A trans-linear time wormhole.
A trans-freaking-linear time wormhole.
That’s cheating, you know that?
Oh – pardon me. They know me as Discord; you might remember me from such moments as ‘being the former ruler of this fun little nation’, ‘being cast in stone by a pretentious pontificating princess pair’ and breaking the minds of your precious little ponies one-by-one-by-one-one-one while you sat and watched powerless. Sometimes you just have to think about the good times.
What’s that? You seem surprised. Yes, I’m talking to you. What? You say I’m supposed to plant my handsome tail firmly within the confines of the narrative?
Hello, have we even met? Arcane spirit of chaos and disharmony, ringing any bells? Others might face some challenges in leaving the worlds set up for them, but I like to think of myself as…a free spirit.
Then again, I do like it here in Equestria; you like what I’ve done with the place? Chaos isn’t just about tap-dancing buffalo and chocolate rain. Seems like the last time I was the big cheese, a lot of ponies were…dissatisfied with my performance as supreme, ultimate, awesome, swarthy ruler of the land. See, true chaos doesn’t have to be completely unpredictable. It means a lack of safety, reassurance, safe ground to stand on…in other words, misery. It’s the misery of knowing that you have no future, no past, and no hope.
And chocolate rain.
True chaos means knowing that your heroes may, and probably will die, and there’s not a bucking thing you can do about it.
That’s why you’re still reading this, am I right? Come on, now, give it up to Uncle Discord. You get thrilled by chaos, the same way those foals used to get their kicks on Nightmare Night from being frightened out of their manes.
Your kind has always amused me, really. Don’t worry, it’s in the good way. Hey, now – who’s to say that while you’ve been observing me, I haven’t been observing you?
Why else would ‘all y’all’ bronies and pegasisters out there get such a kick out of reading about that insufferable pink one carving up her friends to make pastries? You might squeal in disgust, you might put on a brave face, but in the end, you were and are drawn to this rambunctious circus of chaos…to me.
In fact, there’s a part of you that’s angling for your little ponies to fail…good thing, too, ‘cause I don’t intend to give up my throne. Oh, they will die, I assure you. And it won’t be quick. It won’t be clean. Nothing in this world will be pure any more…there will only ever be true, raw, chaos. As point of fact, I’ve been looking forward to my meeting with Miss Precious Sparkly Magic for quite some time now…
…whoopsie-daisy, eggs n’gravy. Almost gave away the big punchline, and to a horde of hairless simians, no less.
In fact, once these little ponies make it to my side of the vortex, I think they’ll find taking me down won’t be quite as simple as the cute little technicolour light show they did last time.
But if you’ll excuse me, I have a kingdom to rule.
What’s that? WHY did the untimely death of Twilight Sparkle bring about my restoration, you say? What became of the two Princesses who stood for Order and Harmony? Even though we’re the ones peeking into a world not our own, we must know! Come, mighty Discord, bestow upon us the answers!
Eh. Eh heh. Eh heh heh.
My little ponies, my little ponies, don’t you know you’re dead in the water, thiiis tiiiime~…