Rainbow Blitz was beginning to think Rarity had abandoned him, when the back door opened again.
"I'm back!" Rarity said, carrying her beauty products with her magic. "And I've got a surprise for you!"
"A surprise?" Blitz asked.
"Here," Rarity said, floating it over to him. "Here's a picture of my friend Rainbow Dash. Earlier, you said you never met her."
"Woah," Rainbow Blitz said, looking at the picture. Rainbow Dash was...well, she looked like a female version of himself. Same crazy rainbow mane, exact same skin color and...exact same cutie mark?
Impossible! No two ponies have the same cutie mark! Rainbow Blitz thought. At least, not when the cutie mark represents the Sonic Rainboom!
Rainbow opened his mouth to complain that this picture had to be a fake, when Rarity ordered, "Close your eyes. This is going to sting a bit."
As Rarity rubbed the cream into his eyes, Rainbow Blitz began to think. Rainbow Dash looked like a female version of him. And now that he thought about it, Rarity was sort of like a mare version of his friend Elusive. But...his friend couldn't have been turned into a mare. Right?
This is just like what happened in Dashing Dude and the Amazon Adventure! Rainbow Blitz thought. But that's just a story, right? It couldn't happen in real life!
"Um...Rarity?" Rainbow Blitz asked. "This is going to sound like a weird question, but...did you get your cutie mark from finding a rock in the middle of nowhere?"
"Well...yes," Rarity said. "I guess you could put it that way. How did you—?"
"And then, when the world got corrupted by Eris, did you fall in love with that same rock?" Blitz asked.
"I told my friends not to tell anypony about Tom!" Rarity said angrily. Then she punched Blitz in the face.
"Woah, what the hay?!" Blitz said, opening his eyes. He was slightly surprised to see that Rarity wasn't punching him. She was merely hitting his eyes with a powder puff. "What are you doing?"
"Hold still," Rarity said. "I'm covering up the swelling so it looks natural."
"You got it in my eyes!" Rainbow Blitz complained.
"Well, you shouldn't have opened your eyes until I was finished," the fashionista said. She hit him with the powder puff a few more times. She leaned in towards Rainbow Blitz, inspecting his eyes from a distance of two inches. "Hmmm..." she said. "That'll have to do."
Rainbow Blitz had to admit, he was enjoying the close-up view of Rarity's eyes. The sparkling blue color...the shine of the iris...the long eyelashes, which looked cute even though one was tilting at an unnatural angle and...
"Hey, are those fake eyelashes?" Rainbow Blitz asked.
Rarity gasped. "My good sir, how dare you accuse a lady of such—?"
"Yeah, they're totally fake," Rainbow Blitz said. "The one on the left is falling off."
"Well!" Rarity said in an offended voice, while she discretely adjusted her eyelash. "I daresay, you are free to go, Mr. Blitz. Good luck with your tryouts tomorrow."
"How much do I owe you?" Rainbow Blitz asked.
"You can have it for free," Rarity said, her famous generosity getting the better of her. "After all, it is sort of my fault your eyes were injured in the first place."
"Thank you," Rainbow Blitz said. "Sorry about all the weird questions. It's just...never mind. You probably wouldn't understand."
"Try me," Rarity said. "I'd like to know how complete strangers are privy to information about my personal life."
"Heh," Rainbow Blitz said, shrugging off the subtle jab like it was nothing. "If I knew, I'd tell you."
"Hmmm..." Rarity said, obviously not pleased with that answer.
He handed the photograph of Rainbow Dash back to Rarity. "Here's your photo," he said. "If you see your friend Rainbow Dash, tell her to come talk to me. I get the sense she might clear up a lot of our questions."
Rainbow Blitz saluted Rarity with the tip of a hoof, then he flew away.
Rarity wasn't the only unicorn to have a visitor that day. Twilight Sparkle also had somepony come to see her. It was no one other than her good friend, Applejack.
"Howdy, Twilight," Applejack said.
"Hello, Applejack," Twilight said. "What brings you to the library?"
Applejack adjusted her hat. "This might sound a mite strange, but...did you find a trainer for Rainbow Dash, like you said you would?"
"No," Twilight Sparkle said. "I couldn't get one on such short notice. Why?"
"Well, Ah haven't seen Dash for the past two days," Applejack said. "Ah thought maybe she's off training somewhere or somethin' like that."
"If she is, I don't know about it," Twilight said. "I haven't seen her since two days ago, either."
"She usually practices near th' farm," Applejack said. "Ah just think it's...well, it's odd. Ah asked Fluttershy, and she says she hasn't seen Dash, neither."
"She probably just doesn't want anypony to see her secret moves," Twilight Sparkle said. "I wouldn't worry about it."
"Hmmm..." Applejack said. She couldn't shake off the feeling that something weird was happening with her mysteriously missing flying friend.
"But speaking of Rainbow Dash, I was thinking that maybe we could all go cheer her on at the tryouts tomorrow," Twilight said. "You know, just like we did at the Young Fliers Competition. Are you interested?"
"Sure, Ah wouldn't mind takin' an hour off or so to go see that," Applejack said.
"Great!" Twilight said. "I'll go tell the others. Won't Rainbow Dash be surprised at the tryouts when she sees all of her friends there?"
As Rainbow Blitz flew around the sky, he tried to remember what happened in Dashing Dude and the Amazon Adventure. The general premise of the book was that Dashing Dude's professor friend wanted him to find a long-lost play named Hipponytus.
"It was written by Euriponies, about 2,500 years ago," the Professor explained. "All copies of it were lost when the city of Roam was burnt to the ground."
"Finding a play?" Shorty asked. "Boring!"
Dashing Dude laughed at his little sidekick's remark. "Hipponytus, huh? Wasn't he a king of some sort?"
"He was a prince," the Professor said. "The Queen of the Amazons fell in love with him. But she was already married to somepony else, so Hipponytus refused to have anything to do with her."
"And as I recall, the one mare you don't want to upset is the Queen of the Amazons," Dashing Dude said.
"Why not?" asked Shorty.
"The Amazons were a tribe of warrior mares," Dashing Dude said. "They hated all stallions, and they killed colts on sight."
Dashing Dude's search led him to an unknown island, which was populated with real-life Amazon warriors. They instantly attacked him and beat him senseless, before throwing him in jail.
The strange part was that the Amazon warriors were the mare duplicates of Dashing Dude's friends. One looked just like the Professor, and another looked like Shorty. But the most frightening mare of all, the deadly Amazon Queen, was a dead ringer for Dashing Dude himself. She called herself Daring Do, and she sentenced Dashing to life of slavery.
"Yeah, this is exactly like the book!" Rainbow Blitz said. "Everypony in town has been turned into a mare! And Rainbow Dash must be their evil queen!"
In the book, it took five chapters and two attempts at escape before Dashing Dude learned the truth. The entire situation was a revenge plot by Dashing Dude's crazy ex-marefriend, the Great and Terrible Trixine.
"I turned all of your friends into mares!" the sadistic unicorn cried. "And then, I brainwashed them into becoming Amazon warriors!"
"But why?" Dashing Dude asked. "Why would you do such a thing?"
"Isn't it obvious?" she sneered. "So you could be killed...by your own friends! HA HA HA HA HA!"
"You...you mad mare!" Dashing Dude said.
"You won't be able to escape this time, Dashing!" Trixine promised. "Now, my faithful warriors, ATTACK! Kill the stallion!"
Dashing gulped as the crowd of Amazon warriors charged at him, weapons shining in the hot sun. It looked like this was going to be his last adventure.
Fortunately for Dashing Dude, the Amazon Queen fell in love with him, just like in the play Hipponytus. In a bittersweet ending, she died in order to save him from certain death. Rainbow Blitz sort of skimmed through the mushy love stuff when he read the book.
"Yeah, what's happening to me now is just like that book," Rainbow Blitz decided. "But who could have turned everypony into a mare? I don't have a crazy unicorn ex. And besides, none of the mares have attacked me. Besides Rarity and Ditzi Doo and—uh oh."
Rainbow Blitz's brain put two and two together, and came up with five.
"They've been trying to seduce me, so they can kill me!" he cried. "That's why all the mares in Ponyville have been friendly with me! I haven't attracted them with my awesome looks and killer personality! They've been sent on a mission to destroy the Blitz!"
It was the world's most diabolical revenge scheme, and Rainbow Blitz had nearly fallen for it. True, he had no idea who was behind the scheme, but he'd have to figure it out later. The first thing to do was undo the magic spell which had attacked his friends.
I should ask Dusk Shine for help, Rainbow Blitz thought. He's the expert on magic, and...wait. I bet that librarian mare is Dusk Shine. Which means she's going to try to kill me too! Great. Who can I get help from now? Prince Solaris?
A trip to Canterlot was probably in order, but it would take too long, considering that Rainbow Blitz had to be in Cloudsdale the next day.
New plan. Exercise today, become one of the WONDERCOLTS tomorrow, then figure out what's wrong with my friends when I get back. I can't let some magic disaster get in the way of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!
Besides, everypony seems to be enjoying life as a mare. Kinda weird, but if that's the sort of thing they like, I won't say anything.
Rainbow Blitz went through a tough workout that day. He had no idea what tests the Wondercolts would put him through, so he decided to work on everything. He focused mainly on his specialty: speed. Rainbow Blitz could fly at about five distinct speeds, and he kept switching between them. He also worked on cutting speed; a good flyer can slow down just as well as he can speed up.
He also worked on his agility, making sudden changes in direction without any warning. Left. Right. Left. Up. Down. Up and left. Right diagonal. Up and backwards. Left down, left up, left down. He even practiced flying upside-down and backwards at the same time, a feat which most pegasi rarely use.
It was a good workout. Rainbow Blitz didn't push himself too hard, because he didn't want to accidentally sprain a muscle. The closest he came to getting hurt was when he did a backwards loop-de-loop, and when this happened, he decided to stretch his muscles and call it a day. It was getting dark, anyway.
Dinner time, Rainbow Blitz thought.
Rainbow Blitz went to Sugarcube Corner. This was a tradition for him, before big competitions. The Cakes had a special high-carbohydrate, high-protein, high-power meal, which was perfect for situations like this.
Rainbow Blitz went inside. The only pony in the store was one of the Cakes. For a second, Rainbow Blitz thought it was the blue-and-pink Mr. Cake, but she was clearly a mare.
"Um...hello, Mrs. Cake," Rainbow Blitz said.
"Hello!" Mrs. Cake said. "Nice to see you, Rainbow Da—you're not Rainbow Dash."
"No, I'm not," Rainbow Blitz said. "I'm Rainbow Blitz."
"Are you related to Rainbow Dash?" Mrs. Cake asked.
"I'm her twin brother," Rainbow Blitz said. It was sort of true to say that. He could have been more technical with his language, but he didn't feel like explaining his theory of "Rainbow Dash is a magical duplicate of me, made by an evil unicorn".
"Nice to meet you!" Mrs. Cake said. "Welcome to Ponyville! What brings you here to Sugarcube Corner?"
"I want the athlete's meal," Rainbow Blitz said. "I've got a big competition tomorrow, and I need the energy."
"Right away, sir," Mrs. Cake said. She went into the back room, and if Rainbow strained his ears, he could hear her talking with her husband. Rainbow didn't feel like snooping, however. He took a corner booth where he would be rather isolated, put his hooves behind his head, then closed his eyes and rested.
After dinner, it's bedtime, he thought. Then I fly to Cloudsdale for my morning workout, and the tryouts start at ten. No problem.
Rainbow snoozed for a bit in the empty store, when the slamming of the front door woke him up.
"Hey!" a loud, high-pitched voice said. "I'm back from Colgate's wedding shower!"
"Hello, Pinkie!" Mrs. Cake called from the kitchen.
Uh oh, Rainbow Blitz thought, sliding down in his seat so he'd be harder to see. It's Bubble Berry. Or whatever they call him here. Bubble Marey?
Rainbow caught a glimpse of a bouncing pink pony, as Pinkie Pie went across the room and through the doors that led to the kitchen and the upstairs bedrooms. Pinkie didn't look left or right as she crossed the room, and she was too busy humming a song to herself to notice Rainbow Blitz.
Rainbow Blitz breathed a sigh of relief. For a moment there, he was worried the mare would spot him.
Good thing I managed to avoid her, Rainbow Blitz thought. Dealing with the evil Bubble Berry is not on my to-do list.
You know, she looked kind of nice. It's too bad she's evil and wants to kill me. Otherwise, it might be fun meeting her. I haven't met many mares who can really party...
Augh! No! No, bad thoughts! You can't have a crush on the mare version of your friend! That'd be weird! Not to mention super-awkward, when he turns back to normal again!
If there was one thing Rainbow Blitz knew, it was that dealing with mares was a lot of fun, but it was also incredibly stressful. That was part of the reason why Rainbow lived in a mostly mare-free town.
Six minutes later, Mrs. Cake came back from the kitchen. "Your meal is ready!" she announced.
Rainbow smiled happily, until he noticed that Pinkie Pie had come with Mrs. Cake. Just when he thought he was in the clear! Pinkie was balancing the tray on her head, as she brought it over to Rainbow's table and slid it towards him. "Be careful, okay?" she asked. "It's hot!"
"Uh...thanks," Rainbow Blitz said.
It's okay, Blitz, he thought. Just calm down. She's probably not going to kill you in public...right?
Pinkie gasped. "A stallion!" she said. "Will you marry me?"
Rainbow Blitz very nearly shouted something inappropriate, but he settled for smashing his head on the table in front of him.
"Pinkie...did you just propose to one of our customers?" Mrs. Cake asked.
"Uh huh!" Pinkie Pie said. "We were talking at the wedding shower, and they said that the next stallion I met would totally be the one I'd fall in love with and marry!"
"Oh, Pinkie," Mrs. Cake said, shaking her head. "They meant something a little different by 'the next stallion you meet'."
"Really?" Pinkie Pie asked. "Sorry, then, Mr. Rainbow-Dash's-twin-brother-who-I-never-knew-existed-until-two-minutes-ago! We don't have to get married after all!"
"Thank Solaris," Rainbow Blitz said. He liked his pink friend, but marriage was taking it a bit too far.
"I'm Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie said. "You probably heard about me from your sister! Rainbow Dash and I are, like, best friends, which means we'll totally be best friends too! Do you want me to throw you a 'Welcome to Ponyville' party? My parties are the best!"
"Pinkie, please let our customer eat in peace," Mrs. Cake suggested.
"But I'm just making new friends!" Pinkie said. "And you said that if the customers like me, they'll leave bigger tips! See? I'm a good businessmare! Everypony—"
Pinkie was interrupted by a scream that seemed to come from the ceiling. "AAAAAAAAAAA!"
"The babies!" Pinkie Pie gasped. "I've got to go check on them! Don't go anywhere—I'll be right back!"
Pinkie ran out of the room to go upstairs and check on the babies. Rainbow Blitz took the opportunity to get out of the booth.
"I think I'll take the meal to go," he said. "And quickly."