//------------------------------// // FINAL BATTLE: EQUESTRIA Act 2 // Story: Know your Mare // by overlord-flinx //------------------------------// We join our heroes back at Phoneyville... ...They are currently out numbered by the mass of ponies and alike they've gathered... ...How will they get out of this one...? "Heroes?" Twilight Sparkle almost laughed as she was pealed off from the wall. "Get out of this? You're the ones who brought--" Chh-chh! "--Never mind..." I thought so Rainbow Dash... Now... We're going to go in order of everyone who shamed us... Starting with Twilight Sparkle... "Can we just hurry this up?" Why...? Not like you have a hot date or anything... WOOOOOOOAH! The crowd itself went into some "Woahs" of their own. Buckin' got her...! "When was the last time you had a date that didn't have to be hypnotized or think you're someone else?" With Twilight's rebuke, the crowd made a louder "woah" then before. OOOOOO! Rebuttal got her! Moving on... Twilight Sparkle... ...makes Trixie pay rent... "Rent for--OH! You're the ones that have been spreading that rumor! I should've known!" "I AM NOT POOR!" Trixie screeched over the crowd. Trixie... ...with that ratty mane, she could've fooled me... "It is not ratty!" Judges...? Ratty... Really ratty... I think I see some cheese it's so ratty... "In no way is my beautiful mane ratty." That's what you think... Fire! Out from the side of Pipsqueak's cannon came a cage filled with crazed rats. The cage was linked to the load-out on the side and aimed at Trixie before firing a clump of rats at her, sending the mare into a screaming fit as they crawled all over her and into her hair. Calm down... They're trained... ...Trained to attack anything with silver hair, a blue coat, and a wand on their flank... ...Plus they don't have teeth or claws... ...So stop whining... Where were we...? Right... Twilight Sparkle... ...hates squirrels... "No I don't..." Then why do we have detailed pictures here of you hitting this squirrel with a goat's leg...? "Gee, I wonder how a lord of chaos could have gotten that...?" ...We're done with her... But... No... ...If she's going to be mean about it... "I'm mean? You're the one making up stories!" Applejack... ...can't spell fun... "...T-That all yer' gonna say...?" Yeah... ...I mean... If you prove us wrong that is... "Sure I can prove that wrong!" Applejack smiled with pride. Despite all the shakes of 'no' she got from everyone else, she went on. "It's spelled, F-U--" WOAH! Applejack! This is a family show... "All I did was... Oh tarnation!" Cap'n... ...I feel that the mean lady just kicked me innocence... You hear that Applejack...? You're kicking Pippy's innocence... "But yer the--" I don't want your excuses... Fluttershy's turn... So... Fluttershy... "Y-Y-Yes...?" ...what is two plus two...? "...Four?" Correct... Fluttershy... ...how many elements of harmony are there...? "Six...?" Right again... Fluttershy... ...if I have ten apples and I give one away, how many do I have left...? "Nine..." Fluttershy... ...four-six-nine... A few snickers came out from the group and Discord at that collection of numbers. "W-what?" Just means were done now with you... ...It also spells out what ninety percent of your fans want you in... Sweetie Belle... ...was once hit by a stepladder... Sweetie Belle quickly threw her legs above her head and shielded herself. In good timing too since a ladder was thrown at her from atop a house. "HAH!" She yelled back at them the exact moment a stepladder was tossed from behind her and banged her on the back of the head. HAH! The first was a ladder, Sweetie Belle... It was a decoy...! DECOY! Moving on... Gilda... ...is still basted against a wall... Pinkie Pie... ...could have ruled with us... ...We could have made her the greatest weapon of our time... "Win some, lose some." That is true... ...And for that reason... ...We will leave you alone along with a few flunkies here... I'M LOOKING AT YOU SILVER SPOON! To crush you would take too long... ...and the rest are of no use or entertainment to us... You know the ones I'm talking about... ...Silver Spoon... "Okie-dokie!" Princess Celestia and Princess Luna... ...are scientifically trying to authenticate monkey cheese... "...That actually sounds interesting..." Celestia mused. "What sort of insanity dost thou speak of? Your science is nay able to reach such levels." Princess Celestia and Princess Luna... ...Are hogging all of the good science for themselves... "How does one go about 'hogging' science?" Luna questioned. "Our scientific breakthroughs haven't even reached television yet..." Yeah... ...You're-- WAIT A SECOND! How do you know what a television is...?! "Uhhhhhhhhh..." the two princess said together, looking around frantically. "The... Internet..." Oh... ...We're sorry for jumping to conclusions there... Really... ...Egg on our faces... Doctor Whooves... "Yes?" PEAR! Once more, Pipsqueak's cannon coughed out a large clump of mush, this time composed of pear mush and peals. The clump slammed the Doctor into the stone floor with a splat when the mush oozed out around him. There we are... ...Right as rain... Rarity... ...is a gem digger... "It serves in relation to my magical ability, yes..." Rarity... ...is dangerous... Is she super bad...? Yeah... ...So you better watch out... Or she'll take my cash...? Why...? Because she's a gem~~ digger... She's a gem~~ digger... "I... I don't get it..." Before your time... Spike... ...is lucky... "I am?" Yeah... ...Pip here is giving you his treasure chest after the show... "Wow! Really?" Yeah... ...We thought you needed it more... Seeing as you're probbably getting tired of trying to get Rarity's booty... WOOOOOOOOOAH! Yet again, the crowd joined in with their own hoots while Spike went red in his scale face. Ah... ...End on a high note I say... "Are you done?" Yes Twilight Sparkle... ...We're done... Know Your Mare... ...Is over... "YES!" But... "NO!" ...Before we go... ...We want to say... Thank you... We've done a lot of bad things to you... ...And it was pretty fun for us... But in the cross of all that... ...Some of you have been hurt too much... We don't WANT to make anyone feel too bad... So... The cannon of Pipsqueak's rattled one last time, growing much much larger and targeting the mass of guests. Firing in three... "What is that thing?" Twilight Sparkle along with much of the other ponies screamed. Two... It's nothing bad... One... ...Just the Forget-Me-So Cannon... ........................................................................... Now that has been... Know Your Mare... "Pipsqueak... Can I speak to you for a moment after class?" Cheerilee called Pip back into her classroom after the bell had sounded the rest of the school ponies back home. He scampered back to his teacher and looked up at her curiously. "Somethin' ya need, teach?" "Not really. I just wanted to congratulate you on this fantastic report personally." Cheerilee flashed a stapled pile of papers to the young colt. "I mean... Some of the other students carried out their reports just fine and some took on the service projects. But you Pip? You not only did both, but the details and official markings on these are astounding!" Pipsqueak smiled sheepishly and rubbed at the floor with one of his hooves. "T-Thank ya', teach... I really liked doin' it." "What my favorite part of this report was your final paragraph... may I?" "Please, go 'head." Cheerilee put the papers down and went to the select page, preparing to read it out-loud. "'I had heard these stories that if you lied, nothing good could come of it. But, that can't be true from what I've learned. Lying doesn't have to hurt anyone. And in some ways, lying can make someone laugh, or feel better. All that matters is that once you do do something that hurt someone, you make right on it and fix it in the end. I know that to lie will never be something to be proud of; but to bring someone some sort of joy for just a moment is worth something. I had seen many people smile, laugh, blush, hurt, and a real lot of other things. But I had also seen, at the very end, right as I write this, relief can be found after the chaos.' That's very well worded, Pip." "Thank ya... But... I did have help writin' it..." Pipsqueak smiled and started to leave. "Who helped you?" "Me Cap'n... And me queen!" He laughed in response before darting out into the day. "Now you know me report...!" Cheerilee looked far confused but smiled all the same when she closed the report. When she left the room, she left the report sitting on her desk. Know Your Mare. A Report by Pipsqueak. Signed of by Earl of Pudding and Admiral Trade-wind.