Guide You Home

by Magical Trevor


Chapter the Fifteenth

“SURPRISE! You found us!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, giggling as she and Milky Way threw hooffuls of confetti into the air exuberantly. “I’m a little surprised it took you so long to find us because we weren't really trying to hide at all because we told you where we were going but no one was listening to us so I was about to bust out my party cannon when Milly suggested we get a head start on the movie party since it could take a really really long time to set it up and it would be a nice surprise if you guys showed up once we were done so that you could just relax and stop talking about stuff that she had no idea what you were talking about since it was boring adult stuff and she never gets to talk during adult stuff except at parties like this so-”

Everypony moaned internally, trying to tune out the pink mare that had gone missing, prompting a fairly large-scale search for the Element of Laughter and Milky Way. What was most frustrating, however, was that they were at the castle in a lesser used wing, preparing the movie party that Milly was convinced she was still owed for her birthday, since it got interrupted the night before. It was only thanks to a new recruit that had gotten lost in the castle that they were found as quickly as they were, having stumbled upon them by accident. He hardly got to send a message with his magic before he was dragooned into helping the two energetic ponies with setting up the party and baking goodies.

“So we can has party now, yush?” Milly asked, her eyes bright and wide open. “We workeded really hard, so now we gets to has fun! That’s how the-the real world works, right?” the little foal asked Princess Celestia, bouncing excitedly.

“Do I get to invite my friends?” Celestia asked, humoring the little filly.

“Umm... Yush? Whai does you need permissions when you is a princess, any weights?” Milly asked, completely puzzled. “Dun you gets to do whateber you wants?”

While Celestia dealt with the small filly, Rainbow Dash was foolishly trying to question Pinkie’s logic. Needless to say, she was about as successful as bailing out a flooding boat with a holey bucket.

“Um, Pinkie? Aren’t movie parties supposed to, you know, happen at night? When it’s, you know, dark?”

“Well maybe normally, yeah, but I thought that since we’re in Canterlot, the city that never sleeps, then they never have night, so it’s alright to waive the night rule because nopony obeys it here!”

“Pinkie, the city that never sleeps is Manehatten, not Canterlot,” Twilight corrected automatically. “Besides, our work isn’t done yet! We have lots of testing to do and not much time to do it in, so let’s get moving! FOR MAGIC!”

“Don’t you mean ‘for science’?” Pinkie questioned, tilting her head to the side.

“Same difference,” Dash yawned, bored. “Come on, can we get going already? The sooner Twi gets her experathingy done, the sooner we can blast Moony here with the elements, and then I can get back to training for the Wonderbolts!”

“Hey! Only I gets to call Mista Moony that!” the small creame filly protested, tripping as she rushed over to the pegasus. “You dun get to call him that! Make you own name!”

Starlight swept her younger sister up with her forelegs, chiding, “Milly, you can’t tell other ponies what they are and aren’t allowed to call others unless they’re calling other ponies names or something bad. If Moonstone has a problem with being called Moony, then he’ll say something.”

“But she-”

Applejack and Rarity watched as the little filly was taken by her parents and escorted a short distance away. “Do ya get the feeling we’re bein’ ignored a bit?” Applejack asked her friend.

“A lady never complains about such things,” Rarity answered, filing her hoof slowly, holding it out every few moments to look at it in a different angle to make sure it was perfect. “Besides, they’re more than entitled to worry about their daughter having run off, just like a certain pony I know said she did back when she was young, hmm?”

“What? Now that’s not fair, Rares! Ah told mah family where ah was goin’!” Applejack protested, “That’s not th’ same thing and ya kn-ah! What in tarnation-”

Galexia had run up Applejack’s back, only to knock off the farmer’s hat. The lithe familiar jumped from pony to pony, heading towards her master, only to be caught by Fluttershy, held in her grasp. “Ohmygoodness! You need to be more careful, or you’re going to get hurt, wandering around in buildings! You belong outside in the garden, where it’s safe,” Fluttershy admonished softly, carefully caressing the ferret’s body.

Galexia gave Fluttershy a queer glance, trying to appraise her, before her eyes widened and started to chatter rapidly. Fluttershy was nearly overwhelmed from the sudden barrage of words, but slowly tried to follow her new friend as fast as she could talk. “Umm... Would you mind slowing down just a teensy bit? I mean, if you don’t mind, that is...”

Galexia sighed, before starting over, pantomiming as well to help convey her thoughts. “What’s goin’ on, Fluttershy? Why’d that varmint knock mah hat off?”

“Um, I think she’s confused, because she’s convinced she’s... um, I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you’re trying to say,” she interrupted herself, turning to Galexia. Answering Applejack, she continued, “I think she’s saying she’s like a special pet, but I don’t know exactly how-”

“Lex, I’ve been looking all over for you! What do you have to say for yourself?” Moonstone interrupted, not having heard Fluttershy’s quiet musings.

Galexia hopped swiftly from Fluttershy to Moonstone, chattering quickly. Moonstone nodded for a second before his entire body stiffened. “She’s what?!”

“I-I’m sorry!” Fluttershy apologized immediately, ducking her head down.

“You’re a druid?! I can’t believe it! I thought they had died out! What can you do? Do you still follow the old ways? How do you bless the animals? How do you use your healing magic if you’re a pegasus? What-”

“D-druid?” Fluttershy asked, timidly interupting.

“What in Equestria is a druid?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking to Twilight.

“A druid is somepony who, back in Starswirl’s time, supposedly had a special connection to the forest and its animals,” Twilight began to answer, looking to Princess Celestia to make sure she was correct.

“Yes, though we’re still not sure how much of that is true or not,” Celestia corrected, turning to Moonstone. “Back then, ponies were much more mystical, and willing to believe in the unusual. Luna and I... well, we encouraged them.”

“What? Why would you do something like that?”

“... We... had our reasons,” Celestia answered vaguely. “Anyway, Starswirl was one of the first ponies to question and actively seek out the origins and truth behind such mysticism. He put to rest many myths, though not many ponies believed him at first. It took several generations before ponies started to realize that he was right, though those beyond the borders of Equestria believe the truth. Then again, it is hard to make them believe anything nowadays... They are so firmly set in their old ways that they refuse to believe anything can change.”

“But you promised that I gets ta have mobie night! Whai I no can has mobie night?” Milky Way exclaimed, fighting back tears. She was out in public, after all, and big ponies don’t cry in public! They wait until they get back home in their rooms to cry. Milly knew this to be true, because her sissy told her so, and sissy’s don’t lie! (4 out of 5 fillies have agreed that big sisters can’t lie. The fifth was hesitant to answer, and was thus put down as a no.)

“Oh! Oh! I know! Pick me, pick me!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, bouncing up and down excitedly, holding one foreleg straight up, propped up by the other foreleg.

After swinging it back and forth for a moment, Twilight sighed, mono-toning, “Yes, Pinkie?”

“It’s because it’s not night! It can’t be a movie night if there’s no night, silly!” Pinkie giggled at the small filly. “We have to wait until it’s dark if we want to see the movie better!”

Milly frowned for a moment, before she had an idea. A brilliant idea, even if she thought so herself. Turning to Princess Luna, she threw herself at the princess’ hooves, using the best set of puppy eyes she could muster. “Princess Woona, can I has night-time early? Pretty pwease wiv sprinkles, an cream dat’s been whipped, an-”

“We cannot, little one. T’would make everypony fear that We... that I got sick again,” Luna finished, looking away. “Besides, We need to rest after last night if W... I am to partake in the party later. If you care not, sister?”

“Of course not... Oh! Could you send a note to Sally for me about tonight? I need to oversee the experiments done with Moonstone here, since you’re not going to be there.”

Luna nodded, taking the note from her sister, before teleporting away. Moonstone blinked, staring at where Luna used to be, before asking, “Alright, how much do I have to pay who to learn that spell?”

“Pay? You just buy the right book, or go to school,” Twilight answered, confused. “Pay someone to teach spells? Who does that?”

Moonstone looked around awkwardly, before mumbling, “The... rest of the world?”

“Are you sure? That’s not how the old ones used to do it,” Princess Celestia commented, frowning.

“Y-yeah... I bought my barrier spell when I was a colt for all the money I had. Not sure how much it was, but it was enough, I remember that much. Pony said that spells that are worth teaching are worth buying. Every time I’ve tried to buy other spells, though, they either called me names and drove me off for being cursed, or they just ignored me.”

“Well I never! The nerve of those ponies!” Rarity exclaimed, stomping her hoof as hard as she dared, not wanting to chip her hoof. “Doesn’t anypony know how to be generous anymore? I might not be amazing at magic like Twilight, but I would still help anypony who came asking about magic!”

“Like how you taught Sweetie Belle that stupid mane-color changing spell? Yeah, that went great,” Applejack snickered quietly, earning her a glare from the fashionista.

“Look, as interesting as this conversation is, can we get to testing, please?” Twilight requested. “While I’m sure Spike can handle himself at the library alone, I don’t want to leave him there longer than necessary.”

“Of course,” Celestia agreed, looking to the rest of the ponies. “If you’re ready, Moonstone? We can talk more about what spells you would like to learn once we get started. Is that acceptable?”

“I guess, but I doubt I can afford more than a couple,” Moonstone admitted, looking at the ground. “I’ve only got a couple of bars, so I don’t know-”

“Bars of what?” Starlight asked, puzzled. “We use bits, so what’s a bar worth?”

“A lot,” Digit answered, his eyes wide. “Do you even know what the price of gold is right now?”

“... A number?”

Digit Pi gaped, blinking as Starlight giggled, “You were asking for it, daddy. You know he wouldn’t know!”

“I... yes, you’re right,” Digit sighed, shaking his head. “And yes, Moonstone, it’s a number. A large number, though we should talk about it somewhere else.”

Moonstone kept silent as he followed the rest of the ponies, deciding to learn by listening, rather than opening his mouth and embarrassing himself with how little he knew about ‘the real world’.

“All right, a checklist, that’s what we need!” Twilight explained, smiling to herself as she started to write on a scroll, falling in line next to her mentor, allowing her body to go on auto-pilot while she focused on writing. “Let’s see, first of all, we have to test for any possible curses. If there’s a curse, then we need to examine it closely so we can deconstruct it and create a counter-spell, and find out what part of the brain it attacks to allow the Nightmare in. If there’s no curse, then we move on to testing his brainwaves and his Ether field to see if there’s any obvious anomalies. Then, if-”

“She’s... really thorough,” Starlight commented, blinking in shock as the lavender unicorn rambled on, scribbling furiously with her telekinesis to create an outline.

“But of course, darling. Twilight is very good at making checklists,” Rarity replied casually. “If magic weren’t her special talent, I’m sure that making checklists would have been it!”

“Huh... So, what are you good at? Making jewelry?” Starlight inquired, slowing down a little to trot next to Rarity.

“Oh, I suppose I could have, if I had chosen to,” Rarity remarked, a lady-like frown on her face as she thought. “My special talent is finding gems, but that is not where my passion lies, exactly. My true passion is designing!”

“W-wait... You’re... The Rarity? As in Rarity Filigree of Ponyville?”

Rarity laughed nervously, looking around as she answered, “Aha, ah, yes, that is my full name, yes, but I prefer-”

“I’m such a huge fan!” Starlight exclaimed, cutting Rarity off. “I didn’t think that you’d... I mean, you don’t look...”

Starlight flushed, opening and closing her mouth, before deciding an embarrassed silence was the best option she had.

Rarity opened her mouth before closing it, waiting a moment before replying, “Take your time, it’s alright. I shan’t be insulted, if I can help it.”

“W-well... You aren’t... um... well, fat.”

Rarity stopped mid-trot, her body stiff and her face frozen as her brain tried to process what Starlight was trying to say. It was very hard to concentrate, however, with Rainbow Dash and Applejack both laughing at her, rolling on the ground breathlessly.

“I... am afraid I don’t follow, darling,” Rarity said slowly, blinking.

“W-well... I mean, most of the designers in Canterlot are... They’ve... They’re not, exactly, the most...” Starlight floundered, embarrassed. She looked around, making sure they were mostly alone, before she sighed and kept it simple. “They’ve let themselves go.”

“So, you’re saying that,” Rarity said slowly, working it out aloud, “is that you’re surprised that I’m not fat, is that what you’re saying?”

“... Maybe a little bit?” Starlight admitted, staring at the floor.

“Oh. Well then, I am most glad that I am not to your expectations then,” Rarity smiled, privately sighing in relief.

“I-if you don’t mind my asking, why are you-”

“Have you been to Ponyville?” Rainbow Dash interrupted, raising an eyebrow. “It’s not Canterlot, where you can just send some snooty butler to go get all of your stuff for you. You actually have to go out of your house and walk to the market if you want to buy something.”

“The horror! The horror!” Starlight cried in mock fear. She reared to back legs, raising a foreleg to her head as she slowly swooned backwards onto a lounge chair generously summoned by Rarity, carefully avoiding hurting her injured wing. As the rest of the group started to giggle, Starlight moaned, her voice growing melodramatically soft. “I... I can see a light... it’s so... pretty... J-Jeeves, go fetch me that light... I must... I must have it...”

With that, she let her foreleg go limp, the limb falling to her side and over the couch, ‘dead’. She jumped off the couch with a bow, however, when she heard the other three laughing. “The sad thing is, that’s pretty much accurate!” Starlight giggled, brushing her chest fur back into position.

“At least you know how to laugh at yourself!” Dash chuckled, picking herself up from the floor. “So, are your friends like that too, or are they more like you?”

“Her? Have friends? Like, that’s the best joke I’ve heard all week,” a snooty unicorn mare snarked as she passed Starlight, grinning maliciously as Starlight shied away a step.

“Hey, come back here and say that again!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, ready to chase down the unicorn that had, in essence, insulted not only Starlight, but also Rainbow and her friends.

“Don’t bother,” Starlight mumbled, starting to walk again. “They’ve got a come-back for everything. The only things they care about are looks and status, and my title isn’t worth much these days...”

“What about your looks? Surely you don’t think you’re ugly or something!” Rarity laughed, hiding her mouth with a hoof.

Her laughter slowly died as she realized that Starlight was serious. “Wait... what? But-”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Starlight interrupted tersely, continuing to walk down the hall. “I’m allowed to think whatever I want, and not even you can make me change my mind about that!”

The other three mares’ eyes widened, before Rainbow Dash gasped, “She did not just say that...”

Applejack looked at Rarity before opting to cover her ears, answering with a simple, “She did...”

“Oh, it. Is. On!” Rarity exclaimed, her eyes burning.

Starlight jumped from the vehemence in Rarity’s voice, slowly backing away. “W-what’s on?” she asked, a nervous giggle escaping her lips.

“Race to see who gets her first?” Applejack asked, turning to Rainbow.

“Already won,” Dash answered, sticking out her tongue as she held Starlight above her.

“H-hey, put me down! What do you think you’re doing?!”

“You do not get to insult yourself like that, and then insult myself as well on top of that!” Rarity ranted, narrowing her eyes at the hapless pegasus. “Now you are going to come with us, and we’re going to prove you wrong! Then, of course, we’ll have tea so we can talk and you can apologize.”

“You can’t just take me prisoner! I have rights, you know! G-guard! Help!” Starlight cried out, waving frantically to a guard on patrol.

“The guard rushed towards them, before slowing down in confusion. “Yes, miss, what is it? Did something happen to the elements?”

“The what?”

“Oh, no, Starlight darling is just over-reacting, that’s all,” Rarity answered, fluttering her eyes at the guard. “Actually, we could use your help wi-”

Starlight gave out a startled yelp as Twilight appeared in a bright flash. “W-wh-how-” she stuttered, her mane and tail shocked stiff, her eyes wide open.

“Are you girls coming? Celestia’s waiting!”

“Ha! Ya owe me ten bits, Dashie,” Applejack hissed to Rainbow Dash triumphantly. “She didn’t say Princess!”

“Stupid bet,” Rainbow grumbled, hoofing over the money reluctantly. “You got lucky because she’s stressed, that’s all!”

“We’ll be along in a bit, darling. We were just going to give Starlight a makeover is all. We’ll be right down the hall, promise.” Rarity answered, doing her best to keep Starlight from talking.

“Be right back,” Twilight said after a second of thought, disappearing in a magenta flash. She reappeared seconds later wearing her tiara, the Elements of Loyalty, Generosity, and Honesty hovering next to her in a levitation field. “Put these on, girls. Just in case. I’ll be back for you if or when we need you, but this way we won’t have to waste time putting them on later. Oh, hey Shield. Was there something you needed?”

The guard blinked, then replied, “Iron Shield is my brother, Lady Twilight.”

“Oh... Wow, time flies,” Twilight blinked, staring at the guard for a moment.

“Ahem. Darling, don’t you have experiments and whatnot to do?” Rarity asked, glad that Starlight was still trying to follow what was being said.

“Oh, right, thanks! Sorry Greaves! Forgot you would have passed the exam a year ago or so. Hope the girls aren’t giving you trouble! Bye!”

Disappearing in a flash, Twilight teleported back to the princess, leaving the four mares alone with the guard. Thinking quickly, Rarity asked, “Where would the nearest source of fabric be, sir?”

“Just down the hall, on your left. Should be fairly empty this time of the week, as the new curtains were finished last week, and they won’t be starting on bedsheets until next month,” the guard replied, pointing the way.

“Thank you very much! So sorry for bothering you, Greaves. Come, girls, we have fabulosity to create!”

As the three elements ran off, Starlight called out, “Wait, don’t just let them take me! Help!”

Greaves blinked as the mares disappeared around the corner leaving he and his thoughts alone. “Save her? It’s her and three other mares...” His eyes glazed over for a second before shaking his head, chiding himself. “Nah, I doubt they swing that way... Although, that could explain why I’ve never seen her with a stallion. Cute mare...”

.o.O.o.

“But if nopony charges to teach spells, then why did that one stallion?” Moonstone asked, confused.

“Probably because he was a selfish, greedy stallion just trying to earn a quick bit from a poor, helpless colt. Now hold still!” Twilight chided him, concentrating on strapping him into the machines properly.

“... What are these going to do?”

“Well first, we’re going to measure your Ether levels, record what they are, how fast you can recharge per minute, stuff like that. It will help calibrate the machines to your brainwaves.”

“Oh... So what’s your level?” Moonstone asked, curious. “How do you make the levels? What’s the average? How did ponies figure out how to measure them? Why-”

“Moonstone, it’s rude to ask multiple questions like that,” Digit Pi corrected, trying to hide his irritation at constantly correcting the stallion. “You don’t give the pony you’re asking time to think, and end up flustering and confusing them.”

“... Then what’s your Ether level?”

“Last time it was measured, it was roughly ni-”

Twilight was interrupted with a hoof to the mouth as Pinkie cried out, “Wait!”

After a moment of silence, she smiled, wiping her head in relief. “Woo! Crisis averted!” Pinkie giggled, before hopping over to Moonstone, whispering in his ear.

His eyes grew wide as he tried to comprehend the number. “And that’s... really big, right?”

“Yepper peppers!” Pinkie smiled, bounding back to play with Milky Way.

Moonstone waited patiently for Twilight to read him his numbers, but instead of a number, all she said was, ‘Huh? That doesn’t make any sense! Princess, are you sure this is calibrated properly?”

“Yes, though I’ll admit, there seems to be something wrong here,” Princess Celestia agreed.

“What? What’s wrong? Is it not showing up, or...” Moonstone started to fret, wondering if his curse had managed to break the machines.

“No, it... showed up, but frankly, the number doesn’t make sense, from what we’ve been told and what we’ve seen... Your Ether Level is only 1337,” Twilight answered.

“... That’s it? That’s a ton lower than yours, though!” Moonstone exclaimed, scandalized. “How can I feel that we’re close in power if it’s only-”

Holy buck!

The room went silent as Digit Pi and Serene Breeze both gave Twilight glares, the princess equally shocked. She had never heard Twilight curse before, aside from the few times that Twilight had said or repeated what somepony else said, not knowing that they were curses.

Celestia looked at the screen to read the results to see what Twilight was freaking out about, when her own eyes widened in shock.

“What, what is it?”

Ignoring Moonstone, Celestia slowly turned off the machine, ordering to the two guards on standby, “Please bring in the next machine. This one appears to be malfunctioning.”

“Oh... Wait, why do you say that?” Moonstone asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Because it said that your Ether recharge level was over one thousand, and the highest recorded level in history was barely over 600,” Celestia explained, waiting patiently for the new machine.

“Oh... If you say so,” Moonstone said, looking around again.

The doors boomed open, revealing Rainbow Dash as she flew forward, landing with a sigh. “Oh good, you’re here... Flutters, Rares says she needs your help. Something about a lot of stitching by hoof, or needing a second opinion or something.”

“Oh! Me! Pick me, I can has a pinion ‘bout stuffs, an I’m not even a peggyseuss!” Milly exclaimed, grinning widely.

“Yeah! Wait for us, Fluttershy! Wee!”

Pinkie and Milly practically pounded on Fluttershy, escorting her down the hall where Rarity was, apparently, waiting for her. Moments later, Applejack came into the room, laying down with a sigh of relief. “Ah swear, that mare’s more secretive than a moonshiner during the prohibition.”

“More secretive than a what during a who?”

“You know, th... Oh, right, sorry,” Applejack apologized. “Um, it means... shoot, how to explain it...”

“I got wasted one night,” Celestia said bluntly, unembarrassed.

“Wasted?”

“Wasted is slang for when somepony has imbibed far too much alcohol,” Digit Pi explained, sitting down next to the white stallion. “Alcohol,” he continued, “is... Well, it does stuff to your brain when you drink a lot of it. It...”

“It’s friendship lubricant!” Rainbow Dash interrupted, smiling widely. “It helps ya relax, and make more friends! When you have a lot of it, though, it can make your brain all fuzzy, and stuff that would normally sound very stupid or dangerous sound funny. It makes you braver, not care about stuff. Not to mention it’s delicious! Especially cider!”

“Okay? So what’s a... prohibition, you said?”

“Well, one night, Princess Celestia had a little too much to drink, and-”

“Oh good, the new machines are here! Just place them over there, yes,” Celestia ordered, watching as they set the equipment up.

Digit cleared his throat, continuing from before, but more mindful of the company. “... Suffice it to say that Celestia saw fit to ban alcohol for awhile, and it became known as the prohibition, because it prohibited the making of alcohol.”

“ Wouldn't that make ponies unhappy though?” Moonstone asked, allowing the new wires to be attached to his body and horn, trying to ignore the strange sensations.

“Yes, which is what moonshiners were. Moonshiners were the ponies who, despite the law, made and sold alcohol to other ponies. So, naturally, they were very secretive about how and where they made their alcohol, or else they would get into big trouble.”

“So how did the prohibition end? Is it still going?”

“No, it’s over. See, after a year or so, moonshiners started getting caught more and more often, and while Princess Celestia tried to be lenient at first, she was practically forced to issue worse and worse punishments until she felt so bad for creating a law that made so many ponies unhappy that she annulled it, adding a new law to help limit how much ponies could drink instead.”

“Why?”

“Well, when you drink too much alcohol, while it’s rare, it is possible to have so much that you poison your blood, and end up dying...”

“Oh. That makes sense, I suppose. So what does this alcohol taste like?”

“What?!” Rainbow Dash and Applejack both exclaimed, the former’s voice cracking slightly. “You’ve never had alcohol? How?”

“Well...” Moonstone thought for a moment, trying to remember. “I... remember asking for cider, once, when I was a colt, and was laughed out of tavern when they said I wasn’t old enough.”

Whatever Rainbow Dash was about to say was over-ridden by Twilight’s exclamations as she read the machines. “What?! That can’t be right! What in Tartarus is going on?!”