//------------------------------// // Knowledge, Once Gained... // Story: Top Gear: The Worst Diplomats in the World // by Blue Tunes //------------------------------// "So what you're telling me" Twilight Sparkle began, struggling to comprehend the enormity of the situation she was in. "Is that these documents contain the most important scientific discoveries of your race, a race that technologically surpasses my own in every regard." "Yes" drawled Clarkson for the umpteenth time. "Knowledge that includes the manufacture of weapons far surpassing our own, a comprehensive history of your world, the concepts on which you base thousands of technological marvels and the biology of your own species" she went on, skimming briefly through one of several blocks of paper. "Yes." "And you want to sell it. To me. A librarian." "Yes." "How can you be so casual about this? This knowledge could, no, WILL revolutionize Equestria. Don't you feel even the slightest bit concerned about just handing away centuries of knowledge to an alien race?" Clarkson vaguely considered the notion. "Nah, it should be fine." Twilight's left eye twitched slightly as she struggled to contain herself "How much do you want for it?" Clarkson smiled. --- "Well, that was strange" Hammond commented as he watched their latest customers, a mint green unicorn and a cream colored earth pony, both mares, walk away. "Well, on the bright side, I did sell the Tim Tams" James commented, trying to hold back laughter. "I just sold a porno mag to a unicorn" Hammond stammered weakly. The awkward silence that threatened to form after what was, admittedly one of the strangest conversations either man had ever had was dispelled though, as the familiar form of Jeremy Clarkson approached them." "Guys" he said in a soft, serious tone. "What?" Hammond asked, crinkling his brow. "Didn't you manage to sell them or.." "No" Jeremy interrupted him. "Look at this." As Jeremy opened his hand, James and Richard craned their heads to see. Resting in the palm of the taller man's hand were three shiny gold bits. "Oh good, three bits" James remarked dryly. "What did you do? Walk someone's dog?" "James, this is gold" Clarkson said, his voice still low. "This will take care of all our food costs, our... "No it won't" Hammond said, shaking his head. "What do you mean, they're at least an ounce each" Jeremy replied, becoming more and more confused with his companion's lack of enthusiasm. "Did you really not check the currency rates?" James asked. "I... what do you mean?" "I mean" James answered with a sigh. "That gold is a common element here. Those coins might buy you lunch, but they're not going to get you across the country. How much did you get for the pages?" "Three coins" Jeremy replied darkly. "What, per page?" Hammond asked innocently, knowing full well what the answer was going to be. James smirked. "Don't tell me you let her read about our economy in the Wikipedia articles before you sold them to her." Jeremy looked back in the direction of the library with a gloomy expression. "Bollocks." --- As the United Nations summit went into recess for the first time in hours, the Prime Minister allowed himself a moment of peace. As he allowed the stress of the evening to dissipate, he smiled quietly. The evening had been long and wracked with tension, after all, any misinterpretation could sour humanity's relationship with the first alien species ever discovered, let alone the local issues behind the portal's appearance. As the Minister relaxed though, he allowed it all to drop away. All the speeches, all the hoof shaking, all the weirdness stopped existing for a moment as he finally had a moment of calm, quiet solitude. "Prime Minister, I'm sorry but this is urgent." "GEOFFRY I AM ON THE TOILET!" "You'll still want to hear this sir." The Minister's aide's expression did not falter as the cubicle door eventually swung open and his annoyed boss strode out angrily. "If it's not a fire then you're going to be. Fired, that is" "There are reports of an intrusion in the Equestrian exclusion zone. Apparently someone got through." "Jesus" The PM breathed quietly. "Do we know who is responsible?. Have they made any demands?" "You're not going to like it sir."