Remember when I said that the outside of the crystal buildings were a huge step up from most of the places I've been to? Well, the same holds true for the inside of the buildings, apparently, which really isn't much of a surprise to me. This crystal spire we're in right now puts almost every other interior I've laid eyes on to shame.
The hospitality of the crystal ponies increased drastically thanks to the good words from Celestia and the Mane Six. Currently I'm being fed some rather delectable soup, though I did have to deny the offer of hay bread. Who would have thought that crystal carrots actually tasted good to non-ponies? They could even label this stuff as 'exotic food' and sell it for some nice cash.
As it is, though, Celestia and the ponies from Ponyville are all looking expectantly at me as I do my best to empty out the cauldron of soup the servants have gotten us. It doesn't bother me much that I'm being stared at. I'm more worried about getting a full stomach for now.
“It's been far too long since we have seen each other, TD." Of course, they are easier to ignore when they're not talking like Celestia just did. She was probably waiting for me to finish pigging out, but couldn't wait enough.
"Sure has," I retort, setting the plate down. “Back then, you didn't have xenophobic guards.”
The Princess sighs. "You will have to excuse them for that. The ponies around here haven't healed from all of the wounds King Sombra inflicted yet, and a strange creature whose magical properties they have no idea of walks into their kingdom unannounced? You have to understand that they would be a bit wary."
I give her a deadpan look. "Wary is one thing, Celestia. That was something else entirely."
"Wordings aside, again, they feared the unknown,” she explains calmly. “Can you really blame them for that?”
"And it ain't like you helped your case any, sugar cube," Applejack pipes in. "You got pretty hostile with them too."
“Hey, I tried to be civil. They were the ones who wouldn't have any of it." I help myself to another ladleful of soup and take a deep drink of crystal punch. It's really hard to stay mad at people that offer such good grub. “But I think I know what went on. They're suspicious after Sombra, and I'm sick and tired of getting a cold welcome everywhere I go because nobody on this planet's ever heard of a human before. I guess you could call it a series of unfortunate events."
"Where have ya been?" asks Apple Bloom.
I pause to stir the hot soup before answering, "Everywhere."
Nopony says anything for a little while. "When you say everywhere," Twilight prods, "do you mean..."
"I really mean everywhere," I confirm with a nod. "Griffons, Zebras, Minotaurs... I've even run into some Diamond Dogs."
Rarity gasps. "You've met Diamond Dogs? How ghastly!"
"It wasn't the most fun I had on my trip, I'll give you that."
"TD, tell us something: did you run into the..." says Twilight hesitantly after some thinking. "Did you run into the Changelings out there?"
I sigh and put my spoon down, placing my head in my hands and rubbing my temples. "Somehow, I ended up straight in their hive, if you can believe that."
"You met Chrysalis?” Celestia questions immediately.
I nod, and she grimaces, but she's interrupted before she can say anything else. "How was that?" asks Pinkie Pie.
"Honestly? She can be a bit of an idiot," I scoff. "Seriously, some of the stuff she said..." I shake my head and slurp more of the soup. Have I said this is some really good stuff?
"What did she say?" asks Fluttershy with a quirked eyebrow.
I turn my head to the Crusaders. "It's generally not appropriate for foals," I remark.
Apple Bloom gasps indignantly. "Ah ain't no foal no more," she complains. "We're all grown up, and even have our cutie marks!"
I smile at this, glad that she's changing the issue all on her own. "Yeah, I noticed, and I think that's just awesome."
"You weren't there when we got them, though."
My smile falls as I hear the subtle bitterness in Scootaloo's voice. I nervously rub the back of my neck, with my eyes fixed on the food. "Yeah... yeah, I know."
“It's not just that we are mad about, TD,” Scootaloo picks up again, and from the little I can see of her expression, it's not something I'm gonna like to hear. "You didn't leave only us Crusaders in the dust. Do you know how our class reacted when we found out you had abandoned us? You've got no idea what it was like, how it must've been like for Miss Cheerilee to be put on the spotlight when all of us kept asking her where you had gone. She had to calm us down when she didn't have a feathering clue herself, you jerk!" Her anger mounts up until she slams a hoof at the table. At least the crystal is sturdy enough not to crack.
"Scootaloo, watch your language!" Rarity admonishes.
"No, no she's right," I mutter, and the room drowns in silence. Truth be told, I've known for years that this conversation would have to happen if I ever ran across these ponies again. I even practiced it on the off chance that they found me at some point.
But now that I'm sitting here and they're waiting for a justification, I find my carefully chosen words slipping away from me as if I hadn't thought them up at all.
"Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, Apple Bloom...” I start hesitantly, “In all honesty, I would have given quite a bit to be around the day you girls got your cutie marks. Please, know that I mean that. I would have given a lot to see Rainbow Dash's first Wonderbolts performance, Rarity's part on the latest Vanhoover fashion show...” It feels like a weight is beginning to lift off my gut, and the words start to come out more easily. “Any of that, I would have given a lot to see. I know I wasn't very good at communicating this, but after those first few months, I realized you guys meant a lot to me."
"Hmph!” Twilight snorts. “Obviously not enough if you thought a load of notebooks and a scribbled note were goodbye enough."
"What did you want me to do?" I retort. "Did you want me to tell you what I was up to?"
"Yeah!" Sweetie Belle complains. "That would've been the right thing to do!"
"Yeah? Well then: everyone here, raise a hoof if you would have just let me go without trying to stop me at least once." To my surprise, Applejack raises a hoof into the air. I look at her oddly, but she just smiles. Deciding to leave that thought for later, I veer to the rest of the herd, all of which kept their forelegs down. “Now tell me why you'd do that.”
"Because the Outlands are dangerous!" Fluttershy accuses.
"Yeah, I get that part. But haven't you guys done some very dangerous stuff yourselves? Haven't you gone into something not knowing if you had a hundred percent chance of success?” I rest both arms on the table. “You know, something like Nightmare Moon?"
Twilight opens her mouth, but my words sink in and the comeback dies in her mouth. Then, of all ponies, Pinkie Pie is the one to speak up. "TD, I think I'm talking for all of us when I say this: it wasn't a matter of you going. It was that all you left us with was a ton of written paper and a half-hoofed goodbye note," she explains. "I looked at that and was super-duper sad, because I thought it meant that you didn't actually forgive me for that mean prank I pulled. That you just said what you did that other day to make me feel better about it." She bites her lip. "We all thought you didn't care."
"Aw, Pinkie..." I take a deep breath and put my head in my hands again. This is a lot harder to deal with than I thought. "I did care, and I still do. It's just..."
I straighten up again. "It's just that, no matter how much I care about you guys, and no matter how big this planet is, it's still sort of a prison for me. No matter how many friends I have here, as a human, I'm still alone. That is what I'm trying to rectify.
“Look at it this way: Twilight,” I say to the mare in question, “if you lived in a place where there were no other ponies, wouldn't you feel isolated in a way, being the only one of your kind? Without anypony, anypony at all, for you to relate to?"
“No... pony?” She spends several seconds in contemplation, then she nods in complete silence. “I... never thought about it this way before.”
"Exactly. As much as I like you and the others,” I say, staring at them, “Earth is where my people are. Earth is where I belong. Earth is my real home." I quickly glance at the Crusaders. "I would have given anything to prevent my leaving from hurting you in any way. I still would. There were a lot of moments in those first few weeks, when I was still in Equestria, when I wanted to go back to Ponyville, apologize and settle down. There were even some days where I started to... but I kept going. I had to.
"If Twilight's right about how long I've been gone, I'm twenty-seven years old already. I'm in the prime of my life; some of the best times that a guy can have on Earth are during those times. Ten years from now, and that's gone. Every year I spend in Equestria is just another one that I don't spend on Earth." I sigh and stare at the smoking pot of soup before deciding against it. "I know I promised that, if I didn't find a way, I'd settle down and accept the hand your princess dealt me.”
"I dealt you?" questions the only alicorn in the room. "Forgive me for being blunt, TD: I agree in the sense that I started it all off by bringing you here, but all the other moves after that were your own choice.” To my surprise, she snorts, minimally but she does. “And if I may say so, you frankly had a very poor attitude about it."
Instantly, I'm rounding on her with a fire in my eyes. "Well excuse me for not adapting to things like some emotionless thing a bad fanfic author would write off," I growl. “If you're saying I should have accepted things with a smile and a nod... then this conversation is over.” I start pushing my chair back to get up.
"I'm not talking about that," she says with an evenness in her voice that I can't hope to match, but I know she's inflamed under the mask. "I know that some adjustment time is required. But I wonder if you ever took poor events and faults of ponies worse than you should have.” Her gaze becomes pointed. “I wonder if your anger towards me came out against them sometimes."
"Maybe so," I admit, settling back down. "And don't get me wrong, I know I was wrong about it. But do you have any idea what it is like to be thrust into a completely alien situation, where you are the only one of your kind, and you have little to no hope that things can change and go back to the way they were?"
"Yes," she promptly responds, and my jaw drops.
"What?" I reply oh-so-smartly.
"TD, how many other goddesses in Equestria do you know of?" she asks with simplicity.
"You and Luna. That's still one more of your kind than me," I point out.
"And do you know how much older I am than Luna? Do you know for how long I was the only alicorn goddess?”
"No, I don't," I mutter. "Why should I?"
She ignores the – rather petulant, I have to admit in immediate hindsight as I try to avoid facepalming – last part and moves on with the explanation. "Even after Luna came to this world, there was a span of time in which I couldn't relate to her because of the age gap. But then came the time where we were sisters, ruling together. No matter how bad our days got, we always had each other to go to." Celestia takes a deep breath. "And then, Nightmare Moon," she mutters slowly, with a load of sadness in each syllable. "After I banished her to the moon, I found myself alone again, without another alicorn goddess to relate to.
“For a thousand years that went on, each new generation being born and dying before I could truly connect with them in the way that I had my sister."
"It's different," I retort. "You knew Luna would come back to you."
"Did I?" challenges Celestia. "You think I knew what was going to happen with Twilight and the Elements, TD? Even then, do you think it never crossed my mind that, if Twilight and her friends failed, then not only would I have to lose my sister for even longer, I would have also sent six innocent ponies, one of whom I love like a daughter, to their likely doom?”
Twilight blushes at that second-to-last part, but Celestia doesn't take heed of it.
“I have experienced the isolation you felt, TD; I have experienced it for longer than you can comprehend as you are. Not only that, but despite those feelings, I had to control the sun and the moon as well as make sure billions of ponies would be happy, safe, and prosperous while I ruled, all the while wondering whether or not I could have saved my sister.” Another minimal snort. “Forgive me a third time, TD, but all you had to do was wash windows."
I so desperately want to scream at her that she's not right, that I've experienced isolation that she has never known. I want to make her statements sound absolutely foolish... but in the back of my mind, I know I can't. Isn't that the worst feeling? When you had a carefully planned speech that was going to blow somebody away, make them really see your side, but just a few choice words from them send that great idea crashing down?
Yeah, that's what I am feeling right now.
"What makes it tolerable, TD, is that you surround yourself with those you love, even if you cannot connect to them on that deep personal level that all ponies – and seemingly humans – crave." Celestia motions around the table with her hoof. "And if I'm reading this right, you did surround yourself."
"And still do," states Fluttershy.
A tightness wells up in my chest, and I fidget in my chair. "I know," I whisper. "If I could go back, then I probably wouldn't have left... although that's because I know what I do now: that nobody else knows of a way to get me home." I run a hand through my hair, looking up at the ceiling, sprawled on the chair. "There's no fixing this." It's kind of a cop-out phrase, but I'm not sure what I can say at this point.
"TD, do not think that I am trying to lessen what you went through or say that it wasn't that bad,” Celestia says a lot more softly. “Having experienced it myself, I know how devastating it can be. What I mean to say is, though it may take some time, there are ways to overcome it."
Well, Princess, you may not be meaning to lessen what I've been through, but that's what you're doing. "I was in Ponyville for six months before I left. How long was it before you figured out how to deal with being emotionally alone?" I retort acidly.
Celestia doesn't answer; it seems I finally stung her. Maybe now she'll see how demeaning she was actually being even without meaning to.
I turn my gaze back to the Crusaders. "But all of this doesn't matter in the end. What truly matters is, I hurt you guys by leaving, I know that for a fact, and I'm really, really sorry for that,” I confess sincerely. “If it does end up that I'm stuck here permanently... well, then I'm going to do whatever I can to make it up to you. Heck, I'll try that even if I can go home, actually."
"So,” Apple Bloom asks tentatively, “does that mean yer comin' back to Ponyville?"
I shrug. "Let's see what the next dice roll is. Then I'll give you a final answer."
They seem to be satisfied enough with that response, and I smile. I missed this much acceptance.
"So, TD, what have y'all been doin' for six years anyhow?" Applejack prods, changing the issue entirely. "Ah know by now that you've been to lots a' places, but ya gotta have more detailed stories than just that."
"Indeed," says Celestia. "Please entertain us, if you don't mind. Cadance and Shining Armor won't be here for a while.”
She's telling the truth: I heard through the grapevine that those two are more than wrapped from snout to tail with this Crystal Fair's pre-planning stages. It's the only reason they're not here with us right now.
"Yeah, that's why we're all here, for the fair," Pinkie Pie reinforces. "We'd normally be helping, but the crystal ponies really wanted to do things on their own this year."
"That aside," says Twilight, "what kind of things have you been doing? I mean, you traveled the Outlands for six years! I imagine that you've learned and seen so many things!” she almost squeals in excitement.
My smile widens. Twilight's thirst for knowledge hasn't changed much, from what I see. Then again, it figures that it wouldn't. I stand up and crack my back before asking a nearby servant for another drink. She nods and walks away, leaving me to start my tale. "Well, where would you like me to start?" I ask. "I'm gonna warn you right now: there's a lot of walking in it and nothing interesting happened for a lot of days, especially in those first few weeks."
"Start with the first interesting thing then!" Scootaloo exclaims.
I shrug and open my mouth to speak, but am cut off by a commotion outside. I hear a few squawking noises, like a bird would make, and my smile widens even more. "Here's the first interesting thing now, ladies." I stand up and, to the surprise of everypony, including Celestia, I pick up the pot of soup and place it on the floor right next to me.
"… TD,” Sweetie Belle asks tentatively, “why did you–"
She's almost instantly cut off by a large ball of red and gold smashing through the door and colliding with the table... right where the pot of soup used to be.
The ponies around it all stand up in a fright as the ball spins around for a bit on the table, before it comes to rest and reveals itself. "Is that what Ah think it is?" whispers Applejack.
"Yep!" I chirp proudly. "This, girls, is my phoenix, Oswald," I announce, pointing a hand to present the little guy, who, hearing his name, stands up and waddles over to me for a friendly nuzzle that I'm happy to receive.
"You have a phoenix?!! How in the name of her,” Twilight squeaks, pointing at Celestia, “did you get one?!"
I can't contain a very amused snort at the unusual, but fitting, gesture.
"He looks recently resurrected," Celestia notes. "I take it that's why he didn't come in with you?"
I nod. "He always flies off when it’s time for him to burst. I don't know why to be honest,” I shrug. “Must be a phoenix thing, I don't know much about them in general."
"Not really," Fluttershy explains. "They usually stay in the general vicinity of whoever they've bonded with. They're fiercely loyal."
"Oh I know that last part for sure," I grin.
"Ah take it Oswald here has gotten you outta a lotta trouble then, yeah?" teases Applejack.
"No, not really," I shake my head, to her surprise. "If anything, he got me into a lot more trouble than he's ever bailed me out of. Oswald here might be one of the dumbest phoenixes in the history of Equestria.” I scratch his head. “Not in a mentally challenged sense, mind you, but... yeah, you know what I mean."
I can see that Fluttershy is about to open her mouth to say something, probably complain about me calling Oswald dumb, but he surprises everypony by straightening up and nodding proudly at the description. I snicker and stroke his back feathers. Despite the cold outside, they're always very warm to touch.
Soon the servant comes back with my drink, and I move the goblet I received over to Oswald, who takes a deep drink out of it before ruffling his feathers and leaping to the back of my chair. I grin and put the pot of soup back on the table before taking a seat myself. To further prove my claims, Oswald jumps down to my shoulder, though the better description would be that he tries to, but misses and smacks into the back of my head. As he ruffles his feathers after settling down, I just point at him with an index finger. “Told ya.”
The phoenix chirps happily again, and that breaks the dam of giggles, with Pinkie Pie and, surprisingly, Celestia leading it.
"So, you want to know what I've been doing across the planet, huh?" I ask after they calm down.
"Yes, please!" Scootaloo begs.
“Okay, then,” I say, grabbing Reginald and turning my head to my pet. “Hey, Oswald, they want to know about the day we met. What do you say, should we tell them?”
His response is to point at a carving on the staff... the wrong carving.