//------------------------------// // Chapter Four: Kentucky Fried Dragonequuis // Story: The Travels: Lets Give Insanity a Try. // by The Producer //------------------------------// Right as Discord was about to speak, I turned towards Canterlot and raised a hand to silence him. After a moment, there was an explosion and a pillar of purple smoke rose up from behind the main castle. I couldn’t keep a stupid grin from plastering itself across my face as the shockwave smashed into us. Then I realized that there was a Draconequus standing behind me that I had to take out to the drycleaners and cooked in the chinese store next door. I stood up fully and pulled out a rather thick book. “You know Discord, I would engage in witty banter with you, but...” I handed the book over to Discord, who read it with a look of amusement. “But this is the script! We can’t just blatantly murder the fourth wall! That isn’t in good taste nor writing.” I raised an eyebrow at him, knowing the mental derping known as the author, out there... Somewhere. “C’mon, the Author can’t come up with any type of good way to start this, so just jump straight to the fight and cut him some slack.” Discord crossed his arms and sucked on his cheek. “Won’t the readers be mad at both him and us?” I poofed a rubber duck into my hand, and squeezed it. Instead of a quack, it sang like it was in immense rage. “Discord, we’re the fucking entertainment here, what do we care! I hit you with a frying pan, they laugh, and shout for more!” Discord took out a frying pan and placed it upon his head. I guess he just needed a drying pan.  Oh Gods and Goddesses of Insanity, that pun hurt. “Right, so, Mentis, shall we get this train on its wheels?” I pulled up a bazooka from a little dimension in-between dimensions, aiming it slightly above Discord. “Go long.” Firing the bazooka, the missile went sailing off past Discord’s head, who ran after it and hit it back with a baseball bat, a baseball hat turned askew. I watched it sail back at as I stood still with a badminton racket in my hand. I smirked as it got in armslength, and sent it back, whispering, “It's Showtime..." I lobbed it back with a quick flick of my wrist, widening my stance as I selected a tennis racquet as my next serving implement, watching Discord with interest. He caught it in a lacrosse stick and catapulted it back at me. “Serve’s up!” I smacked the shell right back at Discord, who ran after it, screaming, “I got it, I got it!” When he did catch the bazooka rocket, an end zone sprung up along with goalposts from the ground. Discord did a little victory dance and spiked the ball into the ground... Which promptly exploded the rocket right in Discord’s face. He was comically charred black, and spat out a little cloud of soot when the dust cleared. I stalked forward with an insane grin on my face as I asked him, “So Discord, how does it feel, getting quickly seared?” He didn’t look amused at the sudden re-coloration, so I decided to make him happy with an impromptu flying lesson via sudden lack of gravity. As Discord slowly pirouetted in the air, I conjured up a nifty little toy called a sawdust cannon. It shoots something like dust or things fun like that up into the air and then sets it on fire. Yes, I love my sawdust cannon. It’s even better when you fill it with coffee creamer, then it makes a nice bang, and it adds a nice flavor to whatever you are setting fire to or exploding. Now, for all of you out there reading this and saying ‘No, you aren’t!’ Yes. Yes I am. Right as Discord’s drifting path went over the cannon of fiery canon, I set it off, Discord getting caught in the towering conflagration. I felt the heat from a few feet away, and I slowly rubbed my arms to get the awkwardness of shifting forms. When Discord popped out of the fire, he wasn’t a Draconequus no more, he was a large paper bucket with the initials KFD on the sides, along with a nice picture of Discord’s crazy mug. I reached for the particularly juicy-looking wingshank right in front of me, and took a bite. It was good, but dry and needed just a hint of sweetness. “Needs more barbeque sauce.” With a bit of a rumbling within the bucket, Discord’s head popped out of the pile of fried Draconequus and asked me, I offered a bite to Discord, and he took it, chewing thoughtfully. He rolled his eyes all around as he chewed deliberately. Swallowing, he nodded soundlessly and jumped off of the pile, rolling away. I stood there with the bucket for a good fifteen minutes as I waited for Discord to return. I of course, spent most of my time turning trees into rubber ducks, clouds into rubber ducks, everything and more into rubber ducks, and one piece of KFD into a reuben sandwich. He did eventually roll all the way back to me, a bottle of Famous Dave’s BBQ sauce in mouth. I accepted the bottle and promptly punted Discord’s head away, slathering the various cuts of meat in the delectable sauce. The bucket rumbled as I was chewing on a non describable cut, Discord’s ugly mug slowly growing from the paper bowl. I kept on chewing and staring neutrally as he continued to grow fully out of the bucket, feet still inside it as I held it up to my chest. “So, I guess you want this back, do you?” I swallowed the last chunk of meat and handed the bones back to my latest friend’s paw. He still didn’t have his wing back, so I promptly opened up my mouth and reached down into my stomach, pulling the bat-wing out. Smiling up at Discord’s face, I wiped it off a bit, and huffed all over the joint. Discord cleared his throat and gestured down at his feet. Right. “Paper or plastic?” Discord took a second to think about his answer, then squatted down into the bucket, somehow fitting nice and snugly inside of the tiny container. “Plastic, most definitely.” I promptly turned him into a paper bag and went running off of a nearby cliff with him, using the now bagged-Discord as a parachute. When we hit the ground at a blazing speed, I went forward in a tight roll, springing back up with a ‘tah-dah’ and jazz hands. You can never have enough jazz hands. Looking out from under my spontaneous-fedora that appeared when I broke out into the jazz hands, I saw Discord standing there with a shotgun in his hands. “Mentis season!” I straightened up and took the gun from his hands. “Discord season!” He took his gun back and screamed, “Mentis season!” I pushed the hat back and grabbed the gun again. “Discord season!” This was going to get ugly. “Mentis season!” “Discord season!” “Mentis season!” “Screw this shit season!” “Wait, what?” I promptly blew both of the barrels straight into Discord’s face. He flinched back, with another blackened face. “You’re dethpicable.” I smiled and bent the shotgun, carelessly throwing it over my shoulder, where it burst into a nice cloud of jittering butterflies. “I try my best!” He regrew his teeth, and took a step towards me. My smile widened when I realized just what he was doing. My only response was to materialize an entire bucket of rakes, shovels, and hoes to float right next to me. When Discord started to gain some momentum towards me, I turned tail and skipped off, throwing the gardening tools behind me like some type of perverted flower girl. That also happened to be a fully-grown guy. But, you know, a man can dream, right? Right? Anyway, the satisfying thwacks of Discord running straight into my gardening tool traps made me giggle madly. I suddenly stopped, and I felt Discord collide into my back, where I turned around and covered him in daisies. I don’t even remember how to grow daisies. I looked down at the daisies and saw that they were actually petunias. How could I get daisies and petunias mixed up, and more importantly, where the heck did Discord go off to? I suddenly ducked and felt a pie go flying over my head, and I turned to see where they came from. I wasn’t surprised to see Discord standing behind a floating mini-bar, pies in claw and paw. I action-dived to the right and landed behind a bush, which I promptly turned into a snow fort, and retaliated to those pies with snowballs of my own. I threw one, screeching, “LAST ONE OUT, LOCK THE DOOR!” Discord retaliated with his own pie and war-cry, “FIFTEEN TIMES FOURTEEN EQUATES INTO ME NOT GIVING A SHIT!” The two projectiles collided, along with our respective fields of magic. The only way I could describe the next thing that happened could be a true manifestation of happy and deliberate chaos. Delicious, delicious, chaos. By that, I mean that a black hole erupted from where our own respective magical auras collided and mingled together. Seeing that you already know who we are just by how much we’ve done already, the results are more than spectacular. Hordes of bears riding on unicycles, juggling monkeys, who were respectively juggling chainsaws, flying apples that also had little top hats on, fireworks that shot out fireworks that shot out fireworks, and so on. I proceeded to land on one of the singing apples and grabbed one of the fireworks, aiming it at Discord like a lance. He did as well, and our apple-steeds proceeded to charge at each other like the knights of old. I promptly dropped my lance and picked up an entire tray of dessert items. “May I show you the dessert table?” Discord’s face turned into something resembling something not covered with dessert products as I tackled him to the ground, and proceeded to smother his face with the contents of the tray. I pulled the tray off of him, and got an entire slice of apple pie from ontop of his snout. After that, I turned it into an apple and took a bite out of it, where Discord was glaring at me. I raised my eyebrow as he slapped me full across the face with a white glove. “Alrighty then, Discord. If you challenge me, then I’ll supply the arena!” I bit into the apple yet again, and suddenly a soccer field erupted all around us. I then made it an entire stadium, complete with a PA system and a crow’s nest. Discord then slowly starts to shrink, under my own leisure. With a snap of my fingers, thousands of me’s showed up on the stands, wildly screeching my name as I did a bit of a warm up. I heard my voice cut out over the PA system, announcing to myself what was going on. “Welcome, gents, to the first annual goal-breaking kickoff! Here we have our favorite man, Mentis! And for his goalie opponent, Mentis! Now, we must have complete sportsmanship here, because we all know that each and every one of us is a winner, no matter which one gets the banana split, and which one gets the chocolate toffee! Now, begin!” Looking right in front of me, Discord had shrunk into the size of a housecat standing on all fours, about the size of a small child on his feet. He looked at me and his eyes dilated as I kicked him right in the gut to wind him, juggling him in between my feet to disorient him. I looked to the side to see Referee Mentis, sitting on a grand high back chair with a deer hunting cap and a bubble pipe, along with a crackling fireplace. He distractedly waved a hand at both me and my opponent in front of the right goal, Goalie Mentis. I grinned at myself as I rushed forward with my Dragoniquball, feinting to the left and smacking Discord into the net, which Goalie Mentis only missed by half an inch, all the while announcer Mentis went blazing away at doing his job. “And now Mentis has kicked Discord into the goal, just narrowly missing Mentis’s fingers! You know what that means, folks! GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-” Discord kept on spinning against the net, the soccer goal stretching and dragging along the ground to accompany his never ending black magic trajectory. You know, that reminds me, I haven’t had any blackberry jam in a few days. I need to put that on a bagel. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” The entire crowd of me’s joined into the chant, and I started to run around the field and shake my fists into the air, stopping only to take Referee Mentis’s bubble pipe. I then made the bubbles turn into lighter-than-air mandarin oranges. As I stood there, filling the candy-coated sky with even more sweet treats, the goal net made a ripping noise as Discord’s constant spinning made it wear away. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!” At the end of the exclamation, Discord went shooting off into the sky. I put a hand over my eyes as I watched him speed off into the sky, making a slight whoosh sound and the faint cries of a draconequus that has seasickness. I did a victory lap as Discord continued to hurtle off like a gobstopper. Perhaps even a jawbreaker. Mmmm, jawbreakers. Haven’t had a few of those ever since I’ve been with Ed, Edd, and Eddy all those years ago... Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by my feet being pulled out from under my magically, flying after Discord, feet first. As my arms went behind me because of the air drag, all I could really think about is how super lightweight airplanes fly. I mean, it’s like they’re made out of cardboard, really. Just slap a propeller and it flies around like it’s freakin’ superman high on acid. I looked down, and saw the rooftop of a very familiar house. A particular house that reminded me of wibbly wobbly stuff. We were getting close to colliding with the roof, I started yelling out, really, really loud, “HELLOOOOOOOOOO-” We crashed through the roof with the accompanying feminine screech, and then a quick follow up of ‘Blimey’, before I continued, “DOOOOOOOOOOOCTOR!” The dust settled to show the good Doctor sitting at his kitchen table, trying to drink a cup of tea. I grinned at him, trying to get up. When I continued to stand up, the house didn’t seem to get larger, actually, it looked like it was getting smaller. Kinda like the drink me bottles that Alice dreamed up. As I eventually was shorter than even the kitchen table, Discord punted me over it. That lead right into a banana cream pie that was right next to the refrigerator. Jumping out of the pie, I load the iron that was sitting conveniently right next to it into the pie, and magically fling it Discord-ward. Then, I scamper up the wires connecting the back of the refrigerator to the magical ice box and hide in it. When I got situated in the freezer top of the fridge, I pushed open the door a crack to see what was going on. Discord had fantastically gotten custard in his eyes, and was now flailing about with balloon animals. When one of them hit the sink, it ruptured the water line, and the balloon animal exploded into cartridges of Majora’s Mask. Didn’t think he also knew about Earth, might make for some delicious little spurts of insanity. When the water was spraying everywhere, I ripped out the coolant wires of the freezer and touched them to the water, and turned them on. The water below froze solid in a blatant disrespect of logic. The Doctor, for what it’s worth, continued to sit there and contemplate his tea. I quickly remedied that by sliding down the coolant wires and then skating into the chair. I knocked him over and slid him into the cabernet, getting argumentative grunts and yelps as I drug him through a various amount of pots and pans. When we came out of the conjoined compartments, Dr. Whooves was covered from head to hoof in pots and pans, making him a pony-style ironclad. I slid him Discord’s way, and he took out a gigantic magnet. He then switched it to repel and sent it hurtling back. “A magnet battle we have, I see...” I took out my own oversized magnet and caught the Doc in my negative field. Flipping back and forth between each other, we had a massive pinball game with magnets and a very unhappy pony. “What the bugger are you two ooooooooooooooooooooooon!” Our very unhappy pinball was screaming in either fear or sickness. I couldn’t really determine which, and I was guessing that he was going to give me one hell of a payback session. At this point of time, it was a massive battle of wits between me and Discord, a fight of wills and chaos, a fight of sugarcubes and bunny rabbits, a fight of cheese that’s on fire and those scented wet towelettes that you get at those too fancy to be true BBQ joints! It’s the battle between those little flowers that you can make talk with just your forefinger and thumb, it’s -Oop. The previously mentioned shuttlecock just went flying out of control due to our shenanigans, bouncing off of a poof’d up large stack of cotton candy containers. The cotton candy was all on the roof, you thought that he bounced off of those? Right. What’re you, crazy? Anyway, when he went screeching out of a previously, and conveniently opened window, Discord picked up a nearby broom with a malicious look on his face. I quickly scampered off under the kitchen table, and brought up the rug from under it. Hiding under the rug, I looked out to see where Discord was waiting. To the left, nothin. The right, nada. Right as I looked up, there was that mismatched mug, waiting to notice me with the broom head held high. I rummaged into my waistcoat to pull out a pocket watch. I opened the faceplate, and the only feature it had was a giant red button. When I pressed it, it played a familiar tune, one that I have become good friends with over the years. He smacked me with the broom to jettison me from under my carpet of solitude, and we began our slippery, ice-coated chase. I went flying into walls as I skittered out of the reach of Discord’s accursed cleaning tool of doom, trademark Doctor Whooves. We went ramming into walls, furniture, lighting, and even more ponies a few times. I remember smacking into Ditzy, then two other pegasi. Really, the doctor’s got a thing for wings. I leaped off of a chair and went flying into some higher cupboards, breaking into the flimsy wood and leading Discord on a merry chase through the dry-packaged goods.  Sneaking my hand into a box of Celestia Brand Banana-o’s when Discord got caught on another divider between cupboards, I pulled out another pie and threw it into Discord’s face. I then changed the pie into an entire fryer’s load of french fries, which also had chili and that liquid substance that they want you to believe is cheese but really isn’t. It’s plastic. YOU’RE EATING PLASTIC ON YOUR FRIES. “Guess what Discord? You got plastic on your nose.” I then proceeded to fondle his face by squishing his cheeks together and booping his nose with a globule of the cheese-plastic sauce that was stuck to his face, mainly his horns. I then turned towards the inside of the cabinet and burst through the wall into the outside, deliciously chaotic world like a miniature Kool-aid man. Returning to full size, I reached into the tiny hole and ripped out Discord, taking out a large chunk of wall with him. Dusting him off, I poof up two fat suits, and get inside of one as Discord gets in the other. Drawing a massive circle, I walk back to the center and lift up a leg in classic sumo style. “Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumo...” Discord slams down his already upraised foot, and shouts, “HOI!” I then knock him on his dragon mutant ass and go sprinting off into Ponyville. Discord is fast on the chase behind me, and we waddle through the completely chaotic town. Running through Sugarcube Corner, I grabbed as many danishes, pies, eclairs, and various other not cake related foods. I shoved them into my face as I ran straight through the walls of the baker’s establishment. When I got outside, Discord found himself stuck in one of the walls because of the suit. I tagged along with one of the dancing buffalo, and pirouetted my way out of the scene. “Can somebody?” Discord was hot on my tail as I burst out of the line, running full tilt towards the Town Hall. “Somebody?” We were getting close, and I magically made my legs go even faster as the town whizzed by us. “Somebody find me an attorney at laaaaw?” Me and Discord went hurtling through the Town Hall, startling Mayor Mare from her rolling of a twenty sided die at her desk. We kept on going as we suddenly were greeted by six extremely familiar girls. I also noted that they looked happy and colored again. Discord stopped right behind me, and I swore that I heard him mutter, “Uh-oh.” Twilight stepped forward with a triumphant grin on her face, exclaiming at the same time, “Now, girls!” What happened next is what I can only describe as a Reading Rainbow of justice. It also tasted of friendship. As the thing that was a tangible rainbow blasted past my face, and into Discord’s chest, I heard him cry out in confusion and shock. Looking behind me, he was slowly turning to stone. Well, that isn’t really fun. Turning back to the ponies, I pulled out a bowl from hammerspace and began to catch as much of the substance I could into it, adding ice and cream so that I could create friendship ice cream. Taking out a whisk and placing a cook’s hat on my head, I beat the concoction together like I would beat the living hell out of Gaston if he weren’t so damn funny to watch. I then began to sing along with the themesong of ‘Reading Rainbow’, which I was now blaring out of my head. “Butterfly in the sky!” Taking out the spoon from the bowl, I checked the consistency, before adding in another liberal dollop of rainbow-magic. “I can fly twice as high! Take a look! It’s in a book!” Taking my hands, I grabbed a glob of rainbow, and made a small rainbow with my hands over my head. “Reading Rainbow! I can go anywhere!” I took a bit of the rainbow and put it in my mouth. Surprizingly, friendship tastes somewhat like the souls of the innocent mixed with ambrosia, and a sprinkling of butterbeer. “Friends to know,” I jive-handed in the direction of the origin of the blast, poofing a hat into my hand and shaking it from side to side. “And ways to grow! A reading rainbow!” “I can be anything!” I turned into a tyranid, then to a necron, into a chaos marine, and then finally into a dwarf, shifting back to my human form. “Take a look, it’s in a book!” I threw a book at the six, it being absorbed into the delectable stream of friendship-consciousness that was this world, and I heard the words of the book in my ears. “A reading rainbooooow!” I then busied myself by repeating and canon-singing the same two words, Reading Rainbow. When the taste of friendship left my mouth, and the sound of fifteen angels frolicking together left my senses, I looked up from my delightfully fluffy rainbow ice cream. Sticking a spoon I found in my hair into the bowl, and picking up a good portion, I shoved it into my mouth, all while looking up. “What?” Twilight was standing there, her face stuck in disbelief, as her eye twitched sporadically. The rest of the six were peering at me, before Rainbow flew up into my face. “What do you think you’re doing, not even caring that you were getting hit with the Elements of Harmony? I mean, you should be stone! What’s going on, mister?” I shoved another spoon into Rainbow’s mouth with the ice cream, before shifting back into my pony form right in front of the six, catching the bowl with a hoof. “I dunno Dash, you tell me!” Everyone just stared at me, as I ate more of the ice cream “What?” I looked behind me to see that Discord had been turned into a rather horrifying lawn ornament. While I would have loved to put that on my lawn, I don’t think that it would be very fun, you know, just walking out on my lawn. Gloating to an inanimate object about my lawn, and how I sprinkled pesticides to kill anything that wasn’t grass. You know, that really reduces the effect of evil gloating, doesn’t it? Everyone was gathered back that that gooney goo-goo castle, all celebrating about turning Discord into a little gnome. You know, I tried to put a hat on him, along with just those adorable little red rosy cheeks that they all seem to have, give him a watering can... Make the castle a little more lively, right? Unfortunately, Celestia and Twilight both shot me down faster than you could say ‘Team Rocket is blasting off again’ and have your ass break mach three. Anyway, everyone was assembled in the main throne room, where Celestia was sitting on her glorified, lazy princess-pu plot, smiling benevolently, all celebrating the elements. The ice cream was good, so I felt obligated to go, because, well, when you get good ice cream, you thank the person who served it up to you. No exceptions. “We are gathered here today to once again honor the heroism of these six friends who stood up to the villain Discord and saved Equestria from eternal chaos.” I tried to suppress my overwhelming boredom of seeing a bunch of mares getting congratulated on a trick I could have done just by looking into a crystal ball and muttering ‘ooga booga shamalamadingdong fammardinger’ while taking some poor sod’s money. Promptly getting up from my back seat, I exited out of the doors quietly, planning on crashing the party like it was the Hindenburg, and I was the fire behind it. Meandering through the deserted halls crisscrossing the castle, I came across a pony, much like Celestia, but black and navy blue. “Halt, who hath been disturbing the peace?” Well, that’s definitely a good start. But, perhaps she might be open to some... mostly innocent pranking? “Hey, hey, it’s just me! Name’s Mentis!” I popped out of cover with a grin on my face. While I was walking up to the taller pony, she gave me a slightly discerning look. “Thou sayes’t thine name be Mentis? Our sister Celestia hath told us of thou.” Celestia, her sister? Definitely good family resemblance. Then again, if she was informed of me by Celestia, bad things might have been said. “May I ask of your name, then?” The princess looked at me with a quizzical eye. “Thou needest to ask of us our name? Thou happens to be one strange creature, Mentis. Our name is Luna, Princess of the Night.” I went into a deep bow, while giving her one bright smile. “Thank you for the compliment, I take it to heart. Now, I have a proposition, good Princess...” Luna leaned in close to hear my certain plan. She then laughed, and nodded. That’s all I needed to get so I can do it. Celestia was continuing with her speech about the Elements, and I was hiding near the roof, waiting for the perfect time to strike. All the lines need to be in sync, everything needs to be the right thing, with the right timing, and of the right context. “Now, my little ponies, I am very excited to tell you all that I am promoting these six, very close friends to special representatives of the Equestrian nation...” There it is. Poofing down with a theatrical cloud of red smoke, I screamed out, “Well Celly, I’mma really happy for ya, and I’mma let you finish, but... Luna is the best leader of the Equestrian nation of all time! Of all time!” I plopped sunglasses on my snout as I poofed a microphone into my hooved grasp. “She’s been able to let the ponies sleep, and she should be the one up here, saying this speech!” Looking at Celestia, I sashayed my hips from side to side, laughing maniacally as everyone stared at me with a mixture of either disgust or amusement. It was mostly disgust, but do I really give a flying rat’s ass about what other people think about me? Right. I made all the lights shut off, even blocking the sun from getting in the windows, as I made a spotlight center on me. Rearing up on my front hooves, I put on a top hat, and a red velvet suit top found its way around my barrel. “Ladies and gentlecolts, it is my supreme pleasure to introduce, the one, the only, me! Yes, I do believe that the one, the only, the Mentis Palazzo!” Tipping the hat at a rakish angle, I gestured out with a hoof. “Now, who wants to see some... Pyrotechnics?” At that word, an entire wall of flame burst up from the stage I was standing on. The roof suddenly began to be hosting an entire horde of colorful explosions, and screamers. As the congregation of ponies were entranced and amazed by the impromptu color arrangement, I turned on my hoof to look at Celestia. Her face was priceless, slack-jawed and looking at everything with confusion. Laughing maniacally, I spread out my hooves akimbo and melted through the floor. I came out of the ground right in front of Discord’s petrified ugly mug, sneering right into his cold, lifeless face that was stuck in an eternal howl of pain. Floating off of my hooves, I switched back to my human form, hovering by Discord’s face and getting extremely close. I started to whisper to him, knowing that he could hear me from his vantage point. “I know you can hear me, Discord. Now, I have a proposition for you. I was originally sent to kill you, and remove all memory from this world of you. However, it has been far too long since I’ve had fun like we’ve had in the past few hours. Wouldn’t you agree?” Of course he would freaking agree, he’d been trapped in stone for Gods know how long, just playing imaginary tiddlywinks. While I prefer a nice rousing game of mental tiddlywinks, I know that it can get extremely boring after a few years of just that. There’s also the fact that he didn’t really have anyone to play the tiddlywinks with in the first place, but that’s besides the point. The entire thing that made him bored was that he didn’t download the apps he should have before he was petrified. I heard that stone has terrible reception. “So, I have two choices for you, and you get to decide which you get! The first choice is that I take your stone body, flash-freeze it, send it hurtling into the sun, and then atomize you for the next fifteen centuries. The other choice is for me to give you enough power to free yourself, and you then do so. After that, well... we both know what’ll happen then, don’t we?” I floated there, trialing my finger across Discord’s neck slowly, to hammer in my point. Touching down on the ground, I looked up at Discord’s face, and issued my ultimatum. “Right, this is how we’re going to do this, Discord. I will give you enough power to cause a crack in your stone prison, and nothing more. What you are going to do is either use the power, or stay dormant. If you choose to crack the stone, you choose escape and fun. If you don’t, you choose death. What say you, creature of chaos?” I stood there for a good few minutes, smiling up at Discord’s face, waiting for a response. I was patient, and even though the two offers were pretty much the same, I would guess that Discord would want to weigh out both outcomes before making the choice. However, I’m not the most patient man in the world... “Fine. Then you’ve made your decision.” I turned on my heel and walked away, frowning a bit as I did so. I really didn’t want to have to send him into the sun. No, not because I had to kill him, that was a ridiculously easy feat to be done. It was mainly that I didn’t feel like just killing him then and there and not have any type of lasting fun with it. Sure, I’d get a kick by sending him to something that burnt shit up like it was a delicious meringue pie, but that wouldn’t last very long. I just glowered a bit as I slowly walked away from Discord, just waiting to see if his fear of death would galvanize him into action. Crack.