//------------------------------// // Chapter 9 // Story: Happy Hearth's Warming Eve, Twilight Sparkle! // by defender2222 //------------------------------// Applejack shook her head sadly as the girls came running towards her house. It was Hearth's Warming Day and instead of focusing on giving her living room its 15th cleaning, the farm pony was sitting on her porch brooding. "I'm guessin' ya'll also had some no good thieves steal stuff from ya?" Fluttershy nodded sadly. "The cute little coat I got for Angel is gone... as is the big hat with the purple feather and the cane he wanted so he could beat his hos." The pegasus blinked in confusion. "What is a ho?" "I think it is a type of pastry," Applejack stated. "Granny is always mentioning how much my Uncle Orange loves eatin' 'em." Rainbow Dash was practically spitting teeth (which would have been gross). "Some pony snuck into my place and stole all the gifts I bought for the orphans! Now how am I suppose to compensate for the fact that I don't have a well developed backstory? Giving to the poor was MY thing!" "I thought being in the Wonderbolts was your thing?" Fluttershy said. The farmpony let out a sigh. "The thief done hit us too... everypony is mighty upset." "But... but... but I want my gifts now!" a high pitched voice squealed from inside the house. "Applebloom seems to be taking it hard," Rarity stated. "That wasn't me," Applebloom mumbled, trotting up to the group, a pencil stuck behind her ear and a clipboard clamped between her teeth. "Applejack, I've got an estimate for how much it will cost me to put in a security system." Applejack looked over the notes. "I don't think we need gun turrets." "Your funeral," Applebloom stated, trotting off to measure for guard bars. Fluttershy frowned when she heard the whimper once more. "If that isn't Applebloom, then who is..." "Eeeeyup!" The voice squealed again before breaking down into sobs. "Big Macintosh really likes Hearth's Warming Day," Applejack stated. "Or he is suffering brain damage from all the chemical fumes he inhaled while we were cleaning... who knows?" "Geez, he is crying like a mare! Were his balls stolen too?" Rainbow asked. "They were?" Fluttershy and Rarity screamed. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" "Would ya'll calm down so we can figure out what happened?" Applejack tapped her hoof against her chin. "Do we have any clues?" "Well, I found Twilight's wallet lying on my floor," Rainbow said, pulling said wallet from her saddle bag "Which is weird, because my floor is made of clouds." "I saw Twilight and Spike fleeing my home last night," Rarity stated. Fluttershy shifted with unease. "I found this book... it's called 'If I Stole Hearth's Warming Day, Here's How I Did It' by Twilight Sparkle." The yellow pegasus flipped through it. "It's actually pretty good... the characters are well defined and there is a nice twist towards the last third of the book..." Applejack smacked one hoof against the other. "All the evidence pointed to one culprit!" "Yeah?" the girls said leaning forward. "It was obviously the Flim Flam brothers!" Applebloom chose that moment to return and shook her head. "Try again." "Trixie?" Rarity offered. "No." "That dragon we found 2 years ago?" Rainbow suggested. "Nope." Fluttershy pointed at herself. "Was it me?" "Was it?" Applebloom asked. "I don't know, that is why I am asking." Applebloom just stared at them and trotted away, mumbling about how SHE could be the one without a cutie mark. "Ok, now that she is gone we can make plans to take down the Flim Flam brothers..." Applejack's rant teetered off when she noticed a herd of ponies racing towards them... led by Pinkie Pie who was dressed in grand armor and a helm decked out with chainmail. Beside her the Cake foals were clanking coconuts together. "Whoa there, whoa!" Pinkie said, stopping her invisible horse. "Hello there! I am Pinkie, King of the Britons!" "I didn't vote for ya!" somepony called out in the back of the herd. "...I always knew she was going to lose it," Rainbow muttered. "I just always assumed-" "That she would kill me and turn me into cupcakes," everypony in a 5 mile radius stated. "Am I really that predictable?" Rainbow said sadly. "So Pinkie... what are you doing?" Fluttershy said politely. "I figured out that Twilight is trying to kill Hearth's Warming Day and rape its corpse, so i rounded up a mob and we are going to beat her up!" The others just stared at Pinkie. "What? You've never killed and raped a holiday?" Pinkie asked. "I've done it three times!" "R-really?" Fluttershy stammered. "Yeah... that's why No Sugar Day, National Anti-Party Day and The Night of a Thousand Vegan Pizzas are not longer celebrated." "Listen, we've all killed and raped a holiday before, but this is Hearth's Warming!" Rarity stood up tall and proud, flashing the mob a grin. "You seriously can't believe Twilight is a part of this!" "She's part of this!" Spitfire screamed. "Burn her alive!" Fancy Pants roared. Rarity blinked in surprise. "Uh... what I meant was death to Twilight Sparkle!" "Rarity!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. "You are the element of loyalty, not me," Rarity reminded her. "Death to Twilight!" "YEAH!!" Snowflake screamed. "Now hold on there every pony!" Applejack said, raising her hooves up and calling for calm. "Let's not fly off the handle! Twilight is our friend! She is one of us and she loves Hearth's Warming more than any pony!" Applejack took off her hat and placed it over her heart. "She was the only one to remember the true meaning of the holiday. While the rest of us were being petty or greedy-" "Or starting fights, don't forget that!" Dash added. "-Twilight was struggling to put on a party! And did any of us help her? No!" The mob had the decency to look ashamed. "If she did do this it is our fault! We should have been there and helped her..." "Geez, this isn't going to be another 'Twilight is always right and we suck as friends' speech, is it?" Rainbow complained. "I heard enough of these after the wedding..." "So what if it is? It is true! We have to help Twilight remember what Hearth's Warming is all about! It isn't about presents or awards... it is about love." Applejack wrapped her foreleg around Fluttershy. " Fah who foraze! Dah who doraze! Welcome Hearth's Warming, come this way! Fah who foraze! Dah who doraze!" The others slowly joined her, Pinkie pulling out a record player to add music to the song. "Fah who foraze! Dah who doraze!" they all sang. With a loud POP! Twilight appeared. "Girls..." she said softly... before grabbing the record player. "I knew I forgot to steal something! Thanks!" Applejack's face went sour as Twilight warped away. "...death to Twilight Sparkle!" "Death! Death!" ~MC~MC~MC~ "Uh, Twilight, an angry mob is coming this way!" Spike exclaimed from the mountain of presents Twilight was trying to incinerate. "Not now, Spike!" Twilight shouted, muttering as she clanked a rock against some flint, cursing when she couldn't get a spark. "I need to burn these gifts then I can begin the raping. Did you remember to bring protection?" "I found some kitchen sponges... will those work?" "I guess..." Twilight said, her face puckering in displeasure. She turned when the mob had come close enough to begin lobbing pitchforks at her and sighed. "Listen, I don't know if you are from the government or the church but I don't do censuses and I already have a savoir... his name is Kevin and he hates pina coladas and getting caught in the rain." "We are here to get Hearth's Warming Day back!" Rainbow said. "And kill you for stealing it!" Pinkie snapped. A smile suddenly appeared on her face. "Then we can have a funeral, which is like a birthday party despite what my mom and dad say!" Pinkie deepen her voice. "Damn it Pinkie, stop putting balloons in the casket! I tell ya, that girl ain't right! I sell rocks and rock accessories!" Twilight began to laugh like a maniac. "You... think you have the power to kill me?" Purple magic burst from her horn like something from something (insert your own simile here). "Foolish ponies... I am Nightmare Moon Jr. and I will destroy you all and then destroy Hearth's Warming Day!" Rarity frowned, taking a step forward. "As they said at my finishing school, it is on like Donkey Kong!" Pinkie nodded. "Fluttershy, load the piranhas into my party cannon!" "Oh, you are sure they will be ok?" Fluttershy said, dumping a bucket of the vicious fish into the barrel of the cannon. "Nope! Fire!" Twilight began to hurl bolts of magic at the mob as they returned fire. In the middle of this epic fight (which is so epic I won't describe it) a blue police box appeared just on top of the present hill. "Well Derpy, looks like we have to say Christmas again!" The Doctor said happily. "This is the 9th time for me... one more and I get a free sandwich." "Don't you mean Hearth's Warming, Doctor?" Derpy asked, Dinky riding on her back. "Right right, now then..." The Doctor blinked when he saw the utter destruction occurring in front of him. "You know what... I don't think this story needs me." And with that the Doctor and his companions left. But, noble reader, that does not mean the ending would be dark. For in the gloom of battle there came a brave hero, one who would save the day. And his name... was Spike. "ENOUGH!" Spike yelled, causing all the ponies to stop and stare at him. "I am tired of all of you fighting and yelling and bickering! You are going to stop it right now!" "And how are you going to get us to do that?" Rainbow asked. "I called your mothers." "....no!" the mob and Twilight screamed. "Even my mom?" Applejack asked. "I dug up her corpse and reanimated her, yes," Spike stated. "I am just that good." "Thriller!" Applejack's mom said, dancing up a storm. "Thriller night!" "Twilight Nightingale Sparkle!" Twilight Velvet roared, leading a mob of angry mothers towards the battle ground. "Take that armor off and get over here!" Twilight took of her helm and gulped. "We were just playin'." "Get... over... here... now!" All the mares and stallions in the mob sighed as they trotted over to their mothers, their heads hung down and tails tucked between their legs.