“Hey Doctor, what is it we’re doing again?”
“Ugh…”
“What? I’m just confused is all. Like I normally am. ‘Cause you know me, I’m always confused and never know what’s going on.” Ditzy’s tone dripped with sarcasm.
“Ditzy...”
“Doctor…”
“Oh for heavens- I am not saying it again Ditzy Doo!”
“You’re not saying what?”
“That we’re headed to the TARDIS so I can procure the necessary materials to put together a device that will allow me to open one of the recently closed portals so we can find this so-called ‘Jelly thief’!”
“And who is the one that came up with this brilliant plan?” Ditzy asked sweetly.
“Urgh…”
“I’m waiting.”
The Doctor mumbled something incoherently.
“What was that? I didn't quite hear you there.”
He repeated his reply, a little louder this time, but still too hard to understand.
“One more time Doctor. Remember, enunciate.”
“Arrrgh! You! Alright!? You, the uncoordinated, wall-eyed pegasus mare with no sense of direction and an uncontrollable addiction to small cup-shaped cake pastries! You are the one who came up with the stupid plan! Are you happy now!?” The Doctor flailed his hooves around in circles, gesturing wildly until he was left panting at the end of his outburst.
Ditzy grinned victoriously. “Absolutely ecstatic.” She continued on, brushing past the Doctor as he stood there dumbfounded, one eye twitching as he pondered the multiple ways he knew would be sufficient enough to cause the mare to suffer as much as physically possible.
“Maybe if I dropped her off on Europa; that ought to cool her ego down a smidge…” He mumbled, following Ditzy with his head held low.
They were making their way through Ponyville, headed for the TARDIS’s new location: right behind the library.
“I still don’t understand why you parked it behind the library, Doctor.” Ditzy said after waving hello to Lyra and Bonbon, who were evidently out for a stroll of their own.
“Well…I…uh…I-I was…uh….” The Doctor fumbled for an excuse. “I was just looking to check out a book on the history of Equestria. Yeah, that sounds like something I’d do.”
“Oh, ok. I was just afraid it was so you would have a reason to go see Twilight Sparkle again. Honestly Doctor, you were kind of starting to seem stalker-ish to me for a little there.” Ditzy’s naivete reached new heights as she spoke, the obviousness of the situation going right over her head. The Doctor wiped a drop of sweat off of his head.
“Help! Somepony help!”
The scream instantly perked up the pair, both of their heads snapping to attention as the desperate cry came again.
“Oh, it’s terrible! I've been robbed! Won’t somepony help me?”
The pony in need of help turned out to be Mrs. Cake, looking very frazzled and unnerved. The Doctor and Ditzy were there in a flash, questions flying faster than the distraught mare could fathom.
“Was it the jelly thief?”
“Did you see him?”
“Did you see any portals into another dimension?”
“Do you have any muffins?”
The Doctor looked at Ditzy questioningly. “Ditzy, what does her possessing muffins have to do with anything?”
“What? Ponies put jelly on muffins.”
The Doctor was about to reply but the older mare interrupted him. “Excuse me? Are you two done yet? I sort of have a problem here!”
The two blushed. “Sorry...” “Sorry, ma’am.”
The Doctor regained his composure first. “Now, what is it that’s been stolen from you?”
“All of it! I got an order for a baker’s dozen of cupcakes so I started preparations, and that’s when I realized they had taken it all! Wooden spoons, mixing bowls, baking pans, measuring cups-“
“Wait a minute…are you saying…that what’s been stolen from you…is cooking utensils?” The Doctor asked.
Mrs. Cake hesitated. “Well…yeah.”
“So none of your jelly has gone missing.”
“Jelly? No, I don’t think so.”
“Then why am I here?”
“Doctor! You’re being rude!”
“It’s not my fault! We’re on a busy schedule and we can’t be interrupted by petty problems!”
Mrs. Cake glared at him. “Petty problems!? I’m a baker! I need all of that stuff to make a living! Without it, Mr. Cake and I might as well kiss our well-being goodbye!”
“Well, I’m dreadfully sorry Mrs. Cake, but that doesn't exactly tie in with our current problem. Perhaps once we’re finished with discovering the identity of the jelly thief we can-“
“Without my pans and measuring cups there will be no way for me to bake muffins.”
Ditzy’s eyes widened. “N-n-n-no…m-m-m-m-muffins?” She looked from Mrs. Cake to the Doctor, mouthing words soundlessly before falling over on to her back, completely out cold. The Doctor and Mrs. Cake stared for a moment, waiting to see if she would do anything else. When she didn't, the Doctor sighed.
“Alright, it’s hard to argue with my assistant when she gets like this. I suppose we can look for your means of making a living as well as continuing our search for the notorious jelly thief.”
Mrs. Cake smiled. “Thank you, Doctor. That is very kind of you.”
“Of course it is. Come along Ditzy.” With that the Doctor grabbed Ditzy’s tail in his mouth and began dragging her behind him.
________________________________________________________________________________
“No more muffins? Have you ever heard of such a thing!? I mean, I know there are muffinless planets out there but this isn't one of them! We've always had muffins for as long as I can remember! Why would somepony suddenly just take them away! It’s despicable! It’s detestable! It’s disgraceful! It’s-“
“Nice to see you’re putting that dictionary I got for you to good use, Ditzy.” The Doctor said without looking, his eyes planted on the device he had been working on for the last hour. They were now in the TARDIS, the gentle hum of the idle machinery within it adding a familiar and comfortable air for the Time Lord, which was now being destroyed by the pacing and angry rambling of his assistant.
“Doctor, Sweetie Belle isn't even here.”
He paused from what he was doing, staring at Ditzy with a confused expression. “…What?”
“Nothing.”
“Right…” The Doctor gave her one last questioning look before turning back to his project. “Could you hand me my sonic screwdriver?”
Ditzy handed it to him. “So is that what’s going to help us open one of those closed portals and find the jelly thief?”
“Nope.” The Doctor held up the object he had been working on to reveal it to be a regular toaster oven.
Ditzy gaped at the Doctor. “Are you telling me you've been working this whole time on a stupid toaster!?”
“Yes, all this talk of jelly and baked goods has reminded me that my toaster was broken. I figured now was the best time to fix it.”
“What about our plan? You said you were coming here to build a device to re-open the portals the jelly thief is using!”
“No, I said I was coming here to procure the necessary materials to put together the device that will allow me to open one of the recently closed portals the thief is using to steal all the jelly. I had all the necessary materials in the TARDIS, and I put it together in the first five minutes we were here. It’s over there on the console.” He pointed to the console of the TARDIS in the middle of the room, where an oddly shaped device sat that looked to be made from a microwave oven with no door, a radar dish and an analog clock that had cartoon cats whose tails acted as the hour and minute hands respectively.
“So you just wasted an entire hour fixing your broken toaster and letting me rant about muffins?”
“If you look at it that way, I suppose so.”
“…Alright then, let’s get to work!”
_________________________________________________________________________________
The two set off back out into Ponyville, the odd machine on the Doctor’s back drawing more attention than they wanted, ponies stopping to gawk at the large object that looked like some sort of makeshift alien communication device, which would actually be more believable then what it really was.
“I always knew that pony was weird.”
“Why does she hang out with him all the time?”
“Maybe she feels sorry for him.”
Ditzy did her best to give the gossiping ponies a death glare while the Doctor obliviously trotted along his way with a slight smile on his face.
“So, Doctor. Now that we have your…what exactly do you call that thing?”
“It’s called a Dimensional Augmentation Material Nullifier. Or if you want to give it a shorter name you could just call it the-“
“I think I’ll just call it the ‘Portal Ray’ if you don’t mind Doctor.”
“Oh. Okay then. Are you sure? Because I’d think using an acronym to make it-“
“I’m sure Doctor.”
“Okay…”
“So, as I was saying, now that we have your…’Portal Ray’, how are we going to use it to re-open those holes in space?”
Well, as I said before, when you open a hole in the fabric of space, you have to give it time to settle and go back to normal. And you certainly can’t leave it open in case someone just happens upon it, so it must be closed to help the settling along. One of the more popular ways used to close the holes is to sort of ‘stitch’ it closed.” The Doctor nodded behind him to the machine on his back. “This device should allow me to destroy the ‘stitches’, re-opening the hole and allowing us to go through.”
“It ‘should’ allow you to do that? What happens if it doesn't?”
“Have you ever seen a bullfrog swallow a balloon? And then that same bullfrog coughing up said balloon onto a pile of cactus needles?”
“Nooo…”
“Neither have I. If this device doesn't do what it should, it certainly won’t do that.”
Ditzy stopped in her tracks, opened her mouth to say something, thought better of it, and then ran to catch up to the Doctor.
The Doctor decided the best place to start was Berry Punch’s wine cellar, the epicenter of the entire problem. “Since this all started when Berry’s jelly stock was stolen, it might help to try there first.”
“But you already checked there, didn't you Doctor? Besides, the portal would be closed by now, right?”
“Not necessarily. Well, not completely anyway. The stitches will have already gone away by now, but the holes wont fully close for at least a few more days. We won’t be able to re-open a portal that’s been closed for too long. The connection between the one in the cellar and the one that leads to the thief was already lost when we first went down there to check it out. I just need to find out more about the makeup of the portals so I can set the Portal Ray to the right frequency. You know, I don’t like the name ‘Portal Ray’. Can’t I just call it the D-“
“Okay Doctor, here we are, Berry Punch’s house! See?” Ditzy walked up to the door and knocked before he could respond. They waited a few moments before Berry Punch opened it.
“Oh, it’s you two again. Did you find out where all my jelly went yet?” She asked hopefully.
“Nope.” The Doctor walked inside uninvited, brushing past Berry and heading for the door to the cellar.
“Ummm…Come on in.” She closed the door behind Ditzy. “What was that…’thing’ on his back?”
“You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you.”
The two mares walked down the stairs to the cellar, where the Doctor was already busy working, once again walking around the cellar with his sonic screwdriver held out. Just like last time, it made a beep, upon which he turned a dial on his screwdriver back and forth until it beeped again. He then pressed a few buttons on the Portal Ray before picking it up and placing it on his back again.
“Well, I’m done here. Come along Ditzy.”
Berry Punch jumped in front of him, blocking his exit. “Oh no you don’t! You did that last time too! I want answers, ‘Mr. Doctor’, and I want them now!”
“Ms. Punch, please. I really don’t think we have time for this right-Look, it’s the thief!” The Doctor shouted, pointing up the stairs in mock alarm. When Berry turned to look, the Doctor shot passed her, sprinting up the stairs shouting “Ditzy, hurry!” behind him. Ditzy literally flew up the stairs after him, leaving poor Berry Punch to stand in the cellar, glaring angrily at the retreating forms of the Doctor and Ditzy as they ran out of the house and into the street.
“Why did we…have to…run from…her, Doctor?” Ditzy asked between pants.
“To be honest…I’m not entirely…sure.” He took a moment to catch his breath. “But it sure was fun, wasn't it?”
Just as Ditzy was about to respond, they heard a buzzing noise far off in the distance. They looked down the road just in time to see a cloud of dust round the corner, the buzzing noise getting louder as a scooter driven by an orange pegasus filly came out of it, rocketing down the street toward the two. As it got closer the Doctor realized the scooter was towing a red wagon with two fillies as passengers, all three of them looking very familiar-
“It’s the Cutie Mark Crusaders! Not again!” The Doctor turned and began running away, dropping the Portal Ray as he did so.
“Doctor!” Ditzy coughed as the scooter raced past, the dust it kicked up washing over her in a wave. As the dust began to settle around her, she heard a high pitched scream. It took her a moment before she realized it was the Doctor. She opened her eyes to see that the fillies were pulling him into the wagon and tying him down.
“Ditzy, help!” She started to chase after them but they took off, quickly going out of sight as they rounded another corner. Ditzy opened her wings and took to the sky, trying to spot the dust cloud, to no avail. She took a couple passes over Ponyville but couldn’t see anything of them or the Doctor. She began panicking when she realized that she had lost them. She had lost the Doctor.
That definitely wasn't good.