stop it! You’re going to kill us both!” I stumbled again, and fell into a puddle of darkness. It wasn’t just cold, it was dead. Inert. Touching it felt like touching the end of universe, the ultimate state where everything is at a standstill.
“I’m going to show the entire universe their falsity, before finally smiting them down in front of all their precious subjects! AND THEY WILL KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE-“
The tendrils were already at the level of my neck, and my body was completely numb. I tried to move, but it wouldn’t just respond. They had reached my lips, as I gasped desperately for air and mustered enough strength to shout in my mind:
“STOP IT!”
And everything came back to normal. The darkness and the coldness disappeared instantly, the morning sun was shining and I was in front of my table again, with my coffee still blazingly hot. I could feel the heat and my own limbs.
“-And then they kissed! Explosions! Isn’t it just great? Swiftie? Swiftie, are you okay?”
This couldn’t be. Was he trying to throw it on the humorous side? I would have none of it.
“What in Tartarus is WRONG WITH YOU! YOU ALMOST KILLED ME WITH THAT PSYCHO SHOW!” I shouted in my head, and I felt him flinch back somehow.
“Ok, maybe the story was a little Bay-ish, but ‘almost killed me’ bad? You’re being a little melodramatic, ya know.” He answered with a voice that presumed a pout.
“Story? STORY? YOU SUMMONED THE FREAKING UNDERWORLD SPIRITS WHILE RANTING ON THE PRINCESSES! I ALMOST DIED!” I yelled again, furious.
“Uhhh, what? I just told you a story, that’s it. I didn’t rant about the Princesses, and I didn’t certainly didn’t try to kill you! What are you talking about?” He asked, and I could feel somehow that he was sincere. It couldn’t be that I had imagined everything, right? It just couldn’t be possible.
“But the coldness, and all those tendrils, just like in the Gardens…”
I touched my muzzle, and felt my fur, heated by the gentle morning sun. Just seconds earlier, I was hyperventilating while tentacles of coldness climbed up my body. It felt so… real. It was like slowly being submerged into the Arctic Ocean, while being able to see its unfathomable and impenetrable depths, countless kilometers of darkness and cold that spanned beneath you and were ready to grab you and make you disappear in the black, while you flailed and wailed. Discord must have realized my discomfort, and, unbelievably, tried to reassure me:
“I don’t know what you just saw, but it wasn’t me, I can assure you. Maybe you were still woozy and daydreaming…” He said in a comforting voice. “Maybe some of my chaotic essence is seeping into you, and your mind is making adjustments. I mean, for all your life you’ve been told I’m the most evil being ever, the epitome of everything that’s not ponykind, and now I’m prancing in your head. Your subconscious is just trying to cope with the situation.”
“Are you saying I’m going mad?” I asked wearily, whilst rubbing my temples. It wasn’t something I hadn’t taken into account when I decided to help him help myself. I was prancing around with the God of Chaos making bad puns in my head, and I realized that was going to entail some consequences for my mental hygiene.
“Silly Swiftie, you already are! Like everyone here, you are completely insane!” He answered cheerfully.
“I… am? I was going to say I’m feeling pretty sane, but after this… I’m not so sure. But why the others?” I gestured slightly with my muzzle at the other patrons “They seem pretty normal to me.”
He laughed. A bountiful, merry laughter that spread in my brain like rippling waves. He sighed and continued:
“Oh, m’boy. That’s it, that’s the problem! They are normal! You see, you live your life dancing on a stage that is directed by a maniac, even if you don’t realize it. The thing is… This harmony, whatever you want to call it, is pure madness! Let me make you an example. Imagine, for one second, that you are like them, a normal pony that loves the Princesses. If I tell you that tomorrow a two-bit thug is going to be beaten senseless by a guard, or that a changeling is going to get squashed into a wall by those pesky shield spells, will you bat an eye? Will you panic?”
Honestly? “No, I wouldn’t. I mean, how am I supposed to feel sorry for a criminal or changeling? It’s their fault they decided not to integrate, not to be…” The word died on my lips as soon as I realized what I was going to say.
“Harmonious? But if I tell you that one little princess is going to get her horn turned to strawberry jelly…”
“I-I don’t know, they raise the sun and the moon and all…” I stammered hesitantly.
“See? Suddenly everyone freaks out! You know why? Because the changelings and thugs are not harmonious, are not part of the plan! I’ve noticed nopony ever loses their minds if things go according to the plans, even if the plans are monstrous. Look at me! Did I ever hurt anypony, during my free time? Did I ever hurt any of you? Sure, I messed up some laws of physics, but hey, I am the god of Chaos! What am I supposed to do? And yet, I get locked up in stone for countless millennia. Hardly fair. And hey, a sister throws a little tantrum, why don’t you banish her to the moon for a thousand years? Well, it’s cool, she went against the plan! You see, they’re all just opportunist, trying to control their little worlds. These ponies, these respectable gentlecolts and mares, when facing real hardships and strife, will show their true face: jackals, all of them. I just try to show them how pathetic their attempts to control reality and hide their true nature really are! So, when I got free, I did what I do best. I took their nice little orderly plan and turned it against them. Don’t let them fool you, m’boy. I don’t lie and I don’t deceive. And even the paragons of ponykind, the bearers, once faced with cold, hard truth, show their true ugly selves. Cruel, selfish, greedy, false, maniacal and lazy.”
“Then why you lost?” I teased him, even though I was fascinated to know a god’s perception on pony society. It felt so wrong, yet so… right. From every logical point of view, he was right. Criminals were ponies too, and changelings had to feed on emotions lest they starve. It wasn’t their fault. So why we didn’t care about them? Why we valued so little their life? Was it just because they weren’t mandatory in the grand scheme of things? Because they were unnecessary, or even pernicious to harmony? But again, why choose a way of living that purposefully lets other species out of the picture? Why we took over the sun and the moon and the weather and the soil and the animals? Because it would be more regulated, less wild, more harmonious.
Since when madness used logical, convincing arguments?
“I’ll admit it, I underestimated their bonds. I was too cocky. Trust me, it won’t happen again. Because this time, I’ll just organize the thingamabob. You’ll be the one that gets all the glory. Anyway, you’re done with that? We got a lot of things to do! Lots of associates to meet!” I noticed he avoided using the term ‘god’ when referring to our future allies and I didn’t really understand why. He told me I was going to get all the glory. But I wasn’t going to be a PR, the pawn that knew nothing about the inner workings of what got him into fame and success.
“I’m not going anywhere before you tell exactly who are we going to meet. And no riddles, cryptic songs or something like that! I want to know who they really are.” I said with determination.
He sighed and answered:
“Fine, fine. What do you know about Windigoes?”
The day before I had rushed my way through town. I was tired, strangely so, and felt like I needed a good night of rest. But now, after I was well rested and without any hurry, I could really appreciate how sickeningly rural this little backwater village truly was. Dirt roads, farms at every corner and the unmistakable smell of countryside was filling my nose. I had to admit: even if I wasn’t exactly keen on the bucolic side of life, there was something charming about this place and how it presented itself to visitors. A simple place of old ways, lost in time, in a country accelerating towards what seemed a future dominated by technology more than magic and old physical labor. I couldn’t help but sympathize with the idea of conserving some sort of connection with the past, since I was a historian. But I couldn’t shake off the feel that my appreciation was hypocritical too: after all, I wanted to dump in the bin the way Equestria was and had always been… No, I offered a choice, a real choice! It was up to ponykind to accept it or not.
“I thought you wanted to know about who we’re going to meet…” My train of thoughts was interrupted by Discord.
“Yeah, sure. Sorry, continue.” I said sheepishly.
“Good. As I was saying, for once legends got things right: Windigoes are the spirits of the winter, the calm and stillness that comes from hatred and spite. They are associated with coldness and snow and those are their weapons, as they make more powerful blizzards as the disharmony and the loathing increases in the air. Not a really happy bunch, trust me.”
A doubt bugged me greatly, and I voiced it to the Spirit of Chaos:
“Discord, if gods must be believed to rise and keep on existing, who in Tartarus thought it was a good idea to worship hatred and intolerance?” I asked, expecting to receive a long and complicated answer about how Windigoes were corrupted by Celestia and Luna into what they are now.
“Because ponies of the ancient ages were wiser than now.” He answered calmly.
“What? What does that mean?” I asked curiously.
“It’s simple, Swiftie. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Anyway, Windigoes strived before Celestia and Luna decided to take matters into their own hands- pardon, hooves. And so did I. After they reunited the three tribes, the three Windigoes, Fuath, Achrann and Eagla, started to decline in both power and vital strength. After Fuath was banished to Tartarus by Luna herself, the other two decided to go into hiding. And they still are to this day.”
“How do you know they are here? In Ponyville?” I asked, a bit cautious on Discord’s detective skills.
“Uhm… Let’s just say Eagla and I were… intimate, back in the day. She decided to tether my magic to hers, in case we should ever want to, uh... ‘talk’ again.” I have no idea how he did, but he actually air quoted in my mind. “Guess she was pretty smart, even if she didn’t see this coming.”
Satisfying enough explanation, but I still didn’t know what they looked like.
“So, you said Ponyville Elementary, right? Who are they, teachers, janitors?” I asked, urging him to answer.
“Actually, they are foals. I have no idea what they actually look like, but if they haven’t changed in these millennia, we only need to search for the most annoying, petty and venomous fillies in the school. Wait, stop a second. See that stall, over there, with all the apples? There’s an old acquaintance there, with somepony that might be able to help us.” I looked in front of me, and through the dozens of ponies making business in the marketplace, I did see a stall full of scrumptious apples, and a nice-looking mare serving customers: she had a long blond mane styled in a ponytail, a vibrant orange coat and a Stetson hat resting on her head. I humored Discord, and decided to go into the queue, and wait for my turn. I was pretty hungry and those apples did look pretty good, but I wasn’t sure how the mare could be of any help. After a couple of minutes it was my turn. I stepped to the counter and was greeted with the thickest, funniest accent I had ever heard in my life:
“Well hello there mister! What can Ah git fer ya?” The mare asked enthusiastically. I almost burst into laughter right there, but fortunately I managed to hold it in.
“I know, I know, it’s hard to take her seriously with that show of bland southern stereotypes, but be careful around Applejack, she can spot a liar a mile away” Discord whispered in my head. Applejack, I knew that name. Sure, the Element of Honesty! That’s why Discord said she was an old acquaintance. Yet, I still couldn’t see how she could be of any help.
“I’ll just take a couple of apples, miss…”
“Applejack, mister! May Ah ask what’s yer name? Never seen ya around here!” She eyed me, and I could see a glimmer of suspicion in her eyes.
“Swift Thought, Miss Applejack, name’s Swift Thought.” I quickly answered with a small smile
“Aw shucks, drop the miss. We ain’t in those fancy schmancy Canterlot restaurants! So, ya said ya wanted three apples? Coming right up, Ah’ll just git-“She stopped into mid-sentence, and looked over my shoulder. Her eyes were reduced to pinpricks, and she dashed out of her stall like lighting, almost tumbling over me in the process.
“Ah’m really sorry mister, there’s a pony Ah really have to talk to, Applebloom will serve ya!” She yelled at me, while dodging the other ponies at the market, before she finally stopped in front of another mare with an azure coat and an incredible rainbow colored mane and started shouting things I couldn’t quite point out, apart from few words like “party”, “Pinkie”, “barn destroyed” and “rainbow flavored frosting”. I turned around to see that three apples had already been put into a brown bag by an adorable filly with a pink bow.
“Here yer apples, mister!” She had the same accent as Applejack, but it was kind of cute to hear it from such a small filly.
“What’s your name, little one? Why you’re not at school?” I asked before I reached in my bag with my magic, grabbed five coins and dropped them on the table.
“Name’s Applebloom, mister! Applejack is my big sis, and she told me that today Ah was coming with her at the market to learn the family bawsin-businn-beysin…. What we do fer livin’!” She answered with a big smile on her face.
“So, you go to the Ponyville Elementary, right? I kinda have problem, Applebloom. Would you mind help me solve it?” I asked her.
“Sure thing mister!” She beamed at me.
“I’m from the Canterlot Royal Commission on Bullying and Prevarication. I’m here to assess the situation here in Ponyville, and to see if there’s anything that need to be addressed. Do you know fillies or foals at your school that are mean to the other students, bully or berate them?”
Her expression changed from a nice smile to an adorable mix between a pout and anger.
“Ah sure do mister! There are these two fillies at mah school, they always bully me and my friends cuz we don’t have any cutie marks! They’re called Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon! They’re always mean to everypony!” She answered.
“Why thank you, Applebloom. You’ve been a great help. I’ll be sure to see that those two get what they deserve. You can keep the change, and have a nice day, you and your sister both!” I said. I took the brown bag in my mouth and went off, careful to avoid Applejack on my way out of the market. I wouldn’t want any more time than the necessary one with a Bearer of the Elements, especially the one that represented Honesty. After I got out of the marketplace, I followed the signs for the school, but I stopped at park before, I sat on a bench and ate my apples quietly. Discord was quiet too; since I first spoke to Applejack he hadn’t said a word. Maybe seeing the one that had a hoof in his second imprisonment was getting to him. Was I actually sympathizing with him? The God of Chaos?
“Actually, I was looking at the format, and how it was a nice change of pace to have a page without all the bold and the italic for once.”
“What?”
“Nothing, nothing. I’m proud of you. You’ve become quite the manipulator in such a short notice.”
He was right. Before I wouldn’t be able to invent a lie on the spot, much less to a filly. It might have felt wrong before, but now…
“Necessity is the mother of inventions, Swift. The same goes for lies.”
Just that? Yes, it was just a necessity. Seriously, I was brooding over lying to a filly? Parents do that all the time. It’s not like I was going to deceive everypony and everything. Necessity, that. It was needed, and the end justify the means. I got up, made a ball out the brown bag and threw it into the bin.
“Let’s go. We have some naughty fillies to find.”
“Well, that came out wrong.”
“Shut up.”
PONYVILLE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
The giggling and the laughter of fillies playing brought back warming memories. Unlike how they are usually pictured in fiction, the orphanage in which I had grown up as a foal was a wonderful place. They all cared about us, and even if we didn’t have any parents to speak of, we were happy nonetheless. The rare times somepony came to adopt, they wouldn’t let us see them or even tell us, to spare us the possible disappointment of not being chosen.
“How was it like?” Discord asked with a calm tone, a strange enough occurrence for him.
“What, the orphanage? It was a good place. We were loved, and cared for. There wasn’t a single moment where I was saddened by the fact that my father had left me. Why?” I answered.
“I was just curious.” He answered plainly.
“Couldn’t have you just peeked into my memories? You do it all the time!” I asked him. It was kind of strange for him just to ask, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. If you think about it, if he always had the same mischievous and bubbly attitude, it would get predictable and orderly.
Outside the building was fairly nice, and I could see some of the foals playing in the gardens behind them. I did have to come up with a reasonable excuse to see two fillies and speak to them, or it could get seen the wrong way. Fortunately, I wasn’t going against a lies detection machine like Applejack, so I could cut myself some slack. I entered, hoping to find a teacher, or someone who could point to these Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. It was a small school: there just this corridor almost completely covered with the drawings of the various kids who frequented the school, only one classroom, the bathrooms and a small office. I knocked on the door of the latter, waiting for an answer. I could see from the smoked glass that there were two ponies inside, one probably looking for something and the other was just patiently standing still at the side.
“Just one second! I’m sure they were here, really!” I heard a familiar mare voice from inside, and another, also familiar, soon followed:
“It’s okay, just remember the kids to return them in time!” Said the second voice.
“I’m really mortified, really!”
“Oh, shush,” the voice got nearer, and I saw a bubble of pink magic grabbing the handle and twisting it. The door opened, and I stepped out of the way. Just in time to see a purple coat and a purple mane striped evenly with pink and dark violet, and two big lavender eyes that were first still turned to face the room, then darted to see me.
“It’s not like they…. I’m sorry, have I seen you somewhere?” Again? AGAIN? I managed to maintain my composure, but at least this time Sparkle had the decency to almost remember me. Almost! I had to admit, I kind of looked differently from the past: my mane was less blonde and actually styled, and my coat somewhat darker.
“Great, we got the smart one!”
I tried to answer with a stammered and unconvincing “I b-b-elieve n-not-“but she interrupted me in the most strange I would have thought: she jumped at me and crushed me into a bear hug that almost made my eyeballs explode from their sockets.
“Swift Thought! From the College! I remember you! We were always bickering on Politics!” It looked like she suddenly remembered what happened to me and that she actively took part in ousting me from the University. Her ears drooped and her eyes dropped down, looking at the floor. “I’m sorry for what I did to you, Swift… I was a different mare, back then. Now I’m changed, thanks to-
“The magic of friendship!”
“The magic of friendship!”
What was I going to say? Was I still angry with her? Well, maybe not like the days following my expulsion, but the hatred and the jealousy were still there, pumping and coursing through my veins as soon as I saw her again. The fact that she had changed was, strangely, even more insufferable: if she actually stayed her bitchy, higher than thou self, it would have been better, less hypocritical. From what I had gathered, the Bearers were all inseparable friends, something she didn’t have back in the days. So, not only she had fame, fortune, success, the love of two princesses and the sister in law of another, but she was also uncaring! At least before she didn’t even want to pretend she was interested in what other ponies thought of her, and yet now she’s telling me she’s sorry? After two years spent living on the streets like a bum, the only thing I get is a halfhearted ‘I’m sorry’ because now she actually cares what others may think of her? I was starting to think that maybe Discord wasn’t so off track: ‘sorry’ was a just a thing that was supposed to be said, not truly felt. She didn’t even remember what she had done until she met me again!
Still, I wasn’t going to tell her that. I wasn’t going to say that I didn’t care in the slightest about her forced excuses and penances. That would be stupid. I was going to let her think that it was all forgiven, no offense taken. It wouldn’t be bad to be on good terms with the protégé of the Regent of Sun. It makes you less suspicious.
But after the Princesses will be exposed for the frauds they really are, she will get a taste of what I had to endure for the past two years: no more royal protection and favors! Who would want to have anything to do with the student and friend of the tyrant? After she lies alone, scoffed by everyone and with no one to give her just the minimum speck of love, I will accept her excuses.
I smiled.
“It’s okay, Sparkle. It’s all… water under the bridge.”
“Oh please, just call me Twilight!” She waved a hoof dismissively at me. The other familiar voice (even though I couldn’t quite put my hoof on it), that had been silent for all this time, was heard again:
“Twilight, who’s the stallion you’re talking to? Is he the one who knocked at the door?” It asked.
The lavender mare just reared her head back through the door and said with a small smile:
“Oh, it’s just an old classmate of the College, Swift Thought!”
“WHAT?” Came the horrific answer.
Oh oh. Now I remembered. It wasn’t possible. It was just for a few months. Why she’s still here after two years? Oh goddesses I needed to get out of there.
“Nope nope nope nope nope nope“
I turned around and prepared to dash for the exit, but I was stopped before I could reach safety.
A pink blur came storming out of the door, grabbed me and shoved me on the ground, pushing me with enough force to take the air out of my lungs. She held me by my front legs, and kept me pinned to the cold tiled floor of the corridor. I could hear the ragged breath of the enraged beast tickling my neck.
This wasn’t good.
“YOU! TWO YEARS! AND NOT A CALL, NOT A LETTER, NOTHING! YOU JUST DISAPPEARED!”
“Hi Cher”