//------------------------------// // Space Pirates // Story: Two Meatbags And A Robot In Equestria // by Bendy //------------------------------// In the incredible vastness of space at the edge of the Milky Way Galaxy a green rocket like space ship that looks like some sort of Thunderbirds reject made it's way towards the galaxy, leaving behind the empty void of intergalactic space at the galaxy's horizon. At the far end of the ship's tail there was a circular logo that said "Planet Express" with a green rocket between the writing. Within the ship a young man sitting on a orange arm chair in his late twenties, whom had red (orange) hair with two spikes in front. He was a bit out of shape and wore a red jacket that he had open, which revealed his white t-shirt underneath, plus he wore blue pants and black sneakers. "That delivery was too close Leela, those aliens almost got us." "Yeah, we were so lucky to get away in time when they were chasing us." Leela also in her late twenties sat in the orange driver seat driving the ship with the steering wheel and unlike Fry had a finely toned, yet meaty looking body, in other words sexy. She had however rather alien features, like purple hair with a ponytail and one large single eye. She wore skin tight black pants, a white tank top, big black boots, and a highly advance piece of machinery on her left wrist. "I don't think my harvested organs would sell well." "And I don't think I would be a very good sex slave." Fry raised his right eye brow grinning a little. "Shut up!" "Anyway, are we home yet Leela?" No, Fry." she said. "How about now?" "Fry shut up before I stuff my boot up your ass." "Okay." he said nervously. Leela thought she was a little too hard on Fry there, so she came up with a plan to brighten the mood a bit. "Wanna play I Spy?" "Sure." "I spy, with my one big eye something beginning with--" "Warning! Massive weight detection in crew's sleeping quarters." said a robotic female voice from a Computer near by. "Fry, can you check that out?" "Do I have to?" "Yes." "Why?" "Because when we get to Earth we will almost certainly crash land." "And?" "And we might die." "Oh, OK." With that Fry got up and walked out of the cockpit through the sliding door into the empty cargo bay, where he opened the door next to the cockpit on the right and.... a huge pile of bricks fell on Fry crushing him and covered his whole body in bricks. "Ow! I think I've broken my bones." "Sorry Fry." said a drunken voice from the crew's quarters. "Bender! Have you got brickiarrhea again?!" he shouted. "Yes." Suddenly the Ship shook violently causing many bricks to spill out from the crew's quarters into the cargo bay. Outside two ships looked like old-fashioned wooden pirate ships and even have sails, that flew towards the Planet Express ship firing cannon balls at it, causing dents along the hull, however most of the cannon balls miss, due to Leela flying the ship side to side, which was strangely enough very effective against these pirates. Back in the ship Leela spoke on intercom. "Space Pirates! Quick load the torpedoes!" "Out of torpedoes." said the ship's robotic female voice. "Great, just great. I should have took the tollbooth, no Space Pirates there." Bender smoking a cigar ran out from the crew's quarters into the cargo bay, he sent bricks flying everywhere while carrying a large load of his bricks. "We can fire my bricks at them!" he shouted on intercom while making his way through the cargo bay. "Good! Is Fry at the turret?" "Um Fry's bones are broken." "What?! she shouted. "It's a long story." The ship shook violently again from being hit by a cannon ball, which caused Bender's cigar to fall out from his mouth and himself to fall over and drop his bricks all over the floor. "Fuck!" he shouted. "Get to the torpedo room already and fire your feces at them!" she shouted. "I'm on it bossy boots!" Bender scrambled to his footcups, then picked back up his cigar to place back in his mouth, which he briefly puffed to blow smoke in the air, then grabbed as many of his bricks as he could off the floor before making his way into the torpedo room. "They'll love this shit!" he said with a nasty grin. A dozen bricks dropped out from Bender's ass onto the floor while he had begun loading the bricks into a torpedo launcher. "Firing bricks!" shouted Leela. Bricks blasted out from the Planet Express Ship like shotgun shells (whole bricks) that shattered both the Space Pirates' ship halls followed by blowing them up into smithereens just like that. "Yes, you did it Bender!" "Like I told you before Leela, bricks are better than cannon balls." "Did you ever consider becoming a Bricklayer?" "Yes, like many other Bending Units like myself I got a job as a Bricklayer once, due to the fact we crap bricks." "Why did you leave?" "Every Bending Unit that was there was crapping bricks all the time all over the place, and I kept falling over bricks." "Oh. Anyway your shiny metal ass produces very good weapons." "And building material. Unlike you meatbags' disgusting smelly crap!" "Hey! Our crap can be used as fertilizer!" "True. Leela, go check on Fry, I think he's in a great deal of pain." *** Leela made her way out of the cockpit to see Fry groaning in pain while lying on the floor among the bricks all over the cargo bay outside the crew's quarters. "Fry are you OK? Does Bender have brickiarrhea again?" she shouted while she ran over to him. "Yeah, uhhhh aahh ffffuck! I'm just in a great deal of pain!" "Hold on Fry let me give you a bone regeneration shot." "You have those?" "Fry you live in the future, so shut up!" With that Leela ran into the medbay to grab a syringe filled with blue liquid out from a press, then ran back into the cargo bay to inject Fry in the arm with the syringe. "Ow! That hurt Leela!" "Quit being a baby Fry." "I'm not a baby Leela, you are!" "Righttt." "How long till I get my bones fixed?" "A few days." "Dammit!" "Bender get in here and throw all your crap out the airlock!" she shouted. Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light followed by the appearance of Discord, aka the Spirit Of Disharmony, a Draconequus which seemed to be a mixed species. Due to having; the head of a Pony, a dragon's tail, a dragon's left leg, a eagle's claw for a right arm and other strange features. "Who the hell are you?" shouted Leela. "There's no point in telling, for you won't remember, because you would ruin my fun." Leela went into a Martial Arts stance. "Go whoop his ass Leela!" shouted Fry. "Hi-yah!" Leela leaped into the air to kick Discord in the mouth knocking one of his teeth out. "Ow!" shouted Discord while he placed his right hand over his mouth winching in pain in an effort to stop the blood dripping from his mouth, while simultaneously with is right claw he tried to grab Leela, who dodged his swipes with his claw by jumping around and swerving left to right. "He-yah!" she shouted while she started punching Discord's face with her powerful fists. "Ow!" Suddenly Bender jumped on Discord's back, then proceeded to wrap his arms around him and then bend his back. He broke Discord's back with a bone cracking sound causing Discord to scream in pain. "Aaaahhh! Stop it!" "Hah! I should be a Chiropractor!" he shouted. "Hell yeah Bender, break his back!" shouted Fry. "Enough!" screamed Discord while a powerful burst of energy blasted out from him, which sent Leela and Bender slamming into opposite walls across the cargo bay. "I did not come to your universe to feel pain!" "Stop talking with your big dragged out sentences!" shouted Fry. While Bender groaned on the ground in pain, Leela had already gotten back onto her feet and proceeded to jump high into the air towards Discord with a flying kick intended for his face. But Discord swerved to the right narrowly dodging her boot, to grab her ponytail while she was in mid air and then throw her back across the room to slam into the wall. "You are persistent I give you that, but it's time to end this silliness!" Behind Discord the robot Bender had gotten back up on his footcups, whom then proceeded to pick up one of his bricks off the floor. "Eat my bricks!" shouted Bender as he threw his brick at Discord to hit him in the back of the head with it. "Ow! Oh, you cheeky bastard!" he shouted angrily while he narrowed his eyes at Bender. With a wave of his claw Discord levitated Bender high up into the ceiling and then slammed him back onto the floor. "Ow! Not even my bricks can kill him." "There is no hope!" shouted Fry. Leela had again gotten back up and jumped towards Discord with a flying kick, but Discord merely flicked his fingers, which created a blinding flash of light, followed by the disappearance of the ship and everyone in it apart from Discord himself, whom floated in space. "This is going to be fun to watch." He rubbed his right hand over his face to magically regrow his tooth back and stop the bleeding, then conjured a packet of popcorn for himself to eat. *** The Planet Express ship was now floating just above an Earth like planet's atmosphere. On board the ship Bender carried Fry into the cockpit while Leela ran over to the driver seat to try take control of the ship. "Dammit! The engine is broken somehow." she shouted. "We're gonna crash!" shouted Fry. "Abandon ship!" shouted Bender as he threw Fry aside on the floor. "Ow!" "By the way." "Yes Bender?" said Leela. "I taken all the parachutes! Just in case if one broke." he shouted as he opened the airlock and jumped out into space. "Bender you bastard!" "How did we get here anyway?" "It doesn't matter Fry! The Professor is too cheap to buy us escape pods and Bender took all the parachutes." she shouted. Leela ran over to Fry to pick him up off the ground, then placed him on a seat and fasten his seat belt for him, before she ran back to her chair to fasten her own seat belt for herself. "It really is true. Our crew is replaceable. Your package isn't." "Yep." "And by the way in case we die, I love you." "I know. I love you too." she took hold of his hand with tears filling her eye. "Cheesy lame ass romantic last words like that from a crappy chick flick movie are the best." "Indeed." They kissed passionately goodbye together. *** Bender safely descended slowly into the planet's atmosphere with a yellow parachute while smoking a cigar, that somehow remained alight despite being so high in the air. The Planet Express Ship passed by Bender rapidly. "Holy brick crap! I think they're boned." *** Down deep in the middle of the Everfree Forest on a small grassy hill a young yellow Pegasus with pink hair known as Fluttershy was playing pat-a-cake with a large brown bear. "Patty cake, patty cake, baker's stallion. Bake me a--" Fluttershy saw a big fire ball like object falling from the sky heading rapidly towards them. "Run!" she shouted. Both her and the bear ran away as well as birds in the local area flew away. They narrowly avoided the Planet Express ship crash landing where they just were. The ship proceeded to slide down the ground creating a long deep trench as well as smashing down dozens of trees at it slid along down the hill before finally coming to a stop from hitting a large bolder. Fluttershy and the bear kept on running and didn't look back. The ship miraculously received very little damage from the impact with the ground and trees. Just a few broken windows and dents along the hall. *** Soon Bender arrived with his parachute conveniently landing right in front of the ship's crash site. "I bet they are dead." "Think again." said Leela's voice from behind. Bender turned around to meet a big black boot hitting him in the face before he blanked out beeping like R2-D2 into darkness. *** In a flashback we see Fry and Leela still kissing in the cockpit as they crash land onto the ground and somehow not die. "We survived Leela!" "Somehow we did." She pressed a button lowering the ships landing gear and stairs. "You stay here Fry, I'm gonna have a look around." "It's not like I have a choice, my legs and arms are broken." "Pity your mouth wasn't broken." With that Leela walked out of the cockpit, then made her way down the ship's steps to view the environment. "Hmm, this planet has plant like life that you would see on Earth." she thought. "I wonder if there's any Internet connection?" she looked at the device on her left wrist to show there was indeed no connection, as indicated by a flashing red light on the right top corner of the screen. "Nope. I think this is a primitive non intergalactic civilization world, that's assuming this planet even has a dominant sapient species." Leela walked over to a tree, then looked up to see Bender with his parachute descending down from the sky to land right in front of her with his back to her. "I bet they are dead." "Think again." Leela raised her right boot into the air to kick Bender right in the face just as he turned around, which knocked him over and made him beep like R2-D2 before blanking out. *** Fluttershy ran out of the Everfree Forest into her Cottage just outside the forest to get far away and safe at home from whatever the thing was that had fallen from the sky. Near by there was a medieval like town with thatched houses and beautiful gardens. Minus having a local gong farmer, (they weren't that medieval, they had bathrooms with toilets in their homes) a gallows, or a killer plague neither.