//------------------------------// // The Colt with Two Brains. // Story: Hoity Toity Gets Possessed By Duke Nukem. // by thewaffler //------------------------------// That night things weren't going much better in Hoity's mind. He could hear explosions, heavy metal, and the lamentations of the mares. He could smell gun powder, grain alcohol and napalm. 'Smells like victory...huh? Why did I think that?' His dreams were like a distorted Michayal Bay movie. The dream reached it's climax and Hoity woke up in a cold sweat and yelled, "I'M HERE TO KICK ASS AND CHEW BUBBLE GUM!!!" He stopped himself, got out of bed, went to his bathroom and threw some water on his face. He went back to bed and sleep without interruption. It was ten in the morning when Hoity rolled out of bed, he looked at the clock was shock on his face. "I dear say I'm running rather late. " He went to his kitchen, pulled out a bowl from his dishwasher and went to the pantry and got himself his brand of imported oats from Prance. What he didn't know he was doing was grabbing a bottle scotch from the liquor cabinet and poured it over the oats. It was like he had no control over his body, like a unseen force needed to suckle from an alcohol teat and he didn't realize what he was doing because he was still in that state between asleep and awake. He took one spoonful. "GAH!!, that taste horrible." Hoity said as he was shocked from the taste in his mouth. He was about to toss the mixture away, but in an out of character moment he loss control over his body and started to gorge himself on the contents of the bowl like a savage animal, he even let out a wolf like howl once he was done. He snapped out of his trance. "That was odd to say the least." Hoity looked at the clock on his stove which read: 10:37. "Whaa...but I've only been awake for 15 minutes. Where did the other 20 minutes go, I need to get that bedroom clock fixed, and I needed to be at my design studio seven minutes ago." He got a quick shower and got dressed and was mildly disappointed he didn't have time to style his much beloved mane. It was 11:17 by the time he arrived at his studio to which his assistant, clients and apprentices were waiting for him. His assistant named Fast Scribe was the first to speak. "Sir, your eleven o'clock is here, and your new students Glitz and Glamor need direction before they start. Oh and if you don't mind me saying sir you look pretty ragged out. Rough night?" Fast was Hoity's only assistant and he trusted her to run his affairs. To be honest Hoity would be loss without the small purple and green unicorn mare. Hell, he couldn't even remember his social security number without her or remember to buy groceries. Their relationship went farther than that of an employee and boss. They were very good friends. She only referred to him as "sir" during work hours. "Sorry Miss Scribe, I couldn't sleep last night, but I'm fine. Thank you." He smiles to her, yawns and shakes his head to make sure he's fully wake. "Okay sir, um... like i said your even o'clock is here." She pointed to the large blue maned unicorn with a mustache. "There's fresh coffee in the pot". He looked at the black liquid and instead of pouring himself a cup he started chugging the coffee pot. "Let's rock." he said, doing a slight double take at the words he said. "Mr. Pants I assure you, your suit and those of your groomscolts will be done in time for your wedding at the end of this month. You have my word or my name isn't Hoity Alfonzo Toity." The two continued to talk about the attire for the ceremony. It had been a solid thirty minutes. "...I say, It's been a pleasure doing business with Mr. Toity" Hoity spent the next two hours with clients ranging from pop stars to foreign dignitaries. Next on his agenda was come up with some new designs for a big show in Mareami this weekend. He had been piecing things together for a stallions suit when he was compelled to rip the sleeves off of it. Hoity saw what he had done and was angry with himself. 'why'd I do that? I need to get out of this place and recollect my thoughts.' "Miss Scribe, I'm not feeling well, could you cancel the rest of my appointments for today and tomorrow? I will be taking my leave." "Sir. I hope you feel better when you come back. I'll move your schedule over two days." "Thank you, I owe you." Hoity said and walked out the door. Hours later and "the incidents" have seemed to stop. Hoity hoped that he would have some sleep tonight and tomorrow would be different. Sadly tonight was even worse than the night before it. Yesterday's dreams were only images and little sound; however, tonight his mind was host to the sounds of a deep masculine voice. He couldn't process what it was saying, but it sounded very angry and tough. He did mange to stay in bed all night but he was even more exhausted. He went to the mirror and got a good luck at himself. He noticed stumble in the silver color of his mane showing. 'That's it, I'm gonna see a psychiatrist, about this.' He trotted to the elevator and and out the doors of his penthouse complex without breakfast in fear of what he might force himself to eat. By the end of the day and after speaking to several psychiatrists all of which find nothing wrong with him. "Quacks, " he calls them. He looks at a mirror an takes a deep breath and says. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!" "No" "Whaa? Who said that?" "I did you limp wristed man-gina." "Great...the voices in my head are using foalish insults." "I have a name, you prissy loser." "LOSER? I'll have have you know I'm very a rich and powerful fashion consultant and designer, what have you done with your life if I can call it that, except drive a colt mad." Hoity shot back at the voice. 'Great I'm talking to and arguing with the the voice in my head, yeah I've lost it.' He thought to himself. "Who am I? I the Duke, Duke Nukem, first off you haven't lost it and second your talking to the guy whose saved his planet twice from aliens, all around ass kicker, pleaser of women, beloved by all, and the the guy who sacrificed himself to save a bus full of orphans. Oh, and I'll nail anything with a pulse and a great ass." "Huh?" "Oh Fuck it, let me show you." Hoity's eyes when white and visions appeared in his mind like an old film reel. It showed every one of Duke's past exploits, the explosions, the alien ass kicking, the corpse desecration and the females he ploughed through. The movie ended and his eyes returned to there natural state. "Uhhh" "Was it as good for you as it was for me." "Great...I'm sharing my mind with a macho sadistic narcissistic pervert" "I know fun right anyway let's ROCK!" "Where's that music coming from? I detest rock music" "It's my theme song, the only thing as cool as me is Megadeth and too damn bad. Now let's get laid." "Whaa?" "You heard me homo, I need some trim, I've been dead for two weeks and The King needs some action. Now point us in the way of the nearest bar so I can get acquainted with your women of this world or what ever you call females. I've got balls of steel." Just then Hoity lost control of his limbs, like he now a backseat driver in his own body. 'This isn't going to end well.' "It's a good thing my set is big enough for the the both of us." Hoity Nukem trotted out of the penthouse and into the still young night. Next Chapter: Shit get's real. A/N: I'm sorry with the lack of updates on this and my other fics, I've been busy with college and work.