"Owww" I cracked my eye open and saw a glorious ray of sunlight shining all over my face. Wait did I say glorious? I meant hellish, definitely hellish. Admittedly that maybe the hangover talking but until I've returned to my normal state of mind the sun is now hellish. Opening my eyes with a little more caution this time I slowly grew accustomed to the incredibly bright light filtering directly in my eye. Now where am I?
"A field?" I was mildly surprised, I say mildly because to be blunt I had woken up hungover in some much more awkward areas. Like when I woke up in the caveman exhibit in the museum.... Naked. What can I say, Jack Daniels makes me do weird shit. I pulled my phone out and tried calling one of my friends to see what had happened last night and hopefully get a ride home. I sat-up and a half-drunk bottle of Jack fell off my chest.
"This is your fault" I shamed the bottle, I hope it feels terrible about itself now. I dialed one of my friends numbers and...
Busy signal, ok I'll try calling Ray, Busy Signal, John then, busy signal, ummm Todd? Busy signal. Fine! I'll call the cops, annndddddd busy signal. Okay well I just use the GPS annnnd no signal......
"Ok this is bad, maybe if I retrace my steps I can get back to the bar or a road even. Yeah that's the best idea I've had all day" picking up the bottle of Jack (No sense in letting it go to waste) I began the search for a road or village or just about anything that resembled civilization. After what seemed like a few hours worth of walking I saw a small outline of a village in the distance.
"Huzzah! I hath found the land of milk and honey!" Okay maybe I had started talking to myself, no shame in that and perhaps I preferred to speak like 1800's nobleman, slight amount of shame there. But still civilization! I mean I was worried I was going to have to keep walking like some kind of wandering salesman and let's face it a half empty bottle of Jack was not going to raking in the big bucks for me. And another thing what is that purple thing walking towards me?
I stopped and looked at the strange purple...... Thing moving towards me from the town.... What the hell are you purple thing? Maybe I should hide? A quick look around assured me that unless the grass suddenly shifted to looking like gray hoodies I was basically fucked in the hiding department .
"Go now grass do my bidding!" refusing my superior call for it to change the grass stay a vibrant green.
"You'll get yours" I said while shaking my fist at the grass
"Whaaat are you doing?" A slurred voice from my side asked
"Threatening the gr-" I turned to look towards the voice and found a chest high technicolor horse, and oh god what fresh hell is this?
"Why of all places I wandered into would it be a furry convention?" Drunk horse looked at me confused
"What's a furry?" I glared at the horse
"You are"
"No I'm a pony!" she stated proudly while point a hoof towards herself...... how the hell is it bending like that?
"No you're a furry!"
"Pony!"
"Furry!"
"Pony!" she said while glaring at me, how did she move her eyes unless.....
"Jack why have you betrayed me!?" I screamed dropping to my knees. Now bear with me here because shit's about to get weird; there was a purple drunk pony talking in front of me and only one logical answer.
"Those assholes Roofy'd me!" The pony on the other hand ignored my outburst and focused completely on the mission of every drunk known to man, find more booze?
"Waz that?" she said pointing, or hooving, towards the bottle in my hand. Don't talk to the delusions Alex you'll only make them stronger!
"The bane of my existence." Dammit Alex you had one job, one!
"Oh I love that stuff!" She proceeded to swipe the bottle out of my hands and began to drink it while walking back towards the small town. My brain went offline and I fell back into the grass talking to myself
"A talking purple horse just stole my Jack" I proceeded to laugh my ass off until I was gasping for breath. Either this was one of the best highs I've ever had or..... No that's not possible. Giggling to myself I decided to sleep this one off and hopefully when I woke up I would be passed out on the bar floor, that'd be nice. Sleep engulfed me in moments.
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"Umm Mister could you wake up?" Something was jabbing me in the sides repeatedly
"See that's that hairless monkey I told you about" a voice slurred
"No no no no no, please tell me I'm not in horseland still" I opened my eye and saw a sky blue eye staring back.
"Ahh!" I yelled while scrambling back, while the owner of the eye fell back laughing like we had just played a fun game.
"Who are you!?" I half yelled half gasped. The horse that woke me up was bright pink with slightly darker curly pink hair and big sky blue eyes, why were their eyes so big?
"I'm Pinkie Pie" She said while literally bouncing up and down. It was kinda creepy for her to be smiling that big, I mean I her teeth are almost touching her ears for god's sake!
"Who are you?" Ahh very clever delusion trying to get me to submerge myself into this world even more. I won't fall for that I'm too sma-
"I'm Alex Johnson" Dammit brain! Work with me here! The pink horse ignored my grumbles about giving myself a frontal lobotomy if my brain didn't step in line and proceeded to try and talk me to death, at least that's what I assume she was trying to do.
"That's a weird name, is it a diamond dog name? Are you a shaved diamond dog? Unless you're not a shaved diamond dog and actually a pony that has a curse to become a were money at night I bet that's it isn't it?!" My brain physically hurt trying to keep up with her.
"Umm no I'm a human, and I wa- Hey! Wait a second you took my Jack!" I yelled pointing at the purple horse
"Oh this" she slurred while pulling out an almost empty bottle of Jack
"Here you can have it, it wasn't that good" She tossed it into my hands.
"Gee thanks" I grumbled looking at the little alcohol I had left. The pink one had stopped jumping and was now sitting down with a puzzled look on her face
"But I thought humans were just an old pony's tale."
"Yeah sure why not" I shrugged my shoulders, let the delusion think whatever she wanted. I stood up and looked around; the sun was just beginning to set and there was a forest to the right of the village.
"So not that this hasn't been fun or anything but I'm going to need to wake up now so I think I'll wander... Into that dank looking forest so good luck with the whole illusion fueled by my drug addled brain thing you have going." I said while walking towards the forest and waving towards the two strange horses.
"Bye Mister Alex Johnson!" The pinkie one yelled while bouncing up and down the purple one was less enthusiastic
"Next time bring better booze!"
"I'm hoping there won't be a next time." I muttered, I looked at the forest hopefully I would 'pass out' somewhere in here and wake up in the somewhat saner world that didn't include talking horses. Still though for talking horses they weren't that bad
"Ah well here goes nothing" I said with a smile as I entered the forest.