I went back to bed soon after my episode. It was the middle of the night if my alarm clock was to be believed. Seeing as it had been a total bitch to me yesterday, there was a fine line of distrust in my assessment. Nonetheless, the sun itself did not seem to be lying by being on the other side of the Earth.
I lied wide awake under my sheets, looking at my ceiling, which was supposed to have collapsed a few hours ago (I think). The whole thing made so little sense that I was left wondering if this had not been a completely crazy dream.
It was not only the most probably explanation, but also the most reasonable. As if Discord would show up out of nowhere to play a game with me, how random is that?!
…Which admittedly fits his character to a “T”.
Oh boy, was it true? Did it actually happen?
Well, without anyone to talk to, I could not decide if I had had a hallucination or the single most life-changing event of my life yet. Technically, it was anyone but Giantonio, who had decided to laze around on my bed and had fallen asleep on my second pillow afterward. Eh, even when I had jumped up coming back from Equestria, that fat animal had not been woken up. Talk about heavy sleeper.
The most awesome thing about owning a cat is listening to it purrs. It is like the most soothing noise ever and it can let you imagine you have a chainsaw when it gets really loud.
With a fond smile, I reached for his fluffy body to give him a soft stroke, but, when my hand got within a few centimeters of his fur, my cat suddenly ran away.
I stared incredulously at the aggressive hissing of my obese cat, which had not looked this way since I had threatened to give his food to charity.
“Huh…” I blinked, taken aback. “Maybe the whole game with Discord really did happen after all…”
For a moment, I could not tell what caused my heart to drop. Waves of coldness went against my insides, for reasons yet undetermined. Was it just my cat’s reaction to me? I couldn’t be that pussy whipped, could I? No, it was most likely something else.
Either it was the prospect of one chance to live in Equestria having been wasted or… simply knowing that falling asleep would send me back.
Funny thing is I did not have the chance to really delve on that. Without thinking, I rested my head against my pillow and sleep picked me up along the way.
You know what is weirder than the feeling of waking up in an uncomfortable position? Not waking up at all.
This time around, there was no transition, no slowly awakening into a new world. It was much more brutally being launched into a new place. I jolted upon my arrival, that much I knew, because I gathered the eyes of two ponies, huge ponies, one yellow mare and one green stallion.
Luckily, they were not looking at me with hostility like the last ponies I saw in person. In fact, it was much more the opposite. They seemed to look at me like I was the most precious thing in the world.
“What’s wrong?” The mare asked me, concern blatantly obvious in her voice. “Do you have a tummy aches?”
Okay… why was she talking to me like I was mental? I couldn’t look that stupid, right?
“N-nuu-uh.” I shook my head.
…What just happened? Why did my voice sound like that?
“Are you hungry then?” The stallion joined in on the slow talking. They were giving me the impression I was a little chi…
Oh Discord, you magnificent bastard…
‘You rang?’ His voice resonated in my head again.
‘No.’
I did not see this one coming either. I was a young child, very young by the looks of things (unless they were both of Big Mac’s stature, which I doubted).
“Nu-uh.” Argh, I could not stand the sound of my own voice. This was going to be a very long game if I had to keep this up.
Still, I would not give up just yet. I could at least experiment what it was like to walk or run in a pony’s body.
Speaking of which, what kind of pony was I this time around?
I looked around, trying to see my back, but I ended up spinning on myself once or twice, sending the two older ponies laughing. Who cared about that? Judging from the lack of pain from falling on my side, I’d guess I wasn’t a pegasus this time around. I was also fairly certain that I did not have a horn and that my coat was orange (do ponies see color differently? I never bothered asking that).
“Careful,” the mare chimed in. “You could get hurt.”
“And we wouldn’t want our precious little daughter to get hurt,” the stallion happily added.
…Daughter?
No.
No, no, no, no, no!
Ponyfied? Sure. De-aged? That’s pushing it… Genderbent? HELL NO!
So I was sorely tempted to end this round here and then, but I had promised myself not to give in to Discord’s traps so easily.
Walking, running, then OUT OF HERE ASAP!
And I was going to start immediately.
“Whoa, little orange, slow down.” My ‘father’ chuckled. “You’ll hurt yourself if you go too fast.”
Don’t care, ‘Daddy’!
Besides, I did not get hurt because I was going too fast, I got hurt because I ran headfirst into a wall when I realized turning around with four legs demanded quite a good deal of coordination.
“Told you so…” He muttered, getting a glare from his mate for his trouble.
Now, you have to understand that I’m not a weakling. Not that much, but this stupid body was overwhelming my rational and very calm mind.
‘Keep telling yourself that, boy.’ Discord rolled his eyes, or at least said it like he did.
Anyway, my wailing was completely unrelated to any weakness on my part. Just playing my role here, move along, nothing to see.
“Awww, did my cute little filly hurt her head?” ‘Mom’ cooed, scooping me closer.
My stupid little body responded in spade with sobs in her coat and mane, with me bawling my eyes out.
…
I swear I’m a twenty year old man! I SWEAR!
‘That’s a prime example of denial, boy.’ The draconequus quipped. ‘In fact, I really ought to stop calling you ‘boy’. It seems… unwarranted.’
‘And I believe you ought to SHUT UP!’
His snickering echoed in my adorable little head, but at least he stopped mocking my masculinity.
‘That’s because I couldn’t find it anymore.’
‘I hate you…’
“There, there,” the mare said, slowly stroking my back as my sobbing subdued. “Now, what did you learn?”
I had half a mind to start shouting about sex, drugs and rock an’ roll, just to see her face. The only thing that held me back was the mental approval nod I got from D.
“I lurn’ nawt to run into waaaall!” What was up with my elocution? I knew I wasn’t that bad as a kid…
As if on cue, I heard an annoying high pitched noise.
‘Discord… are you whistling?’ I thought incredulously.
‘Don’t be ridiculous. I’m just squeezing those birds.’
…Oh.
‘I was being sarcastic.’ Discord added.
…Oh.
Well, how did he expect me to know the difference with him?
“Now, will you listen to your daddy?” The stallion nuzzled me, which was, admittedly, very nice. The warmth of his skin and fur just got to my sore muscles.
I pretended to mull it over then…
“No!” I exclaimed cheerfully, giggling.
That sent them laughing, even if my ‘daddy’ was looking a little indignant.
‘Yeeeees, embrace your inner filly, my boy.’
‘I am going to kick your ass the second I get the chance…’
‘For now, keep enjoying being cuddled.’
…He had a point there. It was pretty nice to get hugged, especially after that one bad day and the previous round of the game. Well, better enjoy it while it lasts.
Because there was no way I wouldn’t be crying “Uncle!” at the end of the day.
As if to prove my point, there was a polite knock on the door, which prompted mommy dearest to let go and trot toward it. That’s not what proved my point though, it’s what happened next.
“Orange Zest?” Mommy called, “Bubble Cream is here for your afternoon tea party!”
Inwardly, I groaned. This had to be a bad joke.
Outwardly though, I affected the behavior of a little filly super excited about her good pal visiting for play and that kindergarten crap. Hey, there had been an unvoiced challenge from Discord there that I wasn’t man enough to go through this ordeal without breaking character.
…Or something…
“ZEST!” High pitch scream. And a tackle from a creamy filly that sent me rolling to the ground. Completely disorientated.
“Meehhhh…” I blinked rapidly, trying to chase the wooziness away. “Whut?”
“Come on! Mom said we have just two hours to play!” She jumped on her hooves like a spring, not stopping down for a second.
“Okay…” I agreed reluctantly.
“YAY!” ARGH, again with the high pitch screaming! Those horse ears are more sensitive than I thought they’d be!
Bubble Cream zipped away from the living room and into a room I assumed would be mine. Slowly, I made my way toward said room, having a bad feeling about all of this.
With good reasons it turned out.
As soon as my head had crossed the doorframe, my eyes were brutally assaulted by the flashiest assortment of various shades of candy pink and bright yellow. My liver went into overload just from the sight alone.
I dared not touch the plushy in the corner. It looked way too frou-frou-y, as Applejack once eloquently put. Luckily for me, Bubble Cream was obsessively focused on something else.
The tea set.
I sat down, awkwardly, without the slightest idea on how to do that. I had figured putting my butt on the ground was part of the equation, but how the hind legs folded was the part that eluded me…
Again, Bubble Cream completely ignored how blatantly un-pony like I acted in favor of putting imaginary friends in their seats, all the while talking how fun it was going to be.
I could not wait.
It was without a doubt the most awkward moment of my existence. In great parts due to the fact that Discord was sometimes laughing in the background.
‘You’re just trying to subtly bring light to the fact that I like a show aimed at little girls and their parents, aren’t you?’ I asked him acidly.
‘Take the ‘subtly’ out of that sentence and you’ll be spot on. I mean, did it really take you that long to figure it out? I go through those phases where I really like irony.’
‘Oh? Like getting turned to stone by the very artifacts you spent an episode trying to get rid of?’
A surge of pain struck me in the chest right as I finished my mental retort. It was as if my heart suddenly contracted painfully tight, almost as if an invisible hand was crushing it within its claws...
I could not speak. I could barely think.
As the pain worsened, my vision started to blur with tears. It was getting so bad my breathing was slowly turning shallow and rapid paced.
“Zest?!” Bubble Cream ran up to me. “Zest?! What’s wrong?!”
Honestly, I had no idea what was going on…
W-was I going to die? NO! H-he said he would not kill me! He swore he wouldn’t! That it’d be too boring!
Instantly, the pressure was gone.
“Huh…?” I looked around, trying to spot the draconequus in my line of sight, but, as always, he was nowhere to be seen.
Slowly, I worked on slowing my breathing to a normal pace, fighting the sobs that were escaping my mouth every so often.
I felt cold.
It was like I had just escaped death…
“Orange Zest!” Panic filled cries made me jump. My ‘parents’ were standing right next to me, with a crying Bubble Cream hiding behind mommy’s legs. “What happened? Are you alright?”
I could not do this anymore.
“Un… ” I sniffled. “Uncle!”
“GAH!” I jolted awake once more, this time sending Giantonio flying.
He meowed indignantly and even hissed again, but I was so not paying any mind to that fat cat.
“Seven AM…” I whispered, taking in the numbers on my defective alarm clock. With so many things going wrong in so many exciting ways, I truly expected my alarm clock to work perfectly, just because.
My derision felt like a broken barrier. It helped repel the few things it was designed to, except for everything that was passing through the massive gaping hole in it. My emotions were literally overflowing.
For some obscure reason, Giantonio approached me with curious beady eyes. That was the most interest he had shown in me, ever. So I rewarded him the only way I knew.
I hugged the living crap out of him.
Right then, I did not care about the scars I would undoubtedly get, courtesy of his claws. Those little flashes of pain in my brain were so insignificant compared to what I had just gone through…
Oh Celestia, I just started to cry into my cat’s fur…