I slowly stirred about in my bed, moaning and blinking away the last bits of sleep. As I finally stretched my arms up into the air, I felt a small plop on my lap. I looked down to see my faithful pet ferret, Ragna, had just hopped down from his perch on the windowsill to help get me up. Ragna was always the perfect little balance of adorable and awesome, what with his red and white coat making him the coolest looking ferret ever.
"Hey Ragna, thought you'd help me wake up, huh?" I playfully asked the creature wriggling around on my comforter.
Ragna perked up at the mention of his name and turned to face me. In response to my question, he began playfully nodding and began spinning in place, his trademark sign that there was something important to be done. Thinking on his message, I glanced over to the calendar on the wall. Sure enough, there was a marked date for today, November 23rd.
'Help Applejack store the apples for winter.'
I facepalmed when I noticed that I forgot to set my alarm last night, but fortunately I could still make it if I just grabbed some toast for breakfast. "Thanks for saving me from that one, boy." I told my furry little friend as I began climbing out of bed. After putting on some jeans, a t-shirt, and my dad's old Vietnam jacket, I ran downstairs and slammed some bread into the toaster. Ragna followed quickly behind and I grabbed some of the ferret food that Fluttershy gave me from the cupboard. Ragna sat up on his hind legs while he held his forelegs up to his chest, all while making the most adorable begging face on the planet.
I chuckled at the little display of adorableness. "Okay, you little drama king." I poured out some of the food into a small bowl for him. Ragna darted over and began chewing away at the food like a woodpecker. I poured myself a glass of O.J. and grabbed the freshly popped toast from the toaster, making sure to give both slices a small coating of butter. I began chomping away at the warm mass of toasted bread, washing it down with the delicious orange juice. There was something about Equestrian food that was always so delicious. I think it has to do with them being made fresh and with little to no chemicals added.
After downing my juice and finishing off the first slice of toast, I glanced down to Ragna, who had finished up his breakfast already. I rubbed my chin thoughtfully for a moment before addressing my pet. "Hey Ragna, Applejack said today would be pretty easy, so do you want to tag along?"
Ragna bounced with excitement before climbing onto my shoulder. "Heh. I guess that's a yes." I bit down on a corner of the second slice of toast and slipped on my sneakers. With Ragna comfortably perched on my shoulder, I opened the front door and began walking to Sweet Apple Acres.
--------
The sun shone brightly in the sky as it always did in Equestria. Though no matter how bright the day was, it could do little to mask the cold of the late fall season. Stores like Carousel Boutique were receiving more business than usual thanks to the need to bundle up, and some stores were already stocking up on Hearth's Warming Eve products.
I chuckled as I passed a store advertising such products. "Some things never change."
It was always so fascinating how similar our two worlds were. I mean, yes the show was made on our world, but the fact that there are still so many similarities despite the differences just shows how we all share common characteristics as sentient beings. After passing through the markets, I finally came upon the path leading into the apple orchard. I made my way down the old dirt path and stopped in front of the farmhouse. I knocked on the door and heard the sound of hooves trotting over to the front of the house. Within a moment, Applejack opened up the door and greeted me with a warm smile.
"Well, howdy there, Robert! Right on time as usual." She said as she waved me inside. I complied and walked inside the old wood home. Applejack lead me to the kitchen as she returned to her own breakfast. "Ah gotta say, you're probably the best farm hand Ah've ever had." She complemented as she dug into an apple tart.
"Applejack, I'm the only farmhand you've had." I giggled as I waved a hand in front of my face.
Applejack wiped her muzzle with a napkin before continuing. "Well, that don't change the fact that you're an honest worker." Applejack deposited her plate into the sink and began wiping it clean with soap and water. "Like Ah told ya before, today's gonna be real easy. All we've gotta do is take the apples that Big Mac gathered from the orchard, and store them in the apple cellar."
"Sounds easy enough." I surmised.
Once Applejack had finished cleaning up her dishes, she led me outside to where several buckets were lined up. Each bucket was, more accurately, a large tub filled to the brim with the various apples grown in the orchard. Applejack trotted over to the cellar and opened both of the doors.
"Alright. All we gotta do is carry them down and set them on the shelves. Granny Smith and Ah'll sort'em out later." Applejack instructed.
I walked over to the nearest tub and lifted it up. I made my way to the cellar stairs and carefully felt for the first step, as my vision was blocked by the tub. I looked to the ferret on my shoulder. "Hey, Ragna. Do me a solid and let me know if I'm about to trip."
Ragna leaned closer into my vision and provided a short salute. Slowly making my way down the steps, I carried the tub to a wooden shelf and placed it on top. The process was repeated for the entire work day of about half an hour. I wiped the sweat from my brow and turned to the orange farm pony. "I know you said it would be easy, but I didn't think we would get it done so quickly!"
"All thanks to you! Normally we wouldn't have this done for a whole week, if that!" The farm pony tipped the brim of her hat. "Ah've been talkin' with the family, and Granny Smith said I should give y'all a little present for all your hard work."
I raised a brow at this offer. "Really? What'd she suggest?"
Applejack flushed red for a moment. "Ah'd rather not say what the first suggestion was. That ol' Granny is always sayin' the darndest things." She rambled as she rubbed the back of her neck. "A-anyway, Ah heard that y'all missed Cider Season when you were out visiting Canterlot a week ago."
"Yeah, Princess Celestia wanted me to be there for the unveiling of the statue. You know, the one of me and Ragnarok?"
"Oh yeah. Did y'all get a picture on that doohickey of yours?"
I rolled my eyes. "It's an iPhone Applejack. But I did get a picture of it." I pulled the phone out of my pocket and keyed in the password. After scrolling through a few pictures I found the one I was looking for. "Here it is." I said as I held out the iPhone for her to see. She looked intently at the large statue on display. It was one of a triumphant human and a vengeful earth pony holding the handle of a massive sword.
"Well, Ah'll be! That's a mighty impressive monument! But gettin' back to the present, we Apples always save a bottle or two of cider to celebrate the end of our harvest season." Applejack trotted to a nearby bush and reached inside. After digging around a bit, she pulled out a large bottle of a golden liquid. "So here it is. We all decided that you deserve a bottle of your own."
I was truly touched that the Apple family would be so considerate as to offer one of their celebratory bottles of cider to me. "Wow, Applejack. This means a lot to me!"
Applejack leaned in closer to say something. "Mind you, it's not the hard stuff. Ah wouldn't want you runnin' around makin' a fool of yourself again."
And instantly my smile turned into a disappointed frown. "I thought we agreed never to speak of that ever again... Ever."
Applejack tried to stifle a giggle. Tried, being the keyword. "Ah'm sorry, it's just once I got past how Braeburn took it, I couldn't help but laugh at how silly y'all were."
Granny Smith walked out of the front door to head to her rocking chair. She noticed the two of us and waved on over. "Howdy there, Robert. Did Applejack give you the cider?"
Applejack took over from there. "You bet, Granny! Robert got his present, and we finished storing the apples."
I assume Granny Smith thought she was being discrete when she loudly whispered the following. "Did ya give him that thank you smooch?"
Applejack flushed a red that could compare with the very fruit of her namesake. "Granny!"
I began gripping my sides in laughter. "Instant karma!" I proudly shouted.
Applejack whipped her head around fast enough to have an audible 'Whoosh'. You ever realize you said something really bad and you just want to run away or something? Yeah, that's about what was going on here. And, for the record, I'm not too keen on the idea of pissing off my friend/employer/applebucker. I happen to like my income, don't want to be shunned by my friends, and I like my genitalia not smashed by a world class applebucker.
Well, I figured the best option was to make amends. "Uh... It's alright, I know that's just a silly suggestion anyway."
Applejack just rolled her eyes. "Oh, just take yer cider and go. Remember: we start work one week after Winter Wrap Up."
"You got it. Thanks for the cider. Perfect timing actually."
Applejack couldn't help but be curious at that. "Why's that?"
"I saw Princess Luna in my dreams last night and invited her to come over to my place tonight." I said matter-of-factly.
Applejack had the strangest face I'd ever seen from her. It was a face of pure confusion, but she also had a look of suggestive embarrassment. "Ah... WHAT?!"
I sighed in slight annoyance. "Princess Luna visited me in my dream last night where I was in a giant robot battle. I showed off an epic finishing move to her, and after seeing how much fun she was having, I invited her over to have more fun."
Applejack waved her hooves frantically. "Wait, wait, wait. She sees our dreams?"
"Yeah."
Applejack hesitated for a moment, "Every dream?"
"I don't know if she sees every dream, so maybe not. Wait... why so concerned Applejack?" I asked with a devilish grin.
"Out!"
"I'm just joking around! I'll see you later."
Applejack was too frustrated to respond with words, but the slamming front door got the message across. She was pissed.
--------
Without much to do for the rest of the day, I decided to go to the store and pick up some snacks for my get-together with Luna. I grabbed the usual palette of gamer food. Chips, soda, cookies... the works. I'd practically become infamous at the grocery store due to my diet of unhealthy foods, yet the ability to remain skinny enough to be mistaken for a streetlamp. Hey, it wasn't from lack of trying. I guess I just have a crazy metabolism.
After returning home with the food for the night to come, I decided to tidy up the place a bit. I wasn't exactly disinfecting the place, just fixing it up so it looked nice. I had several hours to kill before Luna showed up, so I did what any person would do: spend several hours staring at a well lit TV while playing a mind numbing game of violence and war. Halo Reach was calling.
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"Slayer." A very masculine announcer stated as the multi-player game began.
It was a team slayer game on Sword Base, a map with several floors with weapons scattered about. My SPARTAN began sprinting through the halls with his Magnum brandished, prepared to punish anyone foolish enough to engage him with a well placed bullet to the head. Rounding the corner of a narrow hallway, one such opponent was found. The enemy SPARTAN began lobbing grenades and spraying Assault Rifle fire. Carefully backing away to avoid the shrapnel, I took aim and popped the enemy's shields before placing the final bullet into his cranium.
His red armored form slowly stumbled back before collapsing onto the ground. My Spartan automatically replaced the empty clip with a fresh one just as the corpse landed with a dull 'thud'. Sprinting across a nearby bridge, I found several enemy contacts lighting up on my radar. I frowned when I realized exactly what was going to follow. You see, Sword Base is infamous for a certain cheap exploit. There was a small hallway on one of the top floors with only two entrances, the doorway, and an air lift. It didn't help that just about everyone who used this holding point also used a specific armor ability.
I poked through the doorway and lobbed a grenade to try and flush them out, but all my efforts were pointless. Each red armored SPARTAN planted their fist into the floor and began glowing with a blue energy that protected them from all damage.
"And suddenly all the fun just got sucked out of this match..." I muttered in annoyance.
Flipping through the menus, I selected the option to quit the game early. Looking at the clock, I could see it was around 5:30. Seeing as it was Fall, the night would come very soon, and Luna with it. I set down my controller and walked over to the stove to make myself a quick dinner. If there was one thing that I was happy Equestria shared with Earth, it was ramen. Hey, don't judge me; ramen is damned tasty.
I was about halfway through my meal, when I heard a knock at the door. I took a moment to wipe the broth from my mouth before answering my visitor. Swinging open the door opened me to the sight of Princess Luna in all her royal glory.
"Good evening, Robert. I have arrived for the 'fun' you have promised." Luna began. The Princess of the Night hesitated a moment as she sniffed the air. "What is this... inviting aroma?"
"That would be dinner." I stepped aside and waved her in. "I was just having some ramen for dinner."
Luna used her magic to gently shut the door behind her before continuing her questioning. "What is this 'ramen' you speak of?"
I mentally giggled at how adorable her naivety could be. "Ramen is a cheap, but delicious soup. It is a gift to man. Ramen is truly the king of all soups!"
Luna trotted over and sniffed at the remaining soup in the pot. "It does not look particularly interesting, but I suppose I could be wrong."
I pulled out a fresh bowl from the cabinet. "Want a bowl?" I asked.
Luna simply nodded in confirmation. I poured out the remaining soup into the bowl and offered Luna a spoon, which she gripped in her magic aura. Carefully maneuvering the spoon, she scooped out a fair amount of broth and noodles. Tentatively she lifted the spoon up to her muzzle before wrapping her lips around the silverware. In a moment her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. Suddenly she found herself unable to avoid scooping up more and more of the soup.
After downing the final drops of broth, she looked up to me gratefully. "I wish to thank you for such a delicious meal."
To say I was surprised was an understatement. The idea that royalty could find such enjoyment from a dish as simple as ramen, was completely foreign. I was half expecting her to just spit it up in disgust. I guess I had more in common with her than I thought. And now I realize how strange that would sound considering I was comparing myself to a magical demigod pony from another dimension.
Having finished my own bowl, I grabbed both the bowls and spoons and rinsed them off in the sink. After sufficiently cleaning each item, I stored them away in their proper places. Now that dinner was officially finished, I had Luna follow me into the living room to begin a night of gaming and fun.
Before I could say a word, Luna's eyes widened again and she trotted forward to begin inspecting every angle of the television sitting on the cabinet. "What an incredible device! Moving pictures with their own orchestra inside!"
"That would be a television." I told her with a giggle. "Or TV for short." I said as I took a seat on the couch and patted a cushion as an invitation for her to have a seat.
"Tee Vee..." She repeated as she took her seat.
I took out my wireless controller and handed it to her while I took the wired one. Once the wireless controller was connected, a prompt appeared for Luna to create a new profile. It took a bit to explain the controls to her, but she caught on quickly and selected her place holder avatar. Now on to the real customization. Having her press start, a humanoid clad in a brown armor appeared .
"Is this another one of those robots?" Luna asked.
"Actually, that's just a suit of advanced armor. Your character is a human super-soldier wearing it." I explained.
"Intriguing..." She said as she rubbed a hoof to her chin.
"Well, you can customize how your SPARTAN looks." I said as I pointed to the Armory option.
Luna opened up the menu and began checking each option there was for her soldier. After several minutes of swapping out colors and buying some new armor pieces, Luna settled upon an ODST helmet with a cobalt primary color, steel secondary, and had a black unicorn emblem for her new female super soldier.
Honestly it all complemented my SPARTAN's variants. I had a blue primary color, steel secondary, Recon helmet from pre-ordering, Mark V shoulders, and Multi-Threat chest. He also had a gold visor, tactical pad wrist, trauma kit, and grenadier knees. As for his emblem, it was a golden unicorn that perfectly contrasted Luna's black version.
Without any further hesitation, I booted up the first mission of campaign to show Luna. A desolate and burned planet faded into view of the camera. Every inch of the former military planet was scorched to the point that no foliage could survive. Lowering itself to the ground, the camera came into view of a blue Recon helmet with a hole in the visor. The screen turned white and showed the title of the game, soon fading back to show the Recon helmet unscathed. The helmet was flipped around and placed onto the unseen head of my SPARTAN. A UNSC Warthog jeep barreled down the dirt road with my SPARTAN riding in the passenger seat.
Nobel 6 stepped out and made his way across the yard, gaining a glance from the team's sniper, Jun. Following the sounds of a conversation, he locked eyes with another SPARTAN with a skull carved on his visor using his armor to sharpen a kukri. The team's resident hot-headed bad-ass, Emile. Six didn't particularly like his glance and was about to correct that, but was stopped by the robotic arm of Kat, the squad's tech expert and second in command. Then there was Jorge. A hulking behemoth even for a SPARTAN II, though his size and power belied his gentle and understanding nature. Finally he met with the leader of Nobel team, Carter. Carter was a man who followed orders without question and played things by the book, a trait that the military higher-ups loved, but one that kept him from seeing the bigger picture in things.
After Nobel 6 got acquainted with his new squad, the team of SPARTAN III's made their way aboard their transport of two Falcons. As Carter and Six boarded the Falcon with Jun, Carter spoke to his newest subordinate. "Just one thing, I've seen your file. Even the parts the ONI censors didn't want me to. I'm glad to have your skill set, but we're a team; that lone wolf stuff stays behind. Clear?"
Six nodded and responded simply. "Got it, sir."
As the Falcons sped off, Jun lightheartedly added some words of his own. "Welcome to Reach."
--------
Once the first actual mission began, I took the time to teach Luna the controls in as thorough a way as I could. After a few moments of manipulating the controls, she found that she could move and aim with relative ease. Making our way through the first few dialogue scenes, we came upon the first enemies of the game.
Luna eyed the strange creatures with curiosity. "What are these diminutive bipeds?"
"The ones with the funny voices are Grunts. The bigger ones with the feathers are Skirmishers, and the other bird creatures that use shields and snipers are Jackals" I informed her as I began knocking down lines of the charging Grunts with well placed pistol rounds.
Luna hesitated a moment, but began opening fire on the Skirmishers zipping around the battlefield. After downing her first Skirmisher, she entered a state that every gamer gets from fighting off enemies. She officially entered 'The Zone'. In case you aren't completely understanding the concept, The Zone is when a gamer completely detaches from the world around them and only focuses on the game at hand.
Several enemies later, Luna found herself trying to save me from an Elite who had his sights set on me. Instinctively pressing the melee button after charging up to the split-lip's back, she was astounded by the incredible feat of her SPARTAN slashing into it's back with her combat knife. With the alien wounded, her SPARTAN finished it off by jamming the knife into it's throat with enough force to send it flat on it's back.
"Take that, vile monster! You shall not harm my friend on my watch!" She triumphantly bellowed.
Honestly I was kind of surprised that she was enjoying this so much. I mean, yes it was my idea, but I figured there would be some disgust considering the low level of violence in Equestria. "Uh, nice moves, Luna."
Making our way through several more enemies and even driving through to some pinned down marines, we flew into a courtyard to assist Kat, Jorge, and Emile. After clearing the courtyard, Carter made his way over to Kat.
"How're we doing Kat?" He asked.
Still poking around at the key pad, Kat answered her commanding officer. "I've cut about halfway through. Going to need some more time."
More Covenant drop-ships began descending into the area, but Luna and I were already on it. Taking point in the main yard, I began drawing the fire of the soldiers being dropped in. A well placed grenade sent several Grunts screaming through the air, but also earned the attention of an Elite. As the larger alien bared down on me with his Plasma Repeater ripping through my shields, Luna cut him down with some accurate DMR shots from her position in the side hallway.
Our carnage was cut short by the notification that Kat had finished cutting through the door, forcing us to retreat into the Comm Station. After finding a chip under a dead scientist, Kat snatched it away from Nobel 6.
"I'll take that, Six. Not your domain." She said as she snatched away the data chip.
"I've got a live one over here!" Jorge called to the others.
The SPARTAN II dragged out a young woman from underneath a staircase, though she was very resistant in her fearful state. In her desperation, she began yelling in her native tongue while punching into the titanium armor of the veteran super-soldier.
"Jorge-" Carter began.
"It's alright, I've got her." He assured.
Jorge grabbed the woman gently by both arms as he looked her in the eyes. "Keep still and I'll release you."
The woman's tone became notably relaxed, but that would not last for long. A large figure shimmered into view from it's active camouflage. Three Elite Zealots dropped down and began attacking the squad, the first one swinging it's energy sword at Jorge. The SPARTAN ducked under the swing and huddled over the woman to protect her.
Emile called in over the radio from his position at the entrance. "What's your status? Over!"
"We've been engaged!" Carter shouted.
The Elite with the energy sword shoved aside Nobel 6 as he made his escape. Seizing the opportunity, another Elite grabbed Six and stabbed him in the chest with an energy blade. Roaring in anger, the Elite was caught off-guard by the right hook Six retaliated with.
Six was kicked an Assault Rifle as the two remaining Elites made their escape while dragging a marine wounded from their earlier attack with them. Following Carter's orders, Six and Gorge entered the passage that the Zealots took, shutting the door behind them and leaving very little light.
Taking back control, Luna and I activated our night-vision and began firing on the Zealot that came out with a Concussion Rifle. After popping his shields, the Elite ran down a hall as we turned our attention to his support group of Grunts. We made short work of the weaker aliens and proceeded to fight our way through a phalanx of Jackals. A large room with what looked like server towers was entered.
"Flush 'em out Six. I've got you covered." Jorge instructed.
"Luna, stay here with Jorge and get ready to take out the one with the sword." I told the Princess of the Night.
Luna nodded and took a position on the catwalk with Jorge. "No creature vile enough to kill innocent civilians shall escape my wrath."
I made my way down the ramp and picked off the few Grunts who emerged from the conduit room at the end of the area. With them finished, both Elites emerged to finish the job. The one with the Concussion Rifle was taken out quickly by the combined fire of Jorge and myself. I managed to take out the shields on the one with the Sword, but I found my clip empty on my DMR. The distance was closing quickly, and one hit from the glowing weapon was a death sentence. Just as the Elite reared back his arm to swing, a single bullet pierced his skull, dropping him to the floor harmlessly.
I looked over to my alicorn companion who was grinning ear to ear in satisfaction of her amazing kill. "Was my performance satisfactory?" Luna asked.
"Satisfactory? Not even close." I told her.
Her ears drooped as she found herself ashamed and somewhat confused.
"Try, totally amazing!" I told her.
Her spirits lifted instantly, and she wrapped me in a hug. A very tight and suffocating hug.
"Oh thank you, Robert! I have not had this much fun in... ever!"
"You can... thank me by... letting me... breathe." I managed to wheeze.
Luna quickly released me and scooted away on the couch. As I caught my breath I caught a glimpse of the blush that she immediately hid by turning away. "I-I'm sorry. I've just never really had a friend like you. Someone who was willing to show me a good time."
I brushed myself off and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, it's fine. You just got a little excited is all."
I walked over to the 360 and popped out the Halo: Reach disc. "Well, I figure you've certainly earned the right to try starting a new game on this puppy." I said as I produced a disc from a new case.
Luna squinted as she read the title. "Bayonetta?"
I smirked as I placed the disc into the drive. "Something tells me you're going to enjoy this one. You play as an Umbra Witch, as in much of her magic derives from the Moon."
Luna gasped and smiled as though she had been flattered in the best way possible. "They made a game that gives my Moon the glory it deserves?"
"Yep. You're gonna love it."
--------
A slender Nun stood in a graveyard on a gloomy and rainy night. She was reading from the scriptures of the book she held in her hands, not even pausing to address the short man who continually insulted the one in the casket. Enzo was always running his mouth in a rather unflattering way. He seemed to have a deep and sadistic hatred for this 'Eggman' fellow. As he bid himself farewell so he could return home for his birthday, a shaft of golden light appeared above the casket.
"What the fuck...? They're here?! For this douchebag!?" He angrily shouted.
Enzo fell to his knees as the light blinded him. "I hate this damn light! I can't see a thing!" Enzo accidentally knocked over a tombstone as he felt around. "But they're there... Ain't they!? You hearin' me!? You can see them, can't you!?" He berated the Nun.
The Nun calmly responded. "I see them. They are instruments of God descending on his heavenly rays to Earth."
Enzo was shocked upon this revelation. "Oh... My... God..."
The Nun preached out to God. "Dear Lord, grant us guidance and keep safe the souls of our loved ones for all eternity."
The Nun dropped the book she had been reading so diligently as she raised her hand and created a magic glyph above her. The Nun leaped through the glyph and disappeared from the Human Realm into the realm of Purgatorio. Three bird-like humanoids with strange circular bladed spears descended towards her. These were angels from the Third Sphere, Known as Affinity Angels. As the two sides met, the Nun mercilessly began giving them the beating of a lifetime.
After dispatching a portion of the now numerous angels, she taunted the rest. "You look tired. Let me tuck you in."
Enzo began running around screaming as the invisible bodies impacted the ground. "Oh shit! C'mon! It's my frickin' birthday!"
As the fighting grew more intense (and after nearly having his manhood crushed by domino tombstones) Enzo began pleading for help. "I'm sorry Eggman! I didn't mean all that Humpty Dumpty shit, I swear!"
The three angels that were approaching the casket were blown away by a demonic burst of energy that sent the lid flying high into the air. A tall bald African American man in a rough leather outfit glared at them through his sunglasses, with his demonic red eye glowing through.
"Next time you wanna lay hands on me, you better make sure I'm dead." He warned the angels. The casket lid fell and impacted on his head, splitting in two down the middle. The man did not so much as flinch from the impact.
"Now move out the way."
As the angels were too scared to follow his orders, he bellowed at them in a demonic growl. "Go!!!"
The Angels scurried away in fear. An astonished Enzo began stuttering out the demon's name. "Ro-Ro-Rodin?"
Rodin turned to face the short man with a cigar in his mouth. "If it ain't my good buddy, Enzo. How 'bout you get out of here?" Rodin lifted up his thumb which ignited with a purple flame. Using the demonic flame to light his cigar, he took a puff and removed it from his lips, blowing out his flaming thumb. "You die, and I'm gonna have to go back in that hole chasin' after the money you owe me."
After witnessing the Nun piledrive an entire conga line of angels, there was only one word that came to Rodin's mind. "Beautiful."
The Nun leaped into the air after several angels, but found that they landed several strikes... on her clothes. She suggestively moaned after each slice that revealed more of her flesh, before stripping away the garment.
Luna looked at me with a blush. "I am not very familiar with human anatomy, but I understand enough to know the implications of... this."
"Trust me, the game is actually really good, despite the... jokes they throw in." I assured her.
Back in the game, the Nun's clothing was soon replaced by a growing weave of enchanted hair that formed a skintight leather catsuit. Her hair was now kept upwards by a combination of red ribbons with magic texts written on them, and golden chains that also lined her suit. Several moon themed golden accessories hung down from her hair. Now wearing stylish black glasses, she glanced down to Rodin.
"Bayonetta!" He shouted as he reached into the casket.
Rodin tossed two handguns to Bayonetta, hitting several angels along the way. As the gun arched closer to Bayonetta, she created another magic glyph in front of her, slowing down the handgun as she caught it. Whipping around the newly acquired weapon, she blasted several angels before catching the second one with another glyph. After emptying the clips on both guns, and stylishly killing several angels, she landed on top of a tombstone.
"Now this is cheeky, throwing me these cheap toys." She complained to Rodin.
"Don't worry about quality. I've got quantity!" Rodin assured as he punched an angel with a demonic fist.
Rodin threw two more pistols into the air for Bayonetta. As she leaped into the air to catch them, an angel attempted to get them himself. Bayonetta caught the handgun by the slide with her high-heel, using the new addition to her shoe to blast several rounds into the face of the unlucky angel. Spinning on one heel, she caught the second gun in the same manner, spinning around and blasting angels in a ballet of death. As she ran out of bullets in the handguns she was using in her hands, she called out to Rodin.
"Guns!"
Rodin quickly tossed another pair of guns to her. Throwing more and more of the guns in the casket, he somehow found a lollipop as he reached blindly for another sidearm. With a shrug, he tossed the candy to Bayonetta, who was more than willing to accept it.
Two angels stood dumbfounded by the slaughter of their brethren. Though Rodin was not particularly fond of them.
"If you're just gonna watch, I'm putting you two to work!" He said as he tossed the nearly empty casket into their arms.
The two angels looked at each other in confusion, completely oblivious to the pole wielding demon who was winding up like a baseball player behind them. With a powerful swing, Rodin sent the two angels on their delivery mission to Bayonetta.
"That was your last call. No more shots from me, Bayonetta!"
Bayonetta flipped the casket with a kick, sending both angels heads smashing through the wood. After retrieving her new guns, she pumped them full of lead. She struck a victorious pose as she landed on the tombstones below.
"As long as there's music, I'll keep on dancing." She playfully said as she prepared to slaughter more angels.
As Luna took control of Bayonetta, she began humming the tune of 'Fly Me To The Moon'. I guess she really liked the idea of a song about the moon. Well, while she was quickly getting the ropes, dodging attacks to activate Witch Time, and performing advanced combos, I found myself drifting off to sleep.
--------
"Don't fuck with a witch."
*Bang!*
I woke up to see a lipstick bullet traveling through the air as Luna directed it away from shards of glass, and towards the target of Father Balder, the Lumen Sage.
"Whoa. This is almost the end of the game! How long was I out?" I thought to myself.
I looked outside to see it was still dark, so I assumed I must have woken up in the wee hours of the morning. That's when I checked my watch, and I felt my heart sink into my stomach.
"Hey, Luna?" I asked the alicorn with bloodshot eyes.
"Yes?" She responded, her eyes not leaving the screen.
"What time is it?" I nervously asked Luna.
Luna opened her mouth to answer, but paused as she thought for a moment. "I'm... not sure. I lost track around when I fought Fortitudo."
That was not good. Not good at all. I believe I may have created a monster that night, but I was sure I could teach her moderation.
"Luna, it's 9:30... a.m."
"And...?" Luna asked as she raised her brow.
I pointed to the window. "The Moon is still out."
Luna's eyes shrank to pinpricks as she realized the gravity of the situation. "Oh nonononononono!" She panicked as she forced the Moon down over the horizon.
"This is horrible! Tia is going to kill me! What if she thinks I've become Nightmare Moon again? I might get banished to the moon for two-thousand years this time! I-"
I stopped her panicking by placing my hands on her shoulders and looking her in the eyes. "Luna, look at me. Do you honestly think Celestia would banish you away just because you forgot to lower the Moon in your distracted state?"
"Well... no..." Luna tentatively answered.
"Than what's there to worry about?" I asked.
"I... I'm worried she'll be angry at me. I've never forgotten to lower the Moon, aside from when I was jealous with her. I'm just scared that she might want to punish me." She admitted as her eyes drifted away from mine.
I forced her to look back at me again. "Look, how about I come to Canterlot with you to explain? It was all my idea anyway. I should be the one to take responsibility."
"You would be willing to do that for me?"
I nodded and gave her a reassuring grin. Luna blushed as a smile crept across her face as well, and she wrapped me in another, gentler hug. "Thank you, Robert. Nopony has ever cared so much."
"Hey, it's what I do." I nonchalantly assured.
Luna released her grip on me and focused magic into her horn. A blue sphere of magic enveloped us both, and we were both whisked away to Canterlot.
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As the minor disorientation from teleporting wore off, I found myself in the royal chambers of Princess Celestia. Celestia looked up from a document she was reading, and gave us both a surprised smile. "Good morning, Robert. I did not expect you to visit again so soon."
"Well, you see-" I began, only to be cut off by a frantic Luna.
"I'm so sorry I forgot to lower the Moon Tia! Please don't be mad with me!" She begged her older sibling.
As Luna tightly shut her eyes in fear, Celestia gently nuzzled her sister's neck. "How could I ever be mad with you? We all make mistakes, and I'm sure nopony will be upset with you, Lulu."
Luna blushed heavily at the use of her nickname. "Tia! You promised not to call me that in public!" She pouted.
"It's only Robert here that heard us. What's wrong with that?" Her sister asked with a loving grin.
Luna began tracing her front hoof on the floor. "I-I suppose it's alright then."
"Good. Now, isn't there something you wanted to tell him?" Celestia asked with a wink.
Luna blushed for the umpteenth time as her eyes darted between me and Celestia. "I... uh... I need to have my morning shower! It was good seeing you again, Robert. I'm sure Tia can teleport you home." She told me at a mile a minute.
As Luna trotted out to the royal bathroom, I scratched my head in confusion. "Okay...? Not sure what happened there."
Celestia rolled her eyes. "You must be as oblivious as she is nervous."
"Yeah I... Wait, what?"
Celestia sighed in annoyance. "I'm going to let you in on something, but you must not tell Luna that I told you."
I shrugged. "Sure thing."
"Luna has held some admiration for you ever since you saved the two of us from Despair. She would likely not admit it, but she did more than throw a tantrum when she thought you were going to die from absorbing the spell made by Teruza."
Okay, now I was confused. "Really?"
Celestia nodded in the affirmative. "She was completely distraught. She refused to leave her room for the entire day you were recovering. Your heartbeat was so faint that she believed all hope to be lost, and she spent the time in her room mourning you."
Well that was certainly depressing to hear. "I... I didn't know she was that grateful to me. I feel horrible for making her worry like that."
"I believe it was more than gratitude that made her react that way."
That's when the oh so obvious signs started to form a pattern. The blushing, her regard for me, her reaction to my near death experience.
"W-wait... She has a crush on me?" I asked in disbelief.
"That is correct." Celestia confirmed. "Luna has grown quite attached to you. She often speaks highly of you whenever you are brought up in conversation. And there is a certain glint in her eye that just tells you that it's true."
Okay, this was by far the strangest thing to happen to me since I wound up in Equestria. Falling from the sky? Fighting gods and demons? None of that really compared to an immortal goddess having the hots for me.
"B-but, I'm not even sure if that kind of thing would work out! I-I mean, I like her, but I'm not certain if it would be a stable relationship. We're from two different species and... Wait! I'm not even certain if I feel the same way! I-"
Celestia ceased my rambling by zipping my mouth shut. Like, she literally zipped it shut with magic. "I understand that this is all rather sudden to learn, but let me offer you one piece of advice. While I'm sure you would never dream of doing such a thing, if you ever do anything to hurt my sister, I will make you regret it for the rest of your life. Understood?" She asked in the most cheerful voice possible.
As the zipper was removed, I simply nodded with my response. "Crystal clear..."
"Good. Now then, I shall send you back home immediately. I wish you both the best of luck."
"W-wait I'm not even sure-"
I was interrupted by being teleported back to my house in an instant.
"Well, never a dull moment..." I sighed.