As was par for the course, Pinkie Pie just couldn’t seem to stop talking.
“And then she wooshed down so fast that she did a sonic rainboom! But then, she was coming down so fast and was still so far up that she did another rainboom right after that! And then she kept flying around the clouds so fast they all formed a rainbow-colored tornado and the air started blowing all around me and it was just so incredibawesomazing that I could help myself and I jumped into the air and went ‘YAHOO RAINBOW DASH!’ Isn’t that right, Dashie?”
“Yeah,” ‘Dashie’ replied. “Sure. We’ve already heard this story five times before, Pinkie. When are you going to stop telling me?”
“But I was just telling it again to Ditzy Doo and Cloudkicker,” Pinkie explained. “The other five times were to Twilight, Rarity and Sweetie Belle, Fluttershy, Applejack and Big Macintosh, and Applebloom and Scootaloo. Ditzy and Cloudkicker hadn’t heard it before.”
“Nice work, Rainbow Dash!” Ditzy said. I saw the rainboom while eating a muffin at Sugarcube Corner!”
“See? It’s just like when you saved those ponies, only a lot cooler because no one else can do a rainboom like you can! Come to think of it, I don’t think anyone else can do a rainboom at all!”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Pinkie, I know I agreed to hanging out with you today, but can you give it a break? Ever since we’ve sat down to lunch, all you’ve been able to do is tell other ponies the story of that trick that I did a week ago. Besides, you haven’t even eaten your own lunch!”
Pinkie looked down at her pile of hay fries and a daffodil and daisy sandwich, left alone for the last twenty minutes on her plate. “No sweat,” Pinkie said, and proceeded to eat the entire plate in a single swish of her tongue.
“That’s… kind of gross,” Dash said. “But it works. Shall we? I’ve got an amazing prank to pull on Applejack today.”
“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie said, hopping up and down happily. “Just wait here one second; I wanna tell Mr. and Mrs. Cake about the trick!”
Dash sighed as Pinkie ran off. “How about we just do this another day?” she said to no one in particular and walked off towards Twilight’s to see about getting another Daring Do book.
“Daring Do?” Twilight asked. “I know I recently had a copy of ‘Daring Do and the Kingdom of the Crystal Ponies’ donated a short while ago. Is that okay?”
“Nah,” Dash said. “I’ve already seen the Crystal Ponies myself. We all did.”
“Alright. Well, I’m sure I have something here on the shelves. Come with me.”
Rainbow Dash followed Twilight into the main room of the library and watched as Twilight began scanning the shelves. It didn’t take long, and soon Dash was holding a copy of ‘Daring Do and the Arabian Nightmare’ in her hooves as Twilight stamped the book as ‘checked out’.
“Something bothering you lately?” Twilight asked. “I didn’t expect you to be coming by here. I thought you were hanging out with Pinkie Pie today.”
“Well, I was, but I just can’t get that pony to stop talking,” Dash said. “I had this amazing prank I was going to pull on Applejack today by painting some of the regular apple trees different colors to look like different apples, but then Pinkie started talking about a trick I did last week to everypony that was passing by. She ended up running off to tell more ponies about it and left me at the restaurant we went to lunch to alone.
Twilight frowned sympathetically. “Well, if you wanted to have some time off from Pinkie, you could propose a wager.”
“A wager?” Dash asked. “Aren’t ponies only allowed to make bets in Las Pegasus?”
“Consider it a friendly competition,” Twilight replied.
“What exactly would be the terms of the competition?”
“Well… we could put Pinkie into a small room with everything she needs to live and in a place where everypony could see her. We then enchant the room so that if she talks we’ll notice and she’ll lose the competition.”
Dash thought about this for a minute. Pinkie Pie being silent for any length of time was unbelievable, but to post a competition that could see just how long she could be silent? That… that was brilliant, something only a pony like Twilight could come up with. Dash grinned.
“A competition?” Pinkie asked. “You mean… like a game?”
“Exactly like a game!” Dash said. “We’d put you in a little magical chamber that Twilight’s gonna make and you would have to remain silent for just one year! We’d give you whatever food you need and whatever supplies you’d need, and all you’d have to do to communicate is write little messages on a slip of paper that could be delivered to whatever pony you wanted them to. And to make it interesting, I’ll throw in ten thousand bits if you manage to last that lo—”
“I’ll do it!” Pinkie said. “I just need to get some things organized with the Cakes and Rarity, but I should be ready for it in a month’s time. Oh, Dashie, this is gonna be so fun! Wait until I tell Cloudkicker and Ditzy and Big Macintosh and Applejack and Rarity and Sweetie Belle… Ooh! And I’d be able to help Mr. and Mrs. Cake with the bills they’ve been having lately! I’ve only been making cupcakes lately, but they’ll need a new fridge, a new oven, a new mixing bowl, a new set of spoons…”
One month later, the chamber was set up in the center of Ponyville near the town call and Carousel Boutique, a widely traveled area. The chamber was made entirely out of glass with a door on one side that had a slot in the center of it and contained a bed, a dresser (per Pinkie’s request), and a table, in addition to a large stack of index cards with a few quills and bottles of ink nearby. The entire chamber had a pinkish glow to it courtesy of Twilight’s sound detection magic that she had placed on it. To the right side of the door, there was a contract written out.
“Ms. Pinkie Pie has agreed on this date to stay inside this magical chamber for one year without speaking a word. If she should make it one year without speaking, she will be awarded a prize of 10,000 bits by Ms. Rainbow Dash as soon as she exits the chamber. If not, Pinkie Pie is to leave the chamber whenever the alarm goes off and shall pay Rainbow Dash 2000 bits in defeat.”
Twilight was present with Rainbow Dash as ponies began to gather at the site of the glass chamber. Soon, it felt like the entirety of Ponyville was present that morning. The ponies were all looking at Carousel Boutique, where Pinkie Pie had been seen entering earlier that morning under the pretense she was going to speak with Rarity for a minute before agreeing to the competition. Rainbow Dash stomped her hooves impatiently and flew into the air for a minute.
“What’s taking Pinkie Pie so long?” she asked no one in particular. “Is she chickening out?”
A few minutes later, Dash got her answer. Pinkie Pie emerged with Rarity next to her adjusting a scarf that Pinkie had placed around her neck. The two trotted forward, with Rarity carrying a rather large, transparent plastic bag filled with shirts, scarves, and sweaters that Pinkie was allowed to take into the room.
Pinkie trotted over and stood across from Rainbow Dash, who stood next to the contract.
Twilight went up to a podium and began to announce the crowd. “Ponies who are present, we are here today to watch as Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash begin their competition! Once Pinkie signs the contract currently placed on the side of the chamber, she will be unable to speak for an entire year, and must remain inside the chamber at all times.”
Rainbow took the quill and signed her name on the contract before handing over the quill to Pinkie, who had yet to say a word since leaving Carousel Boutique. Pinkie signed the contract then looked at Rainbow Dash as though expecting something.
“Ready for this, Pinkie?” Dash challenged.
Pinkie nodded.
“Pinkie Pie,” Twilight asked, “could you please step inside the chamber?”
Pinkie Pie nodded, took the bag from Rarity in her mouth, and went inside the chamber.
“Good luck, dear,” Rarity said.
Twilight used her magic and locked the door, preventing any other pony from entering. Pinkie waved a hoof to all the others outside, then took a pad of paper and a crayon and began drawing.
The competition had begun.
For a long while, everything was the same in Ponyville.
Pinkie followed a much stricter schedule than any pony had ever seen to the point where you could tell what time it was by her routine. If Pinkie was waking up and eating a cupcake, the shops were beginning to open. When Pinkie finished her cupcake and started drawing, most of the ponies were at work. When Pinkie was delivered hay fries by Mr. or Mrs. Cake, it was lunch time. If Pinkie started reading a book, it was back to work. If Pinkie had a sandwich with a side of alfalfa, it was dinner time.
It got so precise that it went to days of the week. If Pinkie decided to dance, it was the weekend and a day off. If Pinkie was sending off a message to Twilight asking to check out some books, it was the first day back at work after the weekend. If Rainbow Dash came by to see if Pinkie would give up her bet (and Pinkie always wrote back “no”), it was the second day of the week. If Pinkie was sending off a message to Rarity to do something with one of her garments, it was the middle of the week, and if Rarity was bringing back said garment, it was the last day of work before the weekend.
Not many ponies were too happy with the arrangement by the time a month had passed.
“I do not like the look of this game,” Zecora commented one afternoon when she was visiting. “It takes away what gave her her name!”
“What’s going to happen with the school’s Hearth’s Warming Eve party?” Applebloom asked. “Pinkie Pie always made that such a fun event!”
“Pinkie makes the best muffins!” Ditzy Doo said. “But now there’s no other baker as good that can take her place!”
This last statement was an agreement among many of the ponies. While many ponies were eager to see Pinkie Pie beat Rainbow Dash at her competition, most of them were also disappointed that the party pony and one of the best bakers at Sugarcube Corner was gone. The Cakes productivity level was nowhere near where Pinkie Pie’s had been, and it had taken Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Twilight to create the same amount as Pinkie had been able to make and the quality still wasn’t the same.
Three months passed in this fashion.
One day, Rainbow Dash came up to taunt Pinkie Pie.
“I’m surprised the alarm didn’t go off the first week!” she said. “I’m impressed, Pink. I never thought you’d make it this far.”
Pinkie Pie scribbled a note and passed it through the slot. “Anything for one of my friends. Besides, this is fun! :)”
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I thought you’d miss talking all day.”
Pinkie Pie scribbled another note. “Nope. I can finally hear myself think!”
Dash went away amused, but still confident.
Twilight was sitting in between two large stacks of scrolls. There were fifty two of them, in fact, all branded with the royal seal of a golden hoof. She had recently received a letter from Celestia, asking that she write an essay of each and every day to explain how she had come to each of the conclusions in the letters she had sent her. It was turning out to be a longer task than she had thought, but she had whittled it down a little each day.
It was nice, not having Pinkie around bothering her all the time. She would always come over with a tray full of baked goods, balloons, and confetti saying something about a party. Two months before the bet, it was a “Rainbow Dash completed fifty Sonic Rainbooms” party. One week after that, it was the “Mr. and Mrs. Cake have locked themselves up in their bedroom and are making odd noises” party. One week before the bet, there was the “Mr. and Mrs. Cake are having another filly” party. After the invitation was given five minutes after her arrival, Pinkie would go about singing a song about the party that went on for another few minutes, and then she’d leave. Inevitably, she’d always return because she forgot something, like the date or the time, and interrupt Twilight for another half an hour talking about some random thing before finally telling her the information. It usually caused Twilight to be an hour and a half behind schedule, but you couldn’t schedule Pinkie.
Today, however, it was sad. Pinkie had been in the box in the center of Ponyville for about six months now and Twilight was beginning to miss the (mostly) once-weekly visits with the pink party pony. Lately, Pound and Pumpkin Cake had been traveling by once a week on their way to school with a small box in their bag containing six muffins or cupcakes. They’d talk for a while, Pumpkin about magic and Pound about flying lessons or any messages from Pinkie, then be on their way about two minutes later.
This time, the library was quiet. Too quiet. Pinkie’s absence had at first been welcome and gave Twilight the peace of mind she needed to complete her assignments and get much farther ahead of schedule, but things had became… dull. Pinkie was smarter than she looked and frequently gave Twilight some interesting insight the purple unicorn had never thought of before. Things were quiet and uninteresting.
Suddenly… there came a rapping at Twilight’s door. Twilight got up from between her stacks of scrolls and went over to the door to see who was there.
The visitor was unexpected. Rainbow Dash was standing at the door looking panicked; her hair was out of place and her eyes were wide with small pupils. She was panting and sweating as though she had flown very fast to reach her.
“Twilight!” Dash panted. “Twilight! You’ve got to help me!”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Help? Help with what?”
“My bank account!” Dash exclaimed.
Twilight scowled; she thought Rainbow would have a problem with friendship to send another letter in to Celestia (it had been a while since I sent one, she thought). “Why do you need help with your bank account?”
“I’m having money troubles!” Dash said. “I haven’t had as much work with the weather patrol lately and haven’t been earning as much lately. If this keeps up and Pinkie succeeds in the challenge, I won’t have enough to pay her the full reward!”
“You could just pay her back in smaller amounts when you get the money,” Twilight said.
“That’s the thing!” Dash said. “The contract we signed states I have to give her ten thousand bits as soon as she exits! I won’t be able to fulfill my part of the contract!”
Twilight sighed. “If you didn’t spend so much on Daring Do books lately, you wouldn’t be in this predicament!”
“But I felt bad about borrowing them from the library over and over to reread them and wanted my own personal set! The author’s on fifteen now and I spent so many bits getting the full collection; you had no idea how quick they were gone, and the first is starting to become collector status! Oh, it was a stupid mistake, but I have to find a way to either convince Pinkie to leave or rearrange the contract! You’ve gotta help me, Twilight!”
Well… it was something more exciting than things had been lately. “Alright. Let’s go and talk to Pinkie and see if we can work something out.”
Twilight followed Dash to the box where Pinkie was currently sleeping, wearing a pink sweater with a high neck that went almost to her chin. Her hair was less poofy than it had been before, and her fur was a shade or two darker than it had been a week ago when Twilight last checked out her books. The pink pony heard them coming and woke up and went immediately to her notepad and crayons as they stepped up.
“Hey Pinkie!” Twilight called. “How are you lately?”
Pinkie scribbled a note: “Fair enough. It gets lonely in here sometimes.”
Rainbow Dash walked up. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.”
Pinkie’s fur brightened as she wrote another note. “Are you going to set up camp next to me? Then you could tell me fire-side stories and we’d have smores and everything! It’d be fun!”
“Sorry, Pinks. Not something to talk to you about… in that way.”
Pinkie’s fur darkened again. “Then what?”
“I… have a proposition. I’ll give you five hundred bits to let you out now.”
Pinkie didn’t hesitate for a second. “We’re only halfway through. I have plenty of steam left.”
Rainbow Dash pounded on the glass. “Pinkie! Listen to me! I have five hundred bits for you right now. I will give it to you right now if you leave.”
Pinkie might have actually laughed if she hadn’t been silent. “Are you kidding me? You’re caving in? I would have expected better from you, Dashie. I’m not giving up yet.”
Three months later, Dash had become something of a spectacle, though not in a good way.
It had become a fairly common sight to see Rainbow Dash flying circles around the glass box Pinkie was still living in. Sometimes it was lazy circles that were more shouting at the glass and Pinkie shaking her head in response. Sometimes there would be a rainbow whirl from how fast the Pegasus was flying, and the things coming from the mouth of the Pegasus were too explicit to be written down, and most of the foals that were watching with their parents had their ears covered.
“Pinkie! Please! Why don’t you just take the offer I’m making you of a thousand bits and leave!”
“I can’t now!” came Pinkie’s response. “There’s only three months left! We’re so close!”
“How about one and a half thousand bits!” Dash called.
“Nope!”
“How about two thousand bits! Two thousand bits, right here and now!”
Pinkie stopped shaking her head for a minute. She put a hoof to her chin and thought for a moment, taking longer than usual to write out her answer. Eventually Dash touched down and looked at the paper.
“Right now? Let’s see it!”
Dash realized she had spoken too soon. “Well, I actually need to retrieve it from the bank.”
“Then that’s just an hour or so more I’d have to wait. That’s an hour or so closer to the deadline. So… no.”
Dash dropped down. “How? How are you doing this?”
Pinkie’s fur darkened again. “I can’t say.”
Three months later, the entirety of Ponyville was out in the central plaza to see Pinkie being released from the box. No one was able to believe that Pinkie Pie, the most talkative and hyper pony in all of Equestria, had been able to stay silent for an entire year. Pinkie was in a fancier scarf than usual that was covered in pink diamonds courtesy of Rarity and was jumping up and down in excitement.
The only one not excited was Rainbow Dash. The mare was standing outside the box with Twilight and waiting for an alarm to set off that announced the time Pinkie could leave the box, but the blue mare was nervously stamping the ground and shivering as though she could have used Pinkie’s scarf. Arguably, Rainbow was the more interesting mare to watch, what with her stamping and her shifting eyes and the way she nervously flew around and checked the box anywhere for signs of an alarm waiting to set off within the final minutes of the bet.
The alarm never sounded. The bell rang and Twilight went before the box to make a quick speech. “Congratulations to Pinkie Pie for winning the bet against Ms. Rainbow Dash! Our pink party pony and the Element of Laughter has managed to stay silent for an entire year! But now, she will be able to speak and to hold parties again!”
Rainbow Dash couldn’t tell, but she thought there might have been some sort of sad look in Pinkie’s eyes as Twilight commended her feat.
Rainbow Dash went up to the podium. “Before Twilight opens the box, I have an announcement to make: I cannot fulfill my end of the bargain. I spent my savings on the complete Daring Do collection, and with the lack of work I’ve been receiving from weather patrol I don’t have enough money to pay Pinkie even half of the amount I promised her. I tried to make the bet too high stakes to make Pinkie back out before the bet was finished.”
The crowd gasped.
“So, instead, I shall do two things. Firstly, I shall help Pinkie at the Cake’s shop and help her run the shop. In addition, I shall not speak badly of Pinkie or her constant talking ever again.”
Inside the box, Pinkie started scribbling a note madly.
Twilight opened the box. “Well, Pinkie… have you anything to say to that?”
Pinkie continued writing on the pad, but wouldn’t let anyone see what she was writing.
“Pinkie?” Twilight asked her. “You’re allowed to talk now; the bet’s off. Why aren’t you talking to us?”
Pinkie finished the note and gave it to Twilight as the town fell silent and waited with bated breath as Twilight red it. The unicorn looked at the paper for a few minutes, then shook her head and pulled it closer as though there was something she had missed. Twilight looked up from the paper in disbelief.
“Wha…? I… I…”
“Well, Twilight?” Dash asked impatiently. “What does it say?”
Twilight looked at the note and read it slowly.
“I haven’t told anypony except for Rarity about this. There’s a reason that Rarity has been making and repairing all these scarves and sweaters for me: a week before I was placed into the box, I underwent a special surgery. I knew I couldn’t finish the challenge normally, so I went over to Trottingham and had my vocal chords severed!”
Rainbow Dash went over to Pinkie and gingerly took the scarf wrapped around Pinkie’s neck in her mouth. With as much care as possible, Rainbow unwrapped the scarf from around her neck and let it drop onto the ground. She gasped – along with the entire town of Ponyville, as they saw the incision mark down the center of Pinkie’s neck.