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// Negotiating a Deal 
// Story: Celestia visits the Colbert Report 
// by totallynotabrony 
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	“I’ve come to present a proposal to you, Princess,” said the executive from Comedy Central.  He had been shown into Celestia’s office and gotten straight to business.
“What sort of proposal?”  Celestia sat back in her office chair, sipping warm tea.  She had heard that her appearance on the Colbert Report was one of the television highlights of the year, and was interested to see how the media would react.
The man opened his briefcase and took out a few pieces of paper with PowerPoint slides printed on them.  “The network would like to offer you a deal: a limited-run, half hour show airing after the Report every night at twelve o’clock Eastern.  Compensation would be the same standard amount that we started Colbert off at when he got his own show.  The subject matter would be transdimensional news and, of course, comedy.  A joke-writing staff would be provided for your use.  It would be called Midnight Sun with Princess Celestia.  I think the title is quite clever.”
The pony considered that for a moment.  She put down her teacup and leaned forward, a sly smile gracing her lips.  “Here’s my counter-offer: give me full control and hosting of the Daily Show.”
The exec gasped in surprise.  “Jon Stewart would never allow that!”
“What’s he going to do about it?” asked Celestia.  “You would also be giving me his pay.”
“I can’t authorize anything like this!” said the man in a panic.
“But surely someone can?” said Celestia.  “Honestly, I would think you would be delighted to have one less pundit on the air and an actual expert on politics filling in.”
“But you’re a—”
Celestia stared at him, her expression suddenly gone ice cold.  “You were going to say ‘dictator,’ weren’t you?”
“No!”  The man rocked back in his chair, eyes wide and holding his hands up.  “Okay, maybe we can work something out.  But please explain about the money.”
“You’re certainly not going to pay me less than Jon Stewart,” said Celestia.
“But…why?  I was under the impression that the Equestrian national budget was at a surplus instead of in debt.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow.  “Please tell me the point you’re attempting to make.”
The man swallowed hard.  “We at Comedy Central are trying to spread international goodwill by promoting relations between the two dimensions and not focusing on the money.  It is our hope that you will join us and use your status to help with this charitable endeavor.”
“I have to say, that might be the best under pressure save-your-own-skin speech I’ve heard in a long time.  As a politician, I’ve heard a lot of those.”  Celestia smiled.  “What do you think, Stephen?”
“I think this guy deserves a spot on the state department all-star team,” said Colbert, who up until that point had been magically disguised as a potted plant.
The executive let out a little shriek of astonishment.  It wasn’t that he was scared of the comedian—in fact, who could be afraid of those deep brown eyes and saucy spectacles?—but his sudden appearance in the room was very surprising.  He asked, “What are you doing here, Mr. Colbert?”
“Just a little creative trolling,” explained Stephen.  “When I heard about this proposal for a show featuring everyone’s favorite Princess, I figured Celestia would want to know ahead of time.”
“He helped me set up the hidden cameras before you arrived,” added Celestia.  “I was a bit hesitant at first, but I can see how this would make a great opening segment for the show.”
“You…you sold out Jon Stewart?” mumbled the exec.
Colbert sighed and produced a pocket dictionary.  “Trolling: noun, the act of doing inflammatory or provocative things for the purposes of eliciting negative responses.  Usually done for comedic entertainment on the part of the troll.  Not to be taken seriously.  See also: lulz.”
“How do you get a job at Comedy Central if you don’t have a sense of humor?” wondered Celestia.

The recorded video shut off and the camera cut back to the regal white mare at her desk.  “Unfortunately, when you aren’t separated by an internet connection, trolling gets you into trouble for real.  That’s why Jon Stewart still has his job, and why you’re missing sleep by staying up to watch Midnight Sun."
The studio audience broke into laughter.  Celestia smiled.  “I’ll see you next time.”