//------------------------------// // Chapter 6: Brimstone and Pain // Story: Ponies on Red Dwarf // by Sound Shard //------------------------------// BRIMSTONE AND PAIN Red Dw a r f Ivory Wisp woke up in a strange room. It was large and gray, with blue writings. They read things such as: Saila's Walls, Metal Edition. Three year warranty. This is not guaranteed to do anything. This wall sponsored by deadmau5. Hey Saila, this is Joe speaking. We all know the author's cute trick of making your name "Alias" backwards. Now it's Bob. And his clever idea to hide it in the walls! "What in the wide, wide wirld if Equestria dies any if that mean?" she mumbled to herself and rubbed the spot on the back of her head that hurt. A memory of the laughter of a maniac and blackened and oozy eyesight returned to her. "If the... things... that attacked me are iut there, at least tell me what's giing in!" she yelled. A man's voice responded. "Eh! Who’s there?" it called. Ivory sighed with relief. "Ih thank Celestia! My name is Iviry Wisp, and I'm trapped in here!" Ivory called back "Every Wisp? What the smeg kind of name is that?" it asked, confused. "Hold on. I'll get you out. My name is Arnold J. Rimmer." "Arnild Jay Rimmer? Yiurs is ni better," Ivory teased. "Is the Jay a letter?" "Yes. Do you say all your I's as O's?" he asked, annoyed. The door open a man clad in a blue quilted jacket and blue slacks. The letter H was displayed on his forehead. "Yes. What's the H stand for?" she asked. He moaned. "Hologram. I am computer generated. Can't touch anything," he continued to explain. In front of him stood a very light gray pony with strawberry red mane and tail, kind of tall and spindly. She was wearing a baseball cap advertising the medical red cross, and a picture of a typewriter was shown on her flank. "Just what we need, more ponies." "If yiu can't tiuch anything, then hiw'd yiu..." "Don't ask..." (I threw that in to make fun of Red Dwarf's continual storyline/continuum flaws.) "Si there are ithers? Is this Red Dwarf?" asked Ivory, suddenly excited. "Yes. Are you 'Rarity' and I interpreted you wrong?" Rimmer asked. Ivory shook her head. "A friend if hers," she explained. "But she's in majir triuble!" "Majur trihooble is major trouble, right?" Rimmer insured. Ivory rolled her eyes. "Yes..." "So... HEY! LISTER! Grab Twilight and the others!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Unnamed Bri m s t one Cavern "jUsT dOn'T lIgHt AnY fIrEs..." " .C .a .r .e .f .u .l,,,,, .b .o .s .s..... .Y .o .u .a .l .m .o .s .t .m .a .d .e .a .j .o .k .e!!!!!" "Oh, Ha-Ha. JuSt HeLp Me OuT hErE a BiT." " .W .h .a .t .c .a .n .I .d .o .f .o .r .y .o .u?????" "i CaN't SeEm To GeT tHiS tHiNg To WoRk. AcCoRdInG tO tHe InStRuCtIoN bOoKlET sAyS tO pUt PaRt A wItH pArT b, BuT iT dOeSn'T fIt ThErE, aNd PiEcE c FiTs WiTh B, aNd PiEcE d Is MiSsInG! fRiGgIn' 'AsSeMbLe YoUrSeLf' KiTs..." " .C .a .l .m .y .o .u .r .s .e .l .f,,,,, .b .o .s .s..... .I .s .t .h .e .r .e .a .o .n .e .e .i .g .h .t .h .u .n .d .r .e .d .n .u .m .b .e .r?????" "YeAh. I cAlLeD iT aNd ThE lAdY wAs MeAn!" " .W .h .a .t .w .a .s .t .h .e .n .u .m .b .e .r?????" "hErE. rEaD iT yOuRsElF!" " .T .h .a .t .' .s .M .e .d .i .c .a .r .e .' .s .n .u .m .b .e .r..............." "gAh! GoDdAmN pAmPhLeTs!" " .Y .o .u .' .r .e .h .o .l .d .i .n .g .a .b .o .o .k .l .e .t .o .n .c .o .m .p .e .t .i .t .i .v .e .b .i .d .d .i .n.g .a .r .e .a .s..... .O .n .t .h .e .b .r .i .g .h .t .s .i .d .e,,,,, .i .t .w .o .u .l .d .s .e .e .m .w .e .' .r .e .i .n .o .n .e!!!!!" "I aM nOt In NeEd Of DiABeDiC sUpPlIeS! jUsT hElP mE aSsEmBlE tHe DeViCe!" "What dies it di?" "WeLl, It WiLl AcCuMuLaTe ThE eLeMeNtS oF hArMoNy InTo OnE fOrCe, LaRgE eNoUgH tO pOwEr OuR eNgInEs." "Why di we bither with the fiils in the Jupiter mining ship?" "ThEy PoSe A tHrEaT tO tHe MiSsIoN. nOt OnLy Do ThEy OwN bAzOoKoIdS, tHeY hAvE iN tHeIr PrOtEcTiOn FiVe Of ThE sIx ElEmEnT wIeLdErS aNd TwO pOnY bLuE bLoOdS." " .B .a .z .o .o .k .o .i .d?????" "a SpAcE wEaPoN, mUcH lIkE a BaZoOkA, bUt WiTh SmAlLeR, lEsS eXpLoSiVe, AnD hEaT sEeKiNg PrOjEcTiLe AmMuNiTiOn, AnD eAsIeR tO cArRy." "What is it with humans and viilence?" " .J .u .s .t .i .n .t .h .e .i .r .n .a .t .u .r .e....." --------- --------- -----____-----------=====------------- -----------___=_=_(-)(-)----------- <---frawD deR <--- "ALL HANDS ON DECK!" shouted Holly. "We're already on deck!" screamed Cat back. "Why are you screaming all like that?" "It's my red alert voice" she explained. Ivory rolled her eyes. "Well, stip using it! We're right here!" she stomped her hoof. "What can we di abiut Twilight, Pinkie, and Lister?" Shining began to pace and mumble to himself. Cadence shook her head, unable to retrieve him from his void of guilt. He was finding ways to blame himself. "I think the bigger problem here is what those things are doing, will do, or have possibly done to Rarity. We need to access her," suggested Cadence. Ivory clapped her hooves. "I've git it! Yiu ir Prince Shining Armir can use Twilight's spell ti prive ti Miss Rarity that I'm here! She win't believe the ither and head iver! She kniws the spell!" Ivory began to monolouge. "Then we can use her ti help us get her friends iut! Did yiu get all that? We have a plan!" "Why are you so good at this?" asked Rainbow Dash in over exaggerated mock awe. She really was impressed with the plan and corresponding tactics, she knew all about war tactics of all the best wars. She wasn't about to tell her friends, AJ'd call her an egghead for sure. "I'm a writer," boasted Ivory, ignoring Dash's sarcasm. Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Riiiiight..." she said. "Ikay. Si, Princess Cadenza Mi Amire?" asked Ivory. Cadence laughed nervously. "Please, sweetie, call me Cadence. Yes?" urged Cadence. She wasn't comfortable with formality. "Di yiu ir Mr. Armir kniw the spell?" "Why, yes! We both do. May I?" "Go ahead..." Cadence's horn lit up and she began to look worried. "It's running..." "Is there simething wring?" "No... It's just... Go on..." "Ikay. Rarity? If yiu receive this message, giid. Ni, nit giid, actually. Ikay, yiu may not believe me, and that wiuld really hurt my feelings. This... This thing attacked me and tiik my place... I think it's insane! Yiu have ti cime ti Red Dwarf. Now!!" Ivory warned and stomped her hoof l A cloud of pink erupted from Cadence’s horn and Spike caught it on a piece of paper. He set it to flame as it crossed between dimensions. Cadence slowly shook her head, fully aware of the consequences. (--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------) Unnamed Br)im)st)on)e) Caverns "LoAd ThE pErSoNaL sEtTiNgS, aLrEaDy!" " .Y .e .l .l .i .n .g .a .t .o .u .r .c .o .m .p .u .t .e .r,,,,, .a .r .e .w .e?????" "No, I'm YeLlInG aT mY cOmPuTeR! yOu HaD nOtHiNg To Do WiTh It!" " .G .l .a .d .t .o .h .e .a .r..... .S .o,,,,, .w .h .a .t .' .s .o .n .t .h .e .a .g .e .n .d .a?" "Well, basically, I finish iff Iperatiin "Riasted Marshmalliw", yiu guys piwer yiur engines, we di whatever it takes ti nit create a paradix, and I get paid." " .L .e .t .' .s .n .o .t .c .r .e .a .t .e .a .p .a .i .r .o .f .d .i .c .k .s,,,,, .y .o .u .' .r .e .r .i .g .h .t .o .n .t .h .a .t!!!!!" "YoU kNoW sHe MeAnS pArAdOx!" " .E .x .a .c .t .l .y!!!!! .W .h .a .t .d .o .e .s .t .h .a .t .h .a .v .e .t .o .w .i .t .h .a .n .y .t .h .i .n .g?????" "YoU sErIoUsLy DiDn'T gEt HeR bAcKgRoUnD?" "............... .w .a .s .I .s .u .p .p .o .s .e .d .t .o?????" "yOu IdIoT, yEs!" "I'll tell yiu later. It's almist sunup in Pinyville." " .Y .o .u .' .r .e .o .n,,,,, .s .u .n .s .h .i .n .e....." "ThE fAtE oF tHe MiSsIoN iS iN yOuR hAnDs!" " .E .r,,,,, .h .o .o .v .e .s?????" End Chapter 6