Sweet Celestia, I'm tired.
Life was so, so much easier a few years ago, when I was just the most awesome and cool weather pony we had. Kick a few clouds, take a nap, eat, train for the Wonderbolts, maybe take a few to say 'hi' to my number one fan, and call it a day. Sure, I was still awesome, but I didn't have to be amazing and cool all the time. I still was, but I could turn it off for a while if it got a little too much for me to handle. Just find Fluttershy, a quiet spot somewhere, maybe. and let all those uncool - and decidedly unawesome - feelings out. Now, though, Fluttershy needs me to keep pushing her to be her best these days, so I can't exactly go dumping all my problems on her anymore.
Wow, has it really only been a few years? Feels like a lifetime ago.
A lot changed when that egghead showed up, didn't it? Suddenly, being amazing and loyal wasn't just a point of personal pride, it started being really important to a lot more ponies than that little fan club. Just think; if I wasn't at my best and most awesome, how many times would Ponyville, or even Equestria, have been doomed? If I hadn't been there to keep Twilight from falling, raise that bridge, or even just be there as that beacon of amazingness to inspire the other five, Nightmare Moon might not have been stopped. After that...well, during...I became the...what did Twilight call it? Avatar?... of Loyalty itself. How cool is that? I mean, I've always flared my wings up a little bigger because I never let my friends down or anything like that, but having proof that I was the ideal, that all ponies should look up to me as the main example of how to be loyal? That. Is. Awesome.
You know, I really should borrow one of Twi's thesauruses...thesaurii...books with alternate meanings for words. There have to be more words that mean awesome out there.
So, anyway, I thought it was awesome at the time. Suddenly, everypony looked at me just a little differently, maybe a little more awestruck. That little fan club Scootaloo started got a spike in members, too. Then it kind of dawned on me that a lot more ponies were counting on me to be spectacular now that I was the avatar of loyalty. I had to step up my game, and show everypony what it meant to be me, and show them just how amazing Rainbow Dash was.
Of course, it also meant that I couldn't show any signs of weakness. Just think about how it would look if one of the elements -- loyalty, at that! -- wasn't a rock solid pillar of reliability! Everypony needs us to be there for them in a heartbeat. They look up to us, in some cases worship us, and just the fact that we're around, keeping Equestria safe, lets them sleep a little better at night. Gotta make sure they keep thinking I'm radical, cool, and awesome, or else they might start to worry I'm not up to the task.
Even on a smaller scale, I don't get much chance to slow down. Back during the Best Young Fliers competition a few years ago, I almost let my doubts get the best of me, enough to make me hesitate during my performance. Nearly hit the princess with a cloud, and caught some guff after I nearly gave myself a concussion losing control like that. What if I had given up and gone back to the locker room then? I mean, I knew I wasn't going to win anything after that performance, but I had to give the crowd some display worthy of the Rainbow Dash name. If I hadn't stayed out there to at least try for the Sonic Rainboom, would I have been able to react in time and get back out there to save Rarity and the Wonderbolts? Would I have even known what happened until it was too late if I'd thrown myself that pity party I wanted?
You know, the Mare-Do-Well thing showed me that even though I overdo it sometimes, it's still better than not looking amazing or disappointing the ponies that look up to me. Hey, thinking about Mare-Do-Well...how was that in any way, shape, or form fair? I mean, Twilight caused most of the town to get into a battle royale because she was scared of being late with a report, Applejack nearly let her pride destroy Ponyville because she wore herself out, Fluttershy did destroy the town with those darned parasprites, Pinkie caused some massive damage with all of her clones, Spike tried to destroy the town because he went all greedy, and Rarity tried to ditch us all because we would have embarrassed her in front of those Canterlot snobs, but did the rest of us all gang up on any of them to stop them or publicly humiliate them? No...we all stuck together and supported them. Me? I get treated like Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom did when they ruined everypony's lives with that gossip column or made Big Mac and Cheerilee go head over hooves for each other. They treat me like they do the fillies! I'd love to get in each of their faces and tell them off and demand an apology, but, how loyal would I look if anypony knew that I hadn't really gotten over that? It's just another thing to add to the pile of things I have to keep buried now.
WOAH! Okay, stabilize, flap, level off, quick glance around, a few ponies saw that, so turn it into a dive, pull up and shake off the water at the last second to create a small rainbow...yeah, they bought it. Mental note, never punch the cloud I'm resting on when I'm angry, and pick clouds higher off the ground for this type of deep thinking.
I've even taken some flack for being too wrapped up in myself. Like, back when we had that one race at flight camp, I was so busy looking cool and being awesome that I didn't notice or care when we knocked Fluttershy off the cloud and she dropped like a rock. Can you imagine if I had stopped the race to go save her? No race, no sonic rainboom. No sonic rainboom, no cutie marks for the Elements of Harmony. Would Twilight have even passed that test, would Applejack still be in Manehattan, or would Pinkie ever have left that rock farm? Would there even been Elements of Harmony at all without everypony seeing that sonic rainboom?
One thing I really wish I could tell somepony? I take all those midday naps because I'm so stressed out I'm always drained, not because I'm lazy. I mean, sure, it has the bonus of making it look like I can do all the amazing things I do with no effort, but I really just need the extra sleep. Too bad letting that secret out would hurt that Rainbow Dash image, though. All this stress can't be healthy.
There's a part of me that thinks I'm only going to make things worse by mentoring Scootaloo like I promised, that I'm going to have to tighten up just that much more, and make double sure that I don't slip so I don't disappoint her now that I've become a hands-on influence in her life. There's also another part of me, as selfish as it seems, that hopes that this will give me an outlet for some of the things I've bottled up, like I could show her that she doesn't have to be super amazing all the time by showing her that I am as inspiring as I am, and I have the same doubts and fears that everypony else does. At least I hope so, anyway.
Ah well. Time to get back to keeping the ponies inspired, and clear the rest of the clouds out of this sky at mach one. Slowing down and relaxing get to wait for another day.