The air was cold, but the sun was shining down and it was warm enough to go without jackets, even though Karyn had worn a long-sleeve shirt. Derpy, of course, was comfortable in any weather.
“This was a great idea,” Karyn said. “I’ve always wanted to do this, but they lock the doors.”
No one on the ground could have an angle to see them. The air was clear of birds and Karyn thought it unlikely that any workmen would be coming up on a Sunday. Derpy had waited till the coast was clear and flown them both up to the roof.
Derpy had suggested it, not knowing that the college had rules specifically forbidding access to the roof. She didn’t know about liabilities and fears of late-night drunken falls that could get the college sued. In Equestria, she hung out on roofs all the time. For Karyn, the rule-breaking would only bother her if she got caught. She thought it was silly to prevent people from going up in broad daylight when they were sober.
“Next time we need to bring up some chaises longue,” said Derpy.
They were leaning against the door to the stairs and sitting on the concrete. The black surface of the roof helped to warm them even more. In the distance, they could see the college’s soccer team practicing.
“If you can handle carrying the load, I wouldn’t say no. We could put a little fridge up here, maybe an end table. Then they’d wonder who was breaking through the locks.”
Derpy rolled over and got the sun on her back. Her cutie mark reflected the light like the face of a watch.
“Do you think if I crawled over to the edge and peeked over, someone would see me and I could freak them out?”
“Don’t try it.”
“Aww, come on. Probably they wouldn’t even know what I was.”
Karyn moved her sunglasses to the end of her nose and looked over them. “But they might, and then it’d be all up. Or they could think that some horrible demon pony creature lives on the roof.”
Derpy laughed at that. “Yes, I am the evil monster Derpy! Fear my powers of mail delivery!”
They lounged back and soaked up the sunrays for a while in silence. Karyn’s thoughts drifted idly as they are wont to do on a lazy Sunday.
“I suppose I should take these sunny days outdoors while I can,” she said.
“What do you mean? Is the sun here finally going to stop rising on its own?”
“Ha, no, hopefully not. I was just thinking that once I start work, I’ll be cooped up in an office all day and I won’t be able to enjoy days like this except on weekends and holidays. You might have an advantage, working outdoors.”
Derpy spaced out for a minute, then said, “It is nice, mostly. Some days, though, the bag is so heavy and the roads are so long and everypony I pass has something for me to take back and it takes all day, and when I finally get back home, all I want to do is to crawl into bed and pass out, but it’s worse if I do that, because if I do, as soon as I wake up it’s time to go back to work.
“Plus there’s the matter of money. A top weather-pony can earn enough in one year to set herself up nice, and then she only has to work a few days a week, and can set her own schedule. But a mailmare has to be there five days a week, sometimes six, all day, punching the clock. Celestia help me if I’m late. But that’s not the worst part.”
“What is?”
“It’s so lonely. No, that’s not it. I have lots of friends, both who work with me and who I know on the route, but all the time I talk to them, it can only be for a few minutes. It’s one of the reasons I love coming to see you each week. We can actually have an in-depth conversation without me having to say, ‘Oh, please excuse me, Mr. Widehaunch needs his Canterlot Weekly magazine’ or something like that.”
Karyn got up and ran for the door. “That reminds me, I have to go out with my parents today!”
“What?!”
“Nah, I’m just messing with you.”
Derpy glowered, but then laughed. “You got me,” she said.
“It’s a shame though that you can’t have somepony else come with you to keep you company. “
“Yeah. . . wait!” Derpy clapped her hooves. “Not somepony—“
“Some zebra?”
“Yes—no! Some person!”
Karyn looked down the hoof that was pointing at her. “Me? But I have to go to class.”
Derpy pointed at her wrist and then at her eyes. Karyn wondered what she was doing, then it clicked. “Right, the time distortion. But I don’t like doing that. Staying awake for a day in Equestria and then a day on Earth is like the worst jet lag.”
“It was just a thought. I’ve always flown the route on my own, I can keep doing it.”
“Right. And all the other mail-ponies do it.”
Derpy was curiously silent. Karyn tried to relax, but could sense the tension that had just come onto the roof. “What’s the matter, Derpy?” she asked.
“It’s nothing.”
“Come on, I know you better than that. Spill.”
Derpy sighed. “There is this one other mail-mare. Her name is Platinum Sprint. We see each other several times on our routes. I don’t think she likes me very much.”
“How could anypony not like you?”
“I know, right? But I don’t think that Platinum likes anypony.”
“Is she a stuck-up type?” Karyn thought that the name Platinum Sprint sounded pretentious.
“No, at least not in the way that Rarity isn’t. I mean, Rarity is nice, but she’s posh. There’s no posh-ness around Platinum, but once in a while she’ll tell me a story about one of her mare-friends and you can tell that she likes looking down on them.”
“But what else does she do that you don’t like her?”
Derpy took a deep breath. “Where to begin? OK, first she’s always asking for help with her route. If she gets a new address to deliver to, she’ll ask me how to get there, but then when I tell her, she doesn’t want to go that way because she doesn’t like using the side streets or something. She always wants to talk about the magazine serials that she reads, even though I don’t read them, so I just nod my head and go along. Oh, and Celestia forbid that she should catch me taking a break or chatting with somepony I’m delivering to.”
“She’ll call you out on it? But aren’t you supposed to be friendly?”
“The post office doesn’t say either way. But no, she doesn’t say anything. She just looks at me until I feel uncomfortable. Oh, and she is loud, and she doesn’t have an indoor voice, not even outdoors.”
Karyn thought about interrupting, but let it pass. Derpy continued.
“Anyway, I think the worst thing about her is that she has a short fuse. But not for anger, more for being upset. Like, as soon as anything goes out of normal—we get a big shipment or she forgets that there’s bad weather—she’ll talk about how ridiculous it is and why doesn’t everypony else take care of it?”
“And you have to run your mail route with her?”
Derpy went wide-eyed. “Oh, no! That would be bad, but at the same time it would be less lonely. If we really just flew the same route, I’d get to know her really well, and we’d just have to be friends.”
Karyn was skeptical, but said, “Then what’s the problem, if you don’t see her? Can’t you just ignore her?”
“Hmm. . . maybe this is easier if I show you. Have you got a piece of paper?”
Karyn pulled a sheet from the tray of her printer, then found a pen in her desk drawer. It amused her as always to see Derpy with the pen in her mouth, concentrating, finding it difficult to get the accuracy she wanted without the benefit of hands. But when she spat out the pen, there was indeed a nice drawing of Ponyville.
“This is the neighborhood where I deliver,” Derpy said. “Every day, I start out from the office and go to the northwest corner. Platinum Sprint goes to the southeast corner. I fly south, and she flies west, so by the time I get to the end of the first road, she’s done about the same, and we meet in the southwest corner. With me so far?”
“I think so.”
“So then I go to the next road over to the east and head back north. I zigzag all throughout. Usually I stop and eat lunch in the center of town, unless I’m hungry early or I can hold out to get to some of the good restaurants over here,” she said, pointing at one area.
“I think I get it. It’s almost like the two of you are weaving a pattern every day, and you meet at all the points along the diagonal.”
“Well, the real town isn’t as square and straight as this map, but that’s the general idea. Maybe a dozen times a day I’ll be going from house to house, store to store, happily saying hi to my friends or enjoying the reverie of flying, and there coming at me will be Platinum, and I know that I’ve got to be all business. It’s just very stressful.”
Derpy folded her ears down and turned away, indicating that she didn’t want to talk anymore about her co-worker. Karyn felt a little remorse, as if she had made Derpy pick at a wound that hadn’t quite healed. While Derpy trotted back to the edge of the roof, Karyn pulled out her phone and dialed up her calendar. After making some calculations in her head, she called out to Derpy.
“All right, it’s settled. I’m coming with you on your mail route this Wednesday.”
“What? But you just said—”
“Yes, and I’ve been working it out,” Karyn said, holding up the phone. “Monday night I have class, and also Tuesday morning, but after the morning class, I’ll come home and grab two hours sleep. I’ll go to my second class and then bank another ten hours, so I’ll be ready for the double shift. I’ll spend Equestrian Wednesday with you, come back for Earth Wednesday classes, and then crash at the end. I don’t have any tests this week, so I can make up any work I miss over the next week.”
“But what made you change your mind? I told you that I can deal with Platinum. It’s not like I’m really suffering.”
“I know, but the way you describe her, I’ve just got to meet her for myself!”
******************************************
Feeling extra refreshed, and trying not to think about staying up for twenty-four hours straight, Karyn and Derpy crossed the border and headed for the post office.
When they entered, Karyn saw a familiar face handling the distribution of mail to the deliverers. “Good morning, Mr. Mintsugar!”
The postmaster turned around and took off his glasses. He was certain that he was not on intimate terms with any human, and he didn’t recognize Karyn. “And you are?”
Karyn was taken aback, then remembered that the only time she had met him was when she was in Derpy’s body. She struggled to think of a way to explain. Derpy stepped in front. “This is my human friend, Mr. Mintsugar. Her name’s Karyn.”
“Oh, yeah,” said Karyn. “Derpy’s just told me so much about you that it feels like I know you.”
Mr. Mintsugar looked askance at them, but shook Karyn’s hand and went about his work. Derpy went to her station and started packing her sacks.
Karyn looked around the room, both trying to stay out of everypony’s way and seeing if she could spot the pony who was the reason she was there. From the name, she had a picture of an ice-blonde mare who would run everywhere and be in everypony’s faces, but she couldn’t see anyone who fit the bill.
“Psst. . . Derpy. Where’s Platinum Sprint?”
“Right next to you.”
Karyn froze up and turned her head slowly. She was afraid that there would be a scary pony staring at her, but when she got the angle to see, she was working on sorting and stuffing her own mailbags, even if she was leering at Karyn out of the corner of her eye.
She had a dirty brown mane and the start of a wrinkled face. Karyn knew that Derpy was an older pony, and she had seen some like Granny Smith that looked elderly, but this was the first pony she had seen that looked middle-aged. Platinum was rail-thin and if she was able to achieve speed, it was more by not having a lot of weight to carry than by having strong muscles. A cup of coffee sat by her station, and she put down her mail to dump about half a can of sugar into it.
“Morning, Derpy.” Her voice had an accent like Babs Seed’s, and she sounded tired.
“Good morning, Platinum. This is my friend, Karyn.”
Platinum waved and went back to work.
“Come on, Karyn, let’s go.”
With Karyn on her back and her saddlebags at her sides, Derpy was weighed down a little, and they advanced slowly. Ponies were opening up their stores for the day.
The first stop was a day care center. A bunch of colts and fillies were running around outside, and the matron could only duck away for a split second to take the mail Derpy offered in her mouth. “Thanks,” she said in a muffled voice.
“No problem, Dancey! See you tomorrow, Dancey! Have fun with the kids, Dancey!”
On the way to the next stop, Derpy said, “She has the same name as my mother had. Isn’t that cool? That’s why I like using it.”
The next building was a coffee shop, and the owner took time out to talk with Derpy. It was idle chatter, but they laughed and joked for about five minutes. Karyn couldn’t contribute much, but the coffee shop owner was still friendly.
They went on until they reached the end of the road, and just as Derpy had said, there was Platinum coming from the corner.
Derpy whispered to Karyn, “I bet you anything that as soon as we fly by, you’ll hear my name being called.”
Sure enough, as they prepared to turn up the next avenue, “Derpy?” in a Hooflyn accent came from behind.
“Yes, Plat?”
“I’ve got a package for that apartment building, but there’s no apartment on the address. What do I do?”
“Do you recognize the name?”
Platinum looked at the package. “I think so. But I don’t have any other mail for that name today.”
“But you’ve delivered to that name at a given apartment?”
“We’re supposed to take packages back to the office in this situation, right?”
Derpy frowned. “If you’re confident that it should go to a given apartment, then leave it there. If you don’t think you know where it goes, then take it back. Or you can try asking one of the neighbors if they know where it’s supposed to go.”
“Which one should I do?”
Karyn saw Derpy roll her eyes, and thought it was funny since they rolled at different rates, but was always wary of offending her friend. She expected Derpy to lose her temper or keep arguing, but instead they just kept walking.
Once they got around the bend, Karyn asked, “Aren’t you going to finish helping her?”
“I can’t. It’s her decision to make. But she doesn’t want to. If she leaves the package and it’s the wrong apartment, she’ll get in trouble. If she takes it back, she’ll have to deal with it again tomorrow. If she asks the neighbors, she’ll waste time. She knows all that. It’s not that she wants advice. She wants me to tell her what to do so I’ll be responsible for whatever goes wrong.”
“I get it. Yeah, that is kind of a jerk move.”
Derpy pointed her wing. “Ixnay. Here she is again.”
“Hey, Derpy!” called Platinum. “I left the package at the apartment I thought was right. I just hope I was right. Do you think I was right?”
“Don’t know.”
“Because if it’s the wrong address, it’s probably going to come back.”
“Probably.” Derpy huffed and kept moving.
At every intersection where they crossed, it was the same story. Platinum would ask for help or want to tell a story. At one, she was talking to a friend, and everypony could hear the conversation.
“Hey, Quiche! So my little filly is still number one on her hoofball team, but it’s so hard paying for the practices, you know? Oh, there’s my friend, Derpy! Derpy, you know Quiche Lorraine, right? So, anyway, I’m thinking of asking everypony I know to buy a raffle ticket to help out. Derpy, you want to buy a raffle ticket?”
Trying to cover quickly, Derpy talked to Karyn. “So you can see what I’m talking about with this mail route, right?”
“Oh, yeah. There’s a lot of houses to hit.” They both spoke in loud voices so as to pretend they couldn’t hear Platinum. Once they were away, she said in a low voice, “And she is loud. Everything you told me is true.”
“Would I lie?” said Derpy. “Anyway, time for lunch. Let me show you this place that makes the best straw pizza.”
They made their way to a courtyard in the town square. The sun was high in the sky and lots of ponies were stopping to have lunch. Derpy ordered a slice for each of them, and Karyn found it quite tasty, unlike most of the hay dishes she’d sniffed.
Derpy had her back to the shop where she’d gotten the pizzas, and Karyn could see Platinum coming up the way. When she got to the stand, she gave the back of Derpy’s head a look, then said to the cashier, “One slice, please, to go.”
Karyn felt the stare boring into her and whispered to Derpy, “Are we not supposed to be eating here?”
“No, I get my lunch break everyday. A lot of ponies don’t take it, though, because if they’re too long they get written up. So, they figure, eat on the fly and you won’t have to worry about going over your time. But I don’t do that. I just eat fast and work hard when I get back.”
“Has Platinum ever been written up?”
“I don’t know. It’s not something you ask somepony about. But probably. I never liked that expression. When you write something down, it’s good, but when you write somepony up, it’s bad.”
Karyn was torn between laughing at Derpy’s joke and saying what she wanted to get out. She shoved her laughter deep down and called out, “Hey, Platinum!”
The pegasus turned with a start, as if refusing to believe that anyone could match her for volume. She was even more agog when she saw that it was a human talking to her.
“Yes?”
“Why don’t you quit that passive-aggressive attitude and come talk to me. I can tell you don’t like seeing me here, although I don’t know if it’s because I’m human or because it means Derpy might actually have a good time on shift today or because you just hate anything that breaks your little routine. But I don’t care. Stop staring at me every time we cross paths, and stop trying to make Derpy do your job.”
Platinum tried several times to interrupt, but Karyn wouldn’t let her. At the first breath, she broke in, “You can’t talk to me like that.”
“Oh, yes, I can.”
Derpy flew between the two of them and separated them with her wings. “OK, don’t fight. We’ve got to get back on the road anyway, Karyn. Come on, mount up.”
Still giving Platinum the evil eye, she got on Derpy’s back and headed down the road.
“You should really stand up to her,” Karyn said.
“I do.”
“No, I don’t mean just standing on your hooves next to her. I mean it metaphorically. You should get angry the way I did.”
Derpy didn’t respond at first. She made another delivery and engaged with the pony as she usually did. Once they were airborne again, she said, “I won’t say I haven’t blown up at her once in a while, but here’s the thing. I’ve got to go back and work with her again tomorrow. And a lot of tomorrows. It’s different for you because you’re still in school, and you’ve always been in school. Anyone you have a problem with will be gone in four years at most.”
“Yeah, I guess I see your point. It doesn’t make it right though.”
“No, but it’s a balancing act. Because she got yelled at, Platinum will be nice to me for the next week or so. Then at some point I’ll be the one who has to do a few extra favors for her. We get by.”
They continued on Derpy’s postal route, but didn’t see Platinum Sprint again. When her saddlebags were empty and she was ready to fly back to the office, she hugged Karyn good-bye.
“Thank you for today. It made the time go by quicker, and now I’ve got all evening to have fun. I hope to make it up to you sometime when you’re at work.”
“I’d like that. But right now I’ve got my own day to start.”
Derpy took Karyn home and then left herself. Karyn yawned and went to class.