Rainbow Blitz flew away from Sugarcube Corners at high speed, found a secluded cloud, then ate his meal.
Disaster averted, he thought. It was kind of mean to run out on Pinkie Pie like that, but I couldn't possibly spend any time with her. Not when she's the zombie-female version of my good friend, who has been sent on a mission to kill me.
Besides, if she's anything like Bubble Berry, she wouldn't have left me alone for the next two hours. Man, that brony is persistent when he meets somepony new.
...And he makes a pretty hot mare. She has the cutest chubby cheeks and—augh! Why do I have to think every mare I meet is cute?!
Maybe Elusive is right. I am a filly fiend.
Rainbow Blitz frowned, as he remembered a fight he and his friends got into a few days earlier. They had all gotten together for their weekly pets outing, and Rainbow started talking about girls.
"Did you see that mare at the gala?" he asked. "She was cute!"
"Oh, Rainbow, you think every mare is cute," Elusive said dismissively. "Even Applejack's sister."
"What's wrong with mah sister?" Applejack asked.
"Yeah, she's hot!" Rainbow Blitz said.
Applejack smacked Rainbow Blitz. "Don't talk about mah sister that way!"
"You see what I mean?" Elusive said. "Rainbow, you're a total filly fiend, and you'll never develop any meaningful relationships unless you change your ways."
"I...what?" Rainbow Blitz asked.
Dusk Shine sighed. "He's saying you need to stop chasing after every mare you meet."
"I...I do not chase after every mare I meet!" Rainbow Dash said.
"That's not what the mares say!" Bubble Berry giggled. "They say you're the biggest flirt in town!"
"Yeah, Spines says that some of the mares avoid you on purpose because you're so...you know..." Dusk Shine said.
"Horny?" Applejack suggested.
"I was going to say 'competitive'," Dusk Shine said.
"No way!" Rainbow Blitz said. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I'm...I'm not a horrible mare-chaser! Butterscotch, back me up here, bro!"
The yellow pegasus pawed the ground. "Um...if I was a mare, I'd be scared of you," he said.
"An' Ah'd never let you near mah big sister," Applejack said.
"Great, all my friends think I'm a pervert," Rainbow Blitz said. "Any other big secrets you guys are keeping from me?"
"Never fear, Rainbow," Elusive said, patting himself on the chest. "I can teach you how to properly conduct yourself around ladies! And how to find mares with class!"
Rainbow Blitz was starting to wish he had listened to his friends on that occasion. Mares were nothing but trouble.
The next day, Twilight Sparkle and the rest of her friends used a balloon to reach Cloudsdale. She used the cloud-walking spell again, so nopony was in danger of falling.
"I must say, it's nice to be back here," Rarity said. "Without wings, that is."
"Yeah!" Pinkie Pie said. "The view from up here is fantastic!"
All five ponies were happy, but Fluttershy had an extra spring in her step. Twilight took notice of this, and said, "Do you like being back in your old home, Fluttershy?"
"Yeah..." Fluttershy said. "I think when the tryouts are over, maybe I'll go visit my parents."
"Oooo! Sounds like fun!" Pinkie Pie said. "Can we come, too? Can we? Can we? Can we? I've never met your parents!"
"Um...uh..." Fluttershy said. She looked ready to run away and hide.
"I'm not sure they're ready to meet you, Pinkie," Twilight said.
"But I met Rainbow Dash's brother yesterday!" Pinkie said. "Sure, he ran out on me halfway through, but I think it went well! I can totally meet new pegasuses!"
"Buh—Rainbow Dash has a brother?" Twilight asked. "I didn't know that!"
"Me neither," Applejack said.
"She...she doesn't," Fluttershy said. "I've met her family."
"Huh?" Pinkie Pie asked. "But Rainbow Blitz said he was her twin brother, and he looks just like her!"
"Rainbow Blitz?!" Rarity asked. "I—that is, he—do you mean—that scoundrel! He told me he didn't know Rainbow Dash!"
"I take it that Pinkie isn't the only one who's met this pony," Twilight Sparkle commented.
"Indeed," Rarity said. "I had the misfortune of meeting Mr. Blitz yesterday. He stopped by Carousel Boutique after I...er...well, never mind what I did to him. It's not proper behavior for ladies—"
"You did something improper?" Fluttershy asked. "That's not like you."
"Yeah, you never break rules!" Pinkie Pie said. "What happened?"
"I...I'm not proud of it..." Rarity said.
All her friends leaned in closer, eager to hear Rarity's story.
"I...I kicked him in the face, all right?" Rarity asked, her face reddening. "I gave him two black eyes."
"Hoo-wee!" Applejack said. "Ah know who Ah'm asking fer help, next applebuck season!"
Rarity looked slightly embarrassed. "Well, he deserved it for getting flirty with me!" she said. "And apparently, he was lying to me, too! What—what if he hurt poor Rainbow Dash?"
"What makes you think he hurt Rainbow?" Twilight asked.
"Rainbow disappears, at the same time a stallion who looks just like her appears?" Rarity asked. "As I thought yesterday, it can't be a coincidence."
"Rainbow Dash is missing?" Pinkie Pie asked.
"Oh no!" Fluttershy said.
"Ah knew somethin' was wrong!" Applejack said.
"Calm down, everypony," Twilight said. "I'm sure Rainbow Dash is fine, and we'll see her out the tryouts. Nothing will stop her from being here today."
Tryouts for the Wonderbolts were easier than you would have expected. There was a basic obstacle course set out, and everypony had to clear the entire course within a set amount of time. Each contestant had to go through the course separately.
These are the difficult tryouts? Rainbow Blitz wondered. This is nothing!
In Cloudsdale, ponies said that tryouts for the Wonderbolts were incredibly difficult. 70% of all applicants never made it past the first round. When he heard this, Rainbow Blitz had been expecting some sort of dragon-fighting challenge. Instead, the challenge mostly involved flying through rings and dodging strategically-placed clouds.
Everypony went one at a time, and they went in alphabetical order. Five ponies went before Rainbow Blitz, and four of them failed.
"Next up, Rainbow Blitz," the announcer said.
Here goes everything... Rainbow Blitz thought, as he began flying. His minor case of stage fright (which he would never admit to having) disappeared as soon as he felt the wind beneath his wings. He let out a happy sigh, then powered up through the obstacles.
About halfway through, Rainbow Blitz's confidence overtook him. He was in the zone! Nothing would break his concentration now! His life-long dream would finally be achieved, and—
"Rainbooooow!" a loud cheer reached his ears.
Rainbow cast a glance in the general direction of his well-wishers. He was shocked to see that the cheer wasn't from his friends, or his well-wishers. It was from the five mares from Ponyville.
Rarity was making angry gestures towards Rainbow Blitz, while Twilight Sparkle's mouth was flapping non-stop, saying words that Rainbow couldn't hear. Pinkie Pie (the one who cheered) was jumping up and down on top of a yellow pony who was pulling on her hair. Applejack was on the far left, and she was staring at Rainbow Blitz with pure shock on her face. She was so shocked, in fact, that her hat had fallen off, and she didn't even notice.
Rainbow instinctively turned away from the five mares. Even though it was only a slight movement, Rainbow hit the side of the ring that he was supposed to fly through. A dull "thunk" sounded throughout the amphitheater as Blitz's wing hit hollow plastic.
For a few desperate seconds, Rainbow Blitz feared his wing was broken, and he slowed down. But once he realized his wing was just fine, he accelerated his pace. Flying faster than before, Rainbow Blitz zig-zagged through the rest of the rings that were set out. He grinned as he blazed across the finish line.
"So, how did I—?" Rainbow began to ask, but the question died in his throat when he saw the Wonderbolts shaking their heads.
"I'm sorry," Soarin' said. "But we have to ask you to go home."
"Are you sure?" Spitfire asked. "Out of all the contestants we've seen, he had the fastest time, by far!"
"Yes, but he hit that ring," Soarin' said. "That's an automatic disqualification."
"No—no!" Rainbow Blitz said. "I didn't hit that ring on purpose! I—I got distracted!"
"I noticed," Soarin' said. "And I'm sorry, but the Wonderbolts can't accept any members who are easily distracted by the ponies in the stands during a performance. If we were using metal rings, or if you had flown a few more inches to the left, you could have seriously injured your wing."
Rainbow Blitz couldn't argue with that logic. In fact, he couldn't do much of anything, besides be crushed by his failure.
"But...it was an accident..." Rainbow Blitz moaned. "You...you gotta let me try again!"
"Tough luck, cutie," Spitfire said, putting her hoof on Rainbow Blitz's shoulder. "But to be honest, you probably wouldn't have made the cut, anyway. We're actually looking for a mare to join this time around."
"Feel free to try again next time," Soarin' suggested.
Back in the viewing area, Rainbow Blitz's performance had caused quite a stir among our pony friends.
"Ah swear, he does look like Dash's twin brother!" Applejack said.
"She doesn't have a twin brother!" Fluttershy said. "Trust me! I've known her longer than any of you have."
"I recognize that colt now," Twilight Sparkle said. "He's the one I summoned to the library."
"What?" a few of the ponies asked.
"Twilight, Ah told you not to mess around with any summoning spells!" Applejack said.
"But why not?" Twilight asked. "Magic is my specialty, and besides, nothing bad happened!"
"What did happen, dear?" Rarity asked.
"I was looking for a pegasus who could help Rainbow Dash prepare for the tryouts," Twilight said. "And he happened to be the one that the spell found."
"So you brought him to Ponyville," Rarity said.
"Yes," Twilight said. "But I couldn't convince him to help Rainbow Dash, so he left two minutes later. The spell took a lot out of me, so I decided not to try again."
"That doesn't sound too bad," Applejack admitted.
"Next up, Rainbow Dash!" the announcer said.
"Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie cheered. "It's her turn now!"
The five mares cheered, until it became obvious that Rainbow Dash wasn't there. They exchanged worried glances.
"Um...Rainbow Dash," the announcer said. "Rainbow Dash, it is your turn to go through the obstacle course."
Huh, Rainbow Blitz thought. Looks like my evil twin didn't show up.
"No Rainbow Dash?" Spitfire asked, sounding slightly disappointed. Dash was one of the two competitors whose names that Spitfire recognized.
Rainbow Blitz took a moment to discretely examine Spitfire. He had to admit, the fire-haired Wondercolt looked a lot more attractive in the mare universe.
"What are you looking at?" Spitfire asked him.
"Uh, nothing!" Rainbow Blitz said. "I should...get going."
He turned around and flew off, wondering what to do next. He was somewhat inclined to find a corner somewhere, so he could cry out his frustration in losing the tryouts. Then again, Rainbow Blitz had already decided to blame his failure on the mares and the mare universe, because clearly, it wasn't his fault he didn't make the cut.
I'm awesome! I'm great! Rainbow Blitz thought. I'm—
Rainbow Blitz felt a sharp tug in his stomach as he disappeared and reappeared inside one of the viewing booths in the amphitheater. His eyes widened as he saw Twilight Sparkle, her horn still glowing slightly.
"Told you summoning spells were useful," Twilight said. Next to her stood her four mare friends, with looks of anger, suspicion and confusion on their faces.
I'm dead, Rainbow Blitz thought.
"What did you do to Rainbow Dash?!" Rarity demanded.
"Augh!" Rainbow Blitz cried. "Evil mares who want to kill me!"
"What?" Twilight asked.
"Where is she?" Rarity asked. "Where's our friend?"
"You'll never take me alive!" Rainbow Blitz said. He jumped into the air, intending to fly off and tell Prince Solaris, when seemingly out of nowhere, a rope wound itself around his midsection.
"Gotcha!" Applejack said. "You can't get away that easy!"
Applejack had been standing behind Rainbow Blitz when she lassoed him, so the rope was underneath his spread wings. He gave them an experimental flap to ensure they still worked, then he tried flying away at top speed.
"AAAAA!" Rainbow Blitz screeched, straining to get away. Applejack pulled as hard as she could on the rope, and Pinkie Pie pulled on Applejack. Rainbow Blitz dragged them forward a few inches before Twilight and Rarity joined the tug-of-war.
"Get! Back! HERE!" Rarity ordered.
"No no no NO!" Rainbow Blitz screamed.
That was when a yellow pegasus flew up in front of Rainbow Blitz's face. "Please don't fly away!" Fluttershy said. "We just want to talk to you."
"I don't believe that for a second!" Rainbow Blitz said. "I know the truth! You're my best friends, who were turned into mares by the Great and Terrible Trixine, so she could brainwash you into killing me!"
"Rrrrrgh!" Applejack said, pulling on the rope.
"He's clearly out of his mind," Rarity said.
"Seems normal enough to me!" Pinkie Pie said.
"The Great and Powerful Trixie?" Twilight asked, stunned. "She has something to do with this?"
"She's my crazy ex-marefriend!" Rainbow Blitz said.
"Please don't leave," Fluttershy said, putting her hoof on the shoulder of Rainbow Blitz. She sometimes had to deal with spooked animals, and she was putting those skills to use here. "We aren't going to hurt you. We just want to talk about Rainbow Dash. Is that okay?"
Rainbow Blitz looked into Fluttershy's eyes, and his heart melted instantly. "Oh...okay," Rainbow Blitz said, with a huge sigh. He stopped struggling, landed on the ground, and folded up his wings.
"Fine," he said. "I'll tell you everything you want to know."
The mares breathed a sigh of relief, and the instant they relaxed their grips on the rope, Rainbow Blitz flew off at a speed which was extremely close to the sonic barrier. He was long gone before anypony could react.
"Can this day get any weirder?" Twilight Sparkle wondered.