//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: The Mysterious Stallion // Story: The End of the Time War // by professorriversong //------------------------------// Derpy Hooves trotted up to her daughter’s school just as the bell rang for dismissal, foals flooding out the door in all directions. She had just finished up her final delivery for the day and decided to walk home with her daughter, Dinky. The tiny unicorn spotted her mother quickly and trotted happily toward her. “Hiya Mom!” Dinky threw her hooves around Derpy’s neck. “Hey Squirt, how was school?” The grey pegasus smiled and hugged her back. “Well, it was Snails’ turn for Family Appreciation Day, so he brought his Uncle Hammer who talked about building stuff… Apple Bloom’s Granny Smith was way better.” Dinky paused and thought for a moment, looking curiously at her mom. “What are you gonna do when it’s my turn, Mom?” Derpy chuckled as they started down the road home. “Oh, I’ll think of something. What do you want for dinner?” The easy conversation continued as they walked homeward down the dirt road. Dinky was telling her mother about a flying trick Featherweight had shown off during recess when an unfamiliar noise cut her off. “Shh, do you hear that?” Derpy asked. She could just barely hear a strange whooshing sound. It was coming from nearby. She looked around, but saw nothing. What on earth could be making that noise? “Stay right there, Dinky!” Derpy unfurled her wings and took to the air, circling the area for a better view. The strange “vworp, vworp” noise was clearer now. Much to her surprise, she caught sight of a strangely transparent blue box, which looked as though it was fading in and out of existence just a few feet away from her daughter. The whoosh got louder, and she swooped down and landed for a better look. “Police Public Call Box…” “Mommy, w-what is it?” Derpy dove and picked up the filly. Dinky squeaked and flailed her tiny hooves in protest, but her mother ignored her displeasure and set her down behind some nearby shrubs. “I don’t know, Dinky. Just stay back.” The pegasus took off again, circling the mysterious object that inexplicably wasn’t quite there. The box was getting more solid by the second, the noise getting louder, and finally with a slight clunk came into definite, unmistakable reality. Derpy landed in front of the door and cautiously approached it, reaching out one hoof to knock. WHAM! Suddenly the doors flew open and a brown blur tumbled out, knocking Derpy head over hindquarters off the road and landing on top of her. It shook its head, clearly disoriented. As Derpy managed to focus on what had knocked her over, she realized it was a stallion. He looked around and then down, making eye contact with Derpy. In a flash he was up on his hooves. “Terribly sorry about that! Not entirely sure what happened there. The TARDIS has never thrown me out with quite such force before. Though she’s pushed me on occasion.” He cleared his throat awkwardly. Derpy didn’t recognize this pony, which was strange. She knew nearly everypony around here. Is that a Trottingham accent? He must not be from around here. She giggled. “It’s ok! I crash into other ponies all the time!” At this, the strange stallion looked taken aback. “Ponies?” He looked down at himself, seemingly shocked at his appearance. “Blimey, hooves…” He sat down and inspected them more closely. “Ok, so no more fingers. This’ll be a tricky one. Four legs, though. Legs are good.” He ran the hooves through his slightly spiky mane. “Still got hair, ok. Wait!” He leapt up and spun around. “I’ve got a tail! I’ve never had a tail before! What do you do with a tail? Aaand of course, couldn’t have been ginger even as a pony… Wait, what’s that? Since when do ponies have pictures on their bums?” He twisted in ways that Derpy thought looked painful, trying to get a good look at his flank. Dinky, who had come out from her hiding place, trotted over and peered at the new pony from behind her mother. Dinky and Derpy looked on, bemused. It was almost as if this stallion had never seen himself before. Dinky piped up, trying to help him. “Mister, that’s your cutie mark! It’s an hourglass. What does that mean?” The brown stallion stared at her. “Cutie mark? What sort of name is that?” Noting the puzzled looks on both ponies’ faces, he cleared his throat awkwardly, turned back to his own flank and shrugged. “Oh well. I guess you never know what you’re gonna get. And this wasn’t even a regeneration! Now,” he said, tapping a hoof against his chin, “where am I?” “You’re about half a mile outside of Ponyville. Where were you trying to be?” Derpy was puzzled. Not that this was abnormal for her, mind, but this stallion was… strange. “Well, quite honestly, not a clue. I was… well, sent here.” For some reason, this seemed to annoy him. “Bit unusual for me, but with the whole universe at stake, I mean, I couldn’t exactly refuse. Anyway, Ponyville, you said? Where’s that?” the mysterious pony asked cheerfully. Derpy considered this peculiar stranger. Clearly he had no idea where he was or where he was going. Celestia, he barely seemed to know who he was. She knew what that was like. “Why it’s the nicest little town in Equestria! I’ll show you around and introduce you to everypony!” Dinky grinned and bounced a little, delighted by this adventure. “Yeah, Mom knows the town like the back of her hoof! We can introduce you to Pinkie Pie and Carrot Top and Lyra and…” “Whoa, kiddo, you’ve got homework to do! We’re pretty close to the house. Dinky, we’ll drop you off at home. You stay there with your sister and start your homework, and I’ll show this nice stallion around town, okay?” The tiny unicorn plopped down on the ground in disappointment. “But Moooommm!” Derpy laughed and nuzzled her pouting daughter affectionately. “Sorry, kiddo, you’ve got to get your homework done! I’ll be home soon, I promise. You need to let Amethyst Star know where I’m going.” “Awwww!” Dinky groaned. The stallion chuckled. “Don’t worry, Dinky, I’m sure your mum’ll take good care of me. She’ll be back before you know it!” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “And this is Sugarcube Corner!” Derpy proudly pointed toward the bakery. “The Cakes are in charge, and Pinkie Pie works there too. She’s the friendliest pony you could ever meet! She’ll be really excited to meet you!” Amused, the Doctor followed her toward the colorful building. It looked like an ice cream cone on top of a gingerbread house, with candles on top and a remarkable amount of pink. Icing-like trim edged the brown roof, and a sign with a cupcake on it labeled the place Sugarcube Corner, as Derpy had said. He chuckled to himself as they entered. And then it hit him. “It,” in this case, being Pinkie Pie. He suddenly found himself on the floor, being tackle-hugged by the bounciest, happiest, pinkest creature he had ever encountered. “Oh wow, a new pony?! Hi there mister I-don’t-know-what-your-name-is-yet-but-I’m-sure-we’ll-be-best-friends! What do you think of Ponyville? Isn’t it the most super duper place EVER? Oooh I know, we need to throw a welcome party for you! I LOVE welcome parties! I love ALL parties, actually, but welcome parties are extra exciting because I get to meet new ponies!” “Blimey, and I thought I could talk,” the slightly dazed Doctor muttered. He gently tried to disentangle himself from the bright pink pony and stand up. He realized, once again, that he simply had too many legs. “How do you lot get around with all these?” Suddenly aware of the unfamiliar body he had taken mostly for granted, he struggled to get his hooves back on the ground. Derpy grabbed him around the middle and pulled him up. “Oi. Thanks, Derpy.” “Oh, no problem at all. I have the same problem sometimes.” The wacky-eyed pegasus grinned crookedly. Raising an eyebrow, the Doctor turned back to Pinkie Pie and smiled goofily. “A party? Parties are great! When can we start?” Pinkie frowned in thought for a moment, counted on… way more hooves than made sense, and answered, “I can have the park all ready for a full-blown super-duper fun-TASTIC kerbloozy of a welcome party in approximately three hours, seventeen minutes, and fifty-nine seconds!” The Doctor wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or confused. He shrugged it off and replied, “Brilliant! Derpy, where’s the park?” The grey mare giggled. “I’ll take you there when it’s time! Come on, we should go see if Rarity can get you dressed up for your party!” “Ooh, great idea, Derpy!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed. “He needs to make a good impression on all the Ponyvillians! Wait, no, that sounds like Ponyvillains, and that’s not good because Ponyville ponies are the nicest ponies anywhere! Ponyvillites? Ponyvillers…?” Derpy and the Doctor left Pinkie to her party preparations. “Oh, and I’d better grab my party cannon. Wait till you see the cake!” she shouted as Derpy pulled the Doctor away. The gray pegasus was practically dragging the bemused Doctor toward a tower-like building. “Wait, where are we going now?” he asked. Derpy turned to face him and grinned. “The Carousel Boutique!” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Hi Rarity!” Derpy shouted gleefully as they burst through the door, startling a scream out of the extremely well-groomed white pony inside. “Derpy, how many times?! I would appreciate at least a knock-” She caught sight of the brown stallion behind Derpy and stopped short. “Oh dear heavens, we must do something about that mane of yours. You’re an absolute mess!” Derpy whispered in the Doctor’s ear, “Don’t take it personally. She thinks EVERYPONY’s a mess. But she’s the best fashion designer ever in all of Equestria!” Rarity trotted over and pulled the Doctor to a bathroom in the back of the boutique. “Let’s see… Towels over here, soap over there, give yourself a quick scrub. My goodness, did Pinkie Pie tackle you into a mud puddle?” The Doctor was surprised. “How – how did you know she tackled me?” “Please, darling, Pinkie Pie tackles everypony. And throws welcome parties, and sends the ponies to me to be freshened up beforehand. Now go clean up, we haven’t got all day! I still need to pick you an outfit!” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Doctor trotted from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his head. “All right then, what have you got for me to wear? I do love getting dressed up! You don’t happen to have a bow tie, do you?” “A bow tie? Goodness, no! That would have been perfectly all right last month, but if you wore one now you would look terribly outdated. Just leave this to me!” With that, she started flinging various garments from a nearby wardrobe. “Let’s see, it’s a Pinkie Pie party, so nothing too fancy… Simple, but distinguished.” She pulled out a light blue collar and an elegantly patterned necktie. “This blue should set off your eyes nicely, don’t you think? And this tie is a brand new style from Armaneigh, just came in this morning.” She stepped back and surveyed the stallion critically. “I suppose it’s the best we can do with the time we have. Now let’s do something with that mane.” She pulled the towel from his head, ran a hoof through his thick mane, and sighed regretfully. “A hairstylist’s dream! If only we had the time to really dress you up!” Resigned, she pulled a tube of gel from a cupboard and squeezed a bit onto one hoof. “I suppose we’ll have to stick with the deliberately-tousled look. It’s all we have time for, really. Pinkie Pie is always in a hurry.” She wiped her hooves on a towel and led him to a full-length mirror. “Okay, take a look. What do you think?” “Oooh, you look great!” Derpy clapped her hooves together in excitement. “Great job as always, Rarity!” The Doctor inspected the unfamiliar stallion in the mirror. “Hmm… Reminds me of my last self,” he muttered. “Could be worse.” Rarity cringed as he ran a hoof through his carefully styled mane. “I could get used to this. Well done Rarity! And with… twenty minutes and fourteen seconds left to get to my party. Brilliant!” “Oh, it was nothing. Do come by again someday, when you've got more time to work with. Then I’ll get you really looking fabulous! Now if you’ll excuse me, I must go prepare for the party myself!” With that, she trotted to the bathroom and shut the door. “Come on, let’s get to the park! We don’t want to be late!” Derpy grabbed the Doctor’s foreleg and dragged him out the door. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Doctor was glad he had so much practice in running, because keeping up with Derpy’s overexcited, ungraceful flight was surprisingly difficult. She insisted on half-dragging him all the way to the park, the stallion barely keeping on his feet. “Blimey, Derpy, couldn’t we slow down just a bit? You’ll ruin all Rarity’s hard work if you drag me across all Ponyville!” “Sorry, we’re already late! The party will have started by now without its guest of honor!” “Well, no harm in arriving fashionably late, is there?” “It’s a Pinkie Pie party! We don’t want to miss one bit!” The Doctor resigned himself to the inevitable and decided to save his breath for running. When they finally reached the park, they found that the party was indeed already underway. The whole town was there, excited to meet this mysterious new pony. They speculated excitedly about what he would be like – or, indeed, what his name was. For the crowning decoration of the party was an enormous banner stretched between two trees: “WELCOME TO PONYVILLE, !” With only an empty space where his name should have been, rumors were already flying. As the brown pony stumbled into the park with Derpy, Pinkie popped up right next to him and began talking at her usual speed. “Oh good, you made it! I was worried you might have gotten lost or kidnapped by griffons or distracted by an ice cream sundae as big as the moon or summoned to Princess Celestia or-” Derpy cut her off. “Yep, we made it! Rarity took forever dressing him up. What did we miss?” Pinkie Pie beamed. “Nothing much yet! I only just brought out the punch bowl.” She turned to the Doctor. “I didn’t even notice until after you left that I was so excited to meet a new pony and plan a welcome party that I completely forgot to ask for your name! That’s why I left the banner blank. So what should I put up there?” Derpy was astonished. “Oh wow, I didn’t even think to ask for your name either! That funny box of yours must have distracted me. What should I call you?” The brown stallion grinned goofily. “I’m the Doctor.” By now, the rest of the party guests had noticed that the guest of honor had finally arrived. They gathered in a big circle around the trio, whispering amongst themselves. The Doctor heard snippets of their conversations. “The Doctor?” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “That’s not a name!” “What kind of pony’s called the Doctor?” Pinkie seemed to agree. Puzzled, she asked, “The Doctor? Doctor who?” He laughed. “Oh, that never gets old,” he muttered to himself. He considered the question. Making up a name never seemed to work in front of a crowd. Ignoring the question just made them fear him. Oh, to heck with it, he thought to himself. I’m a pony. I just can’t resist. “I generally prefer to go by ‘Doctor,’ but I’m Doctor Hooves.” he began, barely restraining his laughter. “My name’s Doctor Hooves.”