Introspection

by -Hidden Identity-


Regret

This was all wrong. Pinkie, happy as she was to see her family in her own mind, was not expecting a hostile encounter. Her time here had been filled with excitement and happiness. After all, if she truly was not permitted sorrow here, then why not just resort to happiness, especially if it is worthwhile. Everything she loved to eat was in abundance; the world seemed to shift to ensure safe landing, which gave leaping from cliffs a whole new meaning, and a far less painful landing. She was quickly learning how to adapt, and how to almost craft the world around her to her own preferences. Pinkie did not have the ability to change or summon anything, but her lesser whims and desires seemed to be catered to. At least she now knew that she was not alone in this world; her family was here as well, granted, yet her first reunion hadn’t ended as well as she had hoped. Not only had her sister struck her, she had also rolled her guide into the mound of rocks. As if that wasn’t enough, her sister was now in pursuit, for whatever reason.

“Hey, sis! What’s going on? I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?” Pinkie called back to her sister, who failed to respond in any other way than constant pursuit. Pinkie sighed, she didn’t want to harm her sister in any way, nor did she want to be harmed. Might as well put her mind to good use and loose her assailant.

Pinkie took a sharp turn to bolt towards a maze of inverted fields and pastures. The twisted terrain was against her, however, as large spires of rocks were also present, causing a barrier between her and the end of the chase. She did not know if her sister had the same ability to always be walking upon flat ground as she did, but she doubted that her sister could have anywhere near the amount of fun she could, making the difference, but first the spires. Great towers of sandstone, they appeared to be hundreds of feet in height, smooth sides, and void of all life. They did not belong here, they were alien to the surrounding landscape, so what brought them to bear here? Did her sister have some amount of control over Pinkie’s mind? Was their influence truly as strong as that? She did not believe it… she could not. Either way, might as well obtain some enjoyment out of the monoliths that now stood before her, and perhaps get a chance to outwit her rock-farming sister. Pinkie put on an extra burst of speed, jumped, and smacked into the side of the spire. She quickly righted herself and tried again to rise upon the stone surface, with no avail. The terrain would not accept her, causing her to slide back down again. Strange…she had never encountered this before, and did not wish for it either. Pinkie frowned, looked back to judge the time she had before her sister was upon her, and placed her front hooves upon the formidable stone. Nothing happened. She backed away and attempted to circle around only to be met by another equally as troubling spire. Having to readjust herself was causing her to lose time and close the gap in between her hostile relative.

“Come on! Why won’t you let me up?” She snapped at the sandstone, and kicked it. She made a very irritable set of noises and began to run again. Yet there was no direction that would yield unto her an exit and a way forward into the maze. Every pause cost a second and a yard. Her sister was gaining quickly, and Pinkie wasn’t gambling that it was an apology for the prior unpleasant actions. She was silently thankful that bouncing all over Equestria instead of walking had given her quite the endurance, and vowed to promote it to her friends more, should she see them again. No, she mustn’t think like that; she would find a way out, the door that had been mentioned.

“Ooh…this is no good!” Pinkie muttered upon another dead end. “Think Pinkie, think! What would my friends do here? They would help me out, but they aren’t here to help, so what am I supposed to do? Wait, I’ve been there for my friends when they’ve been in trouble, so what if I think that I’m one of my friends and I have to help them out? Even though I’m me, and I would be helping myself who wouldn’t be me. Does that even work? That’s too confusing. Aah!”

Narrowly avoiding another swipe by her malevolent sister, Pinkie started to back up, focusing on the pony advancing towards her. It was for not, however, as she was only able to take a few steps before she found her back to the wall, trapped and without hope. Her sister wouldn’t actually kill her, would she? She couldn’t… she wouldn’t. Right?

“Wait! Sis! I’m sorry, whatever I did that hurt you, I’m sorry. That’s why you’re doing this right? You’re mad at me?”

Her sister had slowed her pace significantly, but did not hesitate to continue the advance, and made no sign of a reply.

“At least tell me why.” Pinkie’s breath was rapid, her eyes shifted back and forth in a futile effort to determine some means of escape. “Please.”

The grey pony stopped and glared at her pink sister. She was not four feet from her, and it would be so easy, and satisfying, to simply reach out. “Because you left us.”

“What?”

“Yeah. You discovered what a party was and left. You gave us a single glimmer of joy in our meaningless lives of rocks and decided that you had the right to leave. You don’t visit, you don’t send letters, and you never invite us to come visit you. I thought we were supposed to be sisters, and sisters are friends. They talk and visit. What kind of sister are you that you leave us like that?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left you, I’m sorry I left the family. I’m sorry I didn’t write or visit.” Pinkie said quickly. Her sister simply shook her head and strode forward another step.

“I’m sorry! I don’t know what else to say! I’m sorry!” Pinkie’s emotions were descending to a state of turmoil. Sadness and panic tore themselves through her in uneven bursts and surges.

“Pinkie! It wasn’t our other sister, mother, or father, who came to tell you this. It was me!”

What did that mean, it wasn’t her sister, mother, or father? That she hadn’t hurt them too? She hadn’t thought about how they reacted to her lifestyle, and she hadn’t visited or written because her lifestyle was so very different from them. It was a rather fair theory that they did not approve of her parties and almost chaotic lifestyle. Regardless of that, it was her sister who seemed to be the most angered at her for leaving. Why?

A veil of confusion was lifted, and Pinkie saw clearly. Her sister had taken another step towards her, and as such Pinkie could see into her sister’s eyes. Behind a slender coating of anger were pain and hurt, sorrow, and loneliness. Had her sister truly been that fond of her? She hadn’t realized. She felt the cruel waters of regret seep into her heart and mind. The utter pain of time lost and damage done without amends.

“Sister” Pinkie reached out a hoof and placed it on her grey sister’s shoulder. “I am sorry I left you.”

The latter shuddered and retreated a pace. A smile flittered upon her face briefly before vanishing once again.

“Thank you. The others have their own reasons to pursue you. I do not know them.”

“Can I avoid them?”

“It’s your mind. Can you? If you don’t deal with them, you have to live with them.”

Before Pinkie’s eyes her sister vanished. It was not a slow fading, but a quick flash and an empty space. The pink pony sighed and turned. The spires had disappeared along with her sister, opening the passage forward into the maze. She took a breath and moved forward. It was likely that she had another family reunion waiting for her in there, but her sister was right: if she didn’t deal with them now, she would have to live with them, perhaps for the rest of her life, and what is a life lived with pain? Not a pleasant one, to be sure.