Chaos Club

by Xartis


Part 1

Discord sat. He sat and he stared. He sat and he stared and he sighed. The chair he was on was terribly undersized for him, as it was made for short hairless apes, two of which apes were sitting opposite him looking awkward. In a chair to his left was a blue, humanoid, gelatinous thing, it's pink, gooey brain visibly bobbing around in it's head. It had absorbed it's name tag, which had read 'Chaos'. In a chair to Discord's right was a meter wide sphere of distorted light, he was just here to look at chaos, not really a chaotic being. Then the hairless apes that for some reason don't like being called by their Latin names because they're insecure. They were playing with little figurines they call 'Warhammer', Discord didn't know what they had to do with chaos, he didn't want to find out either.

He tried to start a conversation with chaos, who replied by making some sort of gargling sound. Discord slumped in his chair, he glanced at the distorted light, who returned a wistful glance, he was astonished by chaos and wanted to understand it. Unfortunately you can only have chaos if you don't understand it, Discord had learnt that centuries ago, he tries not to think about it too much, however the nature of chaos usually tends to plant the idea in his head again.

Discord was staring distastefully at a waiter robot who was offering him a tray of biscuits and tea and repeating the phrase "How many sugars would you like with that Insert title that depends on gender." He was feeling awfully bad about the whole idea of coming to the club, just then, the presenter walked in. He wore a smile that was slightly too big for his face, his clothes were likewise.
He then said something in the most ridiculous tone anyone with ears can hear in their lifetime "Hi there guys! So I hear you're all interested in chaos?" He paused for the enthusiastic cheer.
There was none. "Okay then! Lets get started with this, could you all tell me something about yourselves?" He pointed to the distorted light.
He spoke in the sixth-dimension "Well my name is Jeff, As you can see I'm a..."
The presenter interrupted him, as all he could see was the light rippling slightly faster than normal. "Okay then, we gotta shy-guy! What about you chaos?"
Chaos happily replied "Glaghlegleglelge, scha scha grgle grah grah!"
The presenter gave an uneasy smile and muttered to himself 'Oh boy, this is gonna be a tough day...'

Discord spoke "Hi the..." The presenter stopped him.
"Woah there! You've got to put your hand up before you speak!"
Discord put his hand up lamely, the presenter pointed at him "You there!"
Discord looked down and shook his head "So we have to put our hands up to speak, in a club devoted to chaos?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Well then, I'm Discord, God of Chaos."
"Are you sure you're the God of Chaos?" One of the humans spoke.
"Yes, I'm fairly sure."
The other spoke "Wouldn't you be the God of Discord?"
"Discord is Chaos."
"No it's not!" the first human said.
The second followed it up "Chaos is a telekinetic force that does psychic damage."
Discord stared at them, a look of worry on his face "No. No. Chaos is a lack of order, and Discord is disagreement between people. When people disagree there is chaos most of the time."
Both the humans started to rant at Discord, who only looked down and sighed "This is gonna be a tough day..."