The Escapades of Lord Corn Wall

by Megatron


The End of an Age

Great change had struck the noble houses of Equestria. One by one, the lesser nobles had been forced to retire by Lord Corn Wall and Lady Steel Heart in a frantic competition to absorb as many assets as they could. The final strike was all but guaranteed to come before the end of the year, a strike that would change Equestria forever. Great change would come on Hearth’s warming Day, though not the change that anypony expected.

It was Hearth’s Warming Eve and the day was young. Lord Corn Wall was just on his way back from the monocle store when it happened. He stood in front of the Iron Gate that stood before his manor; taking a good look it’s breath-taking design. He had never realized how beautiful it was or how much effort it would have taken to make. He starred for almost thirty seconds straight before a Jade beam hit the manor and destroyed it in a rather large explosion. Corn Wall now stood in shock trying to figure out what in the hay just happened. After thirty more seconds he opened the gate and climbed through the ruins of the home he had known all his life. In the wreckage he saw one of his most prized possessions covered in ash and instantly picked it up. It was a golden pocket watch that the noble had received from his father as a colt. He opened it and remembered what his father said, “If you any kind of monster ever tries to get you just use this watch and think of me, before you know it that monster will disappear.” Obviously it was just something to help the young noble if he ever got scarred but Corn Wall kept it any way, as it was one of the few tangible items that he still had from his father. He shed a single tear and then quickly wiped it away, put the watch in his coat pocket, and continued walking. He the reached the elevator the secret lab and rode it down.

“My Lord, I’m relieved to see that you’re unharmed, what was that noise?” asked Fire Star.
Corn Wall paused for a moment before answering, “We were attacked, the mansion has been destroyed.”
“Well it’s good thing we evacuated all the staff then, other wise many ponies could have been killed!”
Zap Watt came looked up from his clipboard, “Vhat exactly happened?”
“A green beam of energy came in form the south and wrecked the manor,” responded a still shocked Corn Wall.
Fire Star added, “We all know who did it, only Steel Heart is this ruthless.”
“Then we go to the southern mountains and bring her down!” proclaimed Corn Wall.
“How are we supposed to do that?” asked Fire Star.
The noble looked to Zap Watt and asked, “Do you have any experiments stocked?” Zap Watt nodded and motioned for the two to follow.

Zap Watt led the pair to the end of the room where they beheld a huge set of doors. Corn Wall opened the doors and out came an avalanche of thousands of failed experiments.
“Sweet Celestia Zap, I thought I told you to get rid of all these things,” said Fire Star.
The scientist responded defensively, “I vas going to do it tomorrow I Svear!”
“Get everypony you can to take these things up stairs and tell our pegasi to get over here, this ends today!” Corn Wall commanded.
“My lord, Zhere is Vone Zhing you’ll want to see before we move out.” said Zap Watt.
The noble looked back at Zap, “What is it?”
The head scientist held up a beaker full of water, “Zhis Vater is from a magical pool outside of Ponyville, if any of us places a single hoof in it, a clone will manage to come through.”
“How exact is the replica?”
“Ve don’t know if it’s just because Ve only have a small amount or zhe vater is avay from zhe pool, but zhe clone can’t zhink or make decisions for it’s self, it will somehow be able to understand us and follow all our orders to the letter. Zhey also don’t understand how to use tools and weapons but can fight.”
Fire Star looked up and interjected, “We can’t do this, it could kill hundreds!”
“Zhe clones don’t actually die, zhey simply get teleported back into zhe vater.”
“What about the Ponies on Steel Heart’s side, you know she’s going to send out everypony who can hold a stick to fight?”
“Zhe clones aren’t that strong, all zhey can do is knock somepony out.”
Lord Corn Wall grabbed the beaker; “Very well then, I’ll clone my self as many times as possible and tell them to head south to the mountain.” And with those words, the noble stuck his hook in the beaker and created a clone of him. Being lazy, he simply ordered the clone to stick his hoof in continuously and order all the new clones to head the mountain.

Above, the pegasi had come bearing sky chariots and satchels ready to do as their master commands. The trio got onto a chariot and watched as the winged ponies snatched up all the experiments with terrible speed. Once they were all picked up, Corn Wall pointed forward, causing the flock of pegasi to all speed away towards the mountain as a tide of Corn Walls marched below them.

The site of the mountain fortress was truly amazing. Steel Heart had driven a large shaft down the center of the peak and placed a series of mirrors all along it in order to channel the light form the orb in any direction. Once the fleet of ponies reached the top of the mountain, they all reached into their satchel bags and threw all of the failed inventions at the mirror system. Most of the inventions were so unstable that they exploded before reaching their target (it is currently unknown how a half filled cup of coffee managed to explode). This was all for not however, as the mirrors were shielded by powerful magic. The explosions did manage to blow a sizable hole in the size of the mountain that could be entered safely. Lord Corn Wall signaled the pegasi pushing his chariot to fly to this new entrance so that he and his allies could parachute in through the gap. Once they recovered from the landing, they took a moment to survey their surroundings.

The interior was, for the most part, extremely well crafted. The slabs of stone that made up the walls, floor, and ceiling looked to be chiseled from the very rock of the mountain itself and were clearly made by artisan stonemasons. This beauty was tarnished by the addition of cheap looking mass produced steel columns that served to reinforce weaker areas and support the orb on the center. Nopony seemed to be inside as all were called upon to beat back all of the Corn Walls that now rushed towards the place like water freed from a dam. This was quickly discovered to be false when a chair that had been facing out towards a huge window overlooking the frenzy bellow swung forwards to reveal Lady Steel Heart herself. Body guards then seemed to come out of nowhere and quickly drag Fire Star and Zap Watt out of the room, leaving the two nobles all alone.

“I thought you died in your manor old man,” said Steel Heart.
“What are you doing with my friends?” asked Corn Wall furiously.
Steel Heart smiled devilishly and replied, “Do you really think I’d let anything stand in the way of my plan? This project has cost me so much that if I lose here, I’ll have to retire just like everypony else. Your not clever enough to stop me, meaning that I am free to use this monster of a weapon to devastate all of your holdings, leaving me as the sole noble in Equestria!”

It was at that moment that his father’s words all those years back finally seemed to make sense. He was now facing a monster and was scarred out of his wits. In his head, one short phrase kept repeating itself, “…just use this watch and think of me…” a phrase that would save him. He reached into his coat pocket, took out the watch and, in a final act of desperation, threw it at the orb. As it turned out, the old heirloom was exactly what he needed at that moment. It was small enough to pass through the fore field and hit the orb. The energies of the orb were entirely incompatible with the pure gold of the watch and when the two met the results were disastrous. Green sparks flew everywhere as the chamber slowly flooded with light. Everypony assumed the worst; the orb was going to explode.

Both nobles dashed out of the room into where the bodyguards were holding Zap Watt and Fire Star, shouting at them to flee the place while they still could. Steel Heart took a balloon that had been tied to an observation post near the top of the mountain and drifted to safety in it. The remaining three ponies still in the fortress were spotted by circling pegasi and flown out of range. There was no explosion however and the orb simply disappeared in a single blinding flash of jade colored light. This made no difference as the orb was now gone forever and Steel Heart’s dreams of supremacy had gone with it.

After having overseen the banishing of all the clones back to the pool form once they came, Corn Wall headed to his personal lodge outside of Canterlot. He had finally done it, he had achieved in several months what none of his ancestors had failed to achieve in their entire life spans. Victory was his, yet he didn’t feel satisfied. Now that the other nobles were no more, he had nothing left to do. He had already paid for the rebuilding of his mansion and that would be completed in mere weeks. His entire life had revolved around the great contest and without it he felt completely empty. What would he do now?

When he awoke that Hearth’s Warming Day, he knew the answer. He would retire and donate a sizable amount of his money to charity. His days would be spent helping the common folk (he had nothing else to do after all) and making Equestria a better place. The other nobles soon found that they actually preferred the quiet and peaceful life of retirement to the hectic and stressful lives that they had lived before. Soon even Steel Heart was writing in her memoirs about how much better things seemed now that she didn’t have any enemies plotting against her or pressure to break another noble. Servants quickly found new jobs and former bodyguards became valuable additions to the Royal Guard or (in Fire Stars case) were even able to retire themselves. Universities hired scientists and engineers and the government to perform research, paved the way for a new golden age of Scientific and technological discoveries. When news of what had taken place reached Princess Celestia, she was amazed. It seemed that even the most stuborn of ponies could change.

It was the end of one age and the beginning of another. One that would be defined by the actions of common ponies who would change the world. And Everypony who would rise to rule this age can indirectly thank the nobles for setting the foundations by witch they were able to succeed.